Title: Harry Potter & The Girl Who Lived
Author: Sableram
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Romance
DLP Category: review (but going into alternate if it make it)
Pairing: harry fem harry
Status: in progress
Summary: Sent to a Universe resembling his own, Harry stumbles upon the crucial difference: Lilith Potter, his alternate female self. He devotes himself wholly to aiding her, and the Narcissus flower blooms. Rewrite of SilverAegis' story. HarryfemHarry


It have some flaw but it is still interesting. Found a couple of spell/grammar mistake. Anyway found it interesting.....

Now about yourself.... 2 Chapter up at the moment.

link Harry Potter & The Girl Who Lived Rererereremastered

Edit made by Kate: The story has been deleted on ff.net, so the link above leads to the rewrite on DLP.

 

I just noticed that the title of the thread was uncapitalized, though your capitalization in the post itself was good. It reflects poorly on the fic in question because people reading it don't know whether the title was due to a mistake on the poster's part, or because the title is actually what they see.

Yeah, I'm still weeding out SilverAegis' mistakes, though a few are my own. I'll probably be working on a one chapter/two days rate until the weekend, by which time the rewritten version will be complete.

 

Is it Your own fic? If yes I apologize for the tread mistake.

Edit: even if they are not I apologize to all other people reading this tread.

 

Well, technically, it's my rewrite of SilverAegis' fic. The original is already in the library, under "Time Travel". If you want to read more of the original, it's eight chapters into the story.

The link to the original is http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828761/1/
Its discussion is at http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=1526

In the last pages, I started posting some ideas that could be incorporated into the rewrite.

 

I was asking about the Rewrite. But thanks thought.

 

/me smacks Andromalius

Go and update Assassin's Creed!

/me goes to read HPatGWL

 

Well done, Andromalius; well done, indeed. It's far too early to give a solid rating, but this one looks promising.

Looks like it will be a 4, maybe a 4.5/5, if it continues at this rate. That said, for the moment, at least, rating withheld.

 

Did you ask permission from SilverAegis? Maybe I'm wrong, but couldn't this be considered plagiarism? Anyways, I like it so far, it's better than the old version. If I were you though, ask permission from SilverAegis to continue this. Someone else made a new version of Harry Potter & the New Life with the permission of the original author.

 

Apparently he gave permission to just about anyone who wanted to pick it up, from my current count at least 4 people have picked it up.

 

That should pretty much answer any questions regarding permission, Imperator Pesmerga.

EDIT: Hm...Near hive-mind there...

 

Ahh, ok thanks.

Well good luck with this Andromalius, and remember to update your other works.

 

Nooooo! Andro, how could you do this? Updates for "To Define Treachery" are going to be even more sparse.

*Me goes and read HP&tGWL*

 

Nicely done. As much as I like Aegis's work sometimes the grammer and story telling get to me. Its feels like reading a kids good.

Your rewrite was much better and you kept the original plotline. Nice job.

4.5/5

 

Very good as Niffler Lord said before me your rewrite is better than the original. Rawrixmoo you said four people have picked this story up can you send me the links to the two that are not on this site.
4/5

 

I made some massive changes to chapter two, after a very frank reviewer (whose name is actually Frank, according to his Yahoo account ), told me that the mistakes in the original would still be flaws in the rewrite. This led me to make some changes.

Those changes are:
A reviewer thought that the Cast-Iron Array was a god item, which subverted the point of replacing the trunk cliche. So, I made Harry think it was too. But it turns out he got ripped off.

Little hint of romance. Harry wasn't jealous of Lilith liking Cedric, and didn't use an article of ownership when he thought of Lilith and Rita.

The whole possession thing is more consentual and less intrusive. I guess in the original, Lilith was totally ready to surrender her body to Harry. Consider it foreshadowing.

There was an OOC moment for Harry in his tirade against Snape through Lilith, especially since he sent off a decoy broom, and took two portkeys to keep himself clean of pursuit only the chapter prior. So, I made him more calculating in his approach to it.

Hopefully, this ups the ante for the realism factor.

I tried to message SilverAegis anyway, but she disabled her Private Messaging. I notified her in a review in the original though.

My muse is rebellious when it comes to my own fics. If I try to plunge into writing, the wench will give me the finger, and then prance off to whore her fair self. With something easily rewritten, she gets warmed up more easily, and the penetration is much smoother.

I'm slightly concerned with Assassin's Creed. I feel like I've lost the tip of my fingertip for the specific drawn-out battle scene, however. The fingertip is delicateness, the most important part of touch. It's not like the second chapter of Serpent of the Haradwaith.

More happily, I've gotten about 12% of the sixth chapter for TDT. Any delay will be made up in by the length. I promise on pain of death. The Roadrunner has infinite lives however...

I would also like to see the two fics unaccounted for. It'd be terribly amusing if all four of the rewrites end up better than the original.

It would also be terribly amusing if the original still ends up with more reviews than all the rewrites combined, haha.

 

You've copied S.A's plot with all it's weaknesses. While your use of language is better (although, many of you're witticisms read very awkwardly), since the structure of the story is so, I can't see how it gets 5 stars. Far inferior to your other works.

You'd have been better off coping the concept but implementing an original plotline.

2/5

 

not bad. not outstanding yet, but not bad. I'll reserve judgment for a bit I think.

 

Pre-changes, or post-changes?

In any case, I respect your opinion. As for the witticisms, a word I ironically had trouble spelling, I'll go through them and tone them down. So far, I've been taking his chapters, and trying to undo any 'damage' as much as possible.

If I were to excise those segments entirely, I wouldn't have to worry about that.

So, good point. I had started out under the impression that a rewrite was the original material with improvements. The only rewrite I've written that was not undertaken by the original author was Taliath's fic. It had author's notes voicing how he wanted to follow the original author's wishes, but then again, Young Again didn't have the problems that HPatGWL does.

I won't change the direction of the original story, won't alter it, but won't consider the original story at all.

I guess the kind reviewers rated the fic on its merits as a rewrite, not as a fic itself, and I have written it as a rewrite as well. I ask that people withhold judgement until I switch course.

Still, this kind of undermines the purpose of this exercise. If I make this independent of the original, then I lose being able to write more easily. I suppose my own fics will have to do.

Edit: If that wasn't convoluted enough, then it should be an Alternate to an Alternate.

 

Nah, as Balance said, a re-write is taking the main plot of the story and re-writing the rest of it. I thought that the modification of the trunk you put in was a bit of an obvious plot device though. however, just in case anyone didn't catch the implications I'll spoiler my questions about it.

Spoiler

What I really want to know however is whether or not the trunk is going to explode with the horcruces, or if it's going to be strong enough to contain them. I suppose that as a related question I'd also like to know if you planned on them all being crushed in one blow or if you intended it on a one at a time basis.

Anyway, if you decide to do a (more or less) full re-write, be certain to give us a heads up. If you want some plot devices ask, I'm sure a number of us have Idea's laying around that we'll probably never use and that we might be willing to part with.

 

You know, seeing as there are so many of these floating around, I feel like giving a shot at it too.