You'll love this one, then. Take a shot every time you spot a cliché/peeve.

 

Dumbledore drinking Starbucks, wow well I gave up on that after the first chapter. Was fucking horrible.

 

Don't forget the irritatingly short chapters.
Has a child at age thirteen - I'm pretty sure the doctors would FORCE an abort
Having had multiple births at the very beginning of puberty, they are too shy to ask about birth control.
Fawkes sleeps through all of it
Stupidly convoluted and useless plot, ending in a suicide and NO sense.
I could go on...

 

Someone needs to explain the 484 reviews. At least it took the writer over 100,000 words to get them.

And I found this in her profile:

 

Voldemort scenes in Harry's sleep. First of all: For god's sakes, people, Voldemort doesn't always sit on a throne feeling pissy about how badly all his plans are going (Because, of course, fandom sees Voldemort as some retard who can be fooled by a teenage boy whose head he has access to.) In addition to this, I really doubt that Voldemort is up to the wee hours of the morning raping captives/torturing followers/whatever. Harry's visions are not an everyday thing in the canon, and despite my love for a little variation, Pussy!Harry who cries himself to sleep every night bothers me.

 

Favourites' lists, mostly.

In case anyone cares, it also involves twins named James and Lily, and a redeemed Draco. I can't remember the rest - that's probably a good thing.

 

BUt then he couldn't fuck Harry when Harry realizes how empty his life has become or steal Ginny away from Harry by screwing her brains out the night before the wedding and making her want him bad enough to leave harry during the ceremony.

 

Agreed.
Though, depending on how you feel about the position of godfather, this means there's not much reason to leave Harry anything either (but, yeah, who else would he give it to?).

On the other hand, I can totally see him leaving money to Lupin. Think about it; He only has two living relatives that he actually gives a shit about (Tonks and Andromeda) and Lupin is the last of his close friends, and poor as a church mouse. Leaving a little something to your virtual brother, who has been impoverished by the racist and discriminatory policies of the government, makes plenty of sense. Sirius would, without a doubt, leave something to Lupin.

My peeve-within-a-peeve:
Authors need to quit having Sirius's will specify that Lupin needs to spend some of the money on new clothes. It's not funny, it's insulting and embarrassing, and if those words made up the last earthly communication to me by someone who was supposed to be my closest friend, I'd be more than a little pissed off.

Not only that, but it's been done a MILLION times since it was first thought up. It's one thing for Harry to buy an expanded trunk in your story -that makes sense for any wizard with enough money- but everybody and their brother (and sister) have used the dumb 'Remus, buy some clothes' routine and it is so old that dinosaurs considered it to be cliché before they died out. Think for yourselves and get some ideas of your own, you fucking lame-assed, plagiarizing twats.

(in review: magic trunks are canon and putting one in your fanfic doesn't plagiarize another fanfic. Having Sirius's will tell Remus to buy clothes does plagiarize other -lame- fanfic.)

I'm also tired of seeing Sirius's will crowing about how he can call Tonks by her first name and she can't do anything about it. You know what, people use Nymphadora's first name because they don't respect her wishes enough to just call her Tonks. Sirius may be a joker, but one would think he'd care enough about his first cousin (once removed) to at least respect her wishes in the document that will ultimately represent who he was as a person and his life in its entirety.

It's your last will and testament, try not to come off looking like a dick.

Speaking for myself... Someone here just recently posted a link to pstibbons's profile and she links to another story by SwishAndFlick31, which is the reason I came across the story a few days ago.

The Doctor could just as easily have stumbled upon it one of thousands of other ways. Which is my drawn-out way of saying, "That's the internet for you, all roads lead everywhere."

Actually, that one isn't so bad. The grammar could use some polishing but it's hard to be offended by a one-shot that shows Harry and Hermione smirking at Ron's ineptitude.

It's just a story about Ron drawing the wrong conclusion (because he's a dim-witted stooge) and his friends play along because they find his utter and complete stupidity amusing and know that trying to actually reason with such a dense fool would be pointless.

Having said that, I do call bullshit on Ron using the word 'incongruously'. If Ron even knew this word existed, he still wouldn't know what it meant.

NOTE: I actually cut 'n' pasted The Doctor's 'cliché' because I didn't feel like running around looking for the é. Hehe, thanks Doc.

 

I just got this image of Harry going through a V-scene.

Voldemort sitting on his throne ... actually 'the throne' feeling pissy about how badly all his plans are going and Harry pops up.

"Get out! Get out!" Voldemort shrieks like a prissy bitch.

Harry claws at his own face. "My eyes!"

 

My biggest peeve is Harry being all-knowing, If he is all-knowing, what is the point in him going to school?

 

On that note, I once read a story where: Harry was infinitely powerful and could stop time but he didn't go ahead and kill Voldemort just because the author felt like writing about him owning everyone at hogwarts. Come on...she had some excuse like that Voldemort was in hiding and Harry couldn't find him. Right.

 

I actually FOUND a story that did this:
Sirius left Harry several potions and spells (all of which were completely unknown to the Ministry, of course) that increased Harry's power by multiple orders of magnitude, taught him undetectable disguise spells, gave him mastery of multiple arcane combat magicks, and incredible amounts of money.

If Sirius had all this, why didn't he use it for himself?


Also, I hate fics that give a completely surprised Harry some sort of MAJOR magic boost/ability/physical change on the night of his seventeenth birthday.

 

Why is it always their seventeenth birthday, whats so special about that day.
Another thing, magical puberty, this annoys me to no end, as Harry always gets it the worst.

 

Because some idiot got it in their head that it was a good idea, and everyone 'borrowed' the idea.

 

It was me. I truly am the master of finding crappy H/Hr fics.

I likee. Going in my signature.

Alt+130, my friend.

 

Dobby and Winky becoming Harry's elves, it has gotten really old.