Holly Potter and the Witching World reviews
All Holly Potter wanted was to know was what strange and mysterious secret was hidden in that cupboard under the stairs, the cupboard which her aunt and uncle never let her go near... and what did it all have to do with "those lesbian freaks" Aunt Petunia would complain about in hushed tones? (Total AU, in which 90% of the magical world is female.)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,559 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 18 - Published: 17h ago - Harry P., Ron W., Albus D., OC

Only one chapter so far. It's an interesting concept but I think the story will be hard to pull off.

A few things made me think it might stray into harem territory but the author's profile seems to suggest it will end up femslash instead. Either way it might be too AU for people's tastes.

 

There are six on AO3 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/12861492

 

Yes, and?

 

I assumed that you and other people interested in the fic may want to read up to current chapter and not wait to crosspost to catch up. Clearly, you prefer to be behind, so I was at least half wrong.

 

Just caught up with everything that's out at the minute.

The writing got a bit better during book 1, but it's still a lot of tell v/s show. It's actually better written than PoS (which isn't saying much), and while it still has these big blocks of factoids, it's not just Harry who gets to monologue. The author also confuses Jules and James a few times, but how can he not, they're basically the same character. The whole thing feels less heavy handed than PoS and other neglected twin stories, which is refreshing. I liked that Hermione got knocked off her high horse. Almost makes her presence in the 2nd book bearable.

The similarities with PoS stopped a bit as we got into 2nd year. There certainly wasn't a competent!Lockhart.

In spite of Harry's limited control of wandless magic, it's not a super!Harry story and he still struggles a lot with grasping new concepts and putting into practice. He makes mistakes and isn't omnipotent, which is a common theme in these stories. I might be wrong, but it appears that Jules is the actual BWL. Harry doesn't have a scar.

Dumbledore is basically his canon self, but in here, Harry and most of his friends view him as GreaterGood/Manipulative!Dumbledore. It's not in particularly poor taste, in that it isn't overly exaggerated. And in this story, I can actually buy James being that much of a dick. I actually know people like that in real life.

All in all, this is a decent story, as far as these types go. Compared to the fandom as a whole, it doesn't really stand out, but I'm a sucker for Slytherin stories and I really seem to have run out of just about everything in the genre that's a decent length. Not library worthy, but maybe Almost Recommended. I had a lot of fun reading it. About on par with Unsung Hero and The Malachite Series, though perhaps less dramatic.

 

As of the latest chapter posted a few days ago, I am now the beta reader for this story.

Aside from grammar and spelling issues, I've been focusing on making the writer show instead of tell (less passive verbs for the win), and give each character a personality/be a little less bland. I do think I've had quite a bit of success so far, as chapter 12 does seem a little more lively.

If the author keeps this up, in a chapter or two I'm going to put the story up for review. I'm hoping they will let me do some basic editing of the previous chapters first. Misspellings of Slytherin hurt me so.

Here's the link to the latest chapter if anyone is interested: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12417372/12/Old-Blood

If anyone has any suggestions, please leave a review. They are actively trying to improve their writing and english skills. Haven't convinced them to post in DLP yet.

 

The Unbreakable Vow

By: Ash Darklighter
Strange lights are seen across a deserted country lane. The wizarding world is calling him home.
Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Romance - Harry P., Ginny W. - Chapters: 37 - Words: 264,559 - Reviews: 1,728 - Favs: 1,826 - Follows: 2,019 - Updated: Feb 24, 2013 - Published: Aug 5, 2007

Had a conversation with a friend regarding fanfiction in general today and the conversation lead to stories where Harry left the Wizarding World with Ginny instead of by himself. It reminded me of this story that has clearly been abandoned but was on my favorites on fanfiction.net for a long time. It gave me a reason to log on to my ff.net after a while.

I personally think it is 4/5 but what do I know

 

I love the summary. Don't make me read it just to break my heart.

 

The summary of The Unbreakable Vow is definitely better than the story.
I just read through the first seven chapters:
On a technical level it's decent, I noticed very few errors, but the dialogue is pretty cringeworthy at times, which drags down the story, along with several cliches. The two things sticking out the most are them having magical cores, and a forced marriage contract.

 

The magical contract is between Ginny and Draco as opposed to Harry and Ginny which is usually the case.

Contrary to most people, I actually don't mind the Harry/Ginny pairing and I like how the deal with getting out of the contract later in the story. The magical cores being compared to a battery is pretty cliché, I agree, but the time when I first started reading the story, it was relatively okay-ish idea, and I especially liked how the author dealt with it.

 

It's an AU story. I thought it was always a decent read but it's not material which fits into the DLP profile.

 

forced contracts are a variation of the trope. I honestly haven't seen Harry and Ginny in marriage contracts all that much, though it's not something I search for.
When I come across it, it's usually a forced contract dealing with a pairing I would consider more objectionable, such as Draco or Snape that the author tries to romanticize, pairing them up with Hermione, Harry etc.
In this story, without spoiling too much if someone might want to waste their time, one could argue that the actual contract is between Harry and Ginny to avoid the forced one, nonsensical blood magic bla bla bla, leading towards wedded bliss as shown in the first chapter.

 

My biggest issue was that I didn't care about what happened in the intervening years, I wanted to leap right into the meat of the story, and when it gets to that point the story was abandoned.

 

That's the worst part about abandoned stories they all either stop just before the climax or just before it gets to the best part.

 

Came across this story just now. I immediately recognized it had that special something, but it’s not quite good enough to put it up for review just yet.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12910792/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Dragon-Lord

 

Who put you up to this?

Because this is far, far too awful to even be "almost recommended."

Non-mobile link, for anyone who wants the pain: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12910792/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Dragon-Lord

 

Harry Potter gets married at 14 which makes him of age so he claims his Lord Potter title and later finds out he is the decendant of Merlin and finds out that Voldemort will be a piece of cake . Real threat is something bigger . Something only he will be able to stop . Harry/Fleur . Rated M for sexuall scenes and language .

No idea what you're on about - clearly this is quality fiction.

 

Am I dreaming?

 

What a beautifoul story.


"so he can do parkour now too"

Ok I'm actually interested now, no /s.