OMG Harry Dresden!

I guess this would be the time to finally read the Dresden books...

Out of interest, how many chapters will it be before we catch up with the prologue, roughly?

 

The plot says that we come back to Hogwarts in Ch10.

You don't have to read the Dresden Files if you don't want to. Dresden will be in their for about three of the chapters, and I'll explain everything. That said, it's a fantastic series, so it won't be much of a chore...

 

Hm...you know, if you want my honest opinion you should just off Voldemort and be done with it. He's kind of a pathetic excuse for an antagonist if he constantly has to make alliances with various higher powers to not be Harry's bitch. And that being the case, if he can't even beat a teenager by himself, what does he really have to offer that any of these various luminaries would want in exchange for their help?

 

Shezza I feel like proposing to you right now. Brilliant prologue/first chapter, I'll let the others spot the mistakes since I'm bound to miss them in my sleep deprived state.

Aekiel

 

Title match of the year, or bestest friends who share names?

 

So, Harry is appearing... Yes.
If this is four months earlier, and Harry is meeting... well... Harry, (That sounded weird.) Is that how he came into contact with Morgan? I assume the Warden in the Prologue was Morgan.
Spotted one mistake, but I forget where. I'm sure someone else will see it.
That said, this is awesome.

 

Wow I'm out for two days and I get back to two parts of your new story. So far so good I've been waiting for some Harry/Harry interaction for sometime now. I wonder what time period this is going to take place after he loses Lasciel or before?

Also the seen where Harry is talking about rape seemed very similar to the South Park episode "Imaginationland I" where Butters thinks the guy is gonna rape him. Don't know if you based it form that but It was similar.

 

Ah, yes. Lasciel. Totally forgot about her... can't believe I did.
Since Molly is... old enough to teach at... Salem's, I think, she should have graduated or something from her apprenticeship... so by that time shade-Lasciel would be gone.
Although... will Harry Dresden know if he's a Denarian? What are the reasons for him to meet with Harry (Potter)?
And the sword... Shiro's sword, that is... Didn't Harry Dresden have it? Did Michael retrieve it from HD (Oops) and take it to the graveyard?
Ack. Talking too much.

 

A common problem in writing fanfiction. Protagonist/Enemy

Balancing Harry/Voldemort is difficult – if Harry becomes too powerful, the story becomes dull. If the author tries to balance the struggle (by making Harry weaker, introducing some third party he needs to protect, or something else cliche and uninteresting) he'll probably just fuck the story up.

Now a hole seems to be dug as also, Nicodemus, supposedly the strongest Denarian (I haven't read the Dresden files so I wouldn't know...) is dead. And with Harry now a knight... it doesn't look like there are many enemies to replace Voldemort (and wouldn't be lame 2-dimensional OCs) if he were offed.

Personally, I think Voldemort needs to get his own Denarian or something. A power boost would be lame (if done right it could work...), but it's certainly less lame than introducing some other new bad guy from stage left, or having Harry protect Amanda for 20 chapters, again (although Amanda/Meciel threesome sounds awesome).


Anyway, as for chapter 2: awesome. I loved the dialogue. Harry's gotta make some more awkward sex-analogies in the future.

 

Very nice chapter. I felt the commotion with Harry and Meciel lasted longer than needed, but it wasn't out of place.

Having read the Dresden Files, or atleast up to book six, I felt that the paranoid quote was something Dresden would say to himself, but never out loud, but again, it ended up working out just fine. I am definitely interested on knowing how Harry goes from here to Hogwarts, under arrest.

Can't wait for the continuation.

 

Dresden seems to be acting more like his enemies would in response to his quips but that may just be a result of Dresden being on the other side of events for once. Being the one dragging someone into things instead of the one being dragged.

 

I didn't have an issue with Dresden's characterization, though the banter did seem a bit forced, other than that he seemed fine. I would think he would question the Denarian bit a little more seeing as he was one and would probably like to gain a bit more insight into it.

What did feel out of character is Mac. I have always taken him as a by the book no questions guy, so it would seem a bit odd to give a 14 almost 15 years old beer. I know Harry acts adult but I don't think Mac would be the kind of guy to let it slide easily. Also how tall is Harry because if I remember right Harry Dresden (who is nearly 7 ft) needs to watch the ceiling rafters when he comes into Mc'Anally's but I don't think Harry would.

Someone should run the chapter over with grammar because I did notice a few while reading but I honestly don't feel like writing em out at the moment.

 

I know that it was intentional, but I still am a bit less than crazy about using Butcher's introduction like that. I personally just found it a bit off, like with how it then blended into your writing. Meh.

By the way, Kai Shek, Dresden DID say/think that to the reader in one of the books...

EDIT: Whoops, hehe, apparently we posted at the same time. Well, off to read the next installment.

 

Thrawn Wannabe- Are you talking about the description of McAnally's? I did try to deviate a little from how Butcher put it but honsetly, there wasn't much I could do to put it any differently

 

This story is awesome. Sheeza, you have convinced me to read the Dresden Files.

 

Looking forward to the fight against the vampires, something has to go wrong, you can just tell . I suspect a trap, though I do wonder why the Commander of the Eastern US Wardens would be going to Indonesia.

Still, good chapter with only a couple of errors I could spot.

Aekiel

 

Another chapter! It is great having a veritable flood of chapters after the long drought. I really liked this one.

I did like the start with Harry driving away all the other customers. I wonder though, is it common knowledge that Harry is a denarian/knight? I mean how old is Harry right now? It seems odd that the customers would be so afraid of a teenager unless they knew the truth about him. It seems odd however that Harry would advertise his true nature.

I think you made a minor mistake there. I am 95% sure that Michael is the wielder of Amoracchius while the sword that Harry inherited should be Fidelacchius. Unless ofcourse Michael gave his own sword to Harry and started using Shiros old sword himself but that makes little sense.

Looking forward to the next chapter and seeing Harry kill some more vampires. Should be interesting to see how he gets in trouble with the white council since he is actually helping them right now.

 

Feckin' hell. It's in the middle of the night. I feel so guilty. It's like eating a very, very delicious meal one bite at a time when you're half-asleep- that is to say, you can't appreciate it fully. I feel like that. A heavenly story like yours should be relished slowly, slowly, read again and again... and what am I doing? Not printing it out and reading it on a nice warm couch with a drink at hand, to get a maximum effect of enjoyement, but crouching in front of my computer, drinking every word in eagerly.
On the other hand... MICHAEL'S BACK!!!!
Anyway, fantastic story, can't wait for the next bit. Spotted few mistakes, forgot where, as I was too busy getting to the next line.

Good line. I sniggered.

Oh, yeah, the Amoracchius thing. Think you made a mistake there-

It should be changed to Fidelacchius... I think? I think that was Shiro's sword. Sanya's was Esperacchius, if I recall correctly.

Yes, another one converted to Dresdenism. Or soon to be, anyway, you'll be swept away by the magnificent style of Butcher...