The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v4.0

KeshinNoAkui · Jan 5, 2007

1. Oh! Gods I'm straight by quintin grey reviews

Harry's gay and is best friends with Fleur. he realises his straight and falls for fleur. complete.
Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5727 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 1-3-07 - Published: 7-21-06
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I thought about posting this in Bad Summaries, but I think this fits it better.

That, and I wanna see how badly people blast this fic. =P

Eleanor · Jan 5, 2007

Quidam said: ↑

Woot! Go us!

And once you think about it, it's really not that hard to find horrible written fic in the HP fandom. It's kinda sad.
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Of course it's not at all hard to find! Go to FF.net and you'll find some really crappy ones on the first few pages.

Krull · Jan 6, 2007

1. Oh! Gods I'm straight by quintin grey reviews

Harry's gay and is best friends with Fleur. he realises his straight and falls for fleur. complete.
Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5727 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 1-3-07 - Published: 7-21-06
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Meh....if it involves a Harry/Fleur pairing it couldn't be that bad.....right?

DreamRed · Jan 6, 2007

Meh....if it involves a Harry/Fleur pairing it couldn't be that bad.....right?
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I guess that depends if he keeps the fairy voice. "Oh Fleur darling, you look just absolutely scrumptious today." But huh...what a weird reversal of the standad fangirl plot.

Hadoren · Mar 21, 2007

Merge They Soul by Neffiedrake
Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=5334

My comments in bold.

Now, what those people did not know was that Harry Potter was no normal person.

He was a wizard. (No wai!!!!! I wonder how many fics have given this exact line. Peoples, it gets old fast.)

A very angry wizard, to be precise. (WARNING: THIS FIC IS NOW A SUCKY INDEPENDENT!HARRY.) After being robbed of his godfather (who he barely knew) and then hearing of the "betrayal" of his beloved mentor, (Strangely enough, it seems that Dumbledore didn't betray Harry, according to canon.) Harry Potter was in a rage. He hated Voldemort (The author excels at stating the obvious.) and wanted nothing more than to just end the fiend’s existence (Once again, no wai!!!!! Like we didn't know that from the beginning of Harry Potter.) and stop all of his nefarious plans.

He loathed the Order of the Phoenix. (Wtf?) After Professor Dumbledore had told him the prophecy, he had lost control for a short time, (Kid, stop repeating canon. We know what happened.) but afterwards a lot became clearer, at least that was what Harry thought. The intricate manipulations of one Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, (What manipulations?) making the wizarding world believe him to be some kind of new Merlin. (Is the him Albus or Harry? Basic comprehension mistake in writing.)

He was powerful, no question, but his inaction until the key figure on his chessboard (Stop the fuck with the chessboard analogies. A billion stories have them. Think of something original.) was attacked, (What inaction? Are you talking about Fudge or Dumbledore? Cause, if I'm correct, he was doing lots of things to stop Voldemort in OotP.) showed, in Harry‘s opinion, how manipulative the old man was. (This makes no sense. A person is manipulative because he does nothing?)

The order only sat on their butts, talking, talking and discussing "You-know-who" and his movements. This did not help a bit in his opinion. Even after the skirmish in the Ministry of Magic they went back to sitting in their dark meeting rooms and acting like a bunch of chickens. (Paraphrase: The Order does nothing. Except when it fought Voldemort just a few days ago. Oops, I just contradicted myself.)

At first, before his anger had become uncontrollable, he had tried to get his friends to lend him support, to ground him a bit...

His friend’s lack of sensibility led him to believe that their friendship meant nothing. In his mind, they had betrayed him. (Umm...apparently in Book 2 the exact same thing happened. But the friendship was still there after that.)...

The wizards and witches of the world were sheep; they were easily turned against anyone. (And how many stories have this same exact sentence?) All it would take was a few articles painting him in a bad light and he would, once again, be the pariah of the Wizarding World. He despised them.

The Dursleys were, of course, their usual charming selves, continuing to earn his hatred.

His once red hot rage had cooled, leaving behind a very calm, but still irrational Harry. He knew that his foolishness had cost him valuable time. So he began to study. (One question: How many damn cliches are there in this story?)

That was three weeks ago, he had reread his school text books for charms, transfiguration and potions from year one upwards only to discover how much theory he had missed...

Currently he was reading a book about dark creatures, how to summon them and such rubbish. He had taken the book out of the library shortly before the department of mysteries fiasco and had not returned it to the restricted section. (I never knew Hogwarts had books on how to summon demons, especially since those books don't mention Horcruxes. I'd thought for sure Dumbledore would take care of it.) He had supposed that a 'finite incantatum' was an obvious way to get past the charms on the restricted books (It isn't since it's so obvious.) and was right for once. (Lawl! The author comes up with the most stupid magical defenses. Even a first year can now get into the section.)

