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Funny Pics? No Malarkey!

Discussion in 'The Humor Mill' started by Arthellion, Dec 2, 2019.

: 5/5, 3 votes

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Mar 14, 2020 #441

"It all averages out, shit happens two to three times a week, ordinary people do it in the median." Tim Dorsey, "Orange Crush"

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Mar 14, 2020 #442

EDIT: Honest Government Ad

EDIT #2:

Last edited: Mar 14, 2020

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Mar 14, 2020 #443

Edit: Thank you, Aekiel.

Last edited: Mar 14, 2020

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Mar 14, 2020 #444

Quentin said: ↑

Click to expand...

You need to use the .jpg link rather than the /4nPUFEv one.

Custer said:

We're holding out for more SasuNaru goodness.
Click to expand...

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Mar 15, 2020 #445

Last edited: Mar 15, 2020

Faith.

I don't know when you gave it up, lost child. Were you never loved when you were young? Did a woman spurn you, or did the system beat you down? What hardships drove you, controlled you, until you came before me today?

It's hard to keep faith when I see children like you, broken and despoiled, then tossed aside when their purpose is finished. Oh yes, my boy, you're hardly the first ringleader I've seen down here, and you might yet not be the last. You’re full of fire and fury, just like all the ones before, but you and I both know that it’s a hollow feeling. There’s a faith-sized hole in your heart, and no amount of Warp-spawn will fill it.

You don’t have faith in the Imperium. You don’t have faith in your fellow man. You can’t even believe in love, or hope, or joy and despair that doesn’t come from an alien abomination. You can’t see the ocean of corruption, yet you’re drowning in it. You’re lost in the wilderness, little child, and only you and the Emperor can know how deep you’ve sunk.

Other lost children have asked me why I stay. Minister of a sad little church, shepard of a tiny flock, drowning in the greed and corruption from above - I’m just one man. I stand here fighting a battle already lost, with the hive in flames, the Governor and his cronies dead, and the black ships standing watch above. Perhaps there is no point to this mad universe; mayhaps it truly is a galaxy spinning adrift from rhyme or reason.

Yet the Emperor, for all his power, was just one man. Horus the Betrayer, Saint Sebastian Thor, and even humble Ollanius Pius were all just men. You are one man, as am I. Each of us may be saints or sinners, as we make of the lives given us.

I look at you, strong in Warp-borne mutations and diseases, and all I can see is weakness. You were so frail that when hardship bore down on you, and when this harsh reality sunk its claws in, you bargained your immortal soul away for relief from a little pain. Your physical strength cannot hide your spiritual weakness: where better men stood fast and died proudly, you sold out your Emperor and your fellow man for your worthless life.

So come fight me, lost children. We’ve all made our choices, and now those choices have made us. I shall bring you into His light with cleansing flame and prayers, and redeem us all in death. Come one or come all, you shall not put a foot into this hallowed ground while I still draw breath.

For I have faith, and that is enough.

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Mar 15, 2020 #446

And finally, a message from us introverts:

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Mar 15, 2020 #447

Faith.

I don't know when you gave it up, lost child. Were you never loved when you were young? Did a woman spurn you, or did the system beat you down? What hardships drove you, controlled you, until you came before me today?

It's hard to keep faith when I see children like you, broken and despoiled, then tossed aside when their purpose is finished. Oh yes, my boy, you're hardly the first ringleader I've seen down here, and you might yet not be the last. You’re full of fire and fury, just like all the ones before, but you and I both know that it’s a hollow feeling. There’s a faith-sized hole in your heart, and no amount of Warp-spawn will fill it.

You don’t have faith in the Imperium. You don’t have faith in your fellow man. You can’t even believe in love, or hope, or joy and despair that doesn’t come from an alien abomination. You can’t see the ocean of corruption, yet you’re drowning in it. You’re lost in the wilderness, little child, and only you and the Emperor can know how deep you’ve sunk.

