Title: More Equal than you Know
Author: The Obsidian Warlock
Rating: R
Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance
DLP Category: AU
Pairing: H/Hr
Chapters: 11
Words: 144,955
Updated: January 8, 2008
Published: September 16, 2007
Status: Abandoned

Summary: AU. What if Voldemort's attack on Harry truly made him a near-equal? A look at the life of Harry Potter with the abilities of a young Tom Riddle. HHr

Link: http://fanfiction.portkey.org/story/7572
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3787073/1/More-Equal-Than-You-Know


I enjoyed this fic so far: prodigy Harry, kick-ass description of magic, cool Dumbledore, promising Voldemort and tiny bit of a romance that easily can be ignored, no angst.

Harry learns magic abnormally quickly and he is very powerful compared to average brats, but still light-years behind Voldemort or Dumbledore and will never reach their level in this fic, as it is about his Hogwarts years - wich is absolutely right. Most original version of Voldemort resurrection I've ever seen.

5 chapters, 55436 words so far.


Checked by Minion, January 6, 2013
Added ff.net link

 

Wow, this really is good. One of the better H/Hr fics that I've read. Although, I find that Harry and co are acting about 16 instead of 12 but that's to be exepcted due to circumstanced in their lives.

5/5

 

The writing itself is decent enough. Although there were mistakes here and then, and I saw many sentences that could have been phrased better, the story was still very readable.

I think the whole thing with the Seer should have been left out of the story. The author could have explained everything important that the Seer told Harry as the story went on without the lameness factor of including the Seer. I think much of the information the Seer gave shouldn’t have been included at all. For example, we don’t need to know about the alternate universes… we already know this Harry is different from canon and other authors Harry’s. That only kills immersion in the story.

The story did require some suspension of disbelief and falters with logic at many points. For example, in the first chapter Harry tossed Dudley through a wall. Okay, I can understand that. However, the force needed to put someone through a wall would have almost certainly left Dudley in need of serious medical attention (especially since Dudley was a young child at the time) yet no trip to the hospital was mentioned nor did Harry heal him with magic.

Harry mentions how he doesn’t have any friends since Dudley told stories about Harry’s magic at school. Stories of Harry’s abilities are more likely to attract friends then drive them away. I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid if I heard about someone who could make himself super strong I’d have had a new best friend.

Also, in this story with enough magical power a wizard is apparently able to remember anything and everything they see and hear and play it back like a pensieve. I don’t see a reason why one would include this other then to make Harry more formidable more quickly and from canon we know that this is unlikely since Dumbledore had a pensieve he used very often. To further mystify things, we know about Harry’s ability yet for some strange reason he later is only getting an Acceptable rating on tests for classes that would mostly be memorization such as History and Astronomy. That’s just not right... with any effort at all he should be able to ace those tests with ease thanks to his eidetic memory.

Another weird change is that owl mail delivery is virtually instantaneous. Owl’s have the ability to teleport in this story. Totally unnecessary.

The story is full of these little flaws and they do detract from the story. The author has changed the universe itself in many small and pointless ways. I won’t go through them all or I’d be typing this for quite some time. One should never change the universe without a reason for doing so and I see little reason for the authors numerous minor changes.

Plenty of clichés were in the story as well. From the first chapter alone we have: Compartment trunk, possibility of custom wands, befriending slytherins and their parents while being fitted for robes, an overly mature Harry, etc.

One final flaw is a big one that is apparently common among new writers. Instead of showing us a scene, the author tells us about the scene. For example, Harry says that Pansy is sarcastic and that they become friends. Instead of simply telling us this, the author should have included dialogue and shown us. Telling instead of showing kills immersion in a story and makes it much less enjoyable. There was way to much “telling” in this story and probably one of the reasons I found the story fairly dull.

2.5/5, rounding up to 3 because I'm in a good mood. The story is readable and picks up a bit later but it still isn't up to DLP standards. The trashbin is my vote.

 

Pensieve is far more powerful then a mere memory: it can recreate scenes which you didn't see. Harry got Acceptable because as was explained memorization of books does not bring an understanding of mathematics and logic behind Arithmancy and Astronomy, for example. Also he had lack of experience in high-grade essays.

