I probably am....

 

I personally am interested in who the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is going to be. Dumbledore already stated that real Moody would not be taking his rightful place. And they need to get a teacher fast, so that they can continue with the student's education.

Great character interaction all around, and you left me wanting to see the First Task even more. I can't wait to see more Harry/Fleur interaction. Love the shit-spider idea.

 

Jim, I think that you should write a parallel story where Harry got Lily's memories... Think of the lulz. But other then that, it was a good chapter, it had the aspect of drawing me in and seeming so short. I'm eagerly awaiting more.

 

Bravo, man I am amazed, the last paragraph, wow. Every wand you can hire?

Could you write a huge battle with many characters? Would You?

Can't wait to find out!

 

Aye, I can just picture it, Harry shopping and casually browsing the tampons and pad isle without even realizing it.

 

*Cracks a rib laughing*

That would be amusing.

But it would also give him insight into what women like seeing in a man. Albeit from a biased perspective.

Even funnier would be Harry terrified of riding a broom! *Cackles*

Hopefully you can get the next chapter out in less time, but if this is the result of your brilliance, it's well worth the wait.

Regards
Aerin

 

Only people here would find the idea of Harry being gender confused so funny.


I have to agree

 

As for the new DADA teacher it hasn't been fully settled yet, but Albus does have several foriegn teachers in his castle right now. Perhaps even Igor Karkaroff might be willing to "lend a hand."

I figured someone had to have been the head honcho in the Marauders. Remus and Peter are unlikely as they are often thrown into the "Brain" and the "follower" roles. So, it had to have been either Sirius or James. With Sirius rebelling against the family name, it doesn't seem likely that he would have been the ringleader of the Marauders.

That leaves James. If I ever write a Marauder era story, I think I'd write a dark tale about the Marauders and call it The Clockwork Marauders and pay tribute to Stanley K with James and his Droogs smiling for the teachers, dazzling them with their talent, and terrorizing the student population when they aren't looking.

Anyway, back to the story that I am writing. Had I done the broomrace in this chapter, it would have added 4-5000 words and taken away from the HJ and Sirius scene in the cave. Since I didn't feel like churning out another 16000 word chapter like I did for the last Turn Me Loose, I cut it off there.

Response to the chapter is good. Thanks to all of you for the comments and I hope that my future efforts continue to impress you.

As fo HJ's actions during the fight, the last JP memory is Voldemort killing JP. That's something HJ wants to avoid at all costs.

It also seemed silly to me in the real books that Fudge would have Jr. kissed immediately. Far too foolish, which is why I gave Barty the poison tooth. After all Voldy's plan is so convoluted that there were dozens of places it should have failed. Why wouldn't Voldemort give Barty a "suicide" pill in the event he was caught? I don't think the Dark Lord in his grotesque baby body would have relished a visit from Albus with only Peter and his Snake for protection.

Jim

 

That's an interesting thought there, Jim. And while Albus is overly trusting in most cases... would he really want to let the foreign teachers in the classroom? Consider, if Karkaroff or someone else were to teach it... he'd be in a prime position to test and observe the other champions in a controlled manner. An astute observer would then be able to get a solid reading on just what strengths and weaknesses the other champions have in dueling... and thus pass on that sort of insider info to their champion. All in all it's too open for abuse.

Oh well, common sense never has been dumbledore's forte.

Of course HJ might just realize this situation and start creating FAKE impressions of what his strengths and weaknesses are. Sort of a "I know you're watching for a weakness... here let me show you a fake one so that you pass it on to whomever, and that way I'll maneuver them into trying something stupid, which will let me beat the snot out of them" sort of thing.

Personally I hate the MWPP stories out there. We know how they end so there's no real tension to make the story interest me. But this SK-esque take on the marauders would be interesting. But I agree, James is the logical head hooligan of the marauders. Black, as per his dog animagus form, has always felt like a loyal best buddy and follower.

Glad to hear that the feedback is good. Sometimes hearing nothing but positive reviews though can get tiresome I'm sure. It's the constructive criticism that generally proves to be the best stuff.

