1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Complete Turn Me Loose: A Harry Potter Adventure by JBern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by jbern, Sep 1, 2007.

  1. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Messages:
    577
    I really liked the ending. Kinda slow burn..
     
  2. Muttering Condolences

    Muttering Condolences Card Captored and buttsecksed

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2006
    Messages:
    700
    ++ for Chilotha!Harry hilarity.

    ++++for Harry/Luna goodness.
     
  3. Garret P.I.

    Garret P.I. Backtraced

    Joined:
    May 30, 2007
    Messages:
    420
    Location:
    Seattle, WA.
    Great Chapter, Jim. Fun stuff all around.

    Personally though, I don't agree with the speculation that Harry's claim to be possessed will come back to bite him in the ass. I'm looking at it from a political, tactical, and strategic viewpoint.

    Politically, who is going to believe them if they try and make it public knowledge? Noone.
    Tactically, they'll fight, expecting a certain type of fighting style from him... which they won't get. Harry will fight in his own style, and if they're expecting something else, it'll throw them off.
    Strategically.... his large scale actions will not follow the format they'll be expecting if he was possessed by an ancient undead sorcerer... Instead they'll have the new Harry to deal with. So again they'll expect one thing and get another.

    Logically all it will do is make Tom and his crew overly cautious and off balance at worst. Who knows... maybe they'll even try things (magics and rituals) that SHOULD work on a possessed person.... but which will end up not working... or may potentially hurt Tom because of his link to Harry.

    Sure, they could try and tell people he's possessed... but I'm sure there's gotta be some sort of "detect possession" type magic out there anyway.

    I particularly liked how you handled the Demon's conversation. It made a very logical sense in a time paradox sort of way. Also Harry Showing Fluer what a hero her man was... pure awesomeness from Harry.

    Not sure about the whole Hermione and Ron situation. It feels like you're going somewhat soft on them from Harry's standpoint... but as they say... two sides to ever story.

    All in all... a great installment in a great fic.

    Some spelling and grammar errors noted... but I see you're fixing them
    5 for 5 so far

    Good job, Jim Keep it up and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2007
  4. mjc

    mjc Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2006
    Messages:
    203
    Hmmm...IF Jim were going to use the idea of Harry being an unintended 'extra' Horcrux and they tried to 'unpossess' Harry...especially if it were Tommy trying it...hmmm
     
  5. Hawke

    Hawke Squib

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    9
    Just finished Bungle in the Jungle, and went right on to read this story. I have to say I have enjoyed it all. I was a little dissapointed that there were only 4 chapters of this story. Dang...now I have to wait for each chapter one at a time. I really prefer to read the whole story at once. So if you need any beta readers?....
     
  6. warhawk

    warhawk Guest

    I happened upon a section of Turn Me Loose in another fanfic forum and I've taken the time to read all of your work. I'm impressed with the writing, something so much grittier, but a so much better view of HP's life than JKR could put out (I expect some flames for that statement).

    Keep up the good work and I'm certainly looking forward to the next few chapters to be posted.
     
  7. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,100
    Location:
    Virginia
    Thanks for all the feedback. Harry has always had rumors following him from 2nd year on. He figures that he survived them. He can survive another bout of them especially if he has Scrimgeour supporting him. Consider how widely respected Lucius Malfoy was at the beginning of the series despite all those pesky rumors about him being a nasty person.

    Harry could of course be very wrong.

    From Harry's perspective Voldemort spent all of year 4 in some convulted master plot to get Harry's blood rather than just resurrecting himself with the nearest wizard/witch he could get his, technically Peter's, hands on.

    Year 5, Voldy dicks around in the shadows desperately trying to get his hands on a prophecy and panics at the end blowing his super secret cover with no gain other than rescuing Bellatrix.

    Harry believes that when put into a pressure situation Voldemort has a tendency to choke. Again, Harry could be very wrong.

