Diving into the trash AKA ff.net

Don't you just love cryptic summaries that tell you nothing about the story?

 

Of course I do. The more cryptic a summary, the more interest is generated in reading the story. :awesome

Here are some gems:

 

Actually, I think I will.

 

I regret reading even the summary.

 

Escape to Baker Street by Padfootette

Caesarea Lissette Kira Potter (femHarry!) thought that after she had finally defeated the dark Lord Voldemort her life would have gone back to normal well as normal as it could ever be when you were considered famous in the Wizarding world However with friends abandoning her when she needs them the most a crazy headmaster supposedly come back from the dead out to get her

Caesarea Lissette Kira Potter

Holy fucking shit.

 

Some people have no imagination when it comes to names.

 

What are you talking about? I came up with four!

 

The Girl and the Wolfgirl by Dr. Gairyuki reviews
Ruby now has own soul now reside in a body of a Alpha Beowolf. So Weiss and Ruby goes across the world in order to for a mystical item called the Philosopher's Stone in order to restore Ruby to her human body form. But along the way, they soon learn that something has plan for them... and the world of Remnants itself. (Image belong sonicwerehogolver124 on DeviantArt) Fullmetal AU
Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 48 - Words: 84,382 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 13h ago - Published: May 31 - [Ruby R., Weiss S.] [Blake B., Yang X.L.]

 

Converting the bookworm by adstyle17 reviews
'I am a lesbian. Not a lot of people know, they just don't ask. The people that do are my so called 'clients'. Confused? Let me explain. I am not just a lesbian, I'm a converter. Yes, a converter. A person who uses complicated and effective ways to change a woman's view on sexuality. In short, they turn from straight to gay.' but Hermione, that's a challenge.Femslash.
Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 62,622 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 23h ago - Published: Jan 28, 2014 - Hermione G., Luna L.

 

What's with listing all the stupid pairings?

Unknowns, Part the Fourth » by CharlotteBlackwood

The battles won the demons vanquished, but is there truly peace? One must look back to go forward. Everyone has a shot at redemption-but who will reach out to take it? NM/SS, OC (Kitty)/HP, DM/AG, RL/OC, CD/OC, SB/OC (Cara), DR/DC, DC/GP, DR/OC, SM/OC, CC/CM. M, AU
M, English, Romance & Hurt/Comfort, chapters: 6, words: 19k+, favs: 8, follows: 12, updated: Jul 24 published: Jun 27, [Harry P., OC] [Severus S., Narcissa M.]

 

Lets see if I can figure these out. In order: Naricssa/Snape, OC/Harry, Malfoy/Astoria, Lupin/OC, Cedic/OC, Sirius/OC, ??/??, ??/??, ??/OC, ??/OC, ??/??, ??/??.

Yeah, I got no clue.

 

Might be right.

 

At a guess...
Narcissa/Snape, OC/Harry, Draco/Astoria, Lupin/OC, Sirius/OC, Cedric/OC, Demelza Robbins/Dennis Creevey, Dennis/??, Demelza/OC, Scorpius Malfoy/OC, Colin Creevey/??

 

What I think:
NM/SS = Narcissa M./S. Snape
OC (Kitty)/HP = OC/Harry P.
DM/AG = Draco M./Astoria G.
RL/OC = Remus L./OC
CD/OC = Cedric D./OC
SB/OC (Cara) = Sirius B./OC
DR/DC = Demelza R.(or Delphi Riddle)/Dennis C.(or Dirk C.)
DC/GP = Dennis C./Gideon P.
DR/OC = Demelza R.(or Delphi Riddle)/OC
SM/OC = Scorpius M./OC
CC/CM = Colin Creevey/Cormac McLaggen

 

Wouldn't that last one more likely be Cho Chang/Cormac MacLaggan?

 

That sounds crassly optimistic for FFN.

 

Weasley's Dairy Company by Captain_CV

After battle of Hogwarts wizarding world had attacked by magical pandemic. In order to survive through this only cure is Witch Milk. Healers from St. Mango's researched and described the qualification requirement for witches whose milk can be used. Wesley Family has family secrete method to produce witches milk and Ministry give permission to them to start witch cow's dairy barn. Read about Female Harry Potter (Harriet) and her friends how once again help wizarding world to survive.

Language: English; Words: 6,781; Chapters: 4/?

 

Now that is what I call impressive. Best bits: "St. Mango's" (a mental image of an anthropomorphic mango in scrubs with a halo came to mind), and "Language: English," which I would call a gross overestimation of the writer's actual command of the language.

Admittedly, though, the concept of "Witch Milk" sounds intriguing, and I am now actually wondering how one would go about harvesting such a thing…

---------- Post automerged at 16:07 ---------- Previous post was at 15:44 ----------

Also, this. Found by scrolling through the default story list on ff.net, which should really say it all…


The Hogwarts Heir by writefan
After Harry rescues the Philosofer's stone, Dumbledore won't speak with him and asks Ron and Hermione not to speak with him about it. This starts to raise questions and from there one thing leads to another. In the mean time Harry must live with his abusive relatives. This story contains abusive Dudleys and manipulative Dumbledore and will have an soul-bond later.
Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,341 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 1h ago - Published: Jul 18 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Remus L.

It ticks all the boxes! A story title that pretty much spells out the plot, an interesting new way to spell "philosopher," an abandoned Harry, mysterious "questions" with "one thing [leading] to another, "abusive Dudleys" – for simplicity's sake I'm just going to assume that Petunia had identical twins and named them both Dudley – a "manipulative Dumbledore" and, as the crowning piece, "an" soul bond. Very Clarksonesque! Going by the way the character tags are sorted, it could even be a soul bond between Harry and Ron? You have to read to find out!