You're a member of PP3, should a response of preferring dicks really illicit surprise, shock or awe? I mean, come on.

 

*yawn*

<scathing comeback>

<funny picture with clever caption>

 

Nukular Winter is an epic name. But I rep it better so back yo shit up nigger.

 

Ohh, you got told. What you gonna do? What you gonna do?

 

I expect a troll of BP's stature to come with more than homo jokes... I award no points for originality and 1/5 for execution (come on, you didn't even MENTION AFC. It's like you're not even trying...).








Or was this more what you had in mind?



Because, really, I could have gone either way.

 

Maybe the third time responding to my post will be the charm.

 

Why will no one post up nudes?

 

Who the hell are you trying to impress? This is the internet. No one gives a shit who you are. If you died, your fans wouldn't care. Stop trying to impress people with how well you take characters from an established story and simply make them act different.

 

@Nukular: Nice Pics ^.^
@ Rostom: How many stories has he written? And how many have you?
@ Giovanni: Sadly I fear that they will never post the pron for you, they just aren't comfortable enough in their masculinity.

 

And why the fuck does that matter? Just because I am an author I can't critique? Great logic, dumbass.

 

I don't play sport so I suppose that means I can't yell "You suck" at the TV now?

 

Slow down there son, I was just pointing out that you don't know how difficult it is to 'take characters from an established story and simply make them act different.' without getting flamed up the ass for making them OOC. Take it in context, not as a personal attack.

Edit: @Erotic You make a good point sir! I'd Rep you if the site would let me

 

Firstly: Son? You're 7 years older then me. Come on. Give me some credit.

Secondly: Context, personal attack, or whatever, it doesn't matter if I don't understand. If Jbern can pimp his work, talk about how he does it so great, I can critique him. At least, I think I can.

 

Where'd the lulz go?

Aww... The amusement factor seems to have dissipated...
Srsly, though:

Jbern: Thanks for the essay on "Why my stories are cool, and you suck". I found it to be an incredibly enlightening, intelligent, and amazing work; I hope to see more from you soon! (Sure, I think you're a fine writer. But ZOMG!AMAZING? Prolly not. *Shrug*)

And, IRCHoles? I find myself insulted. Are you calling ME an IRChole? Because it seems like you've grouped people. And, I thought that we were trying to avoid those 'grouping' things.

Or not.

Vashy/Merrill: Lulz. Keep it amusing!
Troll <3 ?
I do so love the quote/response to every little detail. It just makes my day!

Gio/Boa/Anyother Random People w/teh Penis Pic Requests: LOL. A bit of needed fun. Sorry your search isn't panning out.

Etc. Etc.

Mmm, so... Who else should be addressed?
Well, for the rest of us bystanders who feel a need to post: Heheheheheh.... We have absolutely nothing to do with this argument, and here we are, posting away. DLP <3

Ahh, yeah....
Age =/= Wisdom
Writing =/= The knowledgeable ones of...fics/critiquing
Quantity =/= Quality

There, I believe I've summed up the important points.
Cheers!

 

The End of the E-Peen War!

Oh dear. Things don’t look very good for me here at all do they? The vultures are circling and the sharks smell blood. I’m pretty much being strung up by the old e-penis. What am I going to do? Perhaps I should go on a foul mouth tirade against the entire site? Should I quit the fandom altogether?

How about instead I laugh my ass off and declare victory in the E-penis war instead. Congrats to Vash and Bio, you were winning the battles so convincingly that you didn’t realize you lost the war.

I know what your first question is, it’s “Can I have some of the drugs you’re deluding yourself with?”

Nope. Watch and see. This is where the magic happens.

Okay first thanks to Bio and Vash, especially Vash. I thought the fun was over when Nonjon said he locked the thread. Vash, god love him, unlocked it to allow this to continue.

I suppose I should now explain what is going on. I knew if I fed you enough insults, you’d start trying to pile on.

From World, we came to the conclusion that I may be original, but original does not equal good right?

Next came the argument about stats and as Darius put it, that just means that I am read widely and that also does not equal good, okay. Still with me I hope.

Vash then comes in with the quantity versus quality argument.