Other lost children have asked me why I stay. Minister of a sad little church, shepard of a tiny flock, drowning in the greed and corruption from above - I’m just one man. I stand here fighting a battle already lost, with the hive in flames, the Governor and his cronies dead, and the black ships standing watch above. Perhaps there is no point to this mad universe; mayhaps it truly is a galaxy spinning adrift from rhyme or reason.

Yet the Emperor, for all his power, was just one man. Horus the Betrayer, Saint Sebastian Thor, and even humble Ollanius Pius were all just men. You are one man, as am I. Each of us may be saints or sinners, as we make of the lives given us.

I look at you, strong in Warp-borne mutations and diseases, and all I can see is weakness. You were so frail that when hardship bore down on you, and when this harsh reality sunk its claws in, you bargained your immortal soul away for relief from a little pain. Your physical strength cannot hide your spiritual weakness: where better men stood fast and died proudly, you sold out your Emperor and your fellow man for your worthless life.

So come fight me, lost children. We’ve all made our choices, and now those choices have made us. I shall bring you into His light with cleansing flame and prayers, and redeem us all in death. Come one or come all, you shall not put a foot into this hallowed ground while I still draw breath.

For I have faith, and that is enough.

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Mar 16, 2020 #448

"Everything about you seems like Chaotic Evil. " -Majube, pronounced Mah-jew-bay

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Mar 17, 2020 #449

Sree said:

when you look into your mom's eyes, scott
can you tell how disappointed she is that she has you for a son
Click to expand...

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Mar 17, 2020 #450

Bingo. Now I just have to wait for awinarock to post and I win.

Have Australian citizenship, will sham marriage for $$$.

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Mar 17, 2020 #451

It's the current year and people still can't tell the difference between sex and gender... Is that the joke?

"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit." - Oscar Wilde

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Mar 17, 2020 #452

I think at this point it's pretty clear Scott is the joke.

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Mar 17, 2020 #453

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Mar 17, 2020 #454

"Everything about you seems like Chaotic Evil. " -Majube, pronounced Mah-jew-bay

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Mar 18, 2020 #455

Amphetamine powered.

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Mar 18, 2020 #456

Oof.

I won't deny it got a chuckle out of me, but still. Oof.

“Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past.”
Click to expand...

― Jean-Paul Sartre, "Anti-Semite and Jew"
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Mar 18, 2020 #457

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Scene: a fairly average cemetery, basking in the last rays of the mid-autumn sun, 70 F and not a cloud in the sky. A man, nondescript, wearing sunglasses that were popular several summers ago, but were more likely picked up after that fact, opens a gate that has seen better days. Miraculously, no metal whine occurs as he does so. All the same, he leaves it open, though whether it is out of fear of the grating sound or out of negligence is unclear.

He moves with less purpose than usually seen. It is as if he is looking for someone, but, being unfamiliar with this particular cemetery, he is momentarily lost. Yet soon, he finds a trail, and picks up the pace, moving with purpose to end up in front of one of the most recent graves. He takes in the sight: flowers, lack of tombstone - it is too recent a passing - and the wooden plate with engraving that serves as it for now. He lowers his head, offering a silent prayer, or perhaps thoughts, before leaving something of his own.

It is an engraved piece of wood, similar to the tombstone, but smaller, and far more intricate. Eagle-eyed viewers easily make out the sloth hidden behind, but the circle and large stripe across make no sense to people not in the know. As it should be. After that, the man leaves. Yet, those closeby might hear a whisper on the wind. "Finally, Arthellion is banned."

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Mar 19, 2020 #458

Zenzao said: ↑

Click to expand...

@Zenzao : This is the Way... to cosplay with your kid.

Dog can't figure out why owner is home during the day:

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Mar 19, 2020 #459

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Mar 19, 2020 #460

startrekfan said: ↑

Click to expand...

5 years to think about it and that's all he came up with... Creativity: -2000.

"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit." - Oscar Wilde

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Funny Pics? No Malarkey!

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Funny Pics? No Malarkey!

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