Title: Harry Potter and the Mind Sifter
Author: ZanyMuggle
Genre: Action/Adventure/Angst
Rating: T
Pairing: Various, so far hints of H/McGonagall, H/Ginny and H/VampireOC
Status: WIP
DLP-Cat: Independent Harry
FF.Net Summary: [WIP] [postHBP] After his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry Potter has a mission looming before him. When the plans Dumbledore left for him fall apart, his only hope rests on a ritual that will have grossly unexpected consequences. [Ships TBD, slash unlikely]

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3092243/1/

A story heavily inspired by Taliah' fic "In Light of Silver Memories". But as copycats go, this one's pretty decent.

The basic idea of Harry absorbing Dumbledore's memories is here tweaked so that he also absorbed Voldemort (destroying his body in the process) and gained the skill to keep absorbing stuff at his will. Some interesting twists followed, but also some nauseating mushy stuff too. Romance seems to be leaning towards casual flirting and dating - thankfully, Ginny was demoted to "being loved like a sister". Super friends stayed in a way, but without the three musketeers crap.

So far a decent story, but we'll see if the author manages to keep the mush and slash out of the future chapters and instead concentrate on a cool Vampire nation subplot he had foreshadowed.

4.2/5

 

Not on the level of Taliah, but it's okay.

I'll give it a bulstered rating because I'm annoyed that Taliah hasn't updated in some time.

4/5

 

I hope he gets vampire girlfriend..

4/5

Where are Taliath updates? *frustrated*

 

Wow. Thanks for posting me for DLP consideration! I was afraid I'd be too Weasley-friendly or fluffy for DLP.

For the record, check the ff.net "published" dates. My fic came out before Taliath's. I have avoided reading "In Light of Silver Memories" because of the similarities, which is a pain, because that author's other work "Young Again" is excellent. Of course, there is *no* way that Taliath is copying me; it's just another instance of two people independently having similar ideas. Happens all too often in fanfiction.

I promise no Harry-slash (and probably no slash at all). Unfortunately, I cant make a "no mush" promise; consider it a personal failing of mine. (Actually, I'm surprised anyone from DLP could make it through the Trio-plus-Ginny bonding scene. That speaks well for the reader's constitution! )

 

Ok sorry for the copycat comment, I haven't checked the dates.

And I didn't mind the trio bonding that much, since Harry will be away from them most of the time and hopefully extend his area of friends and influence further from Hermione's ass.

 

No apology necessary; I would have thought the same thing were I not the author. Thanks, though.

Big HP/HG fan, are you?

Actually, I had considered the upcoming nightclub scene ending in a one-night rendezvous, probably HP/Patils but maybe HP/Audra. We'll see.

 

Yes, like his beloved Hedwig, you can never have to much human!Hedwig fluff I tell you! Or, if you swing that way, Animal!Hedwig. I don't care, they bother rock. Just consider it. It would be new, and hip, and if you think you want to do it I alwasy have some H/Heg oneshot ideas locked away.

Oh, and so you know, I'm being serious. I also have a rather awsomeness Moaning Murtle one.

 

Okay honestly what the fuck was that? I swear one of the requirements that we have here at DLP is to take only stories where Harry does not become God.

You have overpowered him, and made him seem all knowledgeable and incapable of making a mistake. You have made him able to save the entire fucking world in a week, and not run into any problems. Hell the only problem that this Harry suffers from, is bad headaches (Which he is learning to take care of and remove) and vomiting. I mean, what the hell?

You eliminated Voldemort in 2 seconds flat, and now have Harry destroying ever damn Horcrux he has. You put in this whole crap load of shit about Wormtail going to revive Voldemort, and Harry worrying about his return? But why?

Harry is just destroying them one by one. There is only one left that Voldemort will be able to use to revive himself with as the Vampires have the other one. Which why in the fucking hell would Wormtail give Snape/Vampires (Or whoever in the hell he gave it too) the locket anyway?

Wormtail: Here is one of the most precious things our lord has, go ahead take it and give it to the Vampires Snape. My goal is to revive our lord, but why he hell would I need this? I mean, it is only part of his soul nothing big, after all I got a 'snake'.

