It’s such a letdown. Boils away all of the chaos and intrigue as if it never really mattered.

Probably. I’ve never quite figured out how Martin was going to actually make his plotlines come together and then have them beat the undead menace without the event so of the first five books all feeling meaningless.

 

In fairness the books are supposed to end up wildly different with only the very end being much the same.

As a fanfiction forum we should probably be best suited to run with that.

 

The people who want to avoid spoilers should probably stop using the Internet now because the summary of the first episode just leaked from the guy who did the same in the past seasons. While this one doesn't have any really unexpected twists, it's probably a matter of time before the rest is spoiled too.

 

Just happened upon this retarded child of a fan theory.

 

Not even the craziest theory I've read this week. Someone actually made a convincing argument that Bran would legit travel back in time at the end of the series, not just greensight poke at the timeline, and become every important Brandon Stark in history, navigating all current events toward their destined outcome.

 

Spoiler

So the scene with the Umber kid nailed to the wall surrounded by dismembered limbs into a spiral; did that look like the Targaryen coat of arms? It would be an interesting bit of lore if so.

 

Spoiler

1. Tyrion: He he, you have no balls.

Varys: There is an entire army of eunuch soldiers outside that wouldn't hesitate to kill you at Dany's command. Are you sure you want to make that the first line of the season, you South Pole elf?

2. Cersei: So, Golden Company, do you have your elephants? It might actually be cool to see some fighting with elephants?

Captain Strickland: The show couldn't afford it, too much money on the dragons and that one really big battle later in the season. They're back in Essos, along with the interesting backstory behind the Company and everything connected to the fAegon plot. We're honestly just here to make you still a threat.

3. Qyburn: Hi Bronn, sorry to interrupt the HBO-mandated unnecessary sex and nudity scene, but Cersei just ordered you to kill Tyrion and Jaime.

Bronn: You mean she picked the one person in her employ that actually likes Tyrion and Jaime to kill them? Why not ask, say, the pirate lord that clearly would do anything to find her Lannister gold, if you catch my drift.

4. *While on Rhaegal* Jon: THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO RIDE THAT DRAGON!!!

5. Jon: I had to give up the crown to win Dany's loyalty, what else was I supposed to do?

Sansa: Marry her? The King of the North would be a respectable match for her, it would be a great compromise to bring the North to Dany without quite sacrificing Northern independence, and give you an excuse to do this lame falling in love spiel. Seven Hells, if the writers can't figure out how to write it, seemingly half of all ASOIAF Fics did that exact premise, maybe three of them are even good.

6. Dany: So you're Samwell Tarly. You're the reason that schmuck Ser Jorah Friendzone is still alive. I'm half-tempted to feed you to Drogon for that.

Samwell: In my defense, I was pretty miserable in the Citadel too. I took a whole season to get there, and all I did was cure Jorah and had Gilly find out that one really lame plot twist. While you're here, I don't suppose you can pardon me for stealing my family sword that I haven't actually done anything with yet.

Dany: Yeah, I kind of killed your father and brother. In my defense, they were both kind of morons. They didn't even seem to notice the sword was taken in the first place.

7. Samwell: Hi Jon. So it turns out Rhaegar's your real father, your parents were totally legitimately married (making you not a bastard), your real name is Aegon, you've been boning your aunt, and it turns out you're actually the real heir for the Iron Throne.

Jon: The hell!?! I don't know what bothers me more about this: Rhaegar divorcing Elia and marrying Lyanna makes him a selfish, boneheaded idiot, naming me Aegon when Rhaegar already had a son named Aegon makes Rhaegar an even bigger idiot, this presumes I would just forget Eddard was more of a father to me than Rhaegar ever was, or that literally anyone would actually buy this when your only shred of proof is some septon's book (which, again, only paints Rhaegar as a selfish, boneheaded idiot) and whatever the hell Bran has.

8. Bran: *stares*

Jaime: I'm sorry, who are you again?

Bran: I'm Bran. You pushed me out a window and left me a cripple all the way back in the very first episode.

Jaime: Did I? It's been 8 years since that episode, I honestly forgot. Seven Hells, that was so long ago my hair was still blonde!

 

That... was an underwhelming as fuck start for the big blowout season. Where did that 15 million per episode go?

 

If they had 10 episodes I’d say no big deal, but we got 6 and this one did feel kind like a drag. The big reveal to Jon about his parentage was underwhelming too. Best part of the episode was Rhaegal leering creepily at Jon and Dany while they kissed.

 

All worth it for Tormund's line. Blue eyes, indeed. Fantastic delivery.

Bran creepin' around is just making me lol at this point.

Admittedly, episode felt underwhelming. It was all dialogue scenes, and dialogue writing was kinda meh in places.

 

Spoiler

I wasn't expecting the genre shift into weird cultist shit but honesty I'm kinda digging it. TV needs more child sacrifice and demonic runes.

 

Spoiler

I was having flashbacks to NBC's Hannibal the whole time and it was great.

 

It's the first episode of the season. First episodes are always a letdown. I'm just glad it's back.

 

This, Sam's reaction to his brother's death, the interactions between Jon, Sansa, and Arya, and Sophie Turner becoming a total babe were really the only highlights.

The rest of it was hamfisted writing and dialogue, and a whole lot of really hammy awful shit. I mean Bran just staring at people, the whole awkward cutesy flight and soap opera romance, the happy character reunions that are practically smashing you in the face with their parallels ... it feels like a bad fanfiction at this point. I mean, watching them try and justify the events of last season is a whole other box of hilarity.

TL;DR: Sophie Turner is hot as hell, and I hated the rest.

 

I liked it. Disappointed it was only a damn hour long and there’s only 6 damn episodes. Probably HBOs biggest money maker why not make at least 8 episodes or make them a little longer? This was what I was expecting from the first episode though a lot of fluff and just getting some of the shit out the way to move it along.

 

I would've been fine if Tyrion, Varys, Davos, and Gendry didn't say a damn word the whole episode. Would've freed up time for more of Jon and Sam hashing out wtf was actually going on.

The scene with the Umber kid freaked me the fuck out, so props there. Thought Tormund was gonna bite it for a second.

Genuinely enjoyable for me. But I don't think I nitpick this show as much as others, being a relatively new viewer.

 

I think the huge fuck-off spoiler warning in the title is enough that we don't have to insert a spoiler in every post.

As to the episode, I just want to point out that shit like the dragon ride is where all the direwolf budget went into. I miss Ghost.

 

My sentiments exactly. Sophie Turner is super hawt.

 

One good part is that I'm really digging Jon's new look.