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WIP WIP - Dodging Prison and Stealing Witches - Revenge is Best Served Raw

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by froper98, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. VorpalWeenie

    VorpalWeenie Squib

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    Started out funny and a cool way to take positive cliches and just have fun with it as a guilty pleasure and then it just buried itself in cliches in a way too serious manner. Yes, they're done on purpose and the author acknowledges that a lot of other fics served as inspiration...but it gets stale: Shopping trips, w-bwl, deities that have no place in HP, 11-year-olds that act like adults. Political intrigue that gets boring.
    While Harem is indeed what it says on the tin, Harems are for most part unnecessary to fanfiction and a bane to any meaningful relationship in writing. I'll never take any of those characters seriously. Everything could just as easily be done without it.
    Harry patronizing Hermione to become some blue-blooded perfect aristocrat as both a rebellion and an enabling of an obviously broken social system. Hermione can be bland and uninteresting without having her curtsy (not that she can't be done in a magnificent way).
    I got through about 12 chapters- a good chunk of writing, up to the train journey and got annoyed. Could it have improved after? Maybe it did. There are now over 40 chapters. I just didn't want to bother.

    The good:
    The author puts effort into growing and changing characters. The writing is solid in terms of style, grammar, and respect for writing.
    3/5 from me though. At best.
     
  2. sfu

    sfu Muggle

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    I'm a big fan of the story. The taggings on Ao3 says the following:

    Time travel 4/5
    Not only that, but also multiple time travel from at least two perspectives. It's unknown whether there might be more people yet, but I tend to say those were all. You have two different mindsets working and you can see both's advantage and disadvantages. Although it gets clear pretty fast that one of them is more flawed than the other one.

    Alternative Universe 5/5
    The first time I have felt that an AU felt more canon like than anything else. There all those "that would make a lot sense" moments, if Rowling had used it in her stories and is one of the reasons why I follow this story so religiously. It makes so much fun to rediscover the wizarding world in a "rational" way, that even the Methods of Rationality was not able to achieve. It also redefines Runes as well as Arithmancy to their "fanon" counterparts, but it feels very coherent here and is used several times for important plot events, and not only for the sake of changing it. That is a big plus for me.

    What I personally also REALLY enjoy here are the OCs. Clare Cooper, Alexandra Black and Virgo/Julia Malfoy are brilliant characters which read really awesome and I tend to sometimes like them more than the canon interpretations.

    Wrong-Boy-Lived 4/5
    The bane of fanfiction. How can ANY self-respected parent abandon her child. In the story the author found a work around by making everyone not only believe, but also fear prophecies. Sadly that gets revealed way letter in the story. I think it might be that those prophecies are even more feared than the taboo word Voldemort himself. It additionally provides a loooot plot for the story with actual minimal bashing. The abandoning is sadly a bitter lemon one has to swallow and accept while reading this story until more gets revealed. It is in general a good reason why one would not like this story, simply because information are missing and people do not believe it will be revealed as believable information later on.

    Azkaban ?/5
    Harry was in Azkaban and his new home is also pretty close to it. Besides that it had not a lot of screen time yet. Might change in the future, or was only used to indicate that the MC did reside there. Some people like MC in Azkaban stories.

    Explicit Language 4/5
    Yep, a lot in some cases. I find it funny in context and that is what it is also supposed to be. Other's will find it really weird; it's personal preference and I can totally understand why one would hate those moments.

    Independent Harry 5/5
    A total yup here. He tries not to be dependent by a lot of different ways, although he sometimes has to rely on other's. One of the actual reasons why I like this story is so much and it shows a lot of unusual plot devices to achieve that independence. Especially the being prepared for everything part, even though it is sometimes not enough.

    Powerful Harry 3/5
    That's one thing some people might not agree on, the power level. In this story Occlumency plays a bigger role. Due to becoming impassive, some not needed emotions get hidden and you can focus rationally better on the important things. In this story you need years to learn Occlumency and due to that you start very early with it. One Thomas Riddle did not know anything about it while entering the wizarding world. He later of course learned of it and managed to find a way to speed up the learning, so that he could not only catch up to his peers in less time than then, but maybe also surpass them as well. Once he was Prefect he was most likely there already, thus around 5th year. If we assume he needed first time to learn about it AND find the faster method, one can easily argue that he did the "catching up" in a very short timeframe.

