Update now, I need update.
I hate you so damn much... I need the update.
Please post a new chapter... please! NOW!

5/5

 

Now that... spooked me out just a little.

That said, I just finished the next chapter... It's about 10.6k words or something, and I need someone to beta read it before I can post it. Only for grammar/spelling/phrasing, mind you, although if there are some big incoherencies in the plot I'll be happy to know.

Any grammar-nazi willing to do that for me?

 

Umm I can do it if you want. I'm not a great writer, but my grammar and spelling is usually good.
That said, I've been following your story and enjoying it, so I'd love to get first glance at it too

 

Beta work was done by Raven in the end; many thanks go to him. You too for offering, ArseNick. =)

Chapter 14: A So Precious Friendship


End of chapter 13:

Another spell vanished the remains of Harry’s burnt robes that littered the floor; he did not touch the corpse, however, fearing that the strain of the spell would drain him too much for his confrontation with Hermione. No charm would be able to trace the Unspeakable’s death back to Harry, anyway… It wasn’t as if he had used conventional magic to do it.

Harry slid his wand back into the holster and, taking a deep breath, stepped into the dying green fire. The flames licked at the sole of his shoes, dangerously feeble; there was no time to think, no time to doubt again.

“To Hermione Granger, head investigator of the Potter case,” he said, intoning the words in the exact same way the Unspeakable had done. He nervously moistened his lips before adding, “Top-priority.”

The flames seemed to retract even more, almost disappearing under his feet.

Then, just as Harry let out a tired, defeated sigh, they suddenly sprang high, higher than him; they enveloped him, trapped him in a bright green prison. There was a whooshing sound, and the room disappeared in a swirl of colours.

 

Whoa whoa whoa! I must say, Tinn, that this is the first time reading a fanfic ever gave me a feeling reminiscent of reading a suspense thriller.

Awesomely done, though I thought the scene in the Gearbox(?) Room was a little draggy. But who am I to complain if it is part of the plot?

May I ask if Romilda Vane is ever going to make a reappearance? Will she play a more significant role?

5/5, and I concur with this:

 

Whee, original plotline, interesting twists, an imagination!


I started this at about ten last night, and just finished it. I'll continue it as updates are posted.

 

This was a very enjoyable chapter. A lot of great content. Interaction with Hermione, description of the DoM, the dubious French connection in the Ministry and what it means for Harry, all very well done. Hermione's motivations are still not clear. Though, she does say that she could do more for him by staying away from him, it doesn't ring as the complete truth.

Was glad to see the Daphne Harry URST finally resolved, was very disappointed that it got only two lines!

All in all, excellent chappy. You delivered on the buildup to Harry/Hermione confrontation.

 

Just like Harry, Hermione is torn between her feelings for her former friends and her new position. Harry thinks and acts like an Auror, and Hermione thinks and acts like an Unspeakable. Her nature, more thoughtful and pragmatic than Harry's, is less likely to be influenced by her memories. Her loneliness and her long stay in the DoM have deeply changed her; and she believes in what she's doing. But you're right, she didn't tell him everything... Nothing too important was left out though.

LOL, well, if you still want to write that omake...

 

Amazing chapter. Tinn I love you! Realistic battle, absolutely brilliant depiction of the Department of Mysteries, and some very well written shot of the expected angst. I keep thinking you'll hit a dead chapter sooner or later, but you haven't done it yet.

 

Next chapter is done. It takes up some of the stuff I said in chapters 2 and 7, which, I now realised, was published a year and a half ago...

So here's what you need to reread in order to fully enjoy this chapter:

Okay, and now, a reminder from the last chapter:


“I think we’re both in danger if we stay here,” Harry said. “Go get some clothes. Hurry, we’re leaving.”

“Leaving? Wait, what—”

“I don’t have time to explain,” Harry snapped, cutting across her. “I’ll tell you everything later. Right now we need to get the hell out of here.”

“But—to go where? The Ministry?”

Harry shook his head. “They’ll find us. I’ll have to take you to a place they won’t dare to follow us.”

Daphne straightened up, having finally found her dressing gown in the mess of sheets and dirty clothes covering the floor. She threw it on her bare shoulders and closed it over her chest with both hands, her stance somewhat defensive. “And, where would that be?” she slowly asked.

Harry tilted his head as he stared pensively at her.

“Do you like forests?”


And now that I feel like complete crap for having to remind everyone of the storyline, I'll just post the links to the chapter and go do something else.

Chapter 15: The Song of the Trees

FFN Link
PC Link

 

The chapter was slightly disappointing, but only for the fact that it wasn't very Harry-centric. The chapter felt like it was trying to catch you up with past events (which may very well have been the point). I am however curious to see where you go with James and Lily picking up the significant swords, and the fact that Gryffindor's sword is actually called the Bane of Cassiopeia, possible foreshadowing?

I liked the idea that the trees in the core of the forest sprouted upon the ground where the Isiame died. It reminded me of the Pequeninos third life in Orson Scott Card's Ender series (though with the added ability to influence their surroundings).

 

You almost lost me when Remus bit Harry, but I kept going, and I wasn't disappointed. I've found this story to be intriguing, and I eagerly await the next update.

Bratling

 

I wondered that, too. It looks like a setup (maybe as a jab at the main forum page) for an Anakin!Harry, who brings balance to the Force/Magic.

 

It seems Harry is descended from both Wizards, and the Third Kind. I think the fic is building towards Harry eventually having to decide which side he will fight for. Will he stand by the wizards and take up the sword of de Pallas? Or will he take up Rosalyn's sword and set out to revive and reestablish the Third Kind's past glory?

A full-scale war between the two factions could possibly be in the works.

 

Look at it logically. We know skin-to-skin contact with Daphne is Harry's only way to feel remotely human again. She's aligned with the Third Kind, or will be when given a choice. Harry is NOT going to abandon that for ideals, especially considering the Grade A Mental Clusterfuck "the greater good" has given him.

 

Do not forget that Harry's life is already so interwoven with the Wizarding World. His friends, way of life, everything else... has all been a part of the Wizarding world. Can he bear to give them all up?

Finding out you are different from the rest of the wizards is one thing... fighting against your former friends and the very world that was once everything to you (and not to mention provided solace and confort, in the case of Hogwarts) is a totally different scenario.

 

KtheGreat: the biggest problem with my way of writing, is that my stories aren't adapted to the chapter-by-chapter format. This particular chapter, which I immensely enjoyed writing (probably because I needed a break from concentrating solely on Harry, even though I kept it in his PoV), only makes sense in the plotline when linked to what comes afterwards. I could've made it longer, but... it's 16.8k words already (I added 200 words every time I proof-read it for mistakes). I do think another line would have killed me.

Consider it as a half-chapter, then. I agree that, on its own, it doesn't bring many interesting things to the plotline; there are, what--two questions answered, Harry doesn't make any smashing discoveries about himself, and on the whole it's a load of information-dumping. However, I promise every single scene is crucial to the plot. Well, except the description of the remains of Bellatrix Lestrange and her companions, but what can I say, I could never resist making a good description.

Lucullus and Augurey: let it be known that I love you . You've both found the exact questions to ask.