    Jim
     
  8. Philly Homer

    Philly Homer What you call elephant cum I call mouthwash

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    587
    Location:
    Look at the name, it should be obvious.
    I never thought of it that way, but you are right Voldemort is quite a choker from what we have seen in canon.

    Whenever the stakes are raised in a culminating event Voldemort chokes.

    He failed to retrieve a stone from an 11 year old. Pathetic!

    At his resurrection he failed to kill Harry while he was surrounded by his Death Eaters. He also managed to lose a battle of magic and will to a mere 14 year old.

    When he fought Dumbledore he lost, I don't know how much of it was due to the Elder Wand, but Voldemort lost therefore he choked.

    Deathly Hallows, he died from his own curse. Truly sad for a Dark Lord!

    BTW Excellent chapter Jbern. I don't like Harry going easy on Ron and Hermione, but I like him not forgiving Lupin, and going hardcore on Tonks. I like Harry's scheme, though I get the feeling it is going to backfire spectacularly. Once again I liked Narcissa, nice twist giving her a power fetish. I really hope Harry teaches her a lesson if only to infuriate Lucius or Draco. :)

    Homer
     
  9. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    I read Bungle in the Jungle, and what you wrote up to in Turn Me Lose, and when I came back to the thread, I could have sworn I read
    I did a double take, then read "comments" instead of "compliments", but God you deserve them. The action and innovation was great.

    I think you did the right thing with Luna's character. An insane character might be amusing, but when said character is also the main character's girlfriend, the question 'would you date someone whose sanity isn't intact" arises.

    Looking forward to more.
     
  10. Garret P.I.

    Garret P.I. Backtraced

    Joined:
    May 30, 2007
    Messages:
    420
    Location:
    Seattle, WA.
    Well... I'd say he's got a pretty good set of reasons to believe he'll not get hurt by accusations of him being dark this time around. The daily prophet and sundry have already hit him with the "OH NOES! he's a dark wizard" thing in chamber of secrets... and once he was proven not to be dark... that pretty much blew their credibility with the public to shit. Now he's got the whole "he's been vindicated" plus the whole "steadfast heroism even in the face of malicious lies being told about him by the press" thing going for him.

    Plus... Wizards in the HP world are frankly pretty fucking simple minded (with a few notable exceptions like Kwan and Bill), so they'll not be able to wrap their heads around the concept of "we got it wrong last time... but he's really dark now... trust us." Instead, they'll just remember that the press accused him falsely before and they're trying to accuse him again.
    Interesting points, yeah... Voldemort has shown a notable tendancy to fuck things up ... but usually only when Harry is involved. Hell... it might be that he's subconsciously making it a self fulfulling prophecy now after all the other screwups.

    Hell, He's likely had his confidence shot to shit in all honestly. Two or even three fuckups might be chalked up to chance... but he's had a string of really bad mess ups.

    All that said... please don't overcompensate in the opposite direction and turn him into a nearly omnipotent force for evil... because it'd be nice to show Tom as still having a lot of human failings to him... including the ability to be mislead. Having him not be just some unstoppable and supremely confident villian is better than taking it the way JKR took it. Have him show that yeah, he's powerful, yeah he's knowledgeable... but also show that he makes mistakes from a lack of info and that he's fallible. It'll make the events that unfold from those traits all the more interesting.
     
  11. Tharkun

    Tharkun Second Year

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2007
    Messages:
    65
    Location:
    Netherlands
    I really enjoy the way this story has turned out so far. As not many people like to read the same comments over and over again, I'll try to restrict myself to things that haven't been said already. I think Harry pretending to be possessed is a brilliant idea, from the writer. I'm not sure it's a good idea for Harry, as I believe it may backfire. Voldemort has always underestimated Harry. Possibly, he still does, at least to some extent. As Voldemort will probably see Chilotha as a real threat, this may lead to a more serious approach of Voldemort towards his main enemy. This is not necessarily advantageous to Harry.