From the way this story is going, Wormtail is going to get his ass so far kicked into the ground that it will be over before he can mutter "fuck". And even if you do manage to bring Voldemort back, what is the fucking point?

Harry will just raise his "Magic absorbing" hand and gasp Voldemort by the throat. End of story.....even faster then the last death! (Then again, it may take more time out of your day, as you will have to put in some bull shit about Harry moving faster then the speed of light to get next to Voldemort.)

And if you don't want to have him kill Voldemort like that, all you need to do, is say that he 'subconsciously' does some bull shit that sends a burst of death from his hand! After all, Harry has no need for a wand as it just complicates things and makes him have problems remembering what to do.

Add to that Harry's mad power at being able to 'sense' everything and its fucking dog, he should have no problem taking out the 348 Death Eaters that will be surrounding Voldemort at his rebirth ceremony.

Back onto the subject of Vampires, I add another "WTF"!? Are you just adding them into the story that Harry can go through some long ass trial to get a gal to fuck? (Mind you this 'long' trial for Harry would take another person an eternity, but as this is Harry.......ALL IS POSSIBLE!)

Indeed, if he needs relief that bad, he might as well go 'make-up' with Hermione again, and demonstrate drawing the runes on her fucking breasts. And then in a deep powerful voice, (all the while starring into her chocolate eyes with his own green ones.(Why the fuck did Harry's eyes turn red while he was fighting the vampire by the way?)) add a twist here.....and a quick jab there!

Then once he is done making-up with her move onto Ginny. After all with Voldemort being gone what does he have to fear? I mean with his mad power he could take anything that could be thrown at him. Even if he does see her as a sister, I'm sure she wouldn't mind a bit of incest....puts hair on the chest!

Baby we are on a roll! Might as well go for Ron too (Add even more kicks by having Ron walk in while he is fucking Hermione. Drop his jaw in shock, then smirk and join in the fun!) Then when Hermione is passed out from the pleasure, they will walk out into the empty common room and snuggle tell Ron can get another hard on. Then in a mighty roar Harry will scream "Round 2 I'm on bottom this time!"

After all, Dumbledore would not be willing to let anyone be left out and unsatisfied. And with Harry acting more and more like him.....well you get the point. (Minnie next!)

Good God, did you have to go and throw the House Elves into the mix? I mean, if you are going to throw in something common, why didn't you just make it so Harry makes the Minister/Ministry his bitch? Oh wait! You did that too!!! (W00T! Another ten points!!!)

And now onto burning down houses cause they are a stain upon this world.....(After of course looting everything in em, as the stuff inside it wouldn't be cursed, just the house.) God your fic is a stain upon the world. If you have any decency in your soul you will remove every trace of this pile of shit from the world and cast a good memory charm on me so I won't have to remember reading it.

-13.234656/5

-Void

P.S. Do forgive any spelling/grammar mistakes. My eyes are bleeding right now and it is making it most difficult to type/read what I am saying.

 

Wow. So, you really liked it then, Void? I feel kinda tingly - I've never made anyone's eyes bleed before.

Just to clarify: after I remove every trace of said "pile of shit" from the universe, should I also remove all traces of myself and commit ritual suicide, or should I spend a long and spartan life being an uncredited beta-reader for the capable fanfic writers of the world?

Sarcasm aside, despite the tone, you did point out several gaping holes / flaws I've noticed myself (most notably the overpowered Harry aspect). I'll either edit this entry (when I'm not at work, as I am now) or add another to address your points - unless you'd rather that I don't bother.

P.S. 1 (and yes, this is serious, not sarcasm): Thanks to everyone whose commented or rated - I appreciate the time and effort. Thanks, Void, for the lengthy and detailed (if virulent) review. Regardless of whether or not you keep reading, I will address your issues.

 

ZanyMuggle, for such a well placed response you earn my respect. You took my criticism and have stated that you are willing to fix it. For that I applaud you. However I do not see how you are going to fix many of the problems I pointed out without changing a whole shit load of the story and redoing from the beginning.

I am happy to aid in the service of pointing out plot holes and problems, that is what we are here for. To improve authors and to read good fanfiction.