    And that is what Harry himself abuses on him or his girls and some people disagree with it vehemently, especially here on DLP. With the right context, as described earlier, I do agree with that a faster method is indeed plausible, even though the mechanics are not really known or obscure. Due to the obscure-ness it's definitely a loophole one is allowed not to agree with it. It's like "If Riddle could find it, why did nobody else too?". One has to accept it, unless the author will explain it better in the future, but I don't think so and I believe he also knows himself of that problem. To solve it partially, he made it clear in the story that the method will become public domain in ~10 years. Which itself is good, but until then the power level divergence will stay as it is and make people not want to read the story as well.

    Worldbuilding 5/5
    Already explained in Alternate Universe at the beginning. It's expanding canon in canon-esque ways, despite AU.

    Necromancy 5/5
    Not much is known about it in canon. We know ghosts and inferi exist and the author capitalized on it by linking the Deathly Hollows with it and making this whole beautiful lore associated with it.

    Rituals 5/5
    Canon did leave this out as well, and the rituals are very nicely implemented into the story. By sacrificing something within the right context, you get a to change something, which is often seen as a positive bonus. The mechanics are well defined and used throughout the story.

    Animagus ?/5
    Uses part of the extended canon explanations, aka pottermore and it reads very good. In this story animagi are way more common than in canon and even magical ones make a cameo here and there. Currently Harry's group is in the process of becoming them and I do not know whether I will find if positive or negative. Will have to see how it will play out.

    Manipulative Dumbledore 4/5
    Manipulative, but not Omnipotent. Because he is missing information he does make wrong moves and it feels believable. We still don't know what he does right now in the story, since has a more background role right now and until we know what he does right now, I won't vote on that one. It will define how I see his involvement here. So far he did very well though with what he had, if it weren't for Harry though.

    Harems 4/5
    Another bane in any fanfiction story. What I like is that every girl is not replaceable and has a function within the group. It is also used as writing device to NOT have any romance related plots popping up. Usually people date several times, before they find their dream man/woman to marry. But even then divorces happen more often than not. To write ALL that out it would take a lot of time and is simply skipped by using the harem option. Some people simply don't like harems by definition, which I can understand. The harem here also functions in such a way, that Harry rescues each girl of a "negative" possible future by bringing them in, giving it a bit more significance to it.

    Criminal Harry 4/5
    Yup. That what Harry in the end is and the author uses that very well in his different plots. Although is has to be said that technically everybody is a criminal in the story, it is only important to not get caught and so far only one individual is more prone to compared to the other's.

    Manipulative Harry 4/5
    The manipulations feel in some scenarios too easy, and in others completely well executed. It will sooner or later IMO become more irrelevant, when real politics and revelations start to happen.

    The end vote ~4.4/5 (if you give some things more weight/significance)
    As explained, it has its drawbacks, but if you accept those you are in for a wild ride. It's also becoming one of the most popular stories on ffnet, despite being late into the fanfiction business and that is something that is indisputable. Plot wise it is a solid 5/5 for me because I like to overlook things for the rest of it.
     
  3. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper

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    First of all, congrats for not posting just in order to get five points, but actually making a huge effort for your first post. There's, however, two things in particular I really can't agree with.
    To define magic by applying maths to it is as un-canon as you can possibly get. Just look at Albus Dumbledore's explanation at the end of DH - it's always circumstances and the kind of person you are that's important for magic, and you can't reliably calculate it.
    Yes, it is, but it doesn't matter as long asthis pile of bullshit right herehas five-digit-numbers of favs and follows.
     
  4. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, this fic is a curious beast. There are so many reasons not to like it, but nonetheless it has various redeeming features that keep you reading. I read chapters 1-15 ages back and have just been re-reading. I am currently up to chapter 25.

    Harry

    The biggest problem with the fic is Harry himself. Despite being the putative main character, in many ways this fic is not really his story. Daphne, Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Alex are the main characters and Harry is a catalyst for their stories. Harry himself does very little, and what he does do is largely underwhelming.

    It's striking that Harry is the character who shows the least personal development in the story. The skills he does have, he acquired by shortcut, taking them directly from Voldemort, and he has done absolutely nothing to expand that skill set (or if he has, he has not been shown doing so). This despite the fact that he knows that both Voldemort and Dumbledore, those whom he is determined to defeat, could hand his ass to him. The magic system the author has set up is heavily focused on raw power, and it's noted that despite possessing Voldemort's skills, Harry's power falls well short. And what has he done about this? Nothing.

