If that's what you consider mediocre writing, then I'm not sure why you bother reading fanfiction at all, cos your standards seem way too high. PA's writing may not be as good as you'd expect to find in a published novel, but for a fanfic it's definitely top tier.

 

I haven't read a lot on AH, but yeah this makes some sense. And it's probably very self-reinforcing as I imagine the majority of the feedback on AH is nitpicking the divergences. It's unfortunate, because the diatribes are what really holds the fic back. The chapters without them are just fine.

 

Yes, constructive criticism is not encouraged on AH. People get offended if you point of faults.

 

I got called an asshole for asking why a guy didn't separate his paragraphs.

 

You're clearly a paragraphophobe and should check your privilege.

 

Searching through the ASOIAF threads in AH.com I found this:

https://www.alternatehistory.com/fo...o-one-wanted-yet-another-asoiaf-story.396808/

The Prince No One Wanted.

Basically, another Jon/Jaehaerys is a secret Targaryen prince in a AU where Rhaegar won (How? Not exactly explained beyond Rhaegar's use of 'shade of the evening'). More divergences include Cersei as Queen (with three children), a more hostile North, the Baratheons apparently extinct, etc.

Now, what catched my attention were the sub-plots of the story:

• Jon Arryn´s call for a Council of the Faith for the Vale to put down dissatisfied elements of the clergy led by a previous supporter of his, Janos. The septon proposes a different view of the Seven centered in the Father, denying the divinity of the rest. To put it short: enter the High Septon, heathen prince and princess, misunderstandings, and a schism is in the horizon. And maybe with Dorne and White Harbor's congregations declared heretics.

• Gerion Lannister and co. searching for a (mad?) pirate lord of the Stepstones that works in the name of a long-dead Stannis Baratheon. And answers for a certain valyrian sword.

Besides that, most chapters are average. Except the original third chapter (pure trash). Still, the author welcomes the critics and the Arryn chapters makes the read effort worthy.


(Sorry if the writing appears clunky. Still learning English :|)

 

You're fine, but I'm not a fan of that fic. It's pretty much just like every other piece on AH.

This makes sense. I definitely believe this is plausible.

This all happens in the first chapter and within the first 1000 words. Yay. I didn't actually get farther. I figured it would be just as much of a pile.

 

Here is a general question, upon seeing that bit that pbluekan quoted. Let's all assume for one moment that Rheagar did actually marry Lyanna, even before a hearttree with all the necessary ceremony and consent, does this actually make anything legal, disregarding the sentiments of anyone? Polygamy is still outlawed by the faith of the seven and the laws, right? Even the Targaryens couldn't do so after a while.

So, Rheagar could have had a marriage ceremony in front of every heart tree in Westeros and as long as he was still wed to Elia, that would mean jack shit in terms of Jon not being a bastard and all, or am I wrong there?

 

Except the King has a lot more power over the Faith than back in Maegor's time. It's all about how Aerys would react. If he accepted it and said Jon wasn't a bastard, well, there wasn't much anyone could do regarding that.

 

Saying Jon isn't a bastard is one thing, any king can legitimize a bastard. But that's not what is being argued. No one is saying Aerys legitimized Jon. Acknowledging a polygamous marriage is a different thing, imo. Could Rheagar or Aerys say a Targaryen can have two or more wives and have declared legal or acceptable. Wouldn't you need the high septon at least? Especially seeing that Aerys most definitely wasn't on board for it.

So yeah, don't think a marriage would have been legal or binding, if it even happened.

 

From GRRM we have that:

"Maegor the Cruel has multiple wives, from lines outside his own, so there was and is precedent. However, the extent to which the Targaryen kings could defy convention, the Faith, and the opinions of the other lords decreased markedly after they no longer had dragons. If you have a dragon, you can have as many wives as you want, and people are less likely to object."

This suggests that there is a pretty heavy prevailing sentiment against it being accepted, and I don't think either Aerys or Rhaegar had the political capital (or dragon power) to overcome it. We know that the Targaryen rule was fragile, and such open flouting of convention would have only fanned the flames of resentment.

 

Maegor, later to be known as the Cruel, was literally exiled from Westeros when he first married a second woman, while still being married to his first. This was while Aegon was still kicking about, so it's clear to see those shenanigans aren't tolerated, not even at the height of the Targaryen power.

While Maegor did marry multiple women later down the line, consider the circumstances during which it happened: the realm was at civil war, most of them didn't even want the guy as king and in the end he got poisoned. Not to mention how all his offspring ended up mutated little shits due to one of his lovers/wives being jealous of the others.

It's not like he married all those women and all of Westeros chose to acknowledge it as something legal.

 

That's because That Board is Shit and Full of Errors.

 

Of course Aegon himself had two wives. If Rhaegar had won and deposed his father he could have kept Lyanna and court and called her his wife because he'd have killed everyone who could stop him. However, everyone would probably treat it as bizarre and Lyanna as no more than a mistress.

I doubt Eddard, or most, would see it as a valid marriage even if it was a fait accompli.

 

Yeah, Jon/Jaehaerys chapters are let downs, not much besides brooding, Lannister harassment and talks with Rhaegar/"Fellowship of the North" :facepalm

And then you have old Jon Arryn and a powderkeg that mixes dissagreement on the Faith's Doctrine (Seven gods vs One that is Seven vs One Father Above and six disciples, local flavors of Dorne and the North not considered), a heiress that doesn´t look like an Arryn, empowered Mountain Clans raids and Littlefinger buggering around.

Better development on those three chapters than in the rest.

Anyway, I´m only following for the Westerosi Great Schism and Pirate Lord Davos

Polygamy is not recognized by the Faith. I think Aegon's case can be put as an exchange for conversion to the Faith (and not burning down the Starry Sept too).

If they did marry, there weren´t witnesses left as far as we know. For everyone else, Jon is a bastard and nobody would like to have a potential Blackfyre around, specially the Martells.

 

The reason that no one really raised a stink about his wives is that those wives were also dragon riders that had just helped him conquer the entire continent.

The rules of the land really didn't apply to them.

 

Knees is way better than I remember. The sequel is well on it's way as well.

 

So, I've been musing on an idea for a while, been thinking of writing it myself.

What if Jon was born with Rhaegar's silver hair rather than Lyanna's black? He takes a very Targaryen trait, and it becomes impossible for Ned to pass him of as his own bastard. The whole realm learns that Jon is alive, and Ned is forced to defend his nephew. Robert is furious and hurt, causes some political drama, while Jon grows up in Winterfell with public knowledge that he's a Targaryen bastard of Lyanna's rape. I don't think that Robert would actually go to war with Ned to kill Jon, but I can totally imagine Robert angrily accepting the dragonspawn in Winterfell on the condition that Jon takes the black as young as possible to get rid of him. Possible Varys/Illyrio machinations.

Does anyone know of any stories like that? It got me thinking, i'm curious.

 

I've seen that, it was stupid as hell though. It was stations of canon completely except Jon was platinum blonde. Jon being a known Targ is a complete point of departure, nothing should be the same.

Ned should still claim Jon is his bastard though. Even though everyone knows its not true, Ned will never admit otherwise.

 

In ASOIAF Lyanna looks like Arya who has brown, not black, hair. Past that the leading contender for Jon's parentage in the minds of Winterfell is Ashara Dayne, and the Daynes occasionally have Targaryen features. Jon would be thought to look like her, and while it would be odd no one is going to go with the crazy story to accuse the king's best friend.

Past that, I don't know of any, past this short one by the same author who did Allies in a Time of War.

Out Where the Dreams all Hide