Indeed, if you fix the problems that I pointed out, I would be more then wiling to continue reading your story and review. (Only at this point in time I hope it would be positive instead of negative.)

Once again, congratulations on being able to take a beating and stand tall back on your feet. Rep++

-Void

P.S. I find that ritual suicide works best in erasing such problems. Leaves no trace, and causes a great phenominal mystery that I will be able to solve with my mad investigator powah!

 

I promised a response to Void's points, so here it is.

Yes, Harry is overpowered. Specifically, the absorption power is really the "god box" in this story. My plan has been to temper that power with certain limitations, some of which I have already shown. From your reaction, Void, I'd say I haven't made those limits obvious enough. A few additional, well-placed quotes will fix that.

As for the Ministry being "Harry's bitch"... well, here's how I think Scrimgeour sees it. Potter has suddenly started getting things done in earnest, and all Harry wants for it is a few minor concessions - a real bargain for Scrimgeour. The Ministry can write off Shunpike's incarceration as "being held for questioning" (i.e. no admit of wrongdoing is necessary). Likewise, most of Harry's other demands can be met without too much trouble. In return, Scrimgeour and the Ministry get credit for defeating the bad guys, and will go down in history as the administration that defeated Voldy and the DEaters once and for all. The top-level members of the Ministry will be able to secure long, wealthy futures based on this agreement, and Scrimgeour will be their hero for it.

Why is Harry willing to play nice with the Ministry when he was so opposed to it in HBP? Simple: Harry now knows enough to realize he can't run a country, nor has he ever wanted to. Harry knows that he'll have to "broker" to get the changes he wants in the Wizarding World. What better way to do it than to offer the services he already plans to perform in exchange for the Ministry doing what he wants?

In other words, both sides do what they want, get what they want, and leave what they perceive to be "shit work" to the other side.

As for why Peter traded the locket for Nagini, that's completely my bad. I needed it for plot development and didn't explain the motivations for why Peter and others wanted/needed it. I'll include that in later chapters.

Harry won't have girls, fans, or fangirls fawning all over him. However, I fully reserve the right for Harry to have one or two liaisons, which may or may not include more quality time with the Vamp.

Based on your comments, here's what I plan to change:
1. I've pretty much stuck to Harry's POV in 3rd person, as per JKR's habit. To better illustrate character motivations, I probably need to write some scenes that take place outside of Harry's awareness. Given Harry's mental abilities, better writers could show those motivations and stay in Harry-o-vision. I don't think I can. We'll see.

2. I had 2 or 3 plans for the direction and ending. Based on this discussion, I believe I've solidified my plans. It'll result in maybe ten more chapters to this fic.

3. I considered doing some "upgrade" or rewrite of the already-posted chapters to clean up some of what Void pointed out. I decided against it, simply because I have done it once already (although with just a minor set of changes), and I don't want folks to have to go back and re-read earlier chapters again and again. Instead, I consider this a first draft of the story. Once I complete it, I'll do a massive edit and release a "final version".

Any more questions, or are we ready to hurl this thread into the Trash Bin? 8)

 

Sorry with all that has been happening; I haven't had time to respond. (You should all know what I am talking about)

We will start in reverse order and address the things upon which you have brought up.

I personally feel that this right here is a huge mistake. For one, while it may be a pain for those who enjoy the story so far to go back and re-read most of which they have already read. This will make it so that you are able to get new readers into the mix, and you will also get readers such as myself to read it. It's time that we face the truth here, and if we are to be honest and if the readers of DLP are anything like me. Then this story so far would be a huge turn off for them, and they won't make it past the first chapters.

This would be a problem, as it will not matter how good you’re new and latest chapters will be or will become; if people are not able to make it past the first chapters what is the point of continuing?

This will also be the best time to go back and erase the plot wholes that you have now. Doing this will hopefully prevent you from creating even larger and newer ones later on. Laying plot whole after plot whole on each other as you go further along is going to cause problems. This being said, it will be harder for you to avoid using those plot holes, and eventually when you go to edit....well you have one hell of a problem.

Yes, going back and fixing your story is a bitch, but it is well worth it. You will fix the mistakes you have made, hopefully get new readers, and have a damn good story.

