Title: Not Bloody Likely
Author: Nymphe14
Rating: M
Pairing: Harry/Patil Twins
Words: 244,607
Chapters: 24
Status: Abandoned
Category: General/Romance
Suggested DLP Category: Romance
Summary: After OotP, seventh year AU: With Remus and Dumbledore both gone at the end of his sixth year, Harry tries to take control of his life. Fate throws various obstacles in his path, including a love triangle with the Patil twins.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2496200/1/
Unformatted backup: Link


OK, I searched for this in Trash Bin, For Review, General Fics, and Romance.
Did not find it so I thought it might go well in the library.


Checked by Minion, Dec. 15, 2012
The story isn't available on ff.net any more, but Sesc found a textfile.
If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

I've seen this a couple of times, but the first chapter never really caught my interest. Not sure why...

 

Yeah, I'm reading this one right now. It could be better, but it has some nice non-cliche moments. For example, Harry dates Luna AND Ginny and doesn't fall madly in love with either one of them. He fantasizes about fucking Tonks BUT he doesn't end up fucking her. Finally a story that sounds like a normal kid in an abnormal world.

That said, there's plenty of stuff that could be done to make the story better. Examples: there are some funky wet dream scenarios that kind of creep me out, especially since they have to do with... wait for it... Moaning Myrtle. Eww. THEN Ginny and Luna are lesbians... I'm pretty sure that didn't happen in cannon.

All in all, it's a decent story... I'm somewhat enjoying it. I'd give it a 3/5

 

Edit: link now goes to a spam site so has been deleted.

 

/me gets excited, the pervert in him soon to be sated.

EDIT: Apparently Thalarian beta's this ^_^

 

It seems fine so far. Solid enough storyline, and I was thankful for the lack of Griphook.

But, and this is a big but... I really hate when foreign (including American) authors try to use British terminology and get it wrong, in some cases hopelessly.

For example, "Finish the bangers" is never something you'd hear. The phrase would be "Finish off the sausages." Bangers is only used in reference to one meal, and even then not as often as it used to be (Bangers and Mash).

The other is the use of "quid." In particular the following phrase.

This should be Money, or at a push, Notes. Quid is only used in terms of speech, and usually informally.

I realise I'm being pedantic over this, but seeing phrases used is ridiculous manners really detracts from my enjoyment.

Otherwise, it's not a bad story, and I'll carry on reading.

3.5/5

 

Not that impressive when it comes to reviews 13 chapters with only 76 reviews but hey its a rare pairing so I am off to read it

 

Putting stock in simple review counts doesn't dictate a stories quality or not. There's several authors out there that get hundreds of reviews and popularity for writing crap. (If you can call what xxxbloodyristsxxx gets...'popularity'.)

I was debating for a long time whether or not to post Cass' story but decided that at the moment it may not have been what she wanted. I do beta for her on occasion and give her some idea's and act as a sounding board when she wants some feedback. She's got good idea's floating around her noggin.

Review -

Personally, I liked the story from the start. (Been reading it since the first chapter was posted.) A nice, refreshing, promised pairing.

The Harry she portrays is also refreshing. Very smart, but not utterly brilliant and outsmarting people that are far older and wiser. Strong, but not Super!Powered. He has a more realistic feel and a three dimensional personality that I enjoy. He is a bit mature for his age but still acts like a teenager on occasion. Especially concerning his love life as he doesn't just become a Cassanova, but instead just acts normal and somewhat carefree. My only concern there is that he sometimes gets a little outwitted by others when it comes to verbal confrontations, but she saves it again by having Harry be no pushover when it comes to telling people off or speaking his mind openly.

One of the very few problems was there is a lot of AU backstory described within the story that gave it a 'sequel' feel. Most of it is explained throughout the chapters, but for a reader just starting out on it they might find themselves wondering if there was something they missed.

That of course ties in with the former Luna and Ginny romances. (As well as other topics that I won't spoil). There's a lot of explanations that he did in fact date them both, but you never get any first hand evidence and it's all described as 'in the past'. In a way, though, it tends to add to this kind of story rather than take from it. Once you get into the later chapters it gets a bit easier to follow and things start to fall into place a bit better.

There is, however, one scene that I absolutely abhor. (She knows which one it is. ) I won't spoil it either, but it was the only time I felt that she fumbled the ball a bit when it came to how Harry dealt with a certain situation. I almost felt in a way she didn't want to drag it out or didn't want to deal with it with the upcoming school year but there was a lot I wish she had done with it instead.

As for the rest of the story, it's very solid, has nice descriptions, a couple cliche's, and good personalities for almost all of the characters she brings in. Hopefully she'll get good critique's here that will help her refine her story that little extra bit for it to be great.

Nope, I'm not biased at all. ^_^

4.5/5

 

I agree but I also find in most cases other than slash the amount of reviews and their contents to be very reliable.
As for the story, I read the first 3 chapters and give it a 3/.5. It is just not that captivating.

 

I have got to say, I found it almost a chore to read. I don't exactly know why, but it just seemed difficult to stay with. I held out to 1/2 way through chapter eight and then decided that it reminded me of doing my expense report, except I was not going to get any $$$ at the end of the month.