He just read about a creature called "Daemon of Hades", evil souls of perished villains in representations of their bodies, who, when summoned, would give the bearer something that was not described in any way. (Strange, I thought demons don't exist in Harry Potter.)

There, below the description was a hand-written note. His forehead creased, what kind of information was, 'Come forth, soul of the perished, Thy eternal torment hath ended. I am willing to pay thine price. Empower me with thy gift!' (How come Voldemort hasn't summoned a demon?)

"Sounds ridiculous…", murmured Harry and then read it out once, contemplating what fool invented this fluke of a ritual.. (It is ridiculous. What kind of ritual can be done by reading a few words?)

Haaarryyyyyy Poooottterrrrr... Your drive for vengeance is... encouraging... (If I were Harry Potter, right now I'd scream and slam the book shut.)

"What? Who‘s talking?", said Harry, slightly afraid of someone knowing about his plans. (But apparently Harry is just a dumbass.)

I am who I am.... You don‘t need to worry about me betraying your secrets. Are you willing to pay the price for power? To humiliate and then destroy your enemies? To make them tremble at your feet? (Hearing voices after summoning a demon = BAD!)

"Who are you? More importantly, what and where are you?” asked Harry, wondering if he had some kind of a hallucination. (A demon, duh, considering the fact you just summoned one.)

"My name is of no importance to you. Be assured that I am a friend and if you did not notice, I am right her," said a male voice behind Harry, who turned around as fast as he could.

"How am I supposed to know that you are not here to hurt me? You could just be some insane plot devised by Voldemort," challenged Harry, struggling to keep an emotionless expression on his face.

"I am not here to harm you, little one, do you think you would be alive had I intended to kill you?" chuckled the figure, shaking it‘s head, which was surrounded by a white-silver hue.

"Prove your intentions!"

"If I had any thoughts of harming you the blood wards around this place would have expelled me immediately." (Except for the fact that maybe you're lying about that.)

"What was the price and power you talked about before?" asked Harry, tapping his foot impatiently. (Trusting voices in your head now, Harry?)

"Don‘t be impatient, boy! The price will not hurt you; the powers, however, are unfathomable." (So goes every speech where somebody makes a deal with a demon and then lives to regret it.)

"Will I be powerful enough to defeat Voldemort?"

"That powerful and more, boy,” the Daemon chuckled darkly, “I swear it by mother." (Super!Harry approaching at 100 miles per hour.)

"Who is this ‘mother’ person you keep mentioning?" (Motherfucker)

"That is of no consequence, however let me tell you that your body will strengthen and your magic shall grow."

Harry missed the look on the strangers face, had he seen it he would have started to back out of the deal very slowly and carefully. The look practically shouted: "I am evil, you will help me!"

"Will I change?"

"Do not fret, you will like it. At least after it is over. Come now, I give you a chance of a lifetime, to free yourself from the bonds of society! Throw off your leash and show them your true power!"

"Alright… I accept... I will pay the price. I will do anything to have my revenge!" a flash of light surrounded Harry and he looked around in confusion, not even thinking about the importance of his words. (Angry teenagers who do stupid things like summoning demons deserve to die.)
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This was as far as I could get in the story. I rapidly scrolled down past to see the comments. While doing this, I saw that the author had attempted - and failed to do first-person and second-person. I also saw some words in CAPS-LOCKS, which I'd bet my life are when Harry Potter yells at Dumbledore.

In the first page there are so many logical inconsistencies, ideas done to death, and grammar/spelling mistakes that I feel a headache coming up.

In conclusion. Utter fail. The story loses. To the author: Go kill yourself for even thinking about this story. It's so stupid even George W. Bush couldn't have thought it good. But before you do that, go fuck yourself long and hard. Long and hard. With something sharp and pointy. While thinking about what mistake your poor parents made while raising you that caused you to burden the world with your disgusting presence.

0.5/5

MysterioX · Apr 19, 2007

check this out "Lure of Darkness"
I refreshed the page three times to make sure it had loaded correctly.

