The pairing is taken far too fast, and seems to be pointless beyond cliched romance.

It's painful how emo Harry when he thinks of Ginny, and it's amazing no one boots Harry out for being such an obvious pedophile.

I also agree with everything else Averis said.

That said, it's allright. 3.5/5

 

Okay now that Ive gone back and looked at it a second time its not so amazing. I gotta agree its rushed, pairing centric, and just a little creepy to think about. It could be alot worse. It could also be better. It could make the Library maybe. Its very iffy.

 

I'd say Trash Bin personally. It's an interesting concept, and the story holds your attention, but the execution is poor.

3/5

 

Taure didnt you start the thread? Just seems a bit weird that you would nominate and then say trash bin. I gotta agree though

 

What a polarizing story. Everyone seems to either love it or hate it.

Personally I like that we are seeing more about the past and history of one of HP's best characters. McG is one of my favorite characters but she always seemed so half-developed. The "stern but loving" school teacher is a great archtype and she's pretty well developed in canon but there's still a few important things we're missing. What's her history, does she have a husband/love interest, children, extended family? If I could read a JKR canon book about any other character, Minerva McGonagall would be my choice.

That said, I think this story is middling at best. I'd still put it in the library if I were in charge of such things but it is hardly a masterpiece of fiction.

3.5/5

 

Just realized how weird it seems that stories have Harry go back in time and kill the Baislik when everyone knows he killed it in his second year.

If it died then what would he kill in cannon, assuming the timeline could not be changed of course.

Haven't seen a Harry/McG fic that was driven on romance.

3.5/5

 

Hopefully I can add to this without being lynched.
This story was written on a whim and for some obscure reason I am yet to fathom is reasonably popular. Anyway, I figured I'd answer the questions raised.

She is not going to go into detail with the sex scenes, this story doesn't need it. Others of mine have, but this is not one of them.

I'm re-writing this story - I already have the reason why his appearance changes, I just need to tweak (heavily) the rest of the story so it fits.

Again, it's being re-written. Cheers for pointing it out however.

So yes, that's about it. Moral of the story. I'd been writing fanfic for three or so months when I began it. I've hopefully improved.

 

That answers some of my questions that I had. So you are planning a re-write? Cool deal, I like this story alright enough. Not enough to put it in the Library in it's current form. 3/5 stars.

*edit*
Just a short notice, head to the introduction section to introduce yourself.

 

Trash Bin definition:

Stories that didn't quite make it into the library. 3 stars.

Trash Bin =/= Crap fics.

This story was an enjoyable read, and holds the attention well. A good way to waste an hour or so.

However, it's not a masterpiece, and so doesn't belong in the Library imho.

 

Well, I did like the fic. It was not written poorly. However, I cannot give it but four out of five because of the pussy-footing around Harry does. If I were to go back in time to change it, then "no one should change time" be damned. There are only two possible effects of attempting to change time, going by the "12 Monkeys" time-travel that Rowling uses in her books: nothing you do changes anything, it's just a part of the collective memory; or, whatever you do actually contributes to what occured to send you back. If we go by the "parallel universes" theory, then Harry is free to change things that occured as much as he pleases (personally, I would have met Riddle down in the CoS and then AKed him along with the snake - no one would have found his rotting corpse).

This seems to be a parallel universes one, given that he didn't immediately dissapear from the chamber in a time-paradox when he killed the basilisk (Going by "12 monkeys" logic, Harry would have inevitably failed to kill the beast, since it was still alive in his time as a student at Hogwarts).

I didn't like the changed appearance of Harry. The name I can understand, the appearance change, I cannot.

4/5

 

I enjoyed reading the fic, but I wouldn't say it's library material. The characterization of McGonagall seemed skewed and the romance portion rushed. That and I really don't like emo!Harry. I'm all for introspection - it adds dimension to the character - yet most people can't write a negative introspection without it turning out as some soppy bitchfest.

You want some cheese with that wine, deary?

That and the changed appearance irks me. I await an explanation.

3/5

 

This is getting quite ridiculous. I explicitly wrote in the above post of mine that I was RE-WRITING the entire bloody thing and that the appearance change would be explained fully.

As for this 'emo-Harry' shit, I fail to believe that someone who has just lost everyone he'd ever cared about would be the most a) not depressed person or b) so caught up by his 'revenge' he didn't stop and think about the fact he'd lost everyone barely a month ago. Perhaps personal opinion, but being the author of the damn story probably gives me a little bit more say than someone who skimmed it briefly.

Sorry if I sound pissed off, let's just say it's been a bad day, but to hop on and read some of this sanctimonious bullshit is quite irritating. But honestly 'I await an explaination'...? 'How to sound like a pompous arse' would be more appropriate.

 

Rep for having teeth, Minniequill. But don't get too excited - most members here frown on that. You can check the Hall of Shame if you don't believe me.

If I seem overly critical, don't be offended - just remind yourself that I have your fic on story alert. This is DLP. Expect criticism. Hell, even for the exceptional fanfiction we find something to complain about. Just let the stuff you find offensive roll off you and keep on writing and improving.

 

Minniequil's right on this one, in my book XD.

Guys take reviewing too far in certain cases. Minniequil's got a fairly original story that was enjoyable. We wouldn't be responding putting 3/5s w/o being somewhat invested.

