Harry's behavior in the first scene wasn't that bad. With all that he went through in the past few chapters, it seems sort of logical that he would explode sooner or later.

I liked the Harry/Meciel conflict in the end of the original scene 2. Harry is screwed if he keeps loosing his temper, and Meciel shouldn't just sit around and watch him get killed.

 

I can see the slime part happening without the argument before hand. Just Snape taunting Harry and then assuming Harry did the slime thing as a form of retaliation.

I don't think Harry would lose his cool to this degree in the given situation, not so soon at least. It would also make Merciel's reaction seem more extreme and give more of a reason for Harry to feel betrayed at her threat adding to the conflict between them.

Hell moving the argument's material to after the slime incident might just be a big improvement. It seems like it would fit in sometime between the threat of detention and expulsion with Harry mocking the detention as a form of punishment.

If Shezza says the argument itself in the given form is important I'll believe him but as is it still fills like to much for to little.

 

I think the newer version is a good deal better, it shows Harry's current mental state while not making him look like a complete fool as the first version did.

I'd be interested to see what Dumbledore thinks of the arguement. No doubt he'd realise that Harry needs to control himself a little better but I can't see him being happy that Snape even threatened Harry with expulsion and therefore death. He is after all the only one who can kill Voldemort.

I do hope I'm not the only one who wants to see Snape brutally murdered once the OWLs are taken.

 

Worry not, for on that subject, you will never be alone.

 

Better, but...

The above quite seems rather OOC for Snape. The "you're not so tough now, are you?" really seems to be going overboard with trying to project Snape as a bully.

 

I liked it, but did you see my comment from before?

 

I rather liked the conflict between Harry and Meciel in the second part of the first version of the first part.

The tension could carry into the second peice, making it a bit more interesting. It would also be Harry trying to show the annoyed and angry Meciel that he is capable of handling himself.

 

Some comments

I thought that the updated scene with Snape was better now. I can see how you might be worried about Harry turning into a "gary stu" here since he is so much more powerful than the other students. However I think that most of Harrys strengths and abilities have rational explanations to it which makes things much better and believable than some stories where Harry simply wakes up one day as super-Harry.

As for flaws. Well, it could be argued that his inability to work together with others or make allies&connections is a flaw in his character. This was already mentioned in Renegade and led to a conflict between Harry and Meciel. Have you considered continuing with this idea? I also have no problems with him having a temper so long as he reacts to things in a believable way. Like I said, Harry losing his temper with the Carpenters was perfectly believable whereas risking an immortal existence over the insults of an irrelevant potions professor was not.

I wonder what the rules are for detentions in Hogwarts. I mean Harry was responsible for the whole green slime thing but he did it so covertly that Snape really has no proof about it does he? Canon-Harry might have been a pussy who was willing to take things like that lying down but is that the case here? I mean I could see Harry making somekind of official complaint to Dumbledore/McGonagall about the detention. I would expect that Dumbledore atleast would believe in someone being innocent until proven guilty and all that. And for the moment atleast he is still in charge.

I really liked the final scene with Umbridge. After reading it I realized that that was how I originally expected Harry to act with Snape. I mean everyone knew that he was completely insincere and mocking Umbridge, But there was no proof and Umbridge could hardly send Harry to detention for being polite and agreeing with her. I could see this kind of behaviour really driving Snape nuts. Though I suppose it would have been repetitive if you had had Harry act like this with both Snape and Umbridge.

I wonder whats going to happen in Umbridges detention. One thing I always wondered was why Canon-Harry did not go to Dumbledore about the whole quill thing. I could see Dumbledore being able to use that knowledge against her and the ministry. A ministry approved teacher essentially torturing underage children would be a huge PR blow afterall and I could see Dumbledore with his connections being able to use that as leverage. Even if Harry does not think of it then Meciel certainly should. Then again you might have something else planned entirely.

Oh. And what was the hand waving thing by Amanda all about? I must confess I have no idea what you meant by that thing? Why was she waving her hands, what did she try to convey and why would that piss of Harry enough to make him add her to the list with people like Snape and Umbridge?

All in all, I very much enjoyed both the revised Snape scene and the Umbridge scene. As usual I am eagerly awaiting for more.

