awesome chapter as always
a bit short, but now we get to see Dumble's more ruthless side
also the character dynamis between Poter and Black were great

the little anecdotes the two joke about is a great way to introduce the backstory of the former world they left

_MC

 

One thing that really bugged me is how everyone seems to drawl left and right. They aren't 19th Century Texans ( ).

Otherwise, it's pretty good.

 

I enjoyed it quite a lot in fact.
The dynamics between Harry and Bellatrix are extremely well written in terms of mannerisms. The small switches in POV open many doors for the plot to move in different directions. The darker personalities of the light canon side is also well done.

We all knew that moody was going to be a crazy after just reading the original books, what we did need not get in the books was the feeling that Dumble's can be as ruthless as any other Dark wizard when placed in a sticky situation.

Overall keep up the good work
4.7/5

 

I must say that this is the best Harry/Bella I have read in a while.
Dumbledore is fantastically portrayed, and Amelia is just awesome.
The Harry Bellatrix conversations are brilliant and always seem to make me chuckle. The two of them have been portrayed in such a manner I am left gaping and drooling with delight.
This last chapter has left me eagerly anticipating more.

 

Agreed, it gets annoying to see the Harry or Bella drawl for the 20th time, but other than that the fic is incredible.

I give it 4.5/5

 

The conversations and the little insights into other characters like Lestrange are awesome. There is wit and there is action and hard gritty action at that. Dumbledore's doppleganger was a touch of genius. If the dark side has Horcruxes, why shouldnt the light side have a similar thing within its 'moral' limits.

I love the way the characters are portrayed. Hermione's different possessive yet vindictive nature is a pleasent change from the typical bookworm/jealous bitch routine.

The look into the death eaters and some more instances where strategy of a magical battle is explained are a delight. Anyone can have power but power may not always be effective. The tactics used (like soul magic against transfiguration) and the strategy (air hopping Bella and Harry) were the best part of the story.

A 4.5 out of 5 definitely.

 

preview of chapter 18

Took a break from studying for finals at 4 in the morning to write this little opener to the chapter. expect the rest either this week if I go nuts from studying and need a break or in the beginning of May otherwise.

Huge bonus points to anyone who guesses what the chapter title is referring to. Only clue is that it has nothing to do with anything in this preview

enjoy, and tell me what you think


Chapter 18: You have to want it.

Hell, Narcissa decided as she absently traced her four thousand three hundred and thirty second protection rune into the unyielding dirt, was vastly overrated. Sure, it had been exciting in those first few desperate moments as the demonic hordes had rushed to claim her blackened soul, but, after they realized her vast knowledge or runes left them a few thousand screams short of eternal pain, they went in search of softer targets. Well, almost all of them went in search. There was this pesky arch demon who seemed fascinated with her. It had been flattering really, for the first two thousand runes. After that the joys of having a twenty foot tall, goat-headed, snake-tailed demon try to convince her to come out a play wore just a little bit thin.


If it had been a demon just a hair weaker she would have chanced coming out of the circle, runes blazing with the dark magic that was her heritage. Unfortunately the thing in front of her was just big, powerful and stupid enough not to die before the rest of the demonic horde realized her circle of protection was down.


She was far stronger than any lone demon, no question about it, but she had expended the last of the truly mass destruction runes that she would need to buy herself the nearly full minute it took to trace her circle into the ground if the demon horde came back to play before she could find a portal.


Still, she was a Black, and even if she wasn’t as crazy as her sadly deceased sister, enough was enough, it was time to go. Besides, her dress was really starting to smell from the blood her thrice damned cousin had managed to draw.


Drawing herself up to her full height she carefully curled her small hands around a trio of cold iron wrought runes. Runes were wonderfully unlike normal magic in that they didn’t really give a damn about the relative dark or light inclinations of the caster, only the material they were made out of.


The three cold iron runes held holy magic the likes of which would have burnt her blacked soul to ashes had she actually dared to invoke it with her wand. Normally she looked down upon such magics, and had even been considering removing them from her stash on principal. Luckily a Pansy had stuck her obnoxious head through the fire at just that moment. She’d have to thank the stupid little girl, demons hated the holy magic even more than she did.


Kill. The word echoed through her head accompanied by a delicious surge of dark magic. Ah the true blood of the Blacks. It was fortunate that she and Bella had found a way in their third year to prevent their marriage contracts from exchanging their gift for that of their husband’s family. It was an old tradition that ensured the ritual magic of each line was passed down, pure and untainted. It was one of the main reasons that marriage with mudbloods had originally been so despised. The filthy little creatures did not have enough dark magic in their veins for the ritual to seize onto and change. They would set the proud progression of a blood line back centuries.


Still, blasphemous as it was neither sister had been willing to loose the fire which made them who they were. She had, of course, played the deception of no longer being a Black far better than poor Bella. But, to be fair, her sister had gotten a far greater share of the gift. Bloodlust warmed her. It consumed Bella.


