I'm writing a story right now: an AU where Tom Riddle, instead of choosing to become Voldemort, becomes the Minister of Magic to accomplish his objectives. After many years, Tom has become the Minister of Magic- and effectively its dictator for life, its commander for life- through Machiavellian tactics and assassinating his enemies. This cultivates in him slowly but surely demonizing mudbloods, muggleborns and half-bloods, ousting Dumbledore out of power, and claiming that he is an enemy of the state.

The entire country is under his arm and in love with him- except for Dumbledore and his followers who decided to hide and fortify themselves in Azkaban, which they managed to take over. Albus and his followers manages to cast a spell upon the land of Azkaban which will make them impenetrable for many, many years, but it will die out someday. And when it does they must be prepared to be attacked by Voldemort and his forces. Many of the Order were killed before escaping to Azkaban though.

This happened a year or so before Harry's birth. Harry is not the Boy-Who-Lived- merely the son of the 'rebels' James and Lily Potter, who married and reproduced despite it being forbidden, and his parents are killed when Dumbledore is ousted. Harry is raised in an orphanage where he is consistently told about his parents ways, and this leads to him becoming a very determined young man who's ashamed of his parents. This happens not because he's a bigot, but because remember that he was brainwashed from birth to be ashamed of his parents. Remember that the Dumbledore, James, Lily and any Order member has been demonized and muddied by Voldemort and his spin team, so they are the equivalents of Death Eaters in his world.

So Harry grows up ashamed for being a 'half-breed' and this only leads to him wanting to prove everyone wrong. This makes him want to become a member of the society- so he has aspirations of 'making up' for his parents affiliation with the Order. So he goes to Hogwarts, becomes sorted in Slytherin- the House of choice and most respected in this universe- where he becomes an outcast due to being Half-blood, excels but is not recognized as a prodigy by anyone but a select few, and he graduates at the top of his class. Harry becomes an Auror, where he intends on proving his strength as a warrior to the people by protecting them from enemies.

Now during this time, the defense around Azkaban has disappeared. It is not impenetrable anymore. Tom Riddle quickly deployed the Hit-Wizards, Aurors, and the other military arms of the Ministry of Magic, to attack and slaughter everyone inside Azkaban. During this time children have been born, and families have been made.

At the age of seventeen, Harry Potter has been sent to massacre and slaughter hundreds of people- many of them children. He went in, naive and ambitious, only to come out with an indescribable horror.

There will be TWO parts to this fic if it all goes well: The first will be Harry's entrance into the war and the eventual victory over the the Order forces. The second will deal with his acceptance of all that happened, the massacring of the innocent, and what he intends to do next.
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Don't worry, I've already outlined the entire fic, so all I need is some help now. I'll need someone who can help me with a plot and discuss this with me.

Also can any British nit-pick help me out a bit? I'm modeling the Aurors after the Scotland Yard, so can anyone give me a more coherent and helpful info than the article given in Wikipedia? Thanks.

EDIT: And yes, this was inspired/influenced by Full Metal Alchemist, you know the Ishbal Massacres and Roy's part in it.

 

This seems like an excellent idea, though I do see some flaws in it.

I really like the main premise for the fic. The Voldemort-is-MoM is so underused, and when it is used, it's rarely done well. I also really like the part about Harry not thinking his parents are Teh Uber Awesome- you always see him loving them in fics despite being told to hate them since birth, and it's nice to see a plausible reaction to that.

I have three main problems with this bunny. One is that you describe Harry as being looked down upon, and say that he is new to the Auror Corps. If I remember correctly, there are only about 50+ order members, which, assuming that all of them coupled off and have had about 2 kids, would still make the numbers at around 100+. The hundreds you describe seem implausible to me.

Since the number is so low, and with all the propaganda recruitment rates must be down, I doubt Voldemort would raise an Army to get rid of them. Probably a bunch of experienced Hit-Wizards to take down Dumbledore, then 50 Aurors to take down all the capable adults, I doubt that a rookie who is seen is racially inferior (Harry) would be sent to the operation.

My other concern is what you will do after the first part. While the idea to get Harry a bit darker and more jaded is awesome, the 'learning to accept the massacre' part makes me see a lot of potential for internal angsty diatribes that are far from interesting.

