Could just be me, but I think that should be 'the sound of battle'

Dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts

Should be grabbed.

I think that needs a few commas

Should be 'bits of roots and dirt

Too many 'ands'. Consider changing it into something like 'He was distantly aware of Cess clutching his hair, hollering something in her light and squeaky voice, whilst a large grin spread across his face' (But definitely not a lopsided grin )

I think it should be 'more surprised', but I could be wrong.

Babble sound too mild for a battle. Maybe try changing it into something like 'clamor, crash, din, growl or my favourite one, thunderous roar'

I had to reread that, thinking that Harry had been sliced in two, maybe try something like 'It lifted its hefty axe which, like all of the weapons and armour Harry had seen, was made of gleaming black ice, and began to bring it down upon Harry.' And according to Firefox spellcheck, armour should be capitalised (I have no idea if that's true or not). Even if you keep the sentence the way it is, it should be 'down upon'.

Should be 'and splattered' or 'splattering'.

Should be 'it's skin' and less explosions per sentence please (although I know you're so fond of them). Maybe 'An instant later, the centaur roared and collapsed, its skin violently tearing itself apart as the liquid within it exploded.'

There should be an 'a' there (not to be mistaken with 'an')

Sometimes you say the oddest things... But it works, so if you want to keep it you can.

Should just be ' to surround him'

You sure are into some kinky shit sezza.

Did the sparks shudder? This sentence needs some clarification.

This sounds a bit clumsy. Maybe you could try something like 'Harry paid them no heed, although he heard a grunt of pain from a Goblin that had been flung into the crumbling remains of a wall, instead he had turned to counter yet another attack.'

You don't need to repeat the 'him', try something like 'It hissed, and jumped for him.' Also, 'jumped' is such a boring word. Try 'leapt, pounced, vaulted, and my personal favourites, frisked or gamboled'.

And such was Harry's sexual prowess, that he was used as a source of not so clean, renewable energy.

I'm not sure, but I think the plural of Sidhe is Sidhe.

Again, I'm not too sure, but I think it should be 'light danced through the air.'

For some reason that doesn't sound right to me. Maybe 'the honed instincts of battle'

Should be 'struck'

He's been doing a lot of barking lately... must be the excitement of battle.

I take back my earlier statement, these Harpies are the kinkiest shits of all. Maybe you should try 'yowled' if you want to keep the cat theme going.

Did she stop because the Unicorn crushed her to death, or was she just awed by it's presence? If it's the former, you could try 'galloped forward and trampled over her'

I gotta get me one of them, if only to see the Postman's reaction

That makes it seem like the fighting was drowned out as well. Try 'drowned out amongst all of the fighting around him'

That 'in' is redundant. You don't need it so get rid of it.

I'm not absolutely certain about this, but I think it'll work as ' embedded in its hide.'

I didn't know the dead could wield weapons, but maybe I'm wrong?

That's one long-ass sentence. Maybe you could try dividing into two?
For example 'Harry thrust his wand towards the other Unicorn, turning only to deflect a spear of jagged ice. The weapons that had lain dormant, rose to his command, decapitating one unfortunate Goblin on their way to their ultimate goal.'

I was confused there for a second, thinking the swords had grown horns. Changing it to 'just as it impaled a shrieking, green-skinned female onto its horn.' might be less confusing.

*Nice to see Goblins are so timely and business-like in the never-never as well
Also, you don't need the 'over' so drop it.

Nice to see someone actually worried about the battle.

Too many explosions man, 'rushed, burst, blasted, detonated, erupted, discharged, thundered, or va-voomed'
And you put cut a swath in the wrong place. Try this 'Harry felt, rather than heard, the rush of power that va-voomed* from her sword, cutting a swath through the front rank of Goblins'

*I absolutely insist on this word

I'm not entirely sure what this means. Is she blocking it with the body of a Satyr? Is she pulling him to safety?
I think this makes more sense 'The Sidhe Lady countered one, a rush of green light and sparks flittered through the air as a Satyr was thrown aside by its hind-legs.'

Who exactly is doing the darting? If it's the green-haired chick from Summer Knight (and I'm pretty sure it is) than I think you should say so.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't think there should be an 's' there.

Should be 'sizzled through his very veins' and if you do that, then you'll have to change the end to say 'adrenaline flooded his system' to avoid repetition of 'through'.

Should be 'Four of the 'vines' suddenly straightened and sliced through the Centaur's neck, instantly decapitating him.'

What made their bones liquefy? Was it the 'Talus Tabidus' spell? This really needs to be clarified. You also need to put a comma between 'tentacles' and 'but'.

Those hellish hues again, hey? Why not throw in some rythmy blues as well?

I think Harry's gone barking mad.

Drop the 's' on flames, or better yet, change it to fire or something. That way you avoid repeating the same word in one sentence.
The 'and the flames' bit seems wrong and it should say flesh instead of armour. Maybe change it to 'clouds of oily smoke rising into the air, the flames licking at the trolls exposed flesh.'

There should be a comma between 'snapped' and 'and'.

That sounds wrong to me. Try 'through the icicles, causing the troll to roar in agony as the spell cracked his armour.'

This should be something like 'An eerie screeching noise, almost three times as bad as somebody dragging their nails down a blackboard, and the streak of potent dark magic had slammed into the troll.'

Should be 'continued'.

You can probably drop this 'all'.

Great chapter Shezza.

This post was inspired by Warlocke

 

American laziness.
Whilst Scotland may be part of the United Kingdom, it is it's own individual nation. I don't think it was ever stated in the books, but it's a fair assumption that Hogwarts is in Scotland.

 

I miss the bone wyrm too. D:

 

Vicious lies! Do not listen to Taure, for he is obviously a heretic!
I have absolutely no idea why I'm defending the Scottish, especially when you consider that they hate us Irish (that said, they do hate everyone).

 

lmao
I feel your pain vlad. Can you remember what story it was? It's ringing a few bells...