Well said there DemonDream, I would also buy your book.

 

don't let Thalarian know we would buy his book, then he might really write and we would have to pay for it. Now it is all free =)

 

good point sir, i only read online.

 

Wow. I'm not gonna lie, the first chapter was just... okay. I liked it in a lot of parts, but just skimmed it in others. The second chapter was incredible. I really don't even know what to say about it.

 

Say nothing my friend. Just worship the greatness that is Thalarian.

 

Hi, I just read the prologue on FF.net. I unfortunately do not have enough time to review at the moment but I have a question for the readers. Are the FF.net and FicWad version actually the same? I did a search on both of them and the same words that can be cosidered vulgar show up on both versions. I have no problem with this because I want to read the entire story and not only parts that FF.net allows. Basically my question is do the two sites both host the same version of the story and should I only check FF.net since from my understanding it is updated more rapidly.

Edit: Nvm thanks Thalarian.

 

The Prologue contains text that is vulgar, but no NC-17 material. That's why it's rated Mature. You'll see where the edits are in chapters because there's a break in the chapter saying that it has been edited. You'll find that in Chapter 1.

The FicWad version basically holds the sex scenes, and both that and the version at FFNet are updated at exactly the same time.

EDIT: That being said, another quick update, Chapter 2 is now at 49, 205 words and on the cusp of completion. Some scenes may be removed for later usage but just so everyone is still kept up to date.

 

The smut's more detailed in the Ficwad version. What happened was that Thal cut out part of the scene in the FF.net version. As for which one to watch...*shrugs* beats me.

[edit]: hmm...seems Thal beat me to it.

[edit2]: 49k...holy....is it wrong for me to be giggling in anticipation now?

...ya know, beyond the whole me giggling period.

 

49K words. wow!!! a short !book! is coming guys...

 

If it hits 50k its no longer considered a short story and can be considered a novel in itself. I think if Im wrong please correct me.

 

in agreement, but If it turns into a novel I think thats a good thing, It would give us a big book to parade around to all the others out there.

 

Not really a review, but more of an oppinion on the writing style. I've only read the first chapter so far and have enjoyed it. Unortunately I really dislike flashback stories since the readers already know what happens and especially who dies. Also, when the story is going on actively and not in the past I tend to get in to it more and it is harder for me to stop reading.

 

The Prologue was meant to be a series of flashbacks and past history while not really being written in the present sense of the word.

There's going to be flashbacks scattered throughout the story because so much happened between HBP and the beginning of Queens/Ladies. Enough that it could have called for a separate story, leaving Queens/Ladies to be the sequel. The flashbacks mainly cover a lot of the more mundane, cliche, or normal things seen in HP fandom. (Training, Hogwarts, Horcrux hunting, etc.)

The flashbacks won't be thrust between any large or major scene, causing those scenes to be broken, but will instead be placed in places such as the beginning, or whenever there's a big transition in the story. Just as a small attention shift.

 

I don't know if this question has been asked before but..
Will the upcoming chapter contain the induction of more than one new lady?

 

No, the upcoming chapter will only introduce one more Lady. There will only be one Queen/Lady introdued each chapter until Chapter 7 or possibly 8. (Chapter 5 may not include any introductions).

 

I know this has been asked a million times, but still... any word on the progress of the next chapter?

 

Okay Thal, my balls are aching, time for da goods! I MUST HAVE RELIEF!

 

I'm starting to get a bit ansy too Thal, are you close? >_> I know I've told people to stfu because they were annoying with this issue but it hasn't been asked in awhile.

 

Sorry, sorry, I've just been busy. As such, I'll give everyone a nice little tidbit from Chapter 2. Keep in mind this has no editing or spell checking done, and is an entirely new scene not in the original draft.

Give me a few more days to run through everything when I get some time and it should be up. Some scenes are being removed for later usage, so some rework needs to be done near the end.

Hope you all enjoy.


