I don't mind tall Harry, I can live with 6'0", but good lord, 6'10"!! That is the ManDingo of all the Harry Potter's. Why not just make him part giant? He is already halfway there.

I once stopped reading a fic once because the author posted in his bio page that Einstein is one of his hero's because of his revolutionary ideas about atomic energy, and how America turned the beautiful idea of nuclear power into a weapon of mass destruction.

I PMed the author and told him it was because of Einstein that America even built the bomb, if it wasn't for him FDR wouldn't have started the project. That's when I stopped reading....Anal aren't I?

 

Exactly.

I have read this story about a year ago, not the new chapters.
I think, character description and detail is important, just like a good description of the scene setting.
Victimized Harry, who like it? Angst is pathetic and that includes cutting. These factors and Harry/Hermione n' slash is an instant no-no.

 

A few times in my life, I didn't bother reading a fic because I absolutely hated the summary. If that isn't the ultimate show of shallow, I don't know what is. But I just can't help it, terrible summaries are one of my major pet peeves.

 

Yeah, it would be funny if it was made as a comedy fic, but most of the authors who write that want you to take it seriously.

I don't know how I got to read it in the first place, but I once stumbled upon a female!Harry fic AU with a 4 year old Harry (or Holly) who was in love with Sirius and had the worst pottymouth ever. And the author labeled it as a drama/romance fic...

How the hell can I take that crap seriously?

 

Funny thing is, Warrior Mage used to be one of my favorite stories...

But when I reread it recently, I pretty much cringed at it's sheer badness.

 

What blew my mind was this one story I read where the author described Harry as being short at only 5'10" or 5'11"...

What? At about 5'10" myself, I'm not going out for any basketball teams or anything but, Jesus Christ, that is not short! Short is my 4'10" tall ex-girlfriend. It made me wonder what fucked up land of the giants the author lived in that they thought someone just short of six feet tall should be welcoming Dorothy to friggin' Munchkin Land or running from Gargamel with the rest of the smurfs or something. WTF?

I thought maybe they were used to the metric system but decided to use imperial measurements in their story but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. A more probable answer: Like 90% of fanfic out there, the author was probably just a fucking moron.

 

Well I was thinking more of Nonjons fic with multi-world travailing Harry, but this in fact was such a hard to do idea I'm going to let it die.

 

Ahh see what you got to understand is that there is a parallel in stories such as these. Whatever height the author gives Harry he will always add a foot to Ron's height. So yes Harry is short at 5'10" because he has a best friend with a pituitary disorder and is 7 feet tall.

And Christ as for 5'10" being short where the fuck does that guy live Brobdingnag. At 5'6" I must be a gnome to him. I gotta keep my eyes open I wouldn't want people spitting down at me in this world of giants we live apparently live in.

 

Ah well, that explains a few things. The inverse seems to be true of the monstrously proportioned trouser snake that Harry scares the girls with in most stories. Poor Ron. *snicker*

That may explain Ron's freakish metabolism as well... well, that and gluttony.

Seven feet tall... Then we could have been mercifully spared Ron Weasley's presence in book 7 when, after abandoning his friends and losing track of the tent, he is struck and killed by a bolt of lightning.
Symbolic? Oh my, yes.

....

"Weasley, ten points from Gryffindor for dunking from the foul line.", Snape sneered.

"Hey! That's not against the rul-"

"Is the oxygen too thin up there for proper cognition, Weasley? Twenty points and detention tomorrow night. Care to try for more?", the head of Slytherin asked, with an unctuous expression of satisfaction smeared across his face.

Ron fumed and muttered under his breath, "Greasy git..."

 

I have remembered another ridiculously pointless thing that has made me stop reading a fic before.
Harry was getting drunk with a few people, and as soon as they finished their drinks they cast a sobering charm. What the fuck is the point of drinking if you aren't going to let yourself be drunk.

And another thing, wtf is up with everyone in Harry Potter fanfics rolling around and the floor and crying whenever they find something remotely funny. That doesn't happen, in my 18 years of life i have never seen anyone cry or roll on the floor due to laughter.

 

One thing that always gets to me is when they have random characters like Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott be breathtakingly beautiful with eyes that could make men fall to their knees. I mean, it's canon that Hermione can get cleaned up will and Ginny is gin-slut no matter what, but that red 'x' looks mighty fine when ever I'm told all about Susan's delicious curves that all the Gryffindor boys have been drooling over since third year.

Also, characters giving their little lovers nicknames always ends a story for me. Harry is not about to call Ginny 'my fiery-haired vixen' nor any girl call him 'my dark knight.' At any time, if I see that, I am gone.

 

Oh shit. Pet names... Don't get me started on this, or we could never end ranting. That's a no-no and so wrong on so many levels...

 

I find nothing wrong with calling someone "my dearest snuffly dumpling lumps. " I can put up with those nicknames, but I hate a characters name being altered in an affectionate way. For example Mione for Hermione annoys me the most.

 

Mione annoys me, as does Hermy, but I'm also annoyed by Hermione calling Ron Ronald, or to be cute the author makes Hermione call Ron, Ronald Bilius Weasley. You know because Ron's mother does that so she must do it too.

 

Hermione is his mother. Thus, any fic in which Ron's full name is uttered by her, and there is a Ron-Hermione pairing, is incest.

The sole petname I have ever liked was "my little green friend".

 

This totally reminded me of the breakfast club. Or Not Another Teen Movie

I can see it now.

Snape, "Potter, potions is for brewing not writing fanmail! Detention tonight with me."

Potter, " Bloody Git....."

Snape, "What was that, you want another?"

Potter, " Yeah, I like detentions."

......

 

LOL.

....
"You just bought one more right there!", Snape bellowed triumphantly.

"Well, I'm killing your half-blooded master the Saturday after that...beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar!", Harry shot back at him.

"Good! 'Cause it's gonna be filled, we'll keep goin'! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of going to Azkaban, you'll come here! Are you through?"

"Not bloody likely!"

"I'm doing the Wizarding World a favor!"

"So what, Snivellus?"

"That's another one, right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?"
....

Wow, I apologize... had to be done.

 

I think that the 'Ronald' thing has some basis in the movieverse- Hermione calls him that several times that I know of in the movies. However, 'mione' has forever baffled me...It's never come up anywhere before, books or movies. Where do they get it from?

Someone mentioned this before--I personally will stop reading a fic if the disclaimer is some sort of unfunny scenario involving the author and the character chatting. Bobmin was definitely the worst for this...writing aside, I just couldn't get through his fics when there was a stupid two-page disclaimer in every chapter.

 

Why? Your favorite pairing is Harry/Bellatrix. They do the same fucking thing to her in all of those fanfics about her. Why can't they do it to a girl who hasn't been properly described? It's the same situation.

 

I question though whether anyone in Hogwarts besides Pansy Parkins is ugly. She always has the pug face but everyone else is amazing. You have Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, the Patils, the Ice Queens in Slytherin shudders, Hermione, Ginslut, Cho, Luna, The Astronomy teacher (its late and I can't remember her name). My god this is a mans paradise, I'm beginning to understand why the wearing of robes. Perhaps this thread will help them out a bit http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=7025. What with all the hot ass running around.