About a lack of showing: author said that he didn't want to spend 10-15 chapters per year in the beginning years of Hogwarts, which would be pretty boring. Anyway, personally I desire to see more advanced magic, than dialogue with 12-year old Pansy Parkinson. This is also presented as biography, wrote by 17 year old Harry.

About owl's and such: Magics in this story is more potent then Rowling's. It is logical to enchant owls in such a manner, no? And this is a fanfiction.

 

Show vs Tell

Show: Lots of time invested, more interesting to read (concrete nouns, active voice)
Tell: Minimal time invested, less interesting/flat to read (abstract nouns, passive voice)


If you aren't wiling to show, and need to tell, then it needs to be brief. If you have to tell for an entire chapter, just forget the entire chapter and start writing where and what you want to show (doing this is called writing a PLOT as opposed to simply writing a story [which is a sequence of events]), filling in the holes of Harry's alernate past, when necessary (doing this also cuts down on the cliches, as what kind of trunk Harry used is not revelant to the plot).

I couldn't get past the first chapter because I just lost interest. A lot of "was/were doing" passive voice, which is just eh to read. I might return to this story when/if it has more chapters.

 

Not really. My understanding is that Pensieve's can recreate the scenes and one might notice something one only noticed subconsciously the first time around. Otherwise how did the memory get in one's brain if one didn't notice it at some level? Harry's explanation of his powerful memory is almost exactly the same. He can force himself to recreate anything he's experienced like replaying an old video.

From this we can deduce that Harry too can go back and possibly pick up on things he only noticed subconsciously. After all, if he noticed everything the first time around, why would he bother to recreate the memory and play it like an old video? How is that different from a pensieve again?

I said History and Astronomy, not Arithmancy and Astronomy. Big difference. At this level there's very little about History and Astronomy that couldn't be memorized. True, working out the mathematics behind advanced astronomy (star movement and such) would hardly be easily worked out even with an eidetic memory, but I refuse to believe the requirements for a fourth year is really that intense. I've taken astronomy. Almost all of the lower and mid grade stuff can be memorized.

The fact that Harry received E's in both his Muggle and Potions tests at the same point that he received A's in History and Astronomy means his lack of essay writing ability doesn't really detract all that much.

Of course, it's unrealistic to expect a person to spend huge amounts of times building up characters, atmosphere, and relationships like published authors and a few fan fic writers do but that doesn't change the fact that not doing so detracts from the story. The beginning years at Hogwarts would only be boring coming from a boring author. In the hands of a skilled writer, Harry's emergence into Hogwarts and the magical world can be made very interesting indeed.

Also, if the author wanted to skip over his beginning years, there are far more interesting ways to do it. He could have started Harry out in whatever year he wanted him and simply filled in the details as they came up. This would have made the story much more interesting.

I've always felt that characterization and character interaction is the driving force behind all truly great stories. Too gloss over such important details as a first meeting is not a merit in a story. The author may have felt it necessary to conserve his time, but so what?

I'm not sure magic is any more potent in this world. Sure, Harry takes to it easily and is more powerful and potent himself, but that doesn't mean magic itself is. Or if the author does mean for magic to be more powerful, then what's the reason for that? Magic is pretty powerful in JKR's world, it's just that Harry himself isn't.

Yes, but that doesn't mean pointless changes should be made.

 

I actually liked all the changes the author had made to Potterverse. I always thought there are enough canon proof to suggest owls have some way to travel instantaneously (remember underage magic warnings?). Nice to see someone has finally improved this aspect, instead of relying on muggle communications to rub backwards wizards' nose in their own poo.

In fact, the way magical world and magic itself were portrayed was the best part of this story. It's rare to see a story where wizards are completely superior to muggles and magic is given proper respect and flair. See this passage, for example:

This is the sort of attitude I'd like to see more in fanfiction. Giving muggles some credit is fine, but let's not forget that magic is magic.

The plot is also handled great. It deviates greatly from PS, almost completely shedding away canon structure. After the 1st half of 1st year, there's hardly any resemblance to the canon anymore, which is a giant plus for an AU.

Characterization was also pretty good. Even though Harry was made more mature than any 11 year old has right to be, author had made enough effort to justify that. Dumbledore was especially good, in fact one of the best characterizations of good!Dumbledore, who's so cool that even Voldemort respects him (a novel concept).