The writing is fine, but the story is just not for me.

2/5

 

Hello, I am the author and I was kind of hoping to say under the radar, but I should have known better, especially with rare pairings.

Yeah, I know that I am in desparate need of a brit-pick, but I have had trouble finding one or keeping a beta for long. I think what part of my problem is trying to hard to keep it somewhat realistic that I have made it too verbose and boring. Also, it could be from enjoying long, drawn out novels and fanfics that explore multiple characters' growth and change. I am planning to do a major overhaul far into the future to tighten things up, but right now, I am having trouble keeping my chapters under 10000 words. Any assistance would be most welcomed.

And thanks, Thalarian, for the glowing review.

 

I actually rather like it, and the chapter lengths seem really good. I do tend to like longer length stories though.

The realism is what is keeping me rather intriuged atm. More realistic relationships with girls, and keeping Harry a boy, instead of overnighting him into an all knowing man that puts everyone in their places.

The only thing slightly getting to me is Harry's magical advancement. Its nice thats he's not turning super, but for me I like to see a story where Harry really get's shit done. We really havn't been shown the extents of his power yet, or how well he could hold his own. So hopefully you put something in soon so we dont see a huge leap from summer training level, to Dumbledore status.

One other thing, is that the DA seems to be turning more into Harry really teaching others, with assistant teachers. Before it was a everyone kinda learn together thing, including Harry. Now i get the vibe that Harry isn't going to be learning much from the DA. So I hope that isn't going to be effecting his own personal advancemnt.

 

I like how you keep putting small hints in about Harry being

Spoiler

an empath.

I've been reading it on the bus and it does get a little boring in places but I've enjoyed it and am waiting for the next chapter.

Your main problem is the lack of action, its all been about Harry/Tonks (and now Harry/Patil twins) so far with you skipping over any action bits in his training. Now I know its not an action fic but there should be at least some in there, otherwise its just the same old thing over and over again, despite the Patil twins .

Aekiel

 

So, I don't have enough magical action to appeal to the mass at present. The focus on subtlety (hints), information, interpersonal relationships, and transitional sections are making it a chore to read. So much for carefully-laid plans...LOL!

The problems I see is how much action and at what level so it does not seem contrived for my fic. I do have training sessions and DA meetings planned as they relate to the plot, plus they will be doing their own thing outside of Hogwarts from time-to-time. I am going to have to comb through my notes and see if they are too "twin-heavy"...

 

I definitely and very LOUDLY disagree! The relationships interspersed with the concerns of the oncoming war are a vital part of this fic. I am intensely intrigued by what's going on with the twins. What is Parvati up to - is she trying for a relationship with Harry, just a friendship, or what? How much of Parvati's actions and motives is Padma truly aware of? And just how much does Harry care? Is he in this for a casual relationship or for the long haul?

Of course, these kind of shipping questions may get me drummed out of DLP, but so be it! More twins - damn the consequences!!

Okay, you're using vocabulary here that's just plain out of my reach. What is "too twin heavy"? Just those words stuck together sound ridiculous!

Seriously, there is no other good ongoing Harry/Patil (either one) fic out there right now that I know of. The Harry/Tonks misfire (and the consequences to their work and friendship) is another completely unique aspect. Please don't change your formula or plans too much.

ZM

P.S. The Harry-Padma-feeling-magic-at-breakfast thing was toooo perfect. Good work!

 

ZanyMuggle, you put a big smile on my face and I hope you don't get drummed out! Let's face it—I picked a rare pairing that appeals to mostly males, but written in a detailed format that would repel them, hence the low number of reviews. Thankfully, I am not a review junkie...

Actually, I could post my story in the mystery catagory because of the questions and hints I have dropped, for example:

Why did Harry have a magical accident at sixteen, when he had not had one since he was thirteen?

What exactly was Voldemort planning to do?

How powerful is Harry and in what form(s) will it manifest itself?

What did his mother do?

Why was Lupin killed?

There are a bunch of others, but it would give too much away. I was hoping the first nine chapters would reveal this fact, but I may have screwed up somewhere.

The Moaning Myrtle part stays. I thought it was hilarious myself, but then I have a twisted sense of humor.

 

I'm an action guy. I usually prefer stories with a lot of action, mayhem, war and all that going on.

But every once in a while, I like to get a break by reading a more character and romance driven fic. Like this one.

4.5/5 from me. It was a fun read.. if a bit like a TV soap opera to an extent.

 

Sorry i just couldnt get past the first paragraph.

 

Well, personally I have NO IDEA what kind of problems these so-called "people" have with this story. I happen to think this story is paced damn well, and it's the kind of romance I like - one that pairs realism with the fun of sexy twin action. Speaking of which, how could you possibly have "too much" twin action? I agree, it's an contradiction in terms. So screw the non-believers, and keep up the good work - I want to see what happens next!

-J

 

I like this now. I stopped about halfway through what was posted, because I was losing interest slightly, but when I started up again, I enjoyed it. It's nice to read a story once in a while where nobody has died for several chapters. Though I'm sure there's some action coming soon.

My rating has gone up from 3.5 to 4/4.5 out of 5.