Title: The Sniper
Author: DobbyElfLord
Rating: T
Genre: Oneshot Adventure
DLP Category: Independent
Pairing: None
Words: 12,473
Published: November 28, 2007
Status: Complete
Summary: OneShot: Harry is expelled after the hearing in Courtroom 10. His wand snapped, an angry Harry choses his own path forward. First person story focusing on Harry's effort to find his own place.
Link:FFnet

I found this a pretty cool rendition of a sniper Harry. It's almost like Rorschach's Blot Old Soldiers Never Die only bit more realistic. Completely ignores HPB and DH, which to me is a big plus. And its got independent Harry without all the whining, ,false betrayals, angst, shopping and millions in bank deal.

4.5/5


Checked by Minion, August 19, 2013

 

Some details could have been fleshed out better - like the whole wandless magic thing, which didn't really have any purpose in the plot - but the overall result is enjoyable enough to look past it.

Overall, very decent one shot. Well written, moderately interesting and completed.

 

I agree here with ip82, the wandless magic could have been omitted. Except for that a nice one shot.
The Best part was the prologue
4/5 for me

 

Hmm, the beginning is pretty good, but I think it's going downhill from there. The end is a little too sweet for my taste...

So, I say 3/5

 

I would have felt better if Voldemort had taken two shots. If nothing else, it would help Harry's characterization if he shot him in the torso, and then in the head if nothing else.

The sniper killing the Death Eaters could have been much more dynamic. For example, Harry shooting Voldemort in the torso. Voldemort drops, the Death Eaters crowd around him, trying to shield him. Harry of course starts shooting them, and then the Death Eaters break ranks and flee, letting Tom feel they were never truly loyal to him, before his head explodes.

 

eehhh.. It was good in the beginning. But the wandless magic and metamorph!Harry kinda killed it. Taking Cedric's name was also rather moronic. But all in all a decent story to pass the time.

3.5

 

I really liked it. 5/5 for me.

 

I did not find anything I don't like. The wandless magic and metamorph!Harry was pointless, but I guess I'm used to authors throwing in abilities for Harry just for the sake of him having them.

Still, there's nothing special about this fic. 3/5 for me.

 

well, he needs to disappear, how excactly is he supposed to do that if he can be identified as a normal 15 year old boy?
As such the metamorph part is a necessary plot device, otherwise the whole story can't work.

It's a nice one-shot, but nothing spectacular, the idea that voldi can be killed by a gun-shot is simply too easy imho, if it were that easy some muggleborn would have shot him and all his deatheaters a while ago...

 

Some muggleborn shooting him and all his deatheaters? Eh highly unlikely, first of all that would be limited to adult muggleborns and likely the few that might have guns (most would not). Also what about the uk gun laws? These factors and more are going to get in the way of any Muggleborns using guns against death eaters and Voldemort.

Yes the wandless magic and metamorph parts are needed otherwise this story could not possibly work at all. As one shots go this is far from being bad or disappointing in any way.

Yes voldi being killed by a gun, it might seem just wrong to many of us, but then again most wizards know very little about the muggle world and the few that do have any idea probably think that the muggle guns only are single shot muskets or something like them. It is highly unlikely they know about much else. With the way muggleborns are treated and thought of, it is doubtful that they are taken all that seriously, so information they could provide on muggles might as well be like them listening to luna lovegood.

Voldemort dying from a gun well yeah his body could be killed, depending on the rituals he has undergone, the fact his magic did no shield him (being shot like that would have been a total surprise), would suggest at least for this fic he did not have any kind of automatic defenses or at least nothing that would protect enough against physical objects such as bullets. Also that he died in this fic, would point out that it does not follow cannon with the existence of horcruxes or maybe they were all destroyed by dumbledore already.

So yeah it is a nice one shot, 4/5.

 

Sniper scenes have been my main writers-territory for the past two years. I'm compelled to read it.

I'll edit this with a review soon.

EDIT: ...no. The writing is not very good. It's not the atrocious mess FF.Nazi usually carries, but it looks to be mid-high school level. I know plenty of people who could write two to three times better than this. Besides the writing, I have less criticism. The premise is ok, and the execution is mediocre.

The fic reeks of mediocrity.

2.5/5 rounded to a 3. It's not ALL bad, but the less than satisfactory writing combined with the lackluster plot make it only trash bin worthy.

 

I tend to agree with LogrusMage, though in a much more mild manner. The quality of the writing overall stood out to me as the greatest weakness of the fic. However, it's certainly on par with the average to slightly above average standard that is set in fanfiction.

However, I thought the story line was interesting. The characterization of Harry was good and kept me reading. The action scenes and premise entertaining.

I certainly don't think it's trash bin worthy. But it ain't one for the ages either.

3.5/5

Cheers,

Omagic

 

Writing was pretty solid, and the backround on the army was well done. The ending however seemed rather weak and contrived. I'd rather he refused to come back and remained a sniper, but that's just me.

It was so-so for me, though for the sharp shooting I give it a 3/5.
Voldemort should have been whacked with a high powered rifle rather than some weirdness of the elder wand ownership.

 

The flaw with that statement is that NO military trained sniper worth their grade would ever do that. You have a kill shot, you take it. You can never guarantee that you'll get the second shot off. What if Voldy'd had a portkey? Yes, Harry had reasons to want to make Vold suffer, but his military training and commen sense would overrule that. Take the kill that you have, cause once he's dead, he's dead.

 

I retract my complaint. I realize that I should have read on expecting Harry to make a quick kill.

 

I would have to say that this is an average story at best. It seems to be just elements of your standard Azkaban/Independant! Harry plot lines with some military aspects added in. I had a big problem with the sniper scenes in general. No military trained sniper would try for a headshot, especially at the 700-800 yd range he was suggesting. It's center mass every time because the head moves more than any other part of the human body. A center mass shot will still kill someone in one hit, especially if you are running some as high powered as a .338 magnum. Also, he doesn't account for bullet drop or windage, all he states is that the shot is a little to the left of crosshair placement. There are some other minor issus but those are two of my big sticking points, at tleast in the technical aspects of this story. If anyone is thinking of including sniper scenes in a story I would recommend that you read any of the Bob Lee Swagger novels by Stephen Hunter. That man knows how to write snipers. All in all I give it a 2/5 for a decent attempt at the Sniper!Harry story.

 

I read it, and enjoyed it quite a bit.

The wandless and the metamorphmagus parts have been done to death, and one wasn't even needed in this case. I'll take off some points for that.

4/5

 

I found it extremely unlikely that Harry would be able to unload two full clips of magazines without the wizards apparating out.

 

I thought it was pretty average. The writing wasn't anything amazing, but it wasn't godawful.
Picking up Cedric's name was a dumb touch. And I'm kinda skeptical that goblins fabricate muggle records. Dobby showing up at boot camp seems a little, "Was this really necessary?"
Also, Harry seems very hostile to Dumbledore for no real discernible reason. I mean, this is sort of pre-OotP, and before that, Dumbledore's never really done anything to horribly screw Harry over. Then again, I didn't read it too closely.
But... headshot at 700 yards? Uh... no.

3/5

 

Extra point for being complete. 4/5 There are some plotholes and fumbles, basically a post OOtP angry Harry except with Harry getting expelled at the Hearing, and Sirius being alive but ignored throughout the story, which is a big plothole. Given that - it is complete, and an improvement in the writing of this author.