 

No I kinda agree with you Jared. It was sorta childish and petty of him to take the food.

 

Yeah well canon harry never really did the smart thing, did he?

 

One could argue that Harry already has many character flaws, even without his anger problems. Not least the fact that he is a moral vacuum.

But then again, this is DLP.

 

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I assume you mean muster, only thing I could see.
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Nice, I was kind of hoping he would kill her before Dumbledore got there. Umbridge actually being an important reoccurring character, was the worst part of the fifth book. I'm waiting for someone to get the idea that Harry's classes should be provided as "remedial" courses to limit the chance of him committing murder.

 

i have actuly meet a person that was a exact damn copy of umbridge...even worse....she was my teacher at the time!! 5 minutes into first class i was ready to kill something...

 

I'm supprised you didn't have Harry destroy the parchment, as dangerous as it is to have his blood laying about. Then again without it he has no proof since he broke the quill.

 

Good one. It's sad that Umbridge couldn't slip up about Sirius. It would be lovely to see Harry's reaction to it. And shame that Harry had not killed the Toad. It would be fun.

 

Why didn't Harry just Imperio her or used Oblivate? Dumbledore might have some morality issues with solving problems that way but I doubt he will have problems with Harry going about things this way. Harry, is there, after all, to do Dumbledor's dirty work.

 

I don't think Harrys reaction here was in anyway over the top. Like you said, his outrage here was completely justified given the danger that his blood in the hands of Umbridge/Ministry would cause. Given the justification Harry losing his temper here was rational and unlike with the original Snape thing did not make him look like an ignorant and pathetic fool.

Did Snape know and agree to the use of the quill? You imply that he did. I hope you will show some reaction from Dumbledore to Snapes behaviour. He is really going way overboard in trying to hurt Harry. Even if Snape is truly loyal to Voldemort in your story, I would still expect him to worry about remaining in Dumbledores good graces.

It was a bit strange that Harry did not ask Dumbledore to make sure his blood did not fall into the wrong hands. Though I suppose Dumbledore would know the danger blood could cause and would make sure of that anyway. I wonder what kind of consequences you have planned here. Umbridge really should not get away clean with this no matter how much Fudge is on her side. I am looking forward to the next scene in Dumbledore's office a great deal. Should be fun.

I am somewhat surprised that Meciel was so opposed to Harry pulling out his wand or that she tried to stop Harry from striking Umbridge. I mean Umbridge was literally stabbing at Harry with her wand and she had already proven that she was a crazy fanatic with no problems utilizing dark magic. As far as Harry/Meciel knows she could have suddenly screamed "Avada Kedavra" and at that range there is no hope that Harry could have dodged.

EDIT: Something else just occurred to me. Amanda talks as though its her trust in Harry&Dumbledore that makes her think Voldemort is back. But she has a source to confirm this that to her is far more reliable. Her father Michael was there afterall. He saved Harrys life and fought Voldemort afterall. This also begs the question about Hermione. If Amanda is her friend and Amandas father can independently confirm Voldemorts return then why is she refusing to believe it? Maybe Hermione is not as good a friend as Amanda would like to think.

 

Harry back slapping Umbridge? Great!!

My only concern for this story is Meciel. Lately I've been noticing her as being the voice in Harry's head and just giving out a point of opinion. As a Denarian, I think she be just more than that. They've been known to have unfathomal power, and in this story for Meciel it doesn't seem like it. Maybe it's me just overreacting over the Denarian part, but I'd basically want to see more Denarian!Harry instead of Angry Harry with a voice in his head.

 

I think this was partly explained by Shezza earlier when Meciel explained to Harry that she was willing to show patience while Harry grew up in both power and age. She is eternal afterall so I see no problems with her being willing to quietly bide her time for years or even decades until Harry is strong enough and ready enough to execute her plans of revenge.

Perhaps she should be slightly more active though. I mean someone as ancient as her should be able to come up with all sorts of clever and twisted plans to further the Harry/Meciel agenda. Things that Harry would not think off.

For instance I wonder why no one has considered trying to fake an attack or two by Voldemort to cast doubt on the ministrys denial of his return. Or something else clever that a Fallen that has existed for millions of years might come up with.