Manatheron · Apr 20, 2007

MysterioX said: ↑

check this out "Lure of Darkness"
I refreshed the page three times to make sure it had loaded correctly.
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I came, I read, I reviewed:

-(Blinks)-

I would strongly suggest reworking this one. We know from cannon that Snape is 'The Half-Blood Prince'. Anime crossovers with Naruto (Yes I read it)Tend to suck because the worlds are too different to mesh properly. The thought that harry would join voldimort is rather ill concieved... unless it's to get close enough to stab him with a baslisk fang... and the thought that nobody would have thought to check for a kidnapping for over three years is ludicris. I assure you they would have torn the magical world apart looking for him, and then probably the muggle one as well, and THEN they would have had Dobby look for him, and I really doubt that voldimort can block house elf magic. and even if he could... Harry is the hero. he doesn't join the opposition, he doens't back down from a fight and he's strong enough to toss off voldimorts 'Imperious' as a fifth year. (Proven Cannon btw)

Oh yes, and before I forget, a paragraph does not constitute a chapter.... Did I miss anything?... Probably... oh ya, EMO!Harry sucks. I strongly suggest a re-write.
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Did I miss anything? I was going to just go sit in a corner and weep (Wrist//) but I couldn't just let it pass considering the other two reviews he got, though crappy, told him to continue.

Why must the world be full of stupid people?

nonjon · Apr 20, 2007

Manatheron's review: 2 paragraphs
The entire story so far: 1 paragraph
Manatheron's review: 186 words
The entire story so far: 179 words

And my favorite part of the 143 words of author's notes (that combine into a giant 322 word post) was this: Also this chapter will appear in another chapter later in this story.

The-Hyphenated-One · Apr 25, 2007

Dark Lord Potter by Adevilinthedark reviews

After being told the prophecy, Harry goes on a learning frenzy. However, during the school break, Harry gets captured by the Death Eaters. HHAREM SuperCharacters
Fiction Rated: M - English - General/Action/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,012 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 4-24-07 - Published: 4-16-07

A fic that bears the same name as our beloved forums, is it up to standards......

deathinapinkboa · Apr 25, 2007

My gods! Dark Lord Potter is utter shit!

No really, some hick farmer was milking his cow one day and shit started coming out. He looked down and said "Well Shit! That's Adevilinthedark's Dark Lord Potter!"

Dark Minion · Apr 29, 2007

Another by Adevilinthedark: Back In Time

Harry was never the golden boy, he just acted like it. He learned a lot of things but one day is hit by an Avada Kedavra when death eaters attack. He is thrown back in time and things are quite a bit different then he imagined. Full summery inside.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Action/Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,186 - Reviews: 42 - Updated: 4-18-07 - Published: 4-10-07
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Some highlights:

First Chapter:

A/N: Sorry about the clichés, but they’re necessary.
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In a summary Harry's five years at Hogwarts are retold, with some 'addidtions', i.e. Harry was spending most of the nights during his third year in the Chamber of Secrets, memorizing Slytherin's secret library, etc.

The following happens right after OotP (Harry obviously learned Apparation during year five)

He had learned apparation during the year, so as soon as he got to the Dursleys he went to Gringotts. There he had received his heritages. He was the heir of the Potters so he was emancipated. Then he went through a bloodline test which revealed some surprising results.

First: When Voldemort failed to kill him and was forced to flee, Harry had the Slytherin line transferred to him by Rite of Conquest.

Second: His mother was actually adopted. She was the daughter of the daughter of Grindlewald.

Third: it was a well known fact that the Grindlewald line was the only line that had Incubus blood in them. Which would probably explain why he was so good in bed and why Fleur’s magic didn’t effect him. Once he turned sixteen some of the incubus power would be given into him.

Fourth: He pissed of the goblins by using a spell to pack All of the money in all of his vaults into one of the empty compartments in his Trunk of Alexander. The trunk has seven compartments, one of them are living quarters including several bedrooms, another is a full library of spell books, and one is a duelling room with a charm that allows one to train by scanning the person using it and summoning a magical copy of one just above their level. There are four empty compartments about the size of a Olympic swimming pool, obviously made that large by magic. It also comes with a magic obfuscator charm which allows any type of magic to be used without worrying about it being reported. The trunk changes color to match the power and soul of the user. Also it binds to it’s user and only those who the master allows can enter. Anyway, when Harry told the goblins what he was going to do they nearly got out pitchforks. When asked why and if Gringotts had displeased him somehow his reply was, “No you have been good. My instincts are telling me to do this and they have never failed me before. I feel that this will be mutually beneficial in the long run.”
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Hit by a killing curse he is thrown back in time and lands right in front of the Black sisters and their best friend Lilith "Lily" Grindelwald ...

Second Chapter:

Lily said, "I know an easy charm to find that out. It’ll only show what he knows about himself though. Perscrutor!" a white light left her wand and struck Harry. She conjured a paper and held it in her hand. After a few minutes the spell flew from Harry and struck the paper. Words began to form:

Harry James Potter Slytherin Grindlewald.

