Title: Muggle Summer, Wizard's Fall
Author: canoncansodoff
Rating: T
Genre: General
DLP Category: General
Pairing: HH, RL
Status: WiP
Summary: A seventh year saga that begins one hour after Dumbledore's funeral. Harry gets some unexpected and unexpectedly useful help from the Muggle World...so much that wonders whether
the power he knows not is actually the British monarchy!

Chapters: 22 - Words: 67,688

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3421129/1/


This is a very good read to me nicely done and the author updates very frequently. I give it a 3.5/5 for now.



sorry about that knew I was forgetting something

 

Hrm...

How about a a link? Please read the posting guidelines...

 

I've been keeping up with this story for a while now and it seems to be a little extravagant in terms of how much money Harry actually spends. Also, I do wish there was more forward momentum in the plot. Most of it seems to be filler.

3/5

 

Canoncansodoff and I've talked a bit, he's got some interesting ideas. This is only the third story I've ever read where the Royal Family showed they even knew about the magical world. There was a one shot where Harry became a Ward of the Crown or some such, which freaked the Dursleys to no end, and a story called HP and the Witches Secret (both the longest harem story I've read and the largest harem, including some of the Royals).

Anyway, this story is fairly solid though I'm a bit wary of the money aspects and the half assed politicking going on. Harry's moving in very high circles (both with the Royal Family and with the Goblins) and seeing virtually no resistance. Also there is very little hard conflict happening in this story, it's all pretty soft and happening to other people. There's an attack at Privet drive, (stopped by the RAF), the Ministry (stopped by Aurors that Harry warned ahead of time), and one at a horse race (a few Dementors that Harry banishes without breaking a sweat), very soft conflict in which no one really ever gets hurt.

Despite my gripes, I really like this story and thoroughly recommend it to others. 4/5

BTW there version on PORTKEY is up to chapter 37, the copy on FFnet is slightly more beta'd (more like Gamma'd since he's already run it through a Beta and only fixed one or two tiny things that cropped up late in the story continuity wise), but it's unlikely you'll notice the difference.

http://fanfiction.portkey.org/story/6088/

Edit; oops, only up to 37 chapters. The notification email I got while writing this for 38 turned out just to be a note to go back and re-read a revised version of 37 instead of a completely new chapter.

 

While this story may have some interesting parts, I just couldn't find anything that held my interest in this fic. There isn't enough happening in terms of plot for me to give this above a 2.5 out of 5.

 

It was interesting, seems to focus a little bit too much on being rich and "magically" becoming well connected in the muggle world, and not enough on the magic side of things.

Somehow I feel that if Scrimgour and the ministry is really after Harry to that extent, that he wouldn't recieve carte blanche to cast spells. (Herman's "of age" presence allowing him to cast with her wand.)

Its a decent story - better than a big chunk of the trash on FFnet - I've only read up to chapter 22, hopping over to portkey to check out the un-beta'ed stuff, maybe things will pick up some. 3.5/5 for now, definately worth following to see what happens.

 

Its a good story so far, I've enjoyed the taunting of Vernon . Seems a bit heavy on the romance for my tastes, and I kinda expected Ron to blow a fuse over Harry/Hermione. Though maybe that's just me having read too much fanfiction.

I give it a 3.5/5 leaning toward 4/5 if some of the action sequences, that will inevitably crop up, are any good.

Aekiel

 

This was one of the few fics that was well written, but did not hold my interest.
I thought the scene at the Palace with the Grangers was to cute for it's own good, but I can't think of a different way. I take by the high ratings it picked up later.

 

Virail....interesting review. The portkey version has more than 1100 reviews and this is the first to criticize it as "extravagent."

Not so unique to imagine the Potter estate as one of the richer ones, is it? And much of the help provided by the Queen is financial, and it's not like she's hurting either.

I'd be interesting in learning which specific shopping sprees seemed excessive.

 

Boring.

Sorry for being so blunt but that's just how this story comes across to me.

I read a total of 19 chapters while waiting for something interesting to happen before getting bored and playing Sudoku.

By chapter 19 they have:

SPOILER Warning:








Met with the Headmistress
Met with the Prince
Met with the Queen
Met with a gay secret agent
Put the Dursley's in their place
Went to dinner with Hermione's parents
Captured Death Eaters in a pathetic version of a battle
Met up with Ron
Gone to dinner with Hermiones parents AND the gay secret agent.
Met up with Ragnok and Earnibbler

It took 19 chapters to do what honestly could have been done in about 11 or 12, far too drug out for my liking.

