Lol was this the one where Harry also had a Sharingan. The two concepts go together in my mind for some reason.

 

Haha, that sounds unbelievably stupid.
Now I can't get the image of some kind of knock of sasuke making sweet love to wonky out of my head.

 

Fuck me if I'm not exactly the kind of degenerate that would read that, for variety's sake if nothing else... Goddammit DLP, I feel like this is somehow your fault!

 

It's all about the movies in my opinion. Book Voldemort looks like a demonic snake-man with red eyes & a shrill voice. Movie Voldemort has Ralph Fiennes' dreamy baby blues for fans to stare longingly into while listening to his smooth deep voice.

Bellatrix is played by Helena Bonham Carter who was at her all time curviest due to pregnancy & breast feeding, so Bella became a sex bomb to a lot of people. Plus, while she is definitely crazy, that can make a story more fun. Unfortunately, it seems like most people wave away the evil part by having her forced into becoming a Death Eater with lame crap designed to make her more sympathetic (it was all Rudolphus' fault because he used the Imperius, and usually, he raped her too).

In other words, same deal as why so many people are obsessed with throwing Snape, Draco, or Hermione into their pairings, despite making them wildly out of character most of the time. I think Malfoy & Hermione are particularly the stand outs because so many young people had some of their first big celeb crushes on Emma Watson or Tom Felton.

I think Krum also gets a lot more love in fanfics due to his actor being more attractive than in the books. Book Krum is surly, grumpy, has a heavy neaderthal-like brow, and is said to be somewhat physically awkward when not on a broom... not to mention the fact that he's apparently only attracted to jailbait.

 

And that's why you never reread the old fics you loved at 15

Is it bad that I'd totally read that? hahahaha

Rule 34 fics are awesome from a "shit and giggles" pov ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'd take a Trelawney/Firenze over a Harry/Ginny/Hermione/Harem any day... or a HogwartsElves/Winky where they teach Winky how to love being a castle elf through the power of orgies friendship

*Nods enthusiastically* Could not agree more.

Going solely on the actors I'm more surprised there aren't Voldie/Harry/Bella threesome fics (or maybe there are tons and I just didn't come across them).
Still, those convoluted pairings (Draco, Snape, etc.) always feel very out of character and don't usually work unless the fic is AU.

 

Some people just have a hankering for saggy Azkaban titties. Don't kinkshame.

 

As an avid Harry/Voldemort reader, I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about. The vast majority of my faves paint LV as the evil monster he is.

 

Enemies to lovers~ the highest class of romance

 

As someone who actually reads romance novels unironically (the key is to find the good authors who have the formula down pat and are known for making distinct side characters who often get thier own series) the enemies to lovers trope tends to work fairly well if it involves members of the opposite side, but don't actually have any personal animosity towards the other besides familial/territory obligation. Usually this includes readily seeing the worst in a person either because of/or despite evidence to the contrary.

The best case example of this is Pride and Prejudice. It's literally there in the title.

The reason why the Voldemort/Harry pairing falls flat (at least for the majority of male demographic) is that Voldemort deliberately set out to kill Harry personally. As a baby. And then was going to give his mother out as a toy as a reward for his servant, but then promptly went back on that promise once she turned out to be too noble to live. There is no value in Voldemort's words. He's not noble. He's a charismatic liar and he rewards his allies with pain and death. Everything he touches ends up worse afterwards.

Now there are people who enjoy that sort of tragic (corruptive) love story, but it's literally a case of too stupid to live. Most dudes don't wanna read about a protagonist too stupid to live.

On the other hand, that doesn't take away from the fact you also, somehow, still have dudes who believe in the power of "Dick will make her not crazy" is beyond me. Which also means that most Harry/Bellatrix are nonsensical. At best. And you have to try really really really really really hard to make work. And it would probably involve time travel.

 

I find it a little ironic to see this thread on a site dedicated to the darker side of HP.

I think there are a lot of reasons that people write various pairings. Some authors are just having fun with a crack ship; some are using it to work out their demons; some are exploring their own dark side; some just want to tell a good story. Not every relationship is healthy, and not all people in relationships deserve them.

There’s also something appealing in the fantasy of showing someone your worst side—and being loved anyway.

 

I think this sounds pretty interesting, just without the boning. Explore how the elves got that way, what is their culture, why has the Wizarding world covered it up (cuz they wanted slaves, you know?) and how "high elf magic" is different from wizard magic.

 

I do kind of miss the times when the Harry/Fleur community + thread was alive and thriving and when the Ginny Rapeoff and Kill!Hermione threads were a thing. Not because I actively engaged in them or anything but there was a certain grimy charm when you have people feel so strongly about things that are essentially a niche area of a niche area of a niche area. Pashun or whatnot.

 

Actually, I think you will find that the highest class of romance is when god directs you to marry someone.

 

Or God gets directly involved.

 

While I agree with you that he could be attractive and he could talk almost anything into anything, that still doesn't make a reasonable romance story. He's still a sociopath incapable of loving or caring for anyone. It would instead be a story about someone falling for a dangerous sociopath and presumably the end result of such a thing (actually not a bad idea).

I guess you could also make him not a sociopath, but at that point he's not Voldemort.

 

Harry/Arthur/Molly all the way.

 

He's only a dangerous sociopath if thats how you write him. You could quite easily take the edge of it by saying that the multiple horcruxes damaged him pushed him over the edge onto full blown psychopathy, and that when the diary was destroyed the soul fragment fled back to the main remnant in Albania and basically reset his operating system to an earlier version.

Or as you say, the story of someone falling in love with a person who is literally incapable of loving them back, leading to a potentially nasty end, sounds like the sort of thing that would sell well to a certain demographic.

 

...So, when God marries you? Or divine one night stand a-la Virgin Mary?