Last point is Harry's objectives in this fic. I'm assuming that after the battle, Harry will try to take down Voldemort. If the entire Order is slaughtered, then who will help Harry with this?

Keep in mind that I don't know what FMA is, and thusly have no idea whether this is addressed in the fic.

 

You're right. How about Azkaban becomes an asylum of some sort for people who want to escape persecution? The wards allow people to come in if Dumbledore wants them, but it keeps invaders out. So over the years, families and people who are persecuted escape to the island. This'll make the 'hundreds' concept seem more plausible.

This is a sucide mission though- in this story Azkaban is basically impenetrable even without the wards, and so Voldemort will be wanting to send as much people as possible. Remember that the Order is considered to be the equivalent of the Death Eaters- there will be lots of people who'll sign up to destroy them.

Basically Harry sees that he was NOT helping out his nation by being in the army and slaughtering these people. He questions the genocide and knows that this was all uneeded murder. In the first part he begins to see the manipulation of the government so the second part is rather simple.

Harry plans on couping Voldemort and the government in a bloody coup. He doesn't know that Tom is Voldemort- but he knows what a manipulative bastard he is. Harry will be staying in the military, where he will attempt to get himself into a high enough position to control the military and slaughter everybody.

As for the people who'll help Harry: other soldiers who were also in the war with him and realized the evilness of the dictator. He distinguished himself as a hero in the frontlines, and many people are indebted to him- several of his closest associates pledge to help him at any cost.

He is willing to do whatever is needed to reach a position in which he can kill Voldemort. So while he will be conflicted, he will not hesitate to slaughter entire towns in order to get a promotion and further his dreams of couping Tom.

Also as for the FMA thing, it's pretty irrelevant. Just something I wanted to share.

 

I like the idea. Reminds me a bit of Shezza's Azkaban story, only with Harry working for the other side.

Unfortunately, I see no way to continue this past the Azkaban battle. Harry dealing with guilt, organizing support, mounting a resistance... meh, with only a few HP characters left in the game and basically no setting at all, I don't think many will be interested in reading this (and neither will you in writing it).

My suggestion is to make the Azskaban raid the culmination of the story, not the start. You'll probably have to set up some sort of siege, that will be going on for several weeks. Harry's raiders are constantly mounting attacks against the Azkaban defenders. At some point, he'll probably get captured and shown the interior of the fortress, where he meets his parents' old friends (possibly his parents themselves, as a twist?), innocent kids and other mushy crap. He escapes and gives his commander the plans/information that will enable the final raid to happen. He goes in despite his guilt, flinging death left and right... until he sees his parent's/Remus'/little Timmy's who brought him food during interrogation/random love interest's death and he breaks down. He defects to the Order, reveals a fatal weakness in the Aurors' battle plans, leads the counter-attack, has to fight his best Auror friend/girlfriend and eventually saves the day for the Order. Happy ending with a possible opening for a sequel and all that crap...

... or at least this is how this should work if you want anime feel to it

My second objection is to the fact that Harry was left in the Orphanige. Why didn't the Order try to rescue him? If they already have a mini society in Azkaban, why not take him with them, instead of dump him in the Government-controlled orphanage. Possibly a place to put in another mystery.

But anyway, the basic idea is good; one of those ideas which are often discussed but rarely used (like the brain in OOTP = Grindewald, or Harry travels into a foreign magical society). Cut off the second part and you have a pretty good story.

 

We'll still have lots characters- the Slytherins, many Minister workers, former Death Eaters, etc.

And Harry will not be mounting a resistance for now. In actuality he'll be even more of a dog of the military than anything- remember that he's willing to do ANYTHING to reach the highest position in the military.

And as for this part, I haven't really looked at it much yet. I'm more focused on part one, and trying to make sure that it's coherent.

Yes, actually that's how long it'll last. Maybe even more.

Goddamn you, you just spoiled/predicted a lot of what I was planning on doing.

Honestly though, Harry will not be defecting into their side. I was planning on this to eventually lead into a magical civil war where Harry leads a revolution from within while realizing Tom being Voldemort. The Azkaban raid is a HUGE part, but it'll just be the first of many massacres for Harry.

 

Are you using "realizing Tom is Voldemort" as a shorthand for recognizing how evil he is? As I read this summary, there is no Lord Voldemort. There aren't any death eaters or random murders, just government-sanctioned violence against racial inferiors and dissidents. Basically Riddle as Pol Pot.

