They were good, wonder how blind Harry will happen.

I can't help but think that Padma actually had something happen to her, maybe I am looking too much into that breakfast chat.

Chapter 18 is supposed to get posted quick, going by her profile, which says it's just being edited and beta'ed.

Lovely addition to the story Nymphe, the Harry/Padma moments are pure gold, how long will the story be?

 

I had to rip Chapter 18 apart, so I am back to halfway done. I have to get my flippin' computer serviced again, so no telling when I will have it done. Keep in mind I just posted enough stuff for 5-6 average fanfic chapters.

As to how long the story will be, I am not sure since this is an exercise in creative writing for me. Yes, there will be action, smut, and whatever else I need to learn to write in this fic. I do have a time line and I hope by the end of it, I will come out a better writer.

 

Just finished up to the current chapter.

It's a nice story, and the general believability of Harry as an ordinary teenage bloke going through the motions is great.

The interaction between Harry and Padma is nice, if a bit slow in its progression.

But the one big problem I have with this fic...

Its just too fucking boring.

Harry went through decent (And believable) training, and what has he done with it?

He can smell people! THE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT!

Seriously, so far he's taught the school how to do some lame fucking flare and hasn't done a single damn thing otherwise.

I read patiently waiting for some action, and by the time I got half way through chapter 16... I realized it wasn't coming.

And please enough of the "Woe is me, all my loved ones die! *bemoan my fate some more* Woe is me, tragic is the life I live." Shit, we get the point. After his conversation in the first or second chapter with Arthur, I assumed this would be a Harry dedicated to growing up and filling his shoes...

DECEIVED I WAS!

Honestly, something needs to actually happen in this fic.

Harry needs to grow some balls, kill some people, and get laid. (Then again, I think this about most fics I read.)

3/5

 

I actually wrote this for Chapter 16 and forgot to post it.

WARNING: Chapter 18 contains fluff; no fucking or action. May cause outbursts—e.g., “Damn! Fuck one of them already, shit!” Due to the concentration of sugary sweetness, harsh dental and dermal cleansing afterwards is strongly recommended.

For those allergic to fluff, do not read this chapter. May cause symptoms such as hives, retching, or constriction of the airways. If you proceed, please have your anti-histamine of choice on hand. If your reaction does not subside, please seek medical attention and/or an alternative fanfiction. The next chapter may or may not provide relief.

Thank you.


If you have a problem with my fic, please feel free to rake me over the coals here or via PM. No more of that passive-aggressive bullshit of posting backhanded comments in other threads. I can't stand that crap, even when it is directed to other authors.

 

I got as far as the bathroom destruction scene in the first chapter before I pressed the "MIGHTY RED X OF DEATH" and stopped reading this fic.

If he is suppose to be portrayed as an average, growing teenage, then in that one scene I experienced a major thrashing of "THE MIGHTY PLAGUE THAT IS EMO".

I'm sorry, but pussy!harry does not fly with me, nor does the defacto "Because everyone likes me, I'm the new leader of the Order" nonsense. Actually, a lot the first chapter really annoyed me and made no sense even in the most retarded of fics out there.

There was nothing about this fic that I liked before I stopped reading it, then it hit me that I once before tried to read this and failed even worse then this time around. Perhaps next time I will finish the first chapter.

Sorry Nymphe, just being honest. 1/5

 

Wait, Nymphe really pairs Harry with Patil twins after Tonks said she and Harry will give it a shot when he's out of school? (I'm at chapter 7) Even threesome with twin sisters ain't as good as a relationship with an older woman who is obviously more experienced than those schoolgirls and who just happens to be a metamorphomagus. One would think that he could wait for one effing year... Boy, if it's true I'm dropping this story.

 

That's two years in the future from Harry's perspective. Tonks told him she didn't mind him dating other girls before she deems him ready, so why the hell not have a threesome with twin sisters?

 

Oh, in this case I'll continue reading and give this fic 4/5. Solid but not great.
P.S. Two years in the future? Isn't he a seventh year or I need to be more attentive?
P.P.S. Harry and Tonks are having their discusion on his 17th birthday. He is a seventh year.
EDIT: I got tired of twins. Just don't like them, I guess.