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He heard the recruits coming up behind him, their exclamations of shock, disgust and terror as they came upon a sight that the Russian himself found displeasing. Although his reason for discomfort was far differing from theirs. He took a few steps forward as the un-Marked Deather Eaters behind him began to quickly babble amongst themselves, speaking rapidly in barely hushed tones . In any other instance Hedeon would have Crucio'd one of them to get his point across about staying silent but he couldn't tear his beady eyes away from the organic wreckage that had crashed into the shop counter. At first glance he could tell this had not been caused by any spell. His own love of using his bare hands to destroy someone could tell him that. It screamed all the tell tale signs. Everything about it seemed animalistic, impulsive and physically vicious. Not sharp and tactful like spellwork.

His uneasiness only heightened when he finally rounded the other side of the counter, the mutilated carrion telling him more than words ever could. Irons had been struggling intensely when his assailant attacked him. His arms were bent as if he had tried to stop his head's trajectory and brace himself to block what was coming. But whatever snatched the back of his head moved far faster and had him outpowered immensly. So much so that they had not only forced his head against the wooden frame, but just plowed his skull through to the point that they almost smashed his entire upper body through to the floor. His head, shoulders and neck had been torn apart in the simple, vindictive process. The Russian knew there was no way he could have done something like this, despite his power and size, so their was no fathomable way a normal wizard would have been able to.

That's when a thought struck him so hard he felt like he'd been hit in the gut.

Potter!

If Potter was involved at all than that would mean...

Hedeon quickly bent down, patting down the pockets and ignoring the gore that soaked the deceased shopkeeper's clothes. He growled in anger, shoving the body aside and rummaing through the trinkets that littered the ground. He stood up with a heave, his hard feature twisting into a harsh sneer. The artifact had either been taken from Irons' body, or it hadn't been on him during whatever confrontation took place. The Russian hoped, if only for his own sake, that it was the latter and the object was nestled safely somewhere within the store. If it wasn't, than he was almost sure the Dark Lord would find an interesting way to flay the skin from his body.

"Sir?"

Hedeon brought his attention back around when one of his convey called out to him in question. His sneer only deepened, causing the five cloaked figures to look amongst each other nervously. The massive Death Eater knew there was no way to tell where the shop keeper would have kept it and Hedeon was not keen on the idea of tearing apart the store in hopes of finding it. They had already spent longer than he wanted and the clock would soon be ticking against them. The armband charms could dissolve within the next half hour and it would take mere moments for his Dark Mark to bring an entire battalion of Ministry personel upon them. Granted, even if that were to happen, he could still easily slip out as these five began to fall under Ministry custody. They had no real knowledge of what was heppning here. It was the only reason Lord Voldemort would place them with Hedeon in the first place.

"We have search." he said with a deep voice and subliminal urgency. "Move fast."

Hedeon's anger almost came to a boiling point when he watched them give one another bout of nervous glances amongst each other. One stepped forward to ask him exactly what they were looking for.

The recruit would have spoken, had a pair of pale hands not reached out and seized the sides of his head

Hedeon's eyes widened in astonishment as the recruit was lifted off his feet and hauled off, screaming, into the darkness faster than any of them could even hope to react. The others clamored in alarm as pandemonium descended but Hedeon was already jumping over the counter, landing roughly and breaking out into a full sprint into the black abyss of a shop. He could hear the others yelling and giving chase, but it was far to dark to see where the un-Marked Death Eater had been carried off to.

Even though they could clearly hear his screams.

"MERLIN HELP ME! SOMEBODY GET IT OFF! LET GO OF ME!"

Hedeon almost skid to a halt as his head whipped to and fro, the others stopping behind him as the recruit's gurgling screams seemed to come from everywhere, punctuated by the tones of what could only be described as wet chunks of flesh being torn from muscle and bone. The female hollered out his name in the vain hope that he would coherently answer, but she was only rewarded with another terrifying high-pitched cry for help, accented with the sound of an aqueous barble. Hedeon's squinted in the blackness, attepting to focus in and locate the sonant of a living person being mutilated.

"Lumos!"

The Russian whirled about as they were all suddenly bathed in light.

"Put out!" he roared in desperation at the young dark wizard who held his wand high above his head. The light spell would give away their positions in a matter of seconds.