I give it a 5/5 just because it was one of the two stories I've found enjoyable in weeks (otherwise I'd score it 4/5).

 

We're talking about your story as it is. Read some more rules and you'll find even the most condemned fics can be resurrected from the Trash Bin and placed in the Library. When rewritten, I'm sure many of the stated problems will be rectified.

As it is, however, you can't expect everyone to suddenly stop reviewing just because you're planning a rewrite.

We didn't "skim" your story, thankyouverymuch. Yes, we're capable of reading 31,000 words.

If our say is so aggravating to you, kindly keep your writing off the Internet. Or better yet, don't visit this page. It's inevitable you're going to see feedback.

And yes, the so called "Emo Scenes" are, in fact, over the top and poorly handled. We wouldn't comment on them otherwise.

The worse, by far, are the "Oh my God Ginny, I'm sorry I couldn't save you..." thought sequences that seem to attack the reader at random moments. This is in my opinion, mostly, but I thought you used the word "Ladylove" far too much - the fact that I noticed you using it a couple times is enough for it to be classified as overused. Writing itself should be transparent.

I appreciate the realism you're trying to add by giving Harry a past attachment, but the fact that they separated and she remarried should dampen Harry's response to a far lower level. If I had skipped the explanations, I could easily assume Harry and Ginny were pursuing an active relationship to the very end.

And depression? What depression? The only scenes that really stand out and showcase grief are the "Oh Ginny" moments. What happened to Ron and Hermione, his best friends?

Similarly, I must have completely missed any signs of revenge. Harry is mostly occupied with Minerva the majority of the story, leaving no room for parallel plot lines.

Sanctimonious?

I fail to see the hypocrisy.

Yes, we await explanations. In future chapters and/or rewrites. Next time, oh great Author, we'll let errors go and nod and smile when you come for feedback.

 

Can't sanctimonious also mean feigning piety or rightiousness?

Or even trying to appear full of holiness or goodness?

Checked it on the web, I know not as reliable. Here

 

Another thing that irked me was the job-interview scene.

As a teacher, I can tell you that teaching interviews are a lot more thorough than that. I ALMOST stopped reading when Dippit said he didn't have Harry's name. If he knew someone was coming for a job interview, he would have at least known the man's name.

That interview alone shows Dippit as a retard who should not be allowed near a school. Then again, you have cannon Dumbledor hiring people like "Magical Me" even though Dumbles has that legimancy at his disposal. You'd think he'd be able to see though the lies.

Anyway, where were the background checks? Even if it was only a "Someone look at birth records for a Jacob Keane." Surely Dippit could have looked into Hogwarts' own records for a student by that name. How about contacting Durmstrang or Beauxbatons for such a student if Hogwarts had no such records.

In the rewrite, I would suggest, instead of Harry appearing out of nowhere (or occupying the body of wizard who was expected for an interview, whatever the case may be), he go back just a little further and work to establish a false identity with a paper-trail. He can still keep the name-change, but at least, it would be more believeable if Dippit was a little less trusting, even somewhat argumentitive in the interview:

"Why SHOULD we concentrate more on practical. The students seemed quite satisified with the more theoretically based cirriculum they had with the previous professor, and their grades, OWLs and NEWTs were not found lacking.

"We have two students here who are quite brilliant and will likely be above the level of instruction in your class. How will you handle their educations, and penchent for disrespect to teachers, while being fair and balanced towards the rest of your students?

"There have been several attacks recently, causing students to be petrified and the staff is at a loss as to what to do. As the DADA teacher, what will you do to help solve this problem?"

And so on.

Right now, since Harry successfully killed the basilisk, without causing a massive time-paradox back-lash on himself, he should realize that he is capable of reforming Tom rather than alienating him and seeking revenge on a boy who has yet to be the dark-lord.

 

Yeah, about that particular comment. It wasn't the fact it was bad, hell I can get over that pretty quick. I've been called a lot worse in my life, it was the tone. I like the criticm, I don't like 'I expect'. Call it something wierd on my part, but hey, there it is.
However, if it wasn't for this thread I wouldn't be re-writing it. The other reviews seemed to be from fangirls whose favourite review seemed to be 'OMG, this is so great!' or others similarly cringe-worthy.

 

This little bit just annoyed me.
I have always been under the impression that Defense teachers were hard to come by. Even before Tom comes back and wants the job that the job wasnt one they any jumped at.

I was thinking that it was probably more of a open invitation for anyone seeking the job to come and apply for it. Probably over the course of a week or so. Not just Hey your here you want the job?

 

The problem I saw was that Dippit came out the front door as if he expected the man to be there, which would imply prior correspondence.

Even then, a good principal or headmaster should seem at least SOMEWHAT concerned about his or her students and not simply be so accepting of just anyone who walked through the door. Where was the request for credentials? If none were given, where was the test of his abilities?

In cannon, the Weasly twins commented about how few people could cast a basic shield charm. That indicates to me that a potential DADA teacher should have SOME form of ability above and beyond that of the average wizard or witch just as a math teacher would be expected to be proficient at mathematics above and beyond the average person. There's just a whole slew of issues that irked me about that - and irks me beyond belief at Snape's being allowed near a classroom too.