Summary:Harry Potter was taken away from the Dursley's at five and was raised by two of the least expected people. When he grows up he becomes a Lord many times over and the heir to someone even better. He becomes a fanged friend, (vampire), and a new prophecy comes to light. (Dark Harry and others, Manipulative Dumbledore, Slash implied and future slash,)
Pairings:
Harry/Unknown
Hermione/Luna
Everyone else is undecided
Complete: No

A/N: I post anywhere from a chapter a week to four chapters a day depending on my writing flow obviously.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3822372/1/Feurety_the_Boy_Who_Conquered

 

I would need more arms than the entire Hindu pantheon and more heads than a colony of hydra to perform the amount of facepalms the description alone made me want to perform.

 

Damn, now I want to change my own name too!

 

You need to get out of here.

Let me put it this way, not even slash fans would like this.

And your profile freaks the fuck outta me.

 

I had a nice rant about this story, but it got deleted and I'm too tired to repost.
Long story short

THIS STORY SUCKS.

 

As the great Jim Norton would say; this is worse than a bowl of diarrhea.

Evacuate DLP immediately, you cunt.

 

I... I just don't know what to even begin saying to this wonderfully ambiguous piece of shit. I mean... I'm practically speechless, and bordering on insane stuttering from the severe case of gibbering lunacy that is about to take me over.

Honestly, I have to give this guy credit. He has single handedly proven this picture here, not to be the stupidest thing someone is capable of doing. No, no, no... he took his efforts as a humanitarian above and beyond the call of duty and proved that deep down in the darkest recesses of human de-evolution and mixed hybrid incestial breeding of were-pigeons... we are capable of so much more retardation.

Kudo's I say... simple kudo's to the man who is capable of not only linking Harry to every canon-historical wizard in the fandom... but straight on around to biblical angels, gods, and a host of lineages that makes some my inbreed backwood hick neighbors look more pureblood then fucking Adam and Eve.

I'm just amazed that someone could even begin to write this... let alone get 23 fucking chapters into it. However, don't let that low-range double digit number intimidate you (in the same sense that when you click on the stories link, don't let the guy on the other end surprise you when he stabs you with a knife from the other side of the computer screen), for the chapters a fairly small.

Sure, you are correct, they do get bigger. However, 393 words isn't so much to springboard your rising word count, in each chapter afterwards, off of. That's like sending your retarded child to kindergarten.. and sure, he'll do good in the beginning... but generally by the time he reaches fifth grade, everyone's realizing that Johny isn't a class clown... he's mentally deficient and illiterate.

Much like the sorry son of a bitch who decided it would be a pleasant idea to walk into the forums and lay this big huge bag of feces out on our doorstep.


Thank you.

Now kindly, leave.


Edit: For some grammatical errors, and also to put in this:

You can obviously tell I rate this story a 0/5... but for the purposes of getting this thing recycled as fast as possible... I gave it a 1/5.

 

I agree whole-heartedly Kept Close, but just for the sake of accuracy, the author's female.

Which does not change the fact that this sucks.

 

Lord Ferrety, King of Hell and heir to scores of rich, legendary and extinct surnames.

It's Animagus, not Animigus.

Utter shit. I hope the author tries to retaliate. I'm looking forward to it.

 

Sorry... I probably should of spent more time gathering more pertinent facts on the author when I was bashing him into a pulp.

Thanks Andro!

 

Why do I get the feeling that this author is trolling for attention, perhaps hoping for a boost to their FF.net hit-count and a few patented DLP Flaming Reviews (careful, their hot!). Then they can go to the other EmoWriters and say "see, DLP hates me! That means I'm a good writer, since they are a bunch of meanies that hate everything!"

Translation: I'm not going to bother reading. I've wasted enough time typing this out.

 

This has got to be a prank, or a troll. Yes.

On a more interesting subject, why does Philly Homer use elephant cum for mouthwash?

I don't know the story behind this, someone please tell me.

Speaking of which wouldn't a human have to have the snake like ability to dislocate their jaw to fellatio an elephant.

Is Philly Homer the Human-Snake?

 

First of all... Raven66, it is quite obvious you have not lurked here. We do not like slash (read: Hate with a religious fervor) as a general rule. There are rare exceptions, rare as in the Haley comet being seen rare. This utter abomination is NOT one of them.

Lets break down this summary.

Mmm... good good. Nothing bad, nothing original but considering the utter shit on ff.net, this is 3.

Right... thank you for outright stating, what must be the most over used cliche on the face of fanfiction, Harry becomes a Lord of This, That, Those, There and These. Yay. Fun read. Really I guarantee it.

No. Just no. Im not even going to touch that. Just seeing it makes my head hurt.

What... the... fuck...

Yes, you look like a demi-god if you have long hair and a red lined robe. Oh and you have to tuck your shirt, yes indeed, must not forget the shirt. MY EYES CRY TEARS OF BLOOD, YOU NITWIT.

Are you shitting me? You are shitting me. This has got to be the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire fucking life. Except for My Immortal but thats satire and parody.
Still you seemed to have managed to drag up something so utterly revolting to my good senses that I must declare this to be burn at the stake. Cant even spell, what's his name right, Grindenwald, Grinwald, whatever his name is, I cant be bothered to find out(that's why I dont write, too much effort to get the names right, I'd rather not subject society to my horrible spelling).

... Im pretty sure radioactive steel will irradiate whatever the fuck is surrounding it. Be it magical immortal or not, radiation sickness HURTS DUMBASS. And even if it didnt I dont think that it would cut through pretty much anything. It would have to be so freakin hot that at those temperaturs it would MELT.


So in short, Harry... IM SO SORRY, Feurety, which means absolutely fuck all, basically WTFPWNS every single damn person he encounters. What a wonderfuck-ful story to read.



FAMIB does not work in this case, it will only fan the flames, we should...






KILL IT WITH FIRE!

 

Raven66's update rate is impressive, I just realized, so I take my hat off. However, I put it back on due to the updates consistently being full of shit.

Nah. When you come across the slash marker, you can almost always assume that the story is written by a lady author.

 

The Hermione/Luna pairing mentioned in the opening post probably confused him.

 

I think it was just my head coming back from a bad acid trip... which is what reading the first four chapters of that... imaginative monstrosity, was like.

 

Nyx be damned woman, i feel absolutely insulted that you used Osiris' name in vain! Even if i didn't dislike you immensely for using it, your story more then justifies said dislike.

Your story is shit...you dont belong here. Forgetting for a second that you just posted your trashy fic with out introducing yourself, you actually have the gall to post a cliche, slashy, inept fic?

Sizziling wok of havoc to your face!

Delete it!

 

I didn't bother going beyond the summary. It gave a pretty good idea of the story content. Which is, that the fic is a crock of shit.

Given this is the only post by Raven66, I have to agree with nuhuh. So Raven, kindly quit trolling and bugger off.

 

I'll make it simple:
This. Is. Shit.