I like it wholeheartedly and see where you are going. Its going to be great. 5/5

Hope you update soon.

Good luck in the comp then

 

It's good. You've built up the intrigue and started to develop the plot nicely, keep up the good work.

 

I know I reviewed over at ff.net, but for the record, I like it, and hope you continue soon.

8.7/10

 

This was a little hard to read.

The attempts at humor fail

These are just a few of many, don't bother with humor.

This Harry = James Idea just seems like another way to give Harry an instant power boost and have him become more suave so that he can get with Fleur.

Which seems like you're trying to hard to set up your story which is a major negative for me.

It doesn't really flow, it just seems to jump around, like you're trying to advance the plot too fast and get to the Tri-Wizard tournament and Fleur. Slow it down and make Harry's "transition" into James actually be a transition and not just "cool now I now I gots powers".

I'm interested in how you're going to explain how Harry and James are "one and the same" because you're really going to have to stretch to have it make sense so I doubt how believable it will be.

My main problem with this story is how he switches from James to Harry to often, it seems like he completely changes for 6 lines instead of just showing some Jamesish tendencies.

It kills any and all of the atmosphere that the 1st person shows.

The grammar is atrocious, there are things that Spell and Grammar check could have easily picked up. No point getting into that though.

When you switch to 4 year old Harry I had to stop and re-read the last 4 paragraphs to see if he acts like this the whole chapter. The answer is no.

I don't see what the point of that Percy scene was, I can't think of how it could possibly be needed or add anything to the story unless you're going for Harry/Dominatrix!Percy.

Sure James Potter was a good chaser but Wood is going pro and Harry just blows past him. He's still in Harry's body, There is a huge difference between knowing how to do something and doing it. Practice and theory.

This looks like just another way to give Harry more power and have him be better with the ladies. If the story revolves around this Vash will get vote my sure because I won't be able to continue reading this story.

2.5/5 as of now.

 

It was a nice start for sure, good idea at the moment, but I think that it needs to be fleshed out. But this being the first chapter, I think that the idea for the basis of the plot is good enough for now, but is it enough to stretch out into a 40K story? I see that you're re-doing GOF, I don't usually read these types of stories, but I think I'll be interested to see how you take this for the sake of the challenge.

But there were a couple points of the story I didn't like. Much like Darius said, it seemed that Harry jumped from James' experiences and knowledge from his quite quick and sudden. For a 40K story, I'm sure you can flesh it out some more and make the transition a little smoother.

Two examples of this would be his sudden expertise at playing the Chaser position. As good as James was, or how good everyone thought he was, I find it a little unbelievable that Harry could just suddenly gain all his skill. Another one would be the Ancient Runes scene, but this one I think I can let it slide since you seem to be heading in the direction where it'll be more of a transition and confusing period for Harry rather than in the Quidditch scene.

3/5 for now

 

I took this to be an indicator that Harry was actually being reminded of personal memories rather than just hearing a story about somebody else.

I'm not sure how productive it is to rag on the story for stuff that hasn't happened yet.

My concern here is that Harry will either get only good traits from James, in which case the story will likely become a standard super!Harry; or that if Harry gets bad traits, most of them manifest as bullying, triggering annoying levels of angst (none of the I-am-not-my-father!Harry fics have ever been enjoyable to me). If these problems show up, I'll complain about them when they happen. There's enough bad fic out there that I feel no need to try to find problems that haven't happened yet in an otherwise decent story.

BTW, when did everybody get deputized as Grammar Cops? This chapter doesn't show the level of proofreading you would expect out of, say, a legal brief, but compared to most fanfiction (and even most fanfiction in the library) it's not that bad.

 

I got that too, but he wouldn't be like. Wow he's such a good storyteller, thinking about why those seemed so real to him maybe.

 

Goodness. Forty some odd posts, many with strong opinions already. I don't get it. I read the summary and first chapter. It's a fine start but way too early to tell... pretty much anything. I've noticed very few people are in love with the plot we don't know yet, but some people hate the cheap gimmicky way Harry has been super-powered, through a display of quidditch and a Runes assignment question.

But as long as we're arguing the merits of things we're hypothesizing here, I think perhaps some may be jumping the gun on the Harry/James elements as competing personalities. From one possible interpretation of the summary, I get the feeling it's not like being possessed and arguing with daddy's voice in his head, as much as a person is the product of their environment. And Harry's noticing his traits are different from what he might have predicted a few years ago. Kinda like a child combining the best traits of his/her parents, only in this case it may be muddled a bit deeper than that with magic.