The only downside, at least for me, comes with the territory - which is portkey.org. However much this Hermione is interesting and well characterized (with a few surprises beneath the surface), the fact remains that she becomes Harry's steady girlfriend at 12, Harry's world will probably revolve around her at 13 and they'll get engaged at 15. No matter that he's growing into a proactive fun-loving guy, due to the author's fanboyism, we (probably) won't see any of the standard growing up stuff before Harry lands himself with a soulmate for life. I know this is a standard illness of shipper fics, but I still can't help but feel disappointed that such a great fic was marred by this shit.

Anyway, a fantastic fic. The only reason it's not more popular in these waters seems to be because it got stuck at that looser site, causing it to push Portkey's preferred ship more than necessary. Strong rec either way.

 

It is a very readable story. A very nice twisting of the story.
3/5 with the understanding that it could still go south.

Detail rich.

 

Oh god! What is with all the question marks in the 4th chapter? They break the paragraphs too much, making it hard to get through.

 

I'll give it a 3.5 (round to 4) for now. Harry's a bit too intelligent (naturally making him the perfect boyfriend for Hermione) there's a bit too much knight in shining armor thing going on. This is overshadowed by the magic is very cool attitude that Harry presents. The author goes to great lengths to explain his system of magic.

It's a good read. It does have the passive voice problem mentioned earlier, but I do that quite a bit myself.

Jim

 

If you're using Firefox, open the View menu, go down to Character Encoding and change it to Western (Windows-1252). It's not the author's fault.

 

I have to agree with Jbern - the idea that Harry develops so fast is the only thing that I would criticise. I do not mind the characteristion of Dumble's relationship with Harry - it seems to me this what in a way JKR intended as was the case in HBP and DH.

The romance is probably developing a bit early - it would be more appropriate for the canon idea of noticing the opposite sex in 4th or 5th year to carry over. HHr is not a bother really, I think RHr is far worse and less realistic.

Never can say no to a powerful Harry though.

Snoopy.

 

I'm going to second IP82 on the attitude toward magic and the wizarding world in this fic. I mean, this is fucking magic. Why shouldn't it be superior to what muggles can do?

Also, an AU that diverges completely and utterly from canon gets massive bonus points from me. Voldemort shitwrecking a bunch of first years and Hagrid was one of the best scenes I've seen in an AU. I like how by the beginning of 1993 the world's already shooting to hell.

The pairing's coming on early, but hopefully the author sticks with what Harry said and they're basically friends for a few more years.

I didn't mind the passive telling voice, really. Maybe it's reaching to the other side of not moving the plot along, but I've got no problems with a fic in which things happen in every chapter.

5/5

Edit: Forgot to add one of, IMO, the best details about the wizarding world in this fic: He deals with why there's an economy at all, instead of wizards just conjuring up whatever they want.

 

I haven't finished yet, but I ran into somthing I'll forget to say if I wait.

I wish I could go to this author's Hogwarts. I've always thought math cources were too slow and mindless, even though I love math. Why couldn't my school have taught calculus to seventh graders?

 

I like this. And I'll third IP on the magic angle. It was so refreshing to read about how the magical society is superior instead of the other way round. I loved the part about the self cleaning toilets.

I also like how Pansy is displayed. The characterizations of Draco and Ron are pushing it a little but its acceptable. Pansy on the other hand is just cool.

Harry does seem to be overly intelligent and mature, but if you think about it, he was pretty much taking care of himself for a few years before Hogwarts so its somewhat understandable. Then you have to consider what the description of Occlumency said about how the mind recall details. So it some how fits.

The background descriptions on magic were really good and a major plus for me.

4/5

 

Interesting story. The magic system and quirks that the author has added are very intriguing and the story itself evolves nicely away from cannon. The relationship between Dumbledore and Harry is also very good and is in fact one of the better ones that I have seen.

On the downside the passive voice can get annoying and the story seems rushed with detail lacking in some places. Characterisations can also suffer a little with things such as Dumbledore pumping his fist in the air in chapter 5 popping up occasionally.

That said, I did enjoy the story but wish that there was a little more detail in places - the whole show verses tell thing cropping up again.

 

My Pedo!Harry senses are tingling.

 

Lol, don't worry, this is on portkey.org. One thing you won't find there is HG.

 

4/5 so far. It has a good magic system, and the characters are intelligent.

 

4/5 Best fic i've read in a long time.