    Harry hasn't earned a single thing in the story. What he has - Voldemort's skills, and the time-traveller's advantage - was given to him, and he is completely content to rest on his laurels with those advantages, even though he remains at a magical disadvantage. Even when powerful new skills are staring him in the face - Ginny's self-switching, for example - he doesn't acquire them himself, despite those new skills being exactly the kind of edge he would need in a fight against Dumbledore/Voldemort.

    Essentially, Harry's pupils are all superior to their teacher in work ethic, initiative, and innovation. Harry is static - stagnant, even - and achieves nothing for himself.

    Harry's girls

    Despite the inordinate focus given to "Harry's girls" at the expense of Harry's own character development, what is there really to show for it? Not much, on the characterisation front.

    We know each character's skills and talents in a large amount of detail. But as people, these characters are painfully shallow, or else no more developed than their canon selves/fanon stereotypes. Hermione is canon Hermione with a bit more respect for "Pureblood tradition" (tradition which didn't exist in canon, so there was nothing for her to respect). Luna is fairly normal fanon Luna. Daphne is fanon "Ice Queen" Daphne with a bit of competitiveness added. Daphne's single moment of good character development was when she realised that all the other girls were receiving superior training to her, and demanded more - a moment which was never followed up on. Alex was described as a "saner Bellatrix Lestrange" in an early chapter and 25 chapters later that phrase still completely summarises her character. The only character who has really developed significantly at all is Ginny, largely because of the conflict between her and her family.

    While I enjoy myself an extended magical discourse as much as the next magic-lover (but see more on this below), you can't focus entirely on characters' magical development at the expense of their personal development. They need to feel like people, not just walking collections of magical skills.

    The Magic


    Which brings us onto the magic itself. If the fic is going to spend so much time on magical development, you would hope that the magical system displayed would be a good one. Unfortunately this isn’t the case.


    Curiously, there are certain aspects which are done quite well, especially in the pre-Hogwarts chapters. We had, for example, significant consideration given to symbolic factors in the construction of Harry’s wand. When Harry first introduced magic to Hermione, it was by having her consider things that were unmathematical and defied (Muggle) logic. And there are some nice, inventive magical methods here and there - the healing spell we saw, for example, which introduced spell casting with elements beyond just a wand (a kind of hybrid of Charms and Potions), and some interesting divinations spells which are very canonical in tone (such as the one with the eyeball).


    All of which makes the author’s decision to go for a energy/thermodynamics approach to magic all the more disappointing. It’s not just uncanonical, it also contradicts the characterisation of magic shown within the fic itself, as the author will frequently give consideration to the conceptual/symbolic approach to magic seen in canon, while maintaining the “magic is energy and works through physical mechanisms” approach. The result is a terrible mishmash.

    One suspects that the mechanistic approach resulted from the author wanting to depict magical theory as complex (a position I sympathise with) but falling back upon physics analogies/equations etc for this is a failure of imagination. There are plenty of sources of inspiration for complexity other than physical science. You could look at the physics of Aristotle, for example, or the metaphysics of Hegel, the conceptual analysis performed in legal reasoning - even some suitable areas of mathematics like set theory. This "Newtonian magic" approach is just thoroughly unmagical.

    And of course, as always when authors use “magic is energy”, the aim and result is to nerf magic significantly. The period of time wizards are able to cast magic at “full power” is measured in seconds. Transfiguration is no longer a permanent change in an object’s nature, but rather a tactile illusion. Duels are heavily determined by power. Wizards are no longer inherently magical creatures in touch with a supernatural world that defies the natural order, they are simply Muggles with a magical battery attached.


    The Transfiguration one particularly stings given that the author later introduces “alchemy spells” which essentially do what Transfiguration does in canon. So all the author has done is take the skill of transfiguration away from most wizards and relegated it to an elite few. If the aim is to make the economy make sense, the same thing can be achieved - and is achieved in canon - simply by making transfiguration absurdly difficult. The difference between the two routes is essentially that the author's conception of alchemy as the “bridge between magic and physics” forms another attempt to make magic subordinate to the natural world rather than supernatural in nature.

    Ultimately, all these efforts to nerf magic are going to have the predictable effect of allowing the introduction of Muggle weapons into the story, something that would not be viable with canon magic. When that happens it will be my inevitable shark-jumping moment.