But I'm just pulling this out of my arse. And perhaps chapter two will prove my unsubstantiated theory completely wrong.

As for the perspective, I usually prefer third person, but considering jbern's first two fics were 3rd person and then 2nd person, telling this one in 1st person isn't terribly surprising. And considering the 2nd person in Bungle doesn't bother me, I'm doubting the 1st person here will affect my opinion of the fic.

Admittedly though GOF is my favorite canon book, and I'm very much looking forward to jbern's additions to the tournament.

 

And casting a silencing spell, which is a 6th year spell I think, 6th, It's in Canon anyways as being a fairly difficult spell.

 

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm(i sound smart now...............

While i have seen quite a few Harry has someone elses knowledge fics never have i seen him getting his fathers knowledge(i'm assuming i could be wrong) so props for originality(you have a knack for it) and i have a question that will make you hate me. Is this going to be one of those really good stories that lasts 4 chapters and goes on hiatus? i have a curse with that i just wanted to know.

 

Gagglefabas, jbern would be obligated to commit seppuku if he didn't make it to over 30,000 words and complete the story, because jbern and Vash have a sort of contest going on. Expect quick updates.

Not the best first chapter I've ever seen, but first chapters are usually awkward, as you're trying to fit someone into a new place. A little like the WPA. Or, it could be more like the war in Iraq. Eh, you never know at this point in the game. I remember that Bungle grabbed me immediately, but TFTCD didn't.

It'll be interesting to see how Fleur is portrayed. I think I'll reserve my vote until then.

 

Vash has your vote no matter how good this story is.

I know that Hermione cast the silencing spell in fifth year, and I think it was fourth that they were practicing it in Charms.

 

Okay. I admit it. Harry's a super-wizard. (Never mind this is shortly after he cast a "very, very advanced" patronus in canon - talk about supering him up. When will JKR learn we want a completely average just slightly above mentally retarded Harry?) But a third year doing a fifth* year spell? Watch out Voldemort! Here he comes!

* I say fifth because it was in OotP that they learned it, and Hermione in fact used it in the battle at the end. That's why the hex that hit her wasn't worse, you may remember.

 

Or... it could have just been that Harry didn't know that spell in 3rd year. And I was just pointing out that he did other things besides just know some runes and play quidditch. -shrugs-

Incorrect.

 

You know, I didn't notice in the story, and I'm not trying to pick, that harry had trained for several weeks to learn the silencing spell if it is an advanced 6th year charm. Like he did with the Patronus charm.

Though, to be honest, I lost interest half way and only skimmed the rest. Did I miss days/weeks/months/whatever of training? If not, its not the same.

And Nonny, you are quite right, I dont know the plot but one of the story's main points seems to be that Harry = James. And ill risk saying what has already been said and say: "Knowing and doing is different." I know how to program software. I cant do it, but I know how. Same theory.

EDIT:

Dont be a retard. Way my current progress is going, you man not have a story to vote on.

 

Harry = James didn't really pique my interest. However, the near endless number of possibilities this fic could go makes me feel a bit giddy with excitement. I'll reserve judgement until the time when the plot is revealed. Other than that, I'd say it's an awkward start but it certainly has to start somewhere.

 

The type of reviewing that takes place here, takes place in a lot of stories - not all - that are judged as bad; you see everyone coming out and pointing out the flaws and various problems with the story. Albeit, here, most have decided to be kind and not insult the story or the author. That doesn't mean some stories that are bad don't get away with a simple deletion or somehow even manage to sneak into the library (my stories ).

This is the way DLP should review most stories but unless it's bad, they usually don't bother, instead just giving it a star rating and a few sentences, which is cheap, since we should be fostering those stories. I must give praise and thanks to both Thalarian and Tinn for going in-depth in most of their reviews, even though I take the mickey out of them for it; it does a lot to help various stories, which is really a focus of this site. Or should be.

 

Okay I personally gotta say Lets wait a couple chapters and decide then. I thought Bungle was crap at the beginning. TFtCD was super Harryish in the beginning to me. So lets wait and give Jbern a chance.

 

do i even have to say how much I will not be reading this fic after I read bungle oh hell no