...It's been a while since I read the books, but that's looking like a very, very loose adaptation.

 

Wow. That looks.... not good. The whole first book was about Artemis being a cold little bastard and kidnapping Holly.

 

Yeah, it looks interesting, but makes Artemis too much of a good character. Meh. Guess it was too much to expect them to be willing to have an actual evil main character.
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Meh...on second rewatch...

 

Ditto. The whole draw of Artemis Fowl is that he's a conniving, barely reformed bastard, genius thief. The main conflict of most of the books is often from the struggle between Artemis's own avarice and being a good person (IE, not exposing/exploiting fairies for massive profit).

Making him and ROOT allies from the start completely obliterates that conflict. With this trailer I've gone from willing and even interested in seeing it in theaters to committed to not seeing it even on TV. What a fucking wimp-out.

 

I loved Artemis Fowl while growing up. I think I’ll avoid this and preserve my fond memories.

 

... Yeah what Innomine said. I'm gonna pass on it and leave my fond memories intact.

 

This looks like a worse adaptation than the Percy Jackson movies.

... I didn't think that was possible.

 

This looks fun

 

Well, it's happened. A worse adaptation of source material than The Last Airbender has finally been made.

And it's Artemis Fowl.

Holy shit. What a fucking train wreck. I cannot even begin to voice everything awful about this movie.

 

Thank you for your sacrifice. I'll not be watching it then.

 

Do you have read the books? Would you also say someone who hasn't read the books has the same experience or could it be watchable if you are not biased by the source?

 

I would say probably not. It is barely cohesive within its own narrative.

The child actors are painfully bad, and the garbage performances from all the adult actors save maybe Colin Farrell (who is just playing his usual 'I'm a whimsical charming Irishman' role) show just how many fucks Disney gave about this film.

The dialogue is awful. The jokes don't land. 60 of the 90 minutes are spent on rote world-building exposition. Basically characters having conversations for the sole purpose of explaining the setup to children with very low attention spans. The story is cherrypicked from the books and strung together in a choppy, haphazard way that will baffle your average filmgoer.

The special effects are decent. That's the nicest thing I can say about it.

 

Did they actually make him not a villain?

 

He does not commit a single crime throughout the movie, baring like a 15 minute period where he detains Holly (in the literal next scene they're bffs). He's not even particularly rude/blunt/nasty. There is one particular cringey moment right at the start where his father is accused of being a criminal on TV and he has a whiny child shitfit "MY FATHER IS NOT A CRIMINAL. WAAHHHH HE'S MY DAD! HE'S MY DAD! HE'S NOT A CRIMINAL!"

Book Arty would have Butler toss this child off a cliff.

And then at the end he has the fucking gall to put on his shades CSI style and say smugly "I'm Artemis Fowl and I'm a criminal mastermind" before the cut away.

Honestly, it is fucking atrocious writing.

 

Literally worse than M. Night Shyamalan's legendarily dogshit Avatar: The Last Airbender adaptation, because at least the latter follows the general plot of the source material.

aRteMiS fOwL tHe mOviE takes out everything fans loved about the books - the brilliant, amoral 12-year old Hans Gruber protagonist; the thrilling sight of watching the bad guy win through audacity and wit; the steady growth of the main character as he learns to live and love - and replaces it with pony-fucking dick-ripping weapons-grade manure.

This movie's very existence is a crime, and whoever wrote the plot needs to be shot.

 

Cannot believe they will shell out for this tripe but Tron 3 got canned.

 

If you all haven’t seen it, Spike Lee’s Da 5 Bloods on Netflix was well worth the watch

 

Artemis Fowl spoilers, obviously

 

That's so fucking sad. I wanted it to be good so badly.

 

Unfortunately, none of that was exaggerated for humorous purposes. It's literally just a description of the movie.