    There are also a number of specific instances of very strange additions to the magic system, not least the existence of deities. I understand that this was essentially a plot device, never to be mentioned again, but there are plenty of much simpler time-travel plot devices which don’t require you to introduce ground-breaking metaphysical/religious revelations that completely change the nature of the world and the characters’ place in it.

    So is there anything good about the magic system? Well, like I say, the occasional nod to conceptual magic is nice, even if it does contradict everything else in the story. And the author is skilled at writing a magical atmosphere, so that for a moment you almost forget that the magic is completely cold, mechanical and non-mystical. An example of this is the dark ritual seen at the Hunt.


    World/politics

    And this brings us to the world. Now, there are a lot of clichés here: Lords and Ladies of a magical nobility where titles carry real political and magical power, rather than being defunct Muggle titles; child politicians; simplistic light/grey/dark factions/feudal betrothal contracts without any other aspect of feudal society being visible.


    However, most of this I am willing to forgive because I confess that, when well done (e.g. Out of the Night) these things can be a guilty pleasure. I especially have a weakness for pagan magical festivals, even though they contradict canon entirely (where wizarding culture is largely Christian in nature, albeit very much social Christianity). The author even includes nice little nods to the absurdity of it, sometimes - the way the children are all exhausted on arrival at Hogwarts, or the way Kevin calls them all “nobby”, and the way there were many carriages on the train which the political kids ignored, pointing towards a large majority of regular people who aren’t involved in these political games.


    However, sometimes it just goes too far even for someone inclined towards forgiveness of this trope. The speeches delivered by the three “leaders” on the Hogwarts express were just painful. And the fact that, when aged-up, no one notices that these people are children in adult bodies is just absurd. Children, no matter how intelligent and raised with discipline, are not adults trapped in small bodies. Their behaviour is fundamentally different.

    One problem with this political set-up which goes beyond “cliché” or “jarring” and into “inconsistency” is the magic system the author has created. We’re told that powerful wizards like Dumbledore and Voldemort are capable of taking on, say, four Aurors but not much more than that. This is a significant flattening of the magical talent bell curve compared to canon. But the author doesn’t seem to have appreciated the political consequences of this: in a magical world where leading individuals are not magical superpowers but merely marginally superior to their closest peers, those leading individuals must inevitably play a less important role. It should create a far more multipolar political scene, because a group of average wizards can defy a smaller group of powerful wizards. It is essentially a democratisation of magical power and therefore politics also: when the masses hold the balance of power (and by power I mean the use of force to enforce your will), the masses have great political significance.


    And yet the author is still depicting a magical world in which political power is concentrated in the few, where Voldemort and Dumbledore are still political juggernauts able to essentially defy the Ministry at will, and where the appearance of a single talented wizard like Harry is capable of shifting the entire political landscape. This is made even more worse if, as I suspect, the author is imagining a magical world with a significantly higher population than canon. I think the author’s magical Britain has at least, say, 30,000 wizards. This has a similar effect to the flattening of the magical talent bell curve, and the two should reinforce each other.

    Plot

    This is where the story shines most, and is I suppose what keeps you reading despite the irritations.

    The author does a number of things which most fanfic writers do not:

    1. Things go wrong.

    2. Actions have consequences.

    3. Villains and other non-main characters have their own agency and ability to execute plans. (I.e. villains are not bashed cardboard cut-outs but rather genuine threats).

    4. The "two time travellers, three timelines" mechanic is original and interesting.

    However, the plot is dangerously at risk of being undermined by the pacing (see below).


    Writing


    Finally, I will say a few short words about the writing. I actually think it is rather good, especially on the description front. The author has a talent for describing things concisely but nonetheless evocatively.


    The two greatest weaknesses in the writing are the character voices and the pacing.


    Character voice is a problem because most of the main characters speak with essentially the same voice, which I assume is the author’s own vernacular. One particularly glaring moment was where a character described an element of their own world as “broken” - a fourth wall shattering moment where a wizard in the 1990s used terminology that is strongly associated with 21st century geek culture. There’s also a tendency to use dialogue as authorial exposition.


    Not much needs to be said about pacing, because the number of words in the fic compared to the amount of time covered speaks for itself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
  5. sfu

    sfu Muggle

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    I don't agree with your reasoning here.