I am glad that you have been able to find the ending you are looking for. However just like I stated before, going back and fixing the plot wholes will make this end a lot easier to achieve. You may find that with plot holes and issues like I have pointed out, it might be impossible to reach the end you want.

Keeping it third person and in Harry's POV is a good idea. It is also a good idea to every once in awhile through in a perspective from someone else. This will hopefully allow you to make it so that we are able to see that Harry does have flaws, and is capable of making a mistake.

However to his mental abilities: Let us just say flat out, that Knowledge does not equal wisdom. One can have all the knowledge in the world, but without the proper training is still easily capable of making huge mistakes. On this note, have Harry have some problems, allow him to make some mistakes. Let him use his brain, and not have the knowledge and answer just right there in front of his eyes. He has the capacity to think, let’s not take that away.

If you don't think you can write it the way you want, try anyway. We never get better unless we try; and if you do have problems that you are incapable of solving for yourself. DLP is here to review and create outstanding stories, don't hesitate to PM someone or get on IRC sometime and ask for aid. We have literal Genius' here, who will gladly help out if you have trouble.

Whoever said Harry is not allowed to have Fangals? (Just don't make them a key part of the story.)
Liaisons: Too whom?
Quality time with the Vamp: The female Vampire was a good character I wouldn't mind seeing them put together. However do not make the mistake of hugely overpower the vampires. Vampires are a hard part to put into a fic, and I hope you have the writers’ skill not to abuse them.

Why wait? Go back and fix it and the rest of the story. I suppose leaving it tell later wouldn't mind that much, but I would fix it right away.

Realization and Pride are two different things. Even with him now having Dumbledore's level of understanding and mind power, it will take some time for him to get use to it. Harry should not be willing right off the back to just jump in and aid the ministry; he should come to the realization that he needs their aid slowly after running out of other options.

From what I gather in the book, Scrimgeour wouldn't settle for Harry not being under his complete control. Period. While he may work with Harry to begin with, I cannot see him not placing restriction on Harry, and slowly yet surely placing rules/laws to bind Harry to him and the Ministry. Thus eventually he will have complete control over Harry's actions. And thus being able to control Harry completely, he could then defeat Voldemort and have the recognition that 'he' defeated Lord Voldemort, and Harry only 'helped'.

Yes Harry is way-way too overpowered here. Yes the absorption is in the "god box" I would suggest that this needs to go. And even if you keep it yes do state or give us examples of what can't be done with it. I personally don't recall anything that he can't absorb but that could just be me glancing over it or such.


So my over all and finale views:
1. Just redo the story from the beginning. Yes this will be a pain in the ass, but it will save you time in the long run.
2. Make Harry's "God-like powah" believable, he is not God thus don't make him be God. (Easiest way would be to get rid of the 'absorption' power.) And the Wandless magic, it has just got to go.
3. Harry's personality needs work, as I said before, Knowledge does not equal wisdom.
4. The whole thing with the Ministry needs work.
5. Be careful with the Vampires. As I said they are easy to overpower, and constantly ruin people’s stories.
6. Explain Voldemort and Wormtail some more, let us in on what is happening just a little.

-Void

 

Thanks for the suggestions, Void. I'll reconsider how immediately I do the rewrite, and I'll definitely try to re-work the Scrimgeour-Harry relationship.

Part of my goal was to not stretch out certain things we've seen too many times in fanfics - like dealing with Sirius' will and/or the Black assets, and the standard Horcrux hunt. Also, some of the best scenes (IMH-yet-well-informed-opinion) are yet to come. If RL, the DLP-hurricanes , and your other schedule-consumers allow, I'd be grateful for your opinion on the next two chapters (assuming I don't pull it all down and start from scratch).

 

Why is this in the Trash Bin?

 

Are you asking about the posting rules in general? A thread in the "For Reviews" forum has to get an overall rating of 4/5 or 5/5 to make it into the library. This one only got a cumulative score of 3/5.

Now, if you're asking why this thread only got 3/5 and not better... well, being the author, I'm not qualified to answer that.

On that note, I assumed I couldn't vote for my own story, so I did not rate this thread myself.