"But we can't see an-AHHHH!"

The wooden floor underneath him gave out as something bust through, grabbing him by the ankles and tearing him through to his chest. The store was awash with black once more as he lost the grip on his wand, arms flaring out as he barely managed to catch himself.. His back arched sharply as he faced the ceiling in a silent scream, blood pooling up over the floor and around his body as his lower half became shredded in the concealed in the crawlspace. One of the recruits leapt to his side, landing on his stomach and sliding against the floor as he snatched up one of his arms, recklessly trying to keep his companion from being pulled in. The witch slid next to him as well, her small hands grasping handfuls of his cloak before throwing her weight back as leverage. It was an effort in futility as their partner was yanked from their grasp in the deadly tug of war, screeching bloody murder as he disappeared below the fractured wooden ground.

Hedeon wasted no time in leaping over his stunned and frantically moving consorts, giving a blind chase to the foamy howls the young wizard emitted from underneath the floor. Whatever had him was dragging his body so fast that the Russian had to tear out into a run to keep up. He reared his wand up, blasting one bright blue piercing spell after another into the landing in a daring attempt to hit what could be attacking them. Each spell pierced the floor, sending boards, dirt and debris flying upwards with every successive cast. The floors exploded upwards, carrying with it the remains of the un-Marked Death Eater as it crashed into Hedeon. The velocity of the bloody carcass caught him entirely unaware, couple with him rearing back in shock, and the brutal faced man quickly found himself landing harshly on his back. He growled out as he shoved the body off of his chest, and his eyes shot wide as a creature bathed in black surged forth from underneath the floors and towards the ceiling in an inhumane bout of strength.

Hedeon bellowed out the second it latched onto the underside of the roof, a endless stream of green lit spells illuminating the darkness as he tried to hit what he could barely see. The other three recruits were at his side, several colors emphasising the array of spells they launched at whatever part of the ceiling they could hit. The figure moved with a horrifyingly supernatural speed as it crawled across the shoptop, slipping and out of the shadows as it dodged every spell that sizzled and cracked in its wake.

It didn't take long for them to lose sight of it and soon each of the neophyte Death Eaters were shooting spells in random directions, carelessly trying to hit something they couldn't identify. Hedeon all but threw himself up amid the anarchy, wheeling about and yelling at them.

"STOP!"

His booming voice broke through their sister haze of fright and panic, each set of terror-ridden eyes landing on him. He didn't meet their gazes, instead letting his eyes scan the obscure store as his mind worked overtime trying to piece together some semblance of a coherent thought. Somewhere in the attack the simple light at the far end of the store had been extinguished, no doubt symbolizing that the oil lamps were no more. The faraway sounds of the first wizard's cries for help and his body being torn apart had all but ceased, his blood curdling end presumably no different than the lacerated cadaver that lay only scant feet away.

"What was that thing?!" the witch squeaked out, falling back-to-back with one of the wizards, wand clutched in a death grip against her chest.

Hedeon didn't even toy with the thought of killing her for her outburst. Whatever was out there knew exactly where they were, no amount of critical stealth could change that.

A crack caught his attention, the tenor of wood breaking away from wood, and the sudden influx of air was enough to make the Russian move on impulse, flinging his towering body to the side just in time for one of the colossol rafter beams to shoot past him like a battery ram. The wizard and witch dove to the side as well, the wooden frame barreling past the spot they had just occupied. An inrush of air and debris accompanied the rafter as it careened past the majority of the group, crashing into the only unprepared dark wizard with the force of a train. The sound of his screaming, mixed with the concord of several bones shattering under his skin, flew through the air as the beam lifted him with its impact. His wail of anguish was replaced by the thunderous impact and imploding spatter as both rafter and wizard struck the far wall of the shop. Shelves and books cascaded through the air when the wall shuddered and shattered, spewing up a dust cloud that permeated the entire shop.