Age: 16

Born 1980, July 31

Birth parents:

James Harold Potter, human, deceased:1981

Lilith Grindlewald, Half Succubus, deceased:1981

Half Human/ Half Incubus.

Abilities:

Unaffected by Avada Kedavra

Parseltongue

Drakentongue

Animagus forms: 3

Elemental: Lightning (Trained), Magma (Untrained), Chaos (untrained)

Power Level: 10000

Power Classification: Grandmaster Wizard untrained/Student Mage

Skill: Nearly unbeatable by wizards, easily beaten by mages
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I didn't dare to look into the third chapter.

Cliché Level: 10000000000000000000000

Rehio · Apr 29, 2007

Power Level: 10000
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IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!

MysterioX · Apr 29, 2007

Lily is

She was the daughter of the daughter of Grindlewald
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Harry is

Harry James Potter Slytherin Grindlewald.
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And apparently bold italics indicate

Powerful Curses
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Dark Minion · Apr 29, 2007

MysterioX said: ↑

And apparently bold italics indicate

Powerful Curses
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Yep - In fanfics I have seen many definitions concerning "speech", thoughts, Parseltongue, Toddlergebabble, but that is really innovative.

nonjon · Apr 30, 2007

Yep - In fanfics I have seen many definitions concerning "speech", thoughts, Parseltongue, Toddlergebabble, but that is really innovative.
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Yeah. If you need a legend or key to explain who's talking when or how, then the author's not really trying.

But I like that he's an elemental with control over... liquid hot magma.

Murton · Apr 30, 2007

Manatheron said: ↑

I came, I read, I reviewed:

Did I miss anything? I was going to just go sit in a corner and weep (Wrist//) but I couldn't just let it pass considering the other two reviews he got, though crappy, told him to continue.

Why must the world be full of stupid people?
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You missed being able to spell Voldemort correctly. Don't accuse people of being stupid if you can't spell.

On the other hand, the author lies in the same boat.

Manatheron · May 1, 2007

OneEyedMan said: ↑

You missed being able to spell Voldemort correctly. Don't accuse people of being stupid if you can't spell.

On the other hand, the author lies in the same boat.
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was there a point to that post?

Other than trying to insult me I mean. Because I really don't think anyone else really gave a damn that I hit the wrong key when spelling He-who-has-a-crappy-anagram's name.

Anyway:

After the Final Battle by Tynkerbell2356

It's what happens after the final battle is over and what Ron and Hermione's and Harry and Ginny's children are going through as they are growing up, and yes the Weasley's are bigger than ever in family size you will just have to wait and see.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3516182/1/
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Yes, because we give a damn about what their kids go though...

Archer · May 15, 2007

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1679699/1/

This one makes me lol.

KenderCleric · May 15, 2007

Oh here's a winner.

Harry PotterPlatoon by Vincent Armone
Harry Potter reads about vietnam during break from hogwarts and asks Dumbldore to send him back in time to 1969 to help fight the war against his better judgement Dumbldore sends Harry
Fiction Rated: T - English - Action/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 462 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 5-14-07 - Published: 5-14-07

Someone once wrote that hell is the impossibility of reason, that’s what this place feels like Hermione hell, I have only been here a week and I hate it already, I think the hardest thing I had to do was go on point, I don’t even know what I am doing a gook could be standing right in front of me and I would not even know it.
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The part of Pvt. Chris Taylor will be played by Harry Potter in tonight's edition of "God, Make it Stop Crossovers"

Randeemy · May 28, 2007

http://fanfiction.portkey.org/story/7214 by h-hr-4eva

Summery: A timetravel fic with a difference. My first fic so please be nice. WARNINGS: Abuse, Evil!Dumbledore

In truth, the summery caught my attention, what with the Evil!Dumbledore, but this is a cliché fest. Possibly the most unoriginal opening chapter of all time.

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v4.0

KeshinNoAkui Seventh Year

Eleanor Squib

Krull Denarii Host

DreamRed Seventh Year

Hadoren High Inquisitor

MysterioX Professor

Manatheron Headmaster

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The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v6.0

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The "awesomely bad" fanfics thread

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v4.0

KeshinNoAkui Seventh Year

Eleanor Squib

Krull Denarii Host

DreamRed Seventh Year

Hadoren High Inquisitor

MysterioX Professor

Manatheron Headmaster

nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

Rehio Bad Dragon ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

MysterioX Professor

Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

Murton DJ OEM DLP Supporter

Manatheron Headmaster

Archer Fourth Year DLP Supporter

KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

Randeemy Headmaster DLP Supporter

The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v6.0

The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v5.0

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