Or even Better

ZOMG!!11!!eleven!! Harry, with his god-like magical power, casts a Lumos spell that lights the entire room and thier stands the vampire with his two foot 'Mast' at attention and they immediatly have hawt Butt sezx because its WuV!

 

Eurggh, that was too much, lol. Mast shall never be used to describe the male reproductive organ. Nor shall Bella-speak be used during sex scenes.

*Deep Breath*

That felt good. Had to rattle off a couple laws to keep my sanity in check.

 

A Vampire shall never get up an erection to have 'hot bum smex!!!111!!1' because their hearts are not beating, thus thair blood is not moving so it cant rush to the male reproductive organ.

 

As long as we're talking about penises, the average penis length is six inches. Get over it. Harry's shlong isn't, wasn't, and never will be a foot long.

 

Contrary to what most people think, and convenient as they might be should they existed, wizardkind knows no such things as "contraception charms or one-year contraception potions." A skilled wizard will use transfiguration to turn sperm into some more inocuous substance, like ketchup, after ejaculation. Wizards without at least an "E" OWL in transfiguration are required by law to use dragonhide condoms. Weasley sperm is transfiguration-proof and no magical creature has been described that can supply skin adequate for Weasley-grade condom manufacturing.

 

There are no such things as wizard condoms.

If anything, they'd use a charm to keep any ejaculatory fluid from flowing out. Or, they use muggle condoms. Or not. That's it.

 

Why the hell shouldn't there be a spell that kills the egg? It'd last all month. I think you just don't like sex in a story.

Prude.

 

I could see a one-shot spell that would last maybe 24 hours before the body's magic starts rejecting it, but certainly not a year long charm or potion... Unless there is a way to completely suspend the cycle... a specific stasis spell or something of that nature.

 

I think you like sex in a story too much, in spite of it never being good or important to the story and mostly badly written shit produced by Jon's target group of 13 year old girls.

Idiot.

 

dragonhide? you sadistic or something? the poor girl will be ripped apart, though that would effectively solve the conception problem, it would also solve the girl problem []

 

That was a joke right?

Because if not...ignoring the complete retardedness of turning sperm into fucking ketchup, that whole statement looks to me like you trying to sound smart about this and failing. Dragonhide condoms....no. If wizardkind ever introduced contraception into the lifestyle, then I guarantee you they would design something that wouldn't rip a pussy to shreds.

My guess is it would come in potion form, and the potion would work like birth control pills. So, if taken regularly, the effect would last as long as the woman wanted and when she's ready to pop out some brats then she'd simply stop taking it. I think it would be better then regular birth control--maybe it wouldn't make you fat, maybe it would shorten your menstrual cycle or something but it would be far better than fucking dragonhie condoms or mustard sperm or whatever you said. Sheesh.

 

Well, even if you ignore the fact that my post was a joke, I actually do like a decently written smut story. But they usually don't feature birth contol. The stories that do are the ones that don't care to describe the act, but still like for their characters to get it on.

Idiot.

 

Yeah, should've smelled the sarcasm there. Stupid me.

I wasn't talking about (pure) smut stories, and definitely not about anything decent.

I wish I had a law at hand to get this thread back on track.

 

How about this one:

 

Harry Potter or Hermione Granger shall never set ZOMG!!!11!!1! records on the O.W.L.'s and become the highest scoring students in Hogwarts history in any subject. Only Dumbledore, because he's ub3r ownage, but I digress. Harry's that lazy bastard that sits back and gets a 2.0 then owns the SAT's (POA, GOF, COS final scenes), not the little wierdo that somehow has a 5.0.

 

I'm going to be updating this to around 50 or 60 laws (depending on how good they look) so if you have anything good, do so within the next twenty-four hours .

Going to also try and rearrange them so that the top 10 are the "very important" ones that we groan/get pissed off at when they're broken.

Thanks.

 

Gabrielle is 8 when Harry rescues her in GoF, thus she is 11 when he is 17, and 10 when he is 16. Without explicit notation of how much older the author is making her, all romance fictions involving them are fail. Failure to abide by this law will result in ridicule of author and labeling of said author's Harry as a sick pervert.

Edit: I have seen exceptional fics in this genre, but as stated, they have aged Gabrielle. Sorry if this has been covered, don't remember seeing it on the OG laws.

 

Hey, Bio, update this.

 

I think suspend the cycle would have some menopausal side effects no?

 

I've been reading way too many bad Indy stories....

-Harry shall not Make a List of people who have screwed up his life. Instead, he shall go out and torture them. With Kitchenware.

-Harry cannot and will not remember the name of the lowly bank employee who took him to his vault on his first visit unless he has super uber Memory.

Note- super uber Memory is highly discouraged.


Edit- just noticed that this has not been updated in a while. I'll leave this, though, in case it ever does get updated.