The brutal faced Death Eater righted himself, coughing as dirt and dust hung in the draft around him. All the anger and hatred inside of himself boiled over, spilling out into his actions. His wand arm swiped through the air at a madening pace, firing the deadliest dark spells he could think of. It wasn't long before he was calling out spells in Eastern Slavic, resorting to the evil arts of his long forgotten ancestors. The filthy brume swirled circularly around each spell as they were cast but it's cover did nothing against the Russian's tenacity, who fired off in every unseen direction. The final male recruit dove for cover again, narrowly dodging his field leader's own flurry of spellwork. He landed hard next to one of the bookcases, covering his head as an unknown magneta spell launched from Hedeon's wand, blasting away dozens of books and spilling hundreds of pages into the air.

The witch pulled herself up, running headlong from the fray as all ambition to help her companions was utterly crushed by the overwhelming drive to save her own life. She staggered between the shelves as she frantically made her way towards what she hoped was the front door. She almost squealed out in relief as she stumbled across its visage in the dusty haze, grabbing the handle in a death grip as she tried to pry it open. The handle didn't relinquish an inch as she tried to twist it in her hands. She yanked on it with all the strength her body could provide, before pulling out her wand.

"Alohomora!" she sobbed through shuddering breaths. The door didn't budge in the least. "Alohomora! Merlin please open this damn thing! Alohomora!" The invisible unlocking charm continued to splash feebly against the handle. Tears fell down her cheeks as she cried out in frustration, kicking the door with all her strength.

Her brown gaze grew in fright when a purple, devlish, glowing hieroglyph rippled into existance upon the doorframe, humming as it began to burn with a bright intensity. It was a circular pattern littered with a demonic script written in blood. Her hands flew to her mouth as she screamed, turning on her heel to make a mad dash back towards the middle of the store and towards the sounds of her remaining companions. She wasn't able to take more than three panic driven steps before the air surrounding her body warped, twisted and spun like a vaporous blender. Her shrieks for help were cut short when her torso burst, liquifying as it was diced in a thousand different directions.

In the center of the store Hedeon's casting subsided as he heard the witch's faint screams halting. What he suspected was his last remaining recruit stood up shakily, also staring down towards where he believed the witch had been howling.

"D-do you think she made it out?" the tremor in his voice almost on par with the tremble in his body. "What the bloody hell is going on?!" he cried out.

His answer was another blood written purple glyph shimmering to life underneath his feet. Both the young wizard and Hedeon watched in fascination as the insidious glowing rune began to trace itself right underneath the soles of his boots. The recruit went to jump out of the way, gasping out when his body went rigid with the paranormal spell. His hopeless struggles began to intensify as he fought against his ghostly bonds. Hedeon's hulking arms fell to his sides, watching his final recruit dispassionately. The Russian didn't so much as bat an eyelash when the hellborn ideogram finished it's self structured writing, its fanatical light brightening to a point that bordered on blinding. The young wizard's voiceless words were left as such when the spell burned upwards in a split second column of dark violet light, encompassing his entire body and crashing against the roof. It died out just as quickly, leaving nothing behind except a smoking scorch mark against the ceiling and the crisp remains of the wizard it enveloped. The sizzling disappeared the moment the rune on the ground dissolved out of reality, allowing the charred husk to crumble into a weak puff of ash.

The silence that followed was deafening. Hedeon braced his feet against the floor, not daring to move a single muscle as he tried to bring his ragged breathing under control. He could feel his heart smash against his ribcage in its breakneck attempt to supply his body with enough blood to continue functioning. He physically strained at the effort it took to try and burn away the hysteric fog that clouded his head. It took every fiber of his self control not to start blasting away at the interior of the store once more. Dust and grime began to settle, finally giving way to the scarce moonlight that shone through the tattered drapes on the stores front windows. Pages and parchment from the hundreds of thrashed books fluttered down in a rain of destroyed wizard manuscript.