More bad things:

1. Named a character Radcliffe
2. Rushed the H/Hr Relationship, another one of those "Oh wow! *Epiphany/Lightbulb* After 6 years of friendship I JUST realized in the last week that I love my best friend, how bizarre!?"
3. Gave all of Dumbledores shit to 3 people total, all children, ever cross your mind that maybe in his 100+ years of life Dumbledore made some friends?
4. Fucked up the time-stream royally. X-Box? Plasma Screen TV's?


Good things:

1. Clever involvement of Muggles. The royals havent been done well yet so far.
2. Quite well written in terms of grammar and stylistically.


Not flaming, giving it my review from the way I saw it.

1.5 - 2/5

(oh and before somebody goes "but you didnt read the last 4 chapters" I lost interest in the story. If 19 chapters are boring, the story isnt worth reading the last 4, because you cant make up for 19 bad chapters with 4 good ones.)

PS: No hate based on the ship, since I actually ship H/Hr. It just wasnt well done in my opinion.

 

I've only read a few chapters of this story so far, and I highly recommend it to any member of DLP with an open mind. It's an original plot line, and a good attempt to make Post-HBP a lighthearted story. 5/5

 

personally i like this story, but in all honesty it moves too slow.

it is a rather "light" story (meaning lots of fluff and slow conflict) so i don't think it is truly DLP material.

 

Its too lightweight for me, no real conflict and the story is moving too slow. The fact that Harry had a breadown in front of the prince just because he talked about Dumbledore didn't help either...

 

Dear Nappie,

Blunt is cool, no offense taken.

1. 19 chaps cut down to 12? Probably, if I waited until I finished writing then went back and edited (or was a better writer and could stay taut on the fly). Live and learn, write and learn to write better.

2. Radcliffe was a one-off butler on the page for all of three sentences. Unconscious reference to Dan (honestly). At least the Grangers aren't Dan and Emma.

3. Rushed H/Hr relationship. Death and dramatic restructuring of one's world does (on occasion) force you to take stock of what's important in your life. So Harry wised up. Was JKR any more patient in the "build-up" (such that it was) to H/G in HBP? Did Shakesphere wait a few acts before Romeo and Juliet decided they liked each other enough to go out on a first date?

4. DD didn't necessarily give all of his stuff to the three teens. They weren't at a full reading of his will. And almost all of his money is to be spent defending Hogwarts. And they're teens, so what? Canon DD has expected Harry to act like an adult since year 1 (despite what he claims about wishing a happy childhood)

5. Timestream. Readers were warned at the beginning of the story that the timestream has been pushed back, so that Harry turns 17 in 2006. Slavish devotion to a perfect timestream is unimaginative, and overrated.

Ian Fleming published his first James Bond novel in 1953, and in the backstory had 007 joing British Intelligence before WWII started. That would make him at least 88years old in 2007. Did you review the latest James Bond movie and bitch about the fact that our favorite secret agent wasn't living in the geriatric ward and wearing Depends?

Glad to see you liked some parts of the story, at least.

 

"Its too lightweight for me, no real conflict and the story is moving too slow. The fact that Harry had a breadown in front of the prince just because he talked about Dumbledore didn't help either..."

Thanks for the review/comments. I won't apologize for the "weight" of the story. This is something my kids are reading...they want death and destruction all they have to do is watch the nightly news.

Oh, and while Harry did shed tears while talking about DD, he did it all of two hours after the funeral. Sorry if I didn't have him all chipper and happy-go-lucky (like he was in canon right after Sirius's death, right?"

 

I can't find this anywhere I normally visit, can you post a link?

 

Well, considering that Casino Royale IS the first Bond novel I'd have to say that nobody would expect Bond to be 88. Staying true to the novel, Casino Royale is the movie in which James is promoted to double-O status, rather than him joining her Majesty's Secret Service (The secret intelligence branch, known as MI6 or the SIS, Secret Intelligence Service.) In 1941 Bond entered WWII after lying and saying he was 19 years old. Bond joined the SAS and was in WWII from 1941-1945. He was then recruited by MI6, earned the rank of Commander, and gained 00 status after completing the two assasinations seen in Casino Royale.

(His birthday being November 11th 1924. Making him 82 rather than 88 )

Since Casino Royale is a prequel to the entire series, It's only expected that James would be fairly young.

Bad example when dealing with a Bond fan.


The primary point of this post is thus:

There was no significant need to alter the timeline, all that you got out of it was an X-Box, a Plasma Screen TV, and an easy way for Muggles to track Muggleborns.

