Title: The Perfect Prison
Author: Uzunami669
Rating: M
Genre: Romance
Status: WIP
Library Category: Smut
Pairings: Harry/many
Summary: Lord Voldemort comes to the staggering conclusion that to live forever he doesn't need to kill Harry Potter, he just needs to circumnavigate the prophecy. He does exactly that. Building a prison that is teeming with lusting females, he locks the boy who lived inside, and throws away the key.
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12624621/1/The-Perfect-Prison

 

This probably isn't the worst thing that's ever popped up on this board, but it's definitely on a fairly inclusive list.

You made it 10 posts on this board before throwing up a 5k word PWP smut story (and a shit one, at that), of your own making, on a board that is used to determine whether a story is good enough to be included in what this community considers to be the top-tier of fanfiction. Way to feel the pulse of DLP, sir.

1/5, because lower isn't an option.

 

@Johnnyseattle- I laughed at your response, thank you at least for being critically honest, I appreciate it greatly!

 

Thanks for the input @Holt!

 

Yeah Holt, @Halt

 

Beyond what others have said, I want you to know that tilde should never be used as a speech mark. What are Harry and Voldemort even doing there, telepathy? Also your perspective changes from Harry to Ginny right at the end there for no apparent reason.

It wasn't even good porn.

1/5

 

As smut fics go, the premise here isn't too bad. It's moderately original and is quite efficient at getting to the point. However the execution leaves much to be desired. All of the sex feels incredibly generic, rather like watching some random Brazzers video. Just going through the motions.

This is fundamentally about characterisation. Like many smut fics, the partners you give to Harry do not really feel like people. You could replace Ginny's name, change her hair colour, and the rest of the scene could remain exactly the same. Too many Harry/multi smut writers just write the same sex scenes again and again with different names and hair colours.

If you want to make the smut interesting you have to make it feel distinct and with enough realism to engage the reader. Ultimately that comes down to having Harry's partners act like their recognisable canon selves, albeit how their canon selves would act in a pornographic fantasy version of reality. Take a look at "It Could Only Happen To Harry" for an example of how this is done.

 

Thank you @Taure for the feedback! I'll endeavour to add the necessary corrections.