That said, and focusing on the fight I'd encourage you to continue to keep away from the standard spells that pepper too much of HP fanfiction. Keep creating new stuff, new shields and spells... because to be honest, the idea that stupify and the like (spells that a kid can master) would continue to be used by a professional dueler is sort of silly. I'd think that there'd be hundreds if not thousands of crazy spells that HJ would be privy to that would do all sorts of wild things. Things like conjuring a brick wall that is leaning at a 15 degree angle (falling forward) in front of an opponent so that it both falls on them, blocks their view of you, and provides you cover all at the same time.
Keep the new stuff like the fireworks spell he used coming.

Very good points, though to be honest... the poison tooth thing is a little cliche' .

Also, the old poison tooth thing doesn't seem to be all that effective of a mechanism as other things might be. For poison, all someone would need to do is shove a bazoar down his throat to counter it. And given the apparent presence of poison in the wizarding world... I figure it wouldn't be all that uncommon for wizards to keep bazoars in pockets.

Other options might be a tooth that holds some sort of large quantity of flesh eating gas (kill yourself and your captor if they're close enough), or even a creature in an extradimensional space inside the tooth.
Heck, Harry made that stupid tombstone launcher in HPB, so an adult could pretty much hide anything in a tooth.

 

Excellent chapter as always. Looking forward to the good stuff to come when the tasks start.

I did notice that you mix up tenses occasionally, slipping from first to second tense. Must be hard writing in all 3 tenses for each of your stories; one would think you actually wanted to give yourself a killer headache.

I thought Sirius had it hard enough in canon, but now that Harry is actually partially James he's going to have a heck of a time trying to figure out how to treat him.

Cedric's pretty screwed now that his faculty advisor's bit it eh? Bit of a shame though, I was looking forward to seeing Cedric getting corrupted a little. In pretty much every fic light might as well shine from his arse, given how "noble and good" he's invariably portrayed as.

The politics bit was very interesting, shows how even someone as incompetent as Fudge can be someone dangerous to face in the ever-changing world of public opinion. Most authors fail to realize that if Fudge truly was an idiot, he'd be eaten alive in any government, let alone rise to the top chain in the food pyramid.

Now that Dumbles has the map, is he going to notice Harry's condition? It should bring up a few uncomfortable questions, at least.

As always, the sorting hat steals the show. Poster child for tourettes. The bit about Dumbles and him loving his voice was gold.

Loving every bit of this story so far - thanks.

 

I enjoy it greatly.

 

Hey J, you going to post your fics on Patronuscharm.net?

 

At some point I'll put them up on Patronus Charm, but right now I'm caught up with trying to write.


Albus may not have a choice but to take some foreigner's help. The job is notoriously hard to fill and if word gets out that it even hospitalized Alastor Moody people will be really skittish about the job.

I prefer the version of Fudge at the beginning of book 3 willing to smile and sweep the whole Aunt Marge thing under the rug and go about business as usual to the kiss the mystery death eater on site to cover things up that could pose a real danger.

People can argue that Fudge imprisoned Hagrid just to be seen doing something, but it just doesn't quite fit for him kissing Barty Jr. immediately instead of trying to milk him for anything useful.

Jim

 

That was just an amazing chapter. I'd say it was my favorite, but it's hard to choose between the other chapters. The Gaul line really was great.

My reasonings for Sirius accepting HJ so easily is that he wants to accept it, he wants his friend back. He's probably trying to stop himself from listening to reason. Garret PI brings up a great point. The fact that HJ is unattached is an even sweeter deal.

 

Hahaha yeh thats actually one part im really looking forward to!

Jbern nice work with the new chapter it was fantastic to read. Had action that was good enough for me to even play it out in my head, though i wonder why it was that HJ didn't call in dobby to fight of the other dirty creature?

I liked most of the other little touches that your able to put into effect that other authors have yet to do, the spirit that haunts the ship for example. These days its the little things that i start paying attention to more then a few years ago when i first started in on the fanfiction.

The broom race when i first heard that it was a challenge for the champs i confess to being skeptical but you covered it well with the introduction of an actual international broom racing circuit.

Looking forward to more of this fic, good work mate.