    Power levels
    It is explained that Voldemort and Dumbledore did an illegal magical boost with some negative consequences and that Harry would never attempt that one as well. He knows he will be weaker than either of them, even in the future, but that's exactly why he teaches his harem. He does not want to go 1v1 against them, but rather Xv1. What both his enemies oversee that quantity is better than quality here. It was stated that currently Voldemort is able to fight and win against 5 aurors, who are the ultimate magical force in Magical Britain. Even two highly trained Death Eaters don't stand a chance against 2 aurors. Dumbledore can most likely win against 4 and Harry himself stated he could do well against 2.

    In the best case scenario, I believe Harry will be able to close up to 2.5 or maybe 3 aurors, with the help of less harmful rituals. But if each of his girls can go against two aurors, we suddenly have Harry's group who'll outclass everything. In later chapters there is also group training involved where exactly such scenarios are being simulated.

    Harry being lazy
    In the story it is stated that Harry has A LOT to do and does not find time for everything, but he still trains. In the Hermione introduction chapter we could see Harry training wandless magic, where Hermione referred to him as a show-off. Harry even has so much stuff to do, that he actually uses the repetitive class material to catch up with sleep. Throughout the day he has to pretend to be a student and at nights he usually does his Lord Slytherin stuff. Despite all that he still finds time to train himself and the girls. We can easily assume that he is super busy with everything, thus highly efficient with his time and by no means lazy. The early chapters might suggest otherwise, but only because we only saw Harry when he did rest. His wand he got like 3 weeks into the story and that f.e. required a lot of him.

    Wandless Self Switching
    You still have to imbue an object with magic, which can be sensed by powerful mages. I don't see it as such a gamebreaker as you envision it to be. He does not simply switch, he has to cast a spell on an object first and then relocate the object and finally switch to it.

    New skills over Voldemort
    That becomes only an issue once Voldemort realizes that Harry DOES have his skills, because he then also will look for new skills. I can tell you as much as that this is actually a future plot where Harry does realize that he has to find a new edge over his enemies. The complaint comes a bit early because you are only at chapter 25. Nothing to change there sadly.

    Several people in this story get some kind of wake up call or personal development. F.e. Chapter 40 with Alex's character development is actually one of my favorite in this whole story. She already has one around Chapter 13 where she realizes that she should have taken Harry's help when he offered it. And the next one at chapter 40 was handled like 100 times better. Or Ginny's dilemma around chapter 41 was also very interesting. Or when Hermione and Daphne make a fatal decision in chapter 28. after the winter break and Harry disciplining them in chapter 29. Or the way Hermione handled Dumbledore in chapter 31. Or the portrayal of Daphne in chapter 36. Or Harry having a huuuge dilemma at the book two finale. Even Dumbledore or the Potter parents experience similar stuff.

    The character development happens in the story, but the author wants sooo much to write about stuff ,that has to happen for the plots sake, that everything gets kind of pushed back. Sadly again something which has to do with you only reading to chapter 25...

    I don't think you understand what thermodynamics entails. But overall you also used very vague accusations, so that I have actually no idea what you refer to. So I cannot counter those argument since those are for me just empty accusations without any backup. I suppose you refer to that some stuff gets explained in more detail and some less? F.e. you understand what's the mechanical difference between Transfiguration and Conjuration, as explained in the story, and then something else comes which does not get as much explanation and you dislike that?

    Nerfing a lot actually helps to do more creative stuff with what you have at hand. Canon feels like:

    Dumbledore: "Horcruxes are very vile magic and very difficult to destroy."
    Harry: "No problem, I got that covered."
    Dumbledore: "How?"
    Harry: "I'll just overpower my Expelliarmus."
    Source: Random meme I read once, cannot source it anymore. IT IS NOT MINE.

    A good example how to do it differently is chapter 41 where one character transfigures a potion mixture to a butterfly, then uses an imperio curse on the butterfly to direct it to a cup and then lets the magic end. Boom, potion went to the cup.
    Additionally it was stated that the moment someone uses muggle weapons against Voldemort, he will also start to use it, else he would not because of the unforgivable thingie he did. That would be fatal and best avoided. Thus there will be NO muggle weaponry.

    Deities are kind of canon. And canon seems to have an after-life, there seem to be powerful objects to talk to the dead. Someone can send the prophecies. It's easy to find such a conclusion of more than one existing Deity. That's personal preference, but I like that those are one time things. There are fanfiction where deities guide the MCs throughout the story and whenever a difficult situation comes up, they solve it. BUUUH. Here it is not the case. And whatever the deities produce in Dodging Prision has way more significance than in canon. Prophecies are taken seriously for once, Deathly Hollows are not seen as a myth and are fully integrated within the lore.

