This one is pretty bad. I think it might have been mentioned before, but it does indeed deserve our ridicule.

 

I think it's time has passed though. I can't remember the last time I read that in a fic.

 

Truth. Hopefully it will go the way of Pogs and Furbies and other such faggy shit.

My biggest pet peeve in fanfiction has actually become a pet peeve in life: I HATE the word "twinkle".

As in: "Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he stared at Harry's crotch.", and other such cliched nonsense.

I can't stand that word at all now, to the point that I have to take time to calm myself down every time I read it in fanfiction. Not that it comes up in my day-to-day life very often, but I was in the mall and heard this little girl say it (for whatever reason, who knows), and I swear to God I almost punted her.

- Slash is always retarded,but I don't read stories that state upfront that the main pairings are slash anyways.

- I'm probably in the minority, but the term "ginslut" is retarded, full stop. No seriously - say that shit out loud and hear how dumb you sound. Killing Ginny is always wonderful, but if the majority of forum members here think "Voldyshorts" and "Dumbles" is retarded, how does "ginslut" pass muster?

- Too much attention to Ron's eating habits: No one cares about his appetite that much. "I'm a growing boy!" has become as irritating as Dave Chapelle's "I'm Rick James, bitch!" did when that skit first aired.

- Going to Hogwarts for their 7th year = fail.

- Hermione becoming hot = Fail. I'm not gonna lie though, when I picture an attractive Hermione, I picture Lindsay Lohan from the SNL skit. I would punish the shit out of HER, but JK's Hermione will not look