 

This last chapter read smoothly, in the way that I didn't notice your usual Mis-placed Exclamations Style, if you allow, which was present in all other chapters and all your other stories, especially the TML. And that's saying something, because in this chapter, I did a count, there were exactly 70 exclamation points (practically the same as in any other chapter), but not one of them seemed mis-placed.

The fact is, I'm not even sure if I missed them or not, because they are quite integral to your writings. So, it's just an observation.

And another thing, very minor, but which you may need to watch if you want to go pro: American words/phrases that, stylistically, must not be present in HP. I'm hardly a specialist, but I believe "loo" or "take a gander at" (7th chapter) are American. Though in fairness, the amount of your Americanisms is marginally low when comparing to other writers. Take the last chapter of A Stranger in the Promised Land for example, which was literally inundated with American/American pop-culture phrases, and the sad part is the author isn't even aware of it.

OK. Liked the scene of Rita Skeeter's capture, for some reason liked very much Dumbledore's "observe the stars in the heavens and contemplate the grandeur that is the universe." That gave me a chuckle. The usual verbal spewage was grand, of course, and, I might add, very educational as well. Heh

Oh! And I liked how you dealt with the article; that is, only describing it and making it not to feature at all. The thing is, I didn't like Rita's article in the 8th chapter. Oh, it was perfectly worded, is was flashy, sufficiently stingy, but— let me quote a bit of its parts:

The foreplay up to, and including, the passage:

was grand, but then she proseeded to methodically quote and re-qoute all and everyone on the same subject:

These are the following passages that deal solely on what other people had to say about what Rita had already said. Sorry, but it was boring! I'd expect her wanting to hear only her own voice and to spill only her own bedazzling opinions. She'd be jumping in disorderly fashion from one accusation to another and not setting on anything. She'd bury everyone in dirt, not just say the nasty in the passing. Though, I must say, I liked how you did the "allusions", like this one: "The duo looked rather cozy together making me wonder just what Puddlemere’s rising star Oliver Wood might think of the scene."

What I can't see Rita doing is bombarding the reader with the same silly question again and again. Imagine that she's boxing with the reader and every word deals a crushing blow, but instead of finishing it and securing the win, she deals more and more increasingly creative, extravagant, cruel, cynical blows to the reader who drunkenly stumbles from one courner of the ring to another and doesn't even allowed to fall down in a peacefull knock-out. Striking him with the same swing will only make him bored, will make him swat at her words, and at her article in the whole.

Again, in fairness, Rita's article in the 8th chapter was a great improvement over the one in To Fight The Coming Darkness, on which I had already expressed my abhorrence in its own due time here on DLP.

OK, I'm finished.

P.S. So, people are assuming there will be no Lily awaking in Harry-James, heh? I actually expect it will happen, complete with Harry resurrecing both his parents in the vilest rituals, under the Hat's assistance, after which the Hat will demand to be "resurrected" as well, plunging the world into anarchy and disarray.

P.P.S.

Now that's a thought!

And— who's Mr. Stanley K?

 

Stanley Kubrick is just one of the best director/producers in American film history! He did numerous film adaptations, including Clockwork Orange, The Shining, and Full Metal Jacket. In other words, he is just the sort of twisted, sadistic bastard that this site was made for. I strongly suggest anyone who hasn't seen any of his films to do so immediately to help sate your psychotic tendencies.

 

.


You know, I'd be happy as hell if you manage to sneak in Kwan Chang-Ho in at least a cameo role. I miss the cantakerous bastard, and with the talk of hired wands you could do much worse than have him at your back.

 

Actually, "loo" is a British term you don't find in America. Don't know about "take a gander" but we definitely use it over here.

 

QFT

In the US, it's usually called either just the bathroom or the head.

In the U.K. it's "the loo" or the WC (water closet) in common useage.

One of the other traps you can fall into is avoiding using certain words because you're afraid they aren't used in the UK when they are.

Take "reckon" for example. I'd always thought that "reckon" was an american word that was used in the western part of the US. You know... like a cowboy says "Well, I reckon this here is as good a place to camp for the night are we're likely ta find." But apparently it is used in the UK.