on

he

a

At one point this is not hyphenated, here it is.

Regarding uriel's corrections: Shezza's are the British spellings and, as such, more correct than any other


€: Seems I'm somewhat blind when it comes to spelling errors or some other things. Last chapter, I didn't notice a sentence ending very apruptly.
And now, goat? Wtf?

 

Meciel mused as Harry opened the goat with a creak.



Other then that I didn't really catch any mistakes.

 

Nice line.

Any errors I noticed were already corrected, and I also like that Harry went to the Carpenters in his time of need, even if you mentioned that Meciel suggested it.

 

Jesus another update, and a good one too. I love it when Knights of the Cross are involved so a Michael chapter is always good. I do hope though you explain the reason no Knights came to Harry's aid in the Apartment. I know they don't always help but in the books it seems that anytime a Knight is in serious life threatening danger (unless it's his "time") another Knight has helped out.

Also I'm still hoping for an explanation as to why it chose Harry, why Dresden wasn't the one to find the Knight, and what's the connection with the last King of Okinawa and Harry. While not significant plots it has been nagging at me since this sequel began.
And some Harry and Thomas interaction would be nice to see, but since Thomas is usually an add-on to the Dresden Files I suppose that's just a hope.

 

This double negative popped out at me. Should be:
'I do not think that it was coincidence that Voldemort attacked us mere hours after we encountered Vesper,’
or maybe
'I suspect that it was no coincidence that Voldemort attacked us mere hours after we encountered Vesper,’

I dig the new Vesper sig. You don't have to be on the internet long to learn that Apnea's pics will show up in the damnedest places.[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

 

I found it amusing that a Fallen Angel commenting on his corruptive influence .

All in all good chapter, I'll wait for the next 2k over the weekend (while being just slightly bored... I may actually have to study). Keep it up.

Aekiel

 

As children is not part of the enumeration, no comma there.

Lacking the "is".

Capitalisation.

I assume me opened his mouth.

No apostrophes there.
The "all who turned" sounds strange to me. I'd have said "who all turned".

Capitalisation again.

Did she step in front of a mirror?

Stop skeeting on your shift key, apparently it's getting sticky.

it's

 

This chapter makes me wonder what Harry's limit is. There may be no end to his depravity... what will he do next?

As long as he's not a pedo... or a furry.

 

Lulz, pedo!Harry.

I bet JKR would love to see a Harry/Madeline pairing.

 

school?

Nice interaction.

 

I like what you did with harry stealing the food, it was verry funny especily since i have done the same thing accept i dont acturly take the food.

 

Shezza said in commenting on a previous chapter that she is at Hogwarts as an exchange student.

 

Lulz, young Harry?

Maybe Harry could somehow ask if little Harry's name was a result of Charity's gratitude and overwhelming worship for Harry's awesomeness?

 

Aside from what World already pointed out...

“I’m glad that you see the true worth of material objects,”

His chair fell over with a loud bang

“Yeah, I remember you now.

I’m down to bestiality.

Children who are alive because of me

reluctant acceptance replacing indignant anger

Personally, I'd change that to 'Harry looked up with an annoyed frown on his face as the lanky young man glared at him in anger' to avoid the repetition of 'with' but that's mostly preference.

“That was me stealing your sister's dinner

Another matter of personal preference, but I feel that 'teen girl with the dark, braided hair' flows a little better. I think I'm programmed to expect color information to come before the rest of a description whenever possible (anyone else do this?), so feel free to totally ignore this one.

'questioned the seventeen year old boy excitedly, leaning forward.' just seems less awkward to me. *shrug*

and it's common courtesy

 

Meh, talk about anticlimatic. ^^

This chapter seems a little forced, mostly the bitch fight between Harry and Daniel.
Frankly it kind of kills the coolness of Harry attitude to answer like a temperamental teenager. He should have act like he had against Hermione.

But since he just has escape death and all his possesion has been destroyed it's comprehensible.

 

Ouch. Looks like the Harry/Carpenter meeting ended in disaster. I do think Daniel was being a real prick here even if Harry did kindof deserve it. I wonder how this will affect things in the future. I mean I would expect that after being so soundly rejected by the Carpenters Harry would not be so happy to see members of the family in the future. Will the fight come up when Harry meets Amanda for instance?

I wonder why the white council is after Harry. Is it because of the damage caused by the fight with Voldemort? Please write the next chapter quickly! I really want to know.

EDIT: You know something else just occurred to me. Why is it that Michael did not come to help Harry? From the way he seemed to try to convince Harry to stay it seemed that he realized that Harry alone was not responsible for the fiasco. He also did still seem to want to help Harry still.

Now Harry did not apparate out so he must have still been pretty close to the Carpenter house. Close enough that Michael should have heard the sounds of combat and especially the tree blowing up and the screams and the shield blowing up with a "loud boom". Now the wardens cannot apparete so there really should be enough time for Michael to grab his sword and run to help a fellow knight should'nt there?