    The rest I agree with more or less but overall I dislike that you did such a huge review so early into the story... I would have recommended to you to at least finish book 2 before starting to write anything ;) That was imo a huge oversight, unless you did not want to read it anymore....
     
  6. Seyllian

    Seyllian Auror DLP Supporter

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    The story is huge. One "book" is about 150,000 works. That is a lot of reading. You can form an accurate opinion over a story from that sample size. Hell, it's almost twice as long as the average novel.
    How do you know that? Are you the author?
    Or, in other words, Harry lacks the conviction to do what is necessary to win.
    You make it seem like its a lot... it's really not. If he can only fight against 5 aurors, then he's not the big scary Voldemort. You can, with enough people, overwhelm him. With canon Voldemort (and Dumbledore), we got the idea that they could take out an almost endless amount of wizards unless they were facing another wizard of their stature. They're not so much gods of wizardry now, but just very talented wizards.
    Can we just state how absurd, hilarious, and demeaning that we are referring to a bunch of characters as "his girls". It's unimaginably stupid, though that's a given as the story is a harem.
    If this is so, then why doesn't Voldemort or Dumbledore train their own contingent so they are outclass everything?
     
  7. contra

    contra First Year

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    I agree with this, though the average novel nowadays is actually around 40-50k words so it's about 3 if not 4 times as long.

    This one ... not so much. The much needed context is that to achieve that power, you have to sacrifice a loved one, the equivalent of a soul mate and all that. And as much as you might bring up "oh just sacrifice one of the harem members, one should be willing," I would argue that invalid because multiple loving relationships do not invalidate each other. Granted, there are many issues with harems - this case comes very strange considering how young all the characters involved are, but that's a different mess and more an issue with the work as a whole than the harem aspect. A bit more on harems later.

    The issue here is the lengths the author went to establish his own rules in the HP universe. Beyond all the things he does with magical units, he also greater increases the ability of your average Auror to make them more elite agents than your average policeman, while the 'wizard hitmen' or whatever are relegated to that role. A Naruto comparison would sorta be like 5 sannin versus a kage. Granted, the analogy sucks and ANBU would be better if ANBU weren't a joke.

    Either way, your complaint here is that the author takes away from the fantasy of two god-figures by trying to make the fic realistic. Valid point, but it's up to subjective desire as to which you would prefer, not I'm right and you're wrong.

    It is demeaning, especially in this case. I don't remember if the writer himself refers to any of the relevant female characters that way, though I don't think he did. If he did, shame on him.

    However, being a harem story does not necessitate it being bad. Polyamorous relationships are extremely difficult and generally have a one-sided power dynamic, but should not be disregarded out of hand. I would point out Noodlehammer as a writer who writes a balanced polyamorous relationship well, given his work For Love of Magic, which is Harry/Fleur/Luna/Tonks with a few other friendships/relationships with benefits. A third, maybe half is smut, but the rest is still good story with genuine relationships rooted in logic, being closer to a four-way nonexclusive relationship than a true harem, but a harem nonetheless.

    This could be answered with the usual - Voldemort does not trust others to have power, wanting him to be the most powerful himself. Dumbledore is his tropey manipulative side here, so he also has to be the one in control. The same magical boost ritual referred to earlier has multiple effects - beyond the sacrifice of their most loved one, they must singlemindedly swear themselves to a cause, which obviously goes to logical extremes and thus an arrogance and self belief that they must be the one in charge, etc.

    @Seyllian Many if not most of your points are valid, but you could be a little more tempered.
     
  8. hanabanana

    hanabanana Squib

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    I like the story, but my problem with it is the fact that there's just too much Dues-Ex Machina. Like, want to make Ginny hate the WBWL? Give her a potion. Voldemort takes the horcruxes? No problem, some mysterious person actually replaced them with fakes. Harry is knee deep in debt? Luna makes a prophecy about how they're getting money. I'm not saying that the characters don't put any effort in doing anything, but it's just when shit really hits the fan, their problems are most likely solved for them than not.

    All in all, I give it 3/5.
     
  9. Immet

    Immet Seventh Year

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    I'm sorry, what? Maybe I've completely misunderstood things or read things wrongly, but I don't remember any deities in the books.

    And what says that prophecies are sent?

    You don't need deities to send prophecies. Maybe the universe has predestination and divination lets you look ahead, but you can't change anything. Just like you can jump back but you can't change anything (ignoring cursed child).