I will say that the Muggleborn finding system was rather clever and well worked

 

Napoleon,

I agree that it's only reasonable to expect that the James Bond portrayed in the 2006 version Casino Royale be young. But was the story setting consistent with Fleming's timeline? Were all of the cars and gadgets and electronics that the new Bond used consistent with Fleming's backstory? No. We had a contemporary Bond wielding a Nokia 8800, driving a 2008 Aston Martin DBS and playing Texas-hold-em rather than Baccarat (sp).

Were the techno-toys "significant" enough to the story to justify altering the time line by 50+ years?

The fully-updated (chapter 37 is now up)but slightly rougher version can be found here: http://fanfiction.portkey.org/story/6088

The slightly revised ff.net version currently 24 chapters long is here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3421129/1/

I'm editing and revising one chapter each day on ff until I get caught up.

thanks for your interest.

Don't double-post -MS

 

For future reference, if you've nothing to add to the thread's discussion, just private message the individual you're asking a question. Although generally, if someone brings up a fic it's not that hard to sneak a URL tag in there (*hint, hint* the-caitiff and everyone else). But in case others ask, Harry Potter and the Witches Secret can be found in the files section of this yahoogroup: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Rotaryfile/

I think it's over 200,000 words with a fair amount of smut, but haven't ever glanced at it myself.

As for this fic, first off, canoncansodoff, welcome to DLP. It's always nice to see an author discussing criticisms of their fics on this board. Personally, I've only read probably the first 15 or so chapters and that was on portkey a little while back. I find myself agreeing with most complaints in that it is a lot of fic for not a lot happening.

The inclusion and use of the Royal Family is a very nice touch that I've never seen utilized this heavily before. An interesting touch, but not one that compels my interest for too long.

As for the Harry/Hermione stuff, well, I was reading it on portkey, so I half expected the sudden realization of 'I'm in love with my best friend and it is the perfect, complete, and totally understanding sort of love.' Throw a dart on portkey and odds are you'll get a roughly similar sort of romance. It's a completely viable and rational way for them to get together. Though their maturity is always a stretch to believe, I find the fics that aim for more realistic teenage relationships to be even more painful to read.

The complaint here is that, while not a horrible way for their lives to intertwine, it wasn't anything we've not seen before. It's like searching for a Harry/Ginny story where Harry tries to push Ginny away and the spunky slender little sister of his best friend won't let him. It's been done a time or two before to say the least.

On the other hand, the maturity you gave to Ron in the fic and his acceptance of Harry and Hermione as a couple was a welcome change from the usual portkey formula.

I've never understood people getting anal over the timelines. It's just the inclusion of muggle technology toys is usually a teenage author spouting off their favorite video games, or what style and size their dream tv is. You want to toss in a mention that the White Sox and Red Sox both managed to finally win the World Series, I won't care that according to the canon timeline Harry should've been 24 or 25 when that happened. I'll just wonder why the heck is there a baseball reference in the fic. Or why bother with an xbox and Plasma TV. And I really don't care what your favorite music is, even if it's what Harry listens to as he works out.

In this fic, it's come up a few times, but I remember it was primarily for watching spy satellites and heat signatures of people at the Granger's house (in one instance I recall at least). Didn't bother me. But if you spent time explaining why the 42" screens weren't enough and now they got 50" LCDs instead of Plasma because of the native 1080P resolution, then I might throw up a little in my mouth.

Overall, it is a pleasant fluffy little fic. The romance wasn't for me, but you can skim over it (much like I did) and you're left with a lot of exposition and Royal Family stuff. At least that's as far as I got. When I'm in the mood for something easy to read, I know I can pick this one back up as it is a very pleasant simple style, with good grammar, spelling, etc... I mean the author admitted he's writing it for his kids, so I don't need to fear stumbling across graphic incestuous non-con slash. I didn't get far enough to locate anything that I'd call compelling, and it's not really the sort of thing most DLPers will like, but it's not bad. And it is what it is.

3/5 for as far as I'd gotten.

 

The Cellphone - Made it so that bond could find the clue's in the text messages.
The Car - Was just sexy and needed to be there.
Texas-hold-em - Is a far more recognizable game to the current generation, not only more recognizable but also easier to understand.

I'm not going into any further discussion about Bond, the fact remains that the technology added served no purpose in this story *apart from the muggleborn finding system*


And please dont double post, just edit the post before.


Oh, and I thought I'd note that I'm really not saying any of this to be mean, these are my criticisms when it comes to the story, and even if you ignore most of them maybe you'll take some into consideration. This isnt about being brutal or anything of the sort, its only meant to try and make the story better and you a better writer.