Ah yes. I've read numerous stories where Harry learns Karate, Kung-fu, etc. Just no.

Also, this means no fucking guns. I don't want to see Harry double tapping death eaters because he sucks at magic. To repeat, no fucking guns. I honestly don't mind if Harry carries around a knife or dagger because I can imagine that practical wizards would carry around a knife in case they get disarmed or lose their wands somehow. Just no fucking guns.

 

Well, I've personally always wanted to see one of Voldemort's hordes of giant, werewolves, and Death Eaters come across a fully-equipped British Infantry Batallion...

 

Damn, that would be awesome. But then, if that happened, who would win?

 

I hate stories with plot holes and unrealistic cookie-cutter personalities.

Angst without defiance annoys the shit out of me, too. Man, the angst is so off-base it hurts to read. There is not a person in the world who acts like a crying attention whore after getting out of an abusive situation. God damn, stop being such emofags and learn2reality.

The stories which harry suddenly falls in love for no discernible reason. I like some romance, but not if you are totally unrealistic and sickening fluffy with it.

 

Most of Voldemort's non-Wizard army would be chopped down before they could get in close enough to grapple. The Army wouldn't be able to stand vs magic, but could do Great Steaming Swaths of damage while the magic users were killing one-at-a-time.
I don't remember HP having any huge area-of-effect destruction spells (like Meteor Shower or Ice Storm.)

 

One answer to your example:

'You never learn, do you,' said Lord Voldemort, staring in disgust at the muggles in front of him.
'My lord, what shall we do,' asked Dolohov, staring at the Muggles with disgust. Lord Voldemort ignored him, drawing out his wand.
'Accio guns!' said Lord Voldemort. Hundreds of the tools muggles used for killing each other flew from the grasp of surprised soldiers and arranged themselves neatly in a pile in front of the Dark Lord.
'Send in the giants,' ordered Lord Voldemort.
'Yes, my lord,' said Dolohov, looking gleefully at the innovative solution his master had thought of.

The Giants roared upon seeing the giant regimental flag being raised, ordering their advancements. The muggles had begun to scatter upon seeing their towering magical brethren rushing at them with an assortment of blunt objects. Sadly, today size would matter and the longer legs of the giants caught up with the muggles in a short while.

They proceeded to stamp, rip apart and devour muggles. An unfortunate soldier managed to avoid the leg that had attempted to crush him, but his luck ran out as the annoyed giant picked him up and proceeded to rip off its head.

The battlefield was littered with muggle bodies and body parts while not a single magical being had died that day. Lord Voldemort considered it a wonderful victory. Bellatrix Lestrange was crying at not being allowed to kill some of the muggles herself.

'Next time, Bella,' said Lord Voldemort, trying to make amends.
'That's what you said when we slaughtered London,' wailed Bella.
'Do not worry my dear, for there are many of them left,' said Lord Voldemort.

 

No offense man, but I disagree about the no gun thing, especially in stories following canon to large degrees, seeing as the Douche Lord has so many years.
Regimented Military would fucking slaughter those robe wearing bitches. Hoorah.

 

Wow, I ask a simple question and get a little story about death and destruction. lol at Bellatrix

 

Oh I know another Peeve, I did this early on, but Medieval castles on par with Hogwarts, and Potter Mansions are getting annoying as well.

 

I'd like to point out that summoning LOTS of loaded, cocked, firearms at you would be an awesome recipe for disaster. Moreover, I doubt even Voldemort could summon EVERY firearm in a battalion, especially since not all weapons would be hand held: think most of a TON of metal. That would leave grenades, rocket launchers, crew-serviced vehicle-mounted cannons, and Really Good hand-to-hand fighters with serious motivation.

 

I think this might turn into another 'wizards will own muggles' thread.

 

Agreeing. (With Banner)
The wizards would get blown away against professional soldiers, a giant isn't going to survive a Claymore mine, or a grenade lobbed at its face for that matter, much less a fucking RPG or Heat Seeking Rocket.

 

Lets try not turn this into a Muggle versus Wizards thread, Please.

 

Sorry - I think we all got distracted by the gore and loud banging noises. We now return to our regularly scheduled thread.

 

If you contradict my opinion, I would welcome a rebuttal in story form. The world would be enriched by it.