    Harry takes a risk. Without pretending to be possessed, Harry might have been able to use the fact that Voldemort underestimates him to his advantage. In the current situation, Voldemort might waste resources taking measures against a non-existent threat. I think the risk Harry takes is perfectly compatible with his character as it has been built up in the story. Hence my calling this idea of the author as brilliant.

    I applaud the way the characters of both Fleur and Bill are being developed. Bill continues to handle himself as the strong character he is in the story. His insights in Fleur's way of thinking is just the little bit of character development necessary. Not too little, not too much. I'm not completely sure about his apparent lack of concern regarding the conversation with the demon, though. It can perceived as a flaw in Bill's character. That would be all right, as the author is generally risking Bill to turn out a little bit too perfect. But I do not like it that much if it's meant as a lesson of life Bill teaches to Harry. Still, as this is unclear to me, it's hardly a reason to criticize, is it? I have faith that the author will succeed to keep Bill realistic. I personally like the fact Bill is a strong person; it's just that he shouldn't become too perfect to be true.

    A last remark: my compliments to the writer for the scenes between Harry and Luna. I like the way you described Harry's process of thought, and I like it in general. Although I have to say I may be a bit biased, as I love the pairing. I'm certainly looking forward to the next chapter.
     
  12. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,100
    Location:
    Virginia
    Thanks again for the comments. Bill's got his flaws. He's not very good in a fight to be blunt. Cocky, arrogant and ultracompetitve can also describe him when it comes to Curse Breaking. Eventually there'll be a scene with Harry and Bill disagreeing over how to break into a place and you'll see some of that come to the surface.

    Beyond that, he's the "coolest guy" in England. Is he worried about Harry stealing his girl - nope. He's seen how Harry reacts to betrayal first hand and knows that as long as he and Fleur are together she could be strapped naked to the bed covered in whipped cream and Harry would make some inappropriate comment and leave.

    That's not to say that he's not worried about Fleur...but that's already been hinted.

    Jim
     
  13. Augurey

    Augurey Backtraced

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2007
    Messages:
    267
    Location:
    New Hampshire

    Didn't that already happen in Bungle?
     
  14. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2005
    Messages:
    1,891
    Location:
    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    Exactly the point
     
  15. vorenus

    vorenus Squib

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Messages:
    14
    Location:
    Hartlepool,England
    Harry's still a hormonal teenager though. Surely Bill's a bit worried?
     
  16. dmdk

    dmdk Muggle

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    Messages:
    3
    Hi,

    I read Bungle in the Jungle some time ago. So I don't remember what the thirty pieces of silver are about and I didn't find it in this thread. Somebody cares to explain please?
     
  17. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    952
    Location:
    West Central Florida USA
    Judas Iscariot was paid thirty silver denarii (roughly a month's wages) to lead roman soldiers to Jesus of Nazareth in one of the best known betrayals in history.

    Harry stipulated in his will that his friends receive thirty silver sickles (significantly less than Judas was paid) for their betrayal of a different "savior".
     
  18. dmdk

    dmdk Muggle

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    Messages:
    3
    Ah, I forgot. Thanks a lot.
     
  19. Aerin

    Aerin Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2007
    Messages:
    281
    Location:
    The Void
    Highly amusing.

    Narcissa was...disturbing.

    Why do I get the feeling Narcy and Bella would get off from the Cruciatus?

    *Shudder*

    I love your portrayal of Lupin and Tonks. Fleur is hilarious, as is Harry the Hitwizard.

    Question though. How do you figure out the names for your spells?

    Do you have someone translate them to different languages? I can't recall reading of the spell Tonare in the HP book's.

    Why not have Kwan teach Hermione how to apparate? Would be...amusing.

    Regards
    Aerin
     
  20. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,100
    Location:
    Virginia
    I use a english to latin website. According to it, Tonare is Thunder.

    Kwan has better things to do than teach more stupid children, or at least that's what he would say.

    Jim
     
Loading...