 

Very well written for the most part, there's no denying that. I'll echo some previous posters' sentiments by saying the story is moving slowly, i.e. a lack of action, but the style, originality and unusual pairing keeps me interested.

4/5

 

If you'd just read on to Chapter 8, there's another rather glaringly obvious reason why he opted not to wait for Tonks.

I enjoy fluffy stuff when I'm in the mood for it, but some of the characterizations just seem... odd to me. Mr. Weasley is the biggest problem here: he's entirely too Dumbledore-ish; he's lost a lot of the naivete that defines his character. If you would ask me for a list of the top 10 people to lead the Order in the event of Dumbledore's passing based on canon, he'd definitely be on the lower rungs of that list, if he was on it at all.

A few other characters also gave off this vibe. I think the major problem is that there's a year completely unaccounted for; yes, you refer back to major happenings sometimes, but the reader generally has no idea how the characters have changed in that time.

Empath!Harry was foreshadowed nicely, and is a clever concept overall. I imagine it won't fly too well on this site, a Harry who's more in tune with other's feelings can and will be perceived as too 'girly'. I like it though!

3/5 at the moment, this fic is well-written and holds my attention. Score will probably change once the triangle comes into play; haven't seen whether it's a true drama or a squicky lemon-fest yet.


of course I'm guessing a lot of others wouldn't object to a plotless insta-Patil sandwich...

 

I read till he got to Hogwarts. It still doesn't make me like Patil twins any more. Although, you can that I'm biased, seeing as Honks is my favourite pairing.

 

Sloppy seconds for Harry are not all that good a thing. Truthfully, I liked that she didn't have him wait around for her, even though Tonks still seemed like she wanted to in the end.

How fucked up a relationship would that be?

He saw her screwing with some other dude.

Nymphe says Chapter 20 will be out soon, should be going through the beta process at the moment.

 

I agree that Harry needs some time to get over what he saw. I just don't like him spending that time with Patils. Some Slytherin girl, on the other hand...
P.S. I actually sent Nymphe an email asking if she planning on making it Honks eventually. It's been several days and still no answer.

 

rofl!

Um, not to burst your bubble, but she probably won't respond.

It might have been insulting once you think of it. I mean, an author makes the pairing clear on their A/N's and FFN Profile. Only to have somebody come in and question their pairing.

Doesn't sound like the brightest bulb of the bunch.

But yeah, I was hoping for some Honks action in the beginning. Before knowing the pairings and such.

 

Well, there are lots of stories with several pairings changing through the course of action. In those cases, some authors list the "the longest" relationship as an official pairing.

That's the quote from her pfofile. She can have Harry dump the twins any moment.
P.S. The letter I sent her was quite polite... I think.

 

Sorry, I didn't get your email at all or I would have responded. Yahoo might have dumped it into the Bulk Spam folder. Try it again or use DPL or FFN messenger system.

Chapter 20 is up now.

 

Ah... what's the point of sendind that message to you now, seeing as you already know my question? Oh well, I'll send you a PM just for the hell of it.

 

Meh.........I give it a solid 4/5 just because.....well, just because lol I liked the fic and it had a much more linear progression than most fics in the genre. People call it slow, but think about it for a second or two. Teenage girl with obvious trust issues and needs illegal potion just to get laid........


Can we say "Patience will get you everywhere" and leave it there?

As for the Honks portion, she can change her appearance but does that trump a set of hot twins at the same time? Call me weird but......I'll take the twins, together or seperately LOL

 

If I were in Harry's shoes, I'd take the twins over Tonks any day. Tonks is significantly older, one of Harry's auror trainers, and fuck-buddy to his other trainer. I don't see Harry getting over that. The Patils have both shown interest in Harry since mid-GoF (first freaking day back GoF if you go by the movie) in canon, and with his empathy confirming that they both like him, why the hell not? Plus, if you think back to the specifics of the ritual performed on the twins, they must be simultaneously unsealed. That's a pretty obvious foreshadowing.

 

Exactly, Damnit! Couldn't have put it better myself.