No Banner is right. This is better left for other days. Still it was fun writing my random muggle encounter.

 

I am sure you did have fun with that.
But back on topic, another peeve of mine has to be Azkaban fics which all go the same way. You would think with so many people writing fics there would be more then 3 or 4 different kinds of Azkaban fics.

 

Nah. It'd go something like this:

Potter's last stand, Voldemort thought in triumph. He had his little rag-tag group of followers had fled the castle, and had taken up position just a few hundred metres away from where he currently was stationed. The Dark Lord gave the signal, and his grand army went on the move.

Hundreds, thousands of dark creatures: giants, werewolves, vampies, inferi, and two hundred of the finest Death Eaters he had been able to recruit; what could defeat such awesome power?

A mere hundred metres from the supposed Boy-Who-Lived, one of the giants tripped a wire. This was the signal, and a rather obvious one as a line of anti-personnel mines exploded.

In the blink of an eye, where there was once a dozen people there were now two hundred. Muggle soldiers uncovered themselves, and opened fire. Alone, the infantryman's rifles might have only held off the inevitable; but the six machine guns that joined the fire more than made up for them. The devices sprayed death across the battlefield, mutilating the werewolves, blowing the arms off giants, ripping humans to shreds.

As if this wasn't enough, artilley a mile behind their position opened fire on Voldemort and his HQ. They hadn't even bothered to prepare against magical attacks, let alone muggle ones. Voldemort was saved from atomization by hastily apparating away - but even this was not enough. Over the treelines roared a dozen Tornadoes, unleashing their missiles agains the retreating Dark Lord. The result was predictable.

Centurion tanks cleared the infantry's defences, advancing against the remaining Dark Forces that quickly surrendered, and subsequently shot. Harry Potter himself was riding on the lead tank, his wand in the air, personally AK'ing any survivors.

Final words:

With the magical tech uncovered by the Royal Army, muggles advanced in leaps and bounds. By 2010 the first faster-than-light starship was on its way to Alpha Centauri.

The magical world was forced to integrate with the muggle, but still retained some independence. They too benefited from reverse-engineered muggle tech: who needs Spell Creators when a computer can churn them out at a fraction of the cost?

Harry Potter retired to the Bahamas along with fifteen million pounds, given to him by the UK government. Harry spent the rest of his life as a pseudo Hugh Hefner, purchasing Playwizard in 2003 and becoming Porn King in 2024.

Hermione Granger became a Healer, and along with a Muggle team of Doctors helped develop a cure for cancer in 2023. In 2047 she was among the first to emigrate to a terraformed Mars. She ended up having a colony named after her. She never married.

Neville Longbottom become Minister of Magic in 2031, after a long and successful stint as head of the Aurors. Under his rule the last shreds of the Purebloods were finally integrated into the Muggle-Magical society. After retiring in 2069, he was an advisor to the United Nations during the formation of the World Government. His son served as the UK's representative to the Global Council from 2042 to 2115.

Luna Lovegood spent the rest of her life searching for the creatures her father had told stories about. She was ultimately killed on Regulus V after being poisoned by a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

Ron and Ginny Weasley died in 1998, after contracting an STI from each other. Molly Weasley committed suicide after the death of her beloved children.

What the fuck????!!!!!

Sometimes I even scare myself.

 

Naah... Azkaban fics are a intense subset of Betrayal fics, and there is only a few possible reactions to betrayal: forgive, revenge, leave.
leave) Harry HAS to kill Voldemort, because Voldemort will never stop trying to kill Harry. Thus, we can't simply abandon the field.
forgive) Hard to do right, without being saccharine. I've read some good ones, but it's way too easy for forgiveness fics to be utterly limp wristed.
revenge) Sane or insane revenge. Generally gets out of hand, but the good revenge fics, with a strong, sane Harry, are my favorites. Think "Count of Monte Cristo," which was revenge softening to forgiving the innocents.


Two glasses of wine appears to make me genially argumentative. If I get mean or stupid, please be gentle...

 

Damn it, I thought we would get back on topic.

Doctor, nice story, that was pretty good.

 

Nice job doc, the Weasly's died to, I'm partial to our Abrams myself though, but the british centurion is faster I suppose.