Is Riddle still experimenting with uber-dark magic? He doesn't even need to do it himself any more, right? He can direct the Department of Mystery's new Dark Arts (or whatever euphemism you prefer) division to research the most effective ways to make horcruxes, develop new torture curses, or whatever.

It's almost like you're setting Harry up to be a Voldemort-like figure, but fighting against an evil society instead of a good society.

 

I like it all the way until Harry slaughters all the inhabitants of Azkaban.

*shakes head* Ahh, no matter how powerful Harry becomes, he shouldn't be the one to demolish Azkaban. At most, he'd kill a few adult wizards while his allied aurors kill the rest. Sure, he'd still feel like it was he himself that killed them all, but to send in hundreds of aurors and then have Harry kill all the resistance is stupid.

To kill off all of the HP characters sounds like a pointless bloodbath. So Harry will feel guilty and change his ways, plots against Voldemort and kills him... sounds like a waste. Azkaban should hold, at losses presumably, but you can make the teen/adult Order Wizards uber, since, they were trained from birth to defend their familes unlike the incompetent aurors that abuse their power and status.

If you don't do that, then Harry needs to make friends with some of the order by accident, otherwise, it's Harry killing some nameless innocents that although he'll feel guilty about later, won't really be emotionally distraught by their deaths.

Edit: And what's the motivation for Harry's Slytherin buddies to help Harry kill Voldemort? Even if they were halfbloods too, it doesn't make much sense for them to betray their government because it did something really unethical or wrong in their eyes. Especially when they would be completely slaughtered if they were caught. To risk their lives for people who are already dead sounds stupid. Especially so if half of these guys are OCs.

 

I guess I should clarify.

Tom Riddle still has the same intentions, and he still wants to do what Voldemort wants- only difference is, he is not going about to doing it the same way that Voldemort did. Which is through acts of terrorism. Instead, he decides to do it through a more subtle way.
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When did I say that Harry would kill all of them? Harry is just one of the hundred or so wizards being sent to destroy it. Look up a few posts and I even said that a few of the people from Azkaban will escape. Harry will distinguish himself in the raids and skirmishes but that's it.

Very true.

How about this: Harry is captured by the Azkaban, converts to Order side, Azkaban still falls but Harry leads a few (say a dozen or so) of his closest allies and friends out of Azkaban and into a foreign country where he will begin to raise a revolution. Dumbledore has been killed and many of the senior officers of the Order have been killed- Harry will be forced to start leading the soldiers against Voldemort. That will be the end of the first part.

The second part deals with Harry's and his newfound soldiers as they muster up a resistance against Voldemort. They gather allies, fight skirmishes, and basically act like terrorists against Tom's administration.

 

You want to wait for Harry to reach higher in the Aurors' chain of command before Azkaban falls, because otherwise there would be no reason for him to be leading the rebellion afterwards. If he's just some nameless rookie in the Auror Department why would he be chosen to lead a group of people in a coup against a powerful government?

Maybe have him become a squad or platoon commander before he's captured, that would give the Order reason to interact with him beyond the basics when he's captured and would give you a legitimate reason for him to be a leader. I feel it would be good if he was responsible (directly or by his command/plan) for the deaths of several notable members of the Order as well, it adds a bit of strife for him to overcome and gives the story a darker, and more personal, edge.

Otherwise it sounds good, write it up and I'll read it.

Aekiel

 

The way I see it, it could work two ways:

Harry is of a rank that warrants he might have some information the Order wants.

or

Harry is of no rank and is just a "POW".

Both of these situations have their disadvantages, but I like the second idea better.


So Harry could be captured and he could know something (not likely) that the Order wants. He meets Dumbledore or Moody or whoever is carrying out this interrogation – and he might chat his enemies up a bit, but, that's about it. You'll need to have him interact with somebody compassionate and more open than any stone-faced interrogator. Otherwise, it's just Harry confirming his biases.

It would be easier if Harry were a rookie. He'd be thrown in a lower-rank cell, underestimated. He meets one of the attendants and talks with them. It could be Ginny, Hermione, Luna, Katie, McGonagall, Bill, Remus – whoever. They would see eye to eye and the conversations would be frequent. Harry might think he can learn some things about Azkaban and plan an escape if he befriends this person (that brings his food and necessities every day). Instead he finds himself questioning his own ideals.