His brow creased in intense concentration, beady eyes zipping back and forth across the broken illumination the moon provided. For every beam of moonlight there seemed to be a dip of deep blackness, creating a kaleidoscope of craggy tints and shades. Tears of sweat dripped down his iron maw as he tried to pinpoint any abnormal noise, any unnatural movement, or any irregular smell. Anything to give him the slightest hint at where the next attack might come from. A faint wooden clack captured his attention, the gentle noise a booming gong amid the static shop. His teeth grit as he forced his wand arm to stay still, afraid that any movement might mask his enemy's whereabouts. There was a subtle movement out of the corner of his eye and the Death Eater spun on his heel, wand arm snapping up faster than his brain could follow. But he once again faced nothing but the pitch black shadows that unknowingly hid his attacker.

Before Hedeon could divert his attention there was another small movement far off in front of him. He watched as something sailed through the air, its thin, brown form flowing inbetween the white and black contrast within the shop. He couldn't tear his eyes away as it made its trajectory, landing audibly against the wooden floor several feet away. It bounced awkwardly, both ends springing up and down before it slipped into a lazy roll. Its momentum carried it all the way to his boot, bumping softly against the studded leather and coming to a stop.

His eyes narrowed dangerously at the partially singed, cedar wand that rest against his shoe. A wand that most likely belonged to one of the unidentafiable bodies that now littered the tattered shop. A low, gutteral growl rose up from his sternum, filling the store with its brutish tone. He reared his foot up, slamming it down upon the wand and shattering the wizarding device to pieces. He looked up, inspecting where the wand had been thrown from and couldn't see any sign of life from where it originated.

He knew this 'game'. This was a hunt. A life or death round of cat and mouse. Whatever had killed the others, had been very particular in wanting to save him for last. To the point that it had even offered him a slight bit of assitance.

If that's what it wanted, than he would answer in kind.

His back straightened as one of his large hands moved passively towards his cloak clasp, snapping it open with a deft flick of his wrist. His shoulders rolled back slighty, shrugging the garment off and letting it fall down his arms and pooling around his feet. He was a beast of a man, thick patches of oversized muscle that seemed to overstrech his skin underneath his v-neck, sleevless leather vest. Every defined line of prodigious muscle in his arms and shoulders flexed in a display of unbridled strength. His knuckles lost all blood flow as he clenched his wand, nearly crushing the large wizarding tool as he brought it up to the bridge of his nose, murmuring softly.

"Nochye Vidyeniye."

A cloudy, neon green light pulled out from the tip of his wand and split in half, both sides travelling to either of his eyes. They splashed against his iris', coating his eyes with a pulsing green film that faintly radiated.

His perception shifted, a green screen dropping over his area of sight. It started at the top of his vision, slowing pouring down over everything he could see. Every pitch black area within the store became visible and unconcealed. The area's of moonlight became blinding and hard to focus on but they were so few and far between it barely mattered. He pulled his wand away from his face as the night vision spell finally fused with his own, finally giving him the ability to see everything. His feet spread slightly, mounting his body in tense preparation for anything that might come his way. He had refrained from using the night sight spell because it's casting length would have left him a mindless target for something that moved almost to fast to dodge normally. Even with the vision spell in place, he pressed all of his senses to pursue what could still be lurking. His green covered eyes raked over the shadows as he searched, taking some small comfort in knowing that any hiding places were now drastically reduced.

That's when he heard it, a slight shuffle of feet against the floor some distance behind him. He willed his body to stay still, gving no indication that he heard his hunter's movements and allowing himself to fall into the roll of 'possum'. With almost no forwarning, the shuffle quickly turned into accelerated steps of running. Hedeon had to strain even to hear that much, the noises so soft as it began to close in on him. Still, he held steadfast, not budging an inch and allowing the speedy steps began to move towards him. Every muscle and tendon in his arm flexed, waiting almost impatiently to lash out at his enemy before it could have a single chance. The running accelerated into the sound of sprinting that seemed to close in on him with a ferocious tenacity, no doubt intent to take advantage of his seemingly unaware state. A split second before the sprinting footfalls would have slammed into him, Hedeon let loose a bearish call, twisting his hips as one of his hulking arms swung around, fist closed in a backlashing hit.

His eyes flew open when his arm passed through nothing but thin air.

 

Cool, I can't wait fo it to be finished.