Title: Invitation to a Beheading
Author: Sober Dogs Bore Me/ FineBalance
Rating: M (Just in case)
Genre: General/Drama
DLP Category: Alternates
Pairing: None at the moment. Eventual pairing Harry/Lily.
Status: WIP
Summary: A meeting with a Seer shatters the conflicted world of Lily Potter and sends her into a warpath with her husband, and consequently, with Albus Dumbledore. It is 1983 and the Wizarding World is once again descending into chaos. Alternate History.
FF.net |DLP

Enjoy! ^_^

 

The first chapter seems unnecessarily dark to me. To be honest it's turning me away from the whole thing at the moment, will update when I've gotten further.

Edit:
it's... Different. The whole 'Abusive James Loving Lilly' thing is well on it's way to cliche' if it wasn't there already. You warned us that it was AU though which is a point in your favor, the (more) creative use of the charm is interesting but not exactly Unique, and the (Presumably) Manipulative Dumbledore is overused.

On the plus side the Psycho seer chick might qualify for 'best OC villain' at the end of the year.

Decent, Good grammer, but just not my kettle of fish. 3/5

 

It is interesting and well-written, to be sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I have no idea what's going on. To quote SmileOfTheKill, recommend fics when they've gotten more content.

 

Where did you get the 'Abusive James, Loving Lily'?

 

Good enough?

 

I know that, mate. I wrote it.

I'm asking where you got the 'loving Lily' part from? The hate is present from both sides, so is the physical and emotional abuses. In this scene Lily cannot retaliate simply because she is utterly spent.

 

That's more like an abusive!James fucking Lily. There was no love in his actions, only lust.

 

My point stands however.

Decent enough grammar and such, but nothing I would normally pursue past the first half of the first chapter.

 

Anyone? dotdotdot

 

Well, it still hasn't been updated beyond two chapters.

 

Augh. Unnecessarily convoluted, hard to tell what you want to have going on, and I doubt it is what I gleaned from reading. And so very very incomplete. 2/5

 

So I read the prologue and chapter one but I found it confusing and dark and hard to follow. I'm not sure if your intentions are to jump around but? Its to soon to tell anything else about your story though you do forget some keys words in sentences but nothing that the mind doesn't fill in for itself.

I give it a 2/5 for now with the potential to change at anytime.

 

I think you mean 'potential'. The other sounds like something an Otaku would wear to an anime convention.

Might want to use your spell checker if you wish to avoid being flamed there 'Hobbes'. Nice trademark violation there too btw.

 

Fixed it, thought I caught all the mistakes but it seems I didn't. Thanks, learned a long time ago what these guys think of poor grammar, they're like English teachers.

 

nah, English teachers have to be nice about it, there is NOTHING that can stop us from jumping down your throat... or flaming you up the ass if you prefer ^.^