 

@Aekiel and Chime- one of the things I like best about this idea is that Harry doesn't have the order backing him. He realizes how horrific what he had to do is on his own and strikes out on his own. I'm not explaining this clearly, but, imo, it would work much better (and be more interesting and original) if most of the order was slaughtered.

My suggestion to this is to keep the number to purely order members and family only. Spend a chapter or two about Harry in the Ministry, somehow doing something to distinguish himself, then have Harry join an elite and secret group that goes out to destroy the resistance alone to avoid bad PR.

If you want to have a battle/siege and the hundreds, you need to consider that the public would react badly to something on that scale unless given a very good reason to support it. It might be cool to see a ministry conspiracy to besmirch the order by killing in their name, or just plain PR.

I think you should, however, live a few HP characters on the outside, so Harry could meet up with them. Not anyone major like Hermione and the Weasleys, but maybe someone minor but interesting.

As for the Azkaban part, my suggestion to go through with it in the beginning of the story, and have the rest of the story on the machinations of a coup and the new world order. I second IP, however, in saying that there should be HP characters involved.

 

Originality aside (sometimes it's better to just stick with, but improve, the cliched/over-used ideas), I think you'll have a dead story if Harry slaughters all of the Order and then meets some single guy he likes or whatever.

The Order can still be slaughtered if Harry is captured. Harry can come to his own terms even if he befriends one of the order members. Especially if they aren't trying to convert him. He is just a prisoner, not anybody they think worth anything. Harry can be freed from prison and watch in horror as he walks out into the light, seeing everyone being killed by the aurors. That could be the climax –– "Should I help them? Or should I follow the aurors?" to have the order slaughtered while Harry has no real ties to them, I will say vehemently, makes the story flat and dead: Harry becomes an auror, kills the order, meets an order member (and doesn't kill them outright), likes this order member, and then suddenly regrets his decision and hates the people he's been brainwashed to love? Perhaps I just don't understand.

It's not my story, but I'm just suggesting. It's Pesmerga's call.

 

I see it more as a gradual change in ideals from what he's been taught as a child to the grim reality of a Voldemort controlled war machine, not a sudden change from Dark to Light. Maybe he joins the Aurors to protect whatever friends he's managed to find, to prove that he's not a carbon copy of his parents, that hated and reviled terrorists that they are/were.

After a while of questioning his beliefs he goes on a mission for the Aurors and is captured by the Order. He's interrogated by people like Moody and Bill (random name) and he comes to like his captors. Maybe they're kinder than the Aurors were during training, or they're just nice outside of the interrogation, or he befriends the person who brings him food. Whatever it is, he has that link, but its not much.

Now, when the Aurors are bursting through the doors of Azkaban, Harry finds his new friend (since he's been treated as a second class citizen his entire life and wants to protect the few he has) and tries to smuggle her (works better with a woman) out. Unfortunately a stray curse hits her and she falls down, dead. Harry is pissed. He's just made a new friend and now she's dead. He wants revenge, and he finds it, in the form of Yaxley or Dolohov, or another random Auror/Death Eater. In short, he kills them, but is seen doing it and is forced to flee from the battle to save his life, leaving the Order to be slaughtered.

Once out he flees to France, or some other sympathetic country, and hides out there for a few months, maybe even years, honing his skills so he can go back and take revenge on the Ministry that took one of his friends (this is getting a real anime feel here XD). One day, while he's walking about in some random town/city, he sees a person he recognises from Azkaban. Might be a nurse or an interrogator or just a random person, but he sees them and he follows them... and is captured again. Through sheer luck he's been found by what remains of the Order, which is now a resistance group centred in France/whatever and is taken to an outpost to be interrogated.

After that its all yours. You can save whomever you like from Azkaban (though I don't suggest any of the heavy hitters like Dumbledore or Moody) and you've got the starts of a resistance movement for Harry to lead.

Of course this is all just advice , so take it if you want. (I was tempted to mention things about precious people at some points... I've been reading too much Naruto XD)

Aekiel

 

I've thought of a pretty good and original idea as to why Voldemort is able to get so much support from the country. After driving out Dumbledore and the Order in a lightning fast coup where Tom, along with many purebloods, managed to pin the blame on them for crimes, and get the public to despise Dumbledore. Because of these actions Tom was applauded as a hero- and he was instantly made into the Minister of Magic by the people with powers to clean up the Ministry of corruption.