It was a pity that Draco had turned out to be such a disappointment, inheriting none of the Black blood’s savagery or the Malfoy’s cunning. It had made her wonder if there was a good reason that ancient lines were not actually mixed. Still, it was worth it. She was, after all, a creature wholly dedicated to herself.


Lucius trusted her, adored her in fact. In truth that suited her just fine. She found the elder Malfoy to be a fine embodiment of his blood lines better traits, and their alliance had been long and profitable. Still, if push came to shove...


Three seconds till the circle falls. She noted absently as she braced her feet against the blacklash that was coming. Two...one...”Palda!” She yelled the instant the circle fell, unleashing three blinding beams of golden light directly into the chest of the arch demon.


It fell to the ground, doing her neither the favor of dying quickly nor quietly. Its earthshattering roar shook the dull, red, underworld sky and was certain to have alerted Merlin only knows how many lesser demons. Amidst all the unholy howling the thing was still trying to right itself when she struck again, thrusting her wand forward and unleashing a massive silver spear which pinned the struggling demon to the ground.


Narcissia didn’t waste the time to watch the thing die as she forced herself to run in a most unlady-like manner across the blasted ground to the distant light of a portal. She hoped that it was one of the few that led back to the mortal world and not simply one that would take her deeper into hell. Still, it was worth the risk.


Her hopes were rewarded a moment latter as she noticed the glittering strands of golden magic that wrapped themselves across the entrance to the gate. A little gift to the demons for their idiotic decision to make war against the angelic hosts, the golden strands of holy magic would kill any demon who tried to cross them. Only mortals could safely move the restraints, albeit with great effort, which is what they did whenever they summoned a demon.


This time she didn’t have to worry about that as she simply charged headlong at the gate, ignoring the howls of lesser demons that drew ever closer behind her. Three more quick steps and she was at the gate, leaping forward even as her blood demanded she turn and do battle, rip apart as many of the enemy as she could. She ignored the thought easily, reminding the fire that raged within her that she was a Black, not a Lestrange. There would be another day for death, she placted herself with a contented smile as she fell through the gate back to the mortal world. Another day to take revenge on that damned cousin of hers.


-Malice?

 

Nice teaser, and, overall, one of the best on-going H/Bella's out there. Love the characterization, keeping Bella crazy = win.

You're writing style is smooth and easy to read, though repetitive sometimes.

Agreeing with the ones above me who mentioned you overusing the 'drawl' however.

Definitely eager for the next chappy, keep up the good work.

 

update

I just posted the new chapter, which contains about 5k words of pure Harry Bella. I hope you guys like it and any feed back is much appricated as it delves into an area where i have very little experience writting.

enjoy

-Malice?

 

I really liked the fact that Harry and Bella aren't jst happy with each other. You wrote their relationship really well.

 

Excellent chapter. Your Harry and Bella seem as if they were catered exactly to my tastes. Keep it up ^^

 

Very nice job on transferring the hatred to blind lust; even though the sheer sadism involved disturbs me, it is perhaps the best written transition that I have ever come across. Throughout the chapter you managed to portray Harry cracking extremely well; it didn't seem like a snap decision, but one of desperation. Great job on getting into Harry's mind. I am kind of curious what type of agreement they will end up with when the blood lust calms down slightly.

Great scene.

 

Great chapter, really dont have any critisims just a curiosity of what will happen now.

 

This story is the best Harry/Bella ever! The lust/hate relation is so well done! The fact that they live of the pain that they afflict to each other and therefor even if they hate one another they need each other even more is just so sick.

I am just wondering if you are going to make the relation softer, if after a certain amount of time they are going to really care for each other. I don't really know how I would feel about that, it will depends of how you will write it if it's the direction that you story will take.

It's really a pity that they are no other romance fic with Harry and a slytherin girl when they really despise each other at the beginning. Well there is one with Pansy Parkinson but I just don't like the girl.

 

i love it! honestly you could not have written either character any better, they are both still sadistic bastards and neither is the others lapdog, easily the best harry/bella fic i have read!

 

update

updated, finally even though I had to type the whole damn thing on a caffine high at 430 in the morning. The only thing I can really say for myself is that I beat the one year mark at least.

Anyways, let me know what you guys think.

-Malice?

 

The chapter has a few rough spots here and there, but over-all an excellent filler chapter until we get around to the Harry-and-Bella-will-destroy-the-new-world bit LOL Excellent use of liches and nice plot device to bring the dork lord back.

 

This is far and away the best Bellatrix/Harry interaction I've ever read. Thank God for the update.

 

Vlad pretty much took the words out of my mouth....

The chapter was good enough for a filler chapter, but you definitely need to work on getting back into writing. Then again that could be due to severe lack of Harry/Bella deliciousness.

I can't wait for the next few chapters with all the pieces on different sides finally coming into place. It is going to be very interesting to see how you progress things from here especially Voldemort's reaction to the mudblood whore.

My only concern- I really hope you don't take another year to update..

Homer