Acknowledging that I have lots of readers and lots of reviews, but that doesn’t make me good either. So, I’ll be brief and try not to make this the length of my other post.

First the numbers – let’s take the most recent chapter of Lie for analysis 60 reviews on ff.net and 64 on ffa.net. So we have a base of 124 to work with. So let’s establish what makes a ‘quality’ review. We could argue each one individually, but that would take forever, so how about 4 lines (excluding lines that have Update soon in them) as a minimum showing the reader put some thought and effort into saying something about the story. A quick glance shows that 27 on ffa and 10 on ff.net so. So 37 out of the 124 actually mean something and deserve a thoughtful reply. For a single chapter, 37 good and useful reviews is nice.

So who’s in the list of who’s reviewing any notables amongst the reviews for this chapter? (Lord Ravenclaw, Swim Draconian, Herman Tumbleweed, Meghan Reviews, Lord Myst, Crys, Mathias Granger, Dr T, Musings of Apathy, Aaran St. Vines and Meteoric Shipyards) That’s a pretty good list of other authors and DLP folks who left reviews and even if you don’t care for their stories it’s a compliment when other ‘widely read’ authors take the time to review yours.

Okay so, now I hope that I have satisfied Vash’s criteria for both quantity and quality. It’s time to sum this thing up.

On originality – we’ve grudgingly come to the conclusion that I am in fact original.

On stats – it’s been determined that I am widely read.

On quantity of reviews – we seen that yes there are a large number of reviews.

On quality of the reviews – with a little over one in four reviews being useful and a decent sampling of notables amongst that crowd, quality as well has to be conceded.

So in conclusion, (underneath all the poo flinging) we’ve reached the consensus opinion that my writing is original, widely read by a large fanbase, reviewed in both quantity and quality. Put it all together and it’s a recipe for good fanfiction – not great and there’s still plenty of room for improvement. (How’s that for finally answering your question World? Sorry I dilly dallied, I was just waiting for Vash or Bio to help make my argument for me!) Thanks everyone, I appreciate the vote of confidence.

Oh the insults have been fun to, it’s been nice venting my e-spleen like that, and getting all worked up at the responses, but the ride is coming to its conclusion. When it reaches a stop please exit to your left, so that the next rider can enter. Special thanks to Nuke Winter and Chuck for showing up anyway despite me telling them that I had this covered. I hope they understand the joke now.

You’ve all been a great audience. I hope you’ve had as much fun as I have. If I actually bothered to get a photobucket account, I’d link a picture of a box of dildos with the caption “Free E-Peens for Everyone!”

Well, back to writing now. Thanks for the laughs.

Jim

 

Glad to know your confidence hasn't taken any damage.

Uh... no.

Let's look at your "quality review" argument first.
The fact that someone takes their time to write more than 4 lines of stuff about your text doesn't mean it's a good text.

If I shoot 31 people at my school and national and international media take their time to cover it, doesn't mean what I did was a good thing.

If anything, long reviews are a sign of quality of the reviewers (e.g. Tinn Tamm).

Funny thing how, except for originality, none of these points actually pertain to the actual content of the story. They simply describe the feedback. And on originality, you seem to have finally conceded that originality does not mean quality.

Well, it's not really satisfying, I must say. While you have finally agreed that originality alone does not mean quality, you still seem to think that stats/reviews mean that the quality of the story is good.

Neat job on cramming through the reviews though. You do that generally every now and then or just for this occasion?

 

For anyone who fell asleep/didnt' care/didn't understand, just change the word magic in this sentence, to desperation, stupidity or give-up.

 

You just know he's in his parents basement, crying.

 

To make Sherlock Holmes's breakdown of how he trapped us even more amusing - the first page of a fanfiction: Good Fanfiction

- Widespread reading by everyone (5,000 reviews), check
- Long-winded reviews that denote good fanfiction, check
- Reviews by respected people (you'll find many), check
- Original premise, check

So. By your standards, and your own admission, this story does everything you respect, better.

Congrats, jbern. My Immortal is a better story than every other story except Emma Lipardi's bitchfest.

You can take that victory, gimpy.