As Minister, he began to effectively remove good wizards and witches who weren't part of the Order but not sympathetic with him, and he created evidence saying that they were part of the Order. He then replaced every single Ministry spot with a friend/ally.

Now that he was done insuring the loyalty of the government he set out to get the people next. He asked himself one question- how can he get the loyalty of the people without seeming like a dictator? Aha! Create a new religion with himself as the head and prophet!

So with the backing of the Pure-bloods and the government, he set out to create a religion which would please everyone and make him into not only the political leader of the land but also the social leader.

I haven't really thought of a name for the religion but here's the gist of it: Basically the religion preaches that purebloods are the closest thing there is to a god in the earth. They are the most pure and clean because they have yet to be 'tainted' by the dirtiness of Muggles. Thus every magical folk that is not a purebloods is dirty- and below the purebloods.

The religion does say that a dirtied wizard can redeem himself and eventually become a pureblood in the next life, since reincarnation is a belief. But that is if only he devotes as a servant to the will of the purebloods and follow their every command.

And that's a good enough reason as to why Harry would serve the government. He has been brainwashed from birth to believe that he is a second class citizen but he can redeem himself true servitude. He is ashamed of his dirtied blood and by fighting the enemies of the purebloods he believes that he shall become pure.

Because of this religion which he makes up, the purebloods who will be benefiting the most from this supports him unconditionally, and the ones who don't are persecuted and killed under the guise of justice. The 'dirty' wizards on the other hand, have been brainwashed into believing their dirty, but they can be redeemed through servitude.

By doing this, couping the government and creating a religion with him and his supporters (purebloods) as the prophets, Tom has effectively taken control of the entire wizarding world.

 

The idea works but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It just feels like you're forcing everything.

Just have it so Voldemort controlls Hogwarts, handing out dark marks like candy, or something. The Muggleborns are taken as soon as they perform accidental magic. The Purebloods love power and the half-bloods and lesser purebloods are either marked or fearful.

If you want to use the religion, you can't have it be central. It's too much like giving all the people an excuse to behave a certain way. At least with the manipulation, they still are chosing to take the dark mark or to not save that muggleborn, or whatever, instead of believing it to be morally wrong to not take the mark or kill the muggle.

 

Okay, I like the concept, but there's a bit of plot hole aside from those pointed out above.

Voldemort is a pureblood wizard descended in an unbroken line from Salazar Slytherin. Tom Riddle is a half-blood wizard orphan raised by Muggles and who is secretly descended from Salazar Slytherin through scandal.

Voldemort was the false persona created by Tom Riddle to hide the circumstances of his birth and heritage. Without that persona, what is there to convince the pureblood community to accept Tom Riddle as one of them instead of a hypocritical fool, little better than a particularly useful pawn with a tainted and essentially illegitimate bloodline?

This is especially true when you take the pureblood bias as far as you said you will. Tom Riddle is not a pureblood. Without the mask of Voldemort to obscure that, he loses all respect from the pureblood community.

 

Very true.

I guess I'll have to ponder about this.

Thanks for bringing that up.

 

He could make up a new persona, crafted for politics instead of terror. A new player from 'another branch of the Slytherin family'.

Just create a plausible enough family line and an aliby for why they were off the scene - could open up immense possibilities. Then manufacture evidence, and show enough prowess;/power;/resources to make the pure bloods interested. Then convince them through ideology and his natural charisma.

All of which Riddle is gifted at.


Even make 'Tom Riddle' a devoted servant of his - giving him more credibility (I command this awesome prodigy).

 

Heh, you know it would be very funny if Harry and Voldemort's role are reverse... your story has Tom in a legitimate form of government, so its not gonna be hard to place Harry in the precarious position of rebel and terrorist. (At least to Tom's spin-doctoring)

 

Why would you want to make Harry's interrogator's kind? Why not just give them the sense of honor that the aurors are supposed to have, but don't actually exhibit? Not only that, but "Harry-shown-kindness-and-begins-to-rebel" doesn't make as much sense as "captured-Harry-is-made-to-think-and-face-brutal-truths-about-what-he's-done".

That said, I really like the idea, and look forward to seeing what you do with it.