The only thing that Charity can do to make up for this is to let Harry have hot angry sex with Molly.

But seriously:

Snoopy says she speaks without thinking in the series, but in this case Charity isn't even listening to Michael when he tells her to stfu.
I mean yeah the guy is possessed by a demon and has some serious issues, but it's not like he's a danger to the family while he's within the house with Michael there.

Question: Is Charity such a hard ass in the books? (haven't read them yet)

 

Hey,

I want to thank Warlocke, Eaglette and World for the grammar and spell check of the chapter. It's definitely one of my weaknesses and I rarely ever pick it up. I was thinking about getting a beta but, honestly, I think they'd slow me down. Thanks to everybody else for their reviews and comments. I took it all on board when editing the final version.

Regarding Harry's bitchfest. Kai Shek said it the best when he comments that Harry's two weakest points are 1) Meciel, and then 2) His power. I've gone back and explicitly stated that so people aren't wondering why Harry is acting so hormonal. I've also put in a bit about how the fight with Voldemort had drained him / made him more irritable.

Bit of an anti-climactic ending but, like I did with Dumbledore at the First Task in DR, Harry is only human (mostly) and can be taken by surprise. Powerful yes, but not super.

For the record, canon Charity is in fact as much of a hard-arse. In fact, her character is one that I despise and I rank her up there with Earlybook!Murphy and Morgan. Arrogant little twits, the whole lot of them....

Thanks for your feedback, it's greatly appreciated
Sincerely,
Shezza

 

Why do people even bother putting Shezza's stuff in for review? I mean I have yet to read a bad one from him. Keep this coming. 5/5

 

Yeah, you do. Not exact times, but times. The first book (I think) was at the turn of the century.

 

LOL. Take a look at who started this thread.

 

I really love this story. Though I do have one question.

Is Mavra going to play a part in this story!? ^_^

 

Well this chapter certainly throws a veil onto some things and reveals others. I see that the White Council has captured Harry and taking him to Dumbledore is probably due to the fact that he is a wand wizard.

Only one error I could find:


"He heard a small scuffle, like shoes on gravely,..."


I think that should be '' like shoes on gravel''

Great chapter by the way

 

Liked it a lot!

Looking forward to finding out how Harry manages to get out of this mess. I assume that Dumbledore will become involved somehow? I am surprised that Harry did not try to drop his name. The council might know of him afterall and Dumbledore would no doubt do his best to protect Harry. I suppose Harry was probably too freaked out by the whole thing and did not have Meciel to suggest it.

 

Been waiting for this update too. A great read, I must say.

Only error I noticed is you misspelling Wizengamots as Wizenamgots.

 

Now that's kinky. Though I guess you meant dried blood?

€: I see methene mentioned this one.

chafing

Better use "Harry's eyes" the second time.

were

Wizengamot

"

If he is so convinced, why is this a question?

"a few minutes alone"

This one time where it would be correct...

 

I like the explanation given but I wasn't a fan of how you went about it. There is nothing more annoying to me than when I watch a movie or read a book (or fan fiction) and I have the writer explaining things to me rather than the character in the book.

For example in the third Harry Potter movie was anyone else annoyed in the scene where Mcgonagall explains who Sirius Black is and what he wants? It was ridiculously staged, and you can tell the scene was created just so the director can get the plot of the story out.
"Sirius Black, the one who tortured the Potters, blew up Pettigrew and is Voldemort's right hand man? That Sirius Black, you know the one who is lose?

This is what happened here, you had the Gatekeeper explain everything in one full dose, which I think was a bit lazy. To me it sounded like this

"Gatekeeper what is the difference between Wand-wizards and True-wizards."

"I'm glad you asked my boy, sit down and let me weave you a tale. Long ago..."

While functional it doesn't allow the story to transition well, and it is obvious to the reader that you're trying to get an important plot point out.

Rather than have the Gatekeeper spout out a monologue perhaps you can spread it out among different people, similar to an actual conversation.
Harry obviously knows the story since that was his fall-back plan so I'm sure he can interrupt and throw in a comment or something.

Overall though I think you did a commendable job in the characterization of the White Council. Though Morgan I think was a little to cutthroat at talk-back in regards to the Council. If I remember right Morgan was portrayed more as zealot, I don't think he would ever argue with the Council. If the Council says Wand-wizards aren't under their jurisdiction, he would follow it no questions asked IMO.

 

No, even after the Council cleared Dresden, Morgan was still convinced he was a rabid dog that had to be put down. Something to the effect of "you may have tricked the Council but you don't fool me, etc." Morgan is a perfect case of why the "Greater Good" crap is nonsense. He's decided that Dresden is Evil and no one can convince him otherwise. He will take any opportunity to see Dresden destroyed, regardless of it being the right thing to do. As long as he can hide behind a legal fig leaf he'd do it.

 

Ah my mistake, It's been a bit since I've read the books, wasn't sure.

 

Dresden killed with magic, even though it was self-defence it was still the first steps on a dark path, and with true-magic the first step is usually all it takes. Morgan has seen this many times, so he's fanatically suspicious of Dresden. Though even that is only in the earlier books. At the end of Dead Beat, Morgan admits he no longer considers Dresden a warlock just someone who's to impulsive and doesn't have reliable judgement. He still hates Dresden but thats because of Dresden being a wiseass.

Good chapter Shezza, though Harry has commited black true-magic wouldn't that place him under the authority of the White Council?

 

waiting more.

 

Small plot-hole here:

Otherwise, an excellent chapter.

 

Ahh so he still has the coin. I was wondering about that.. I sense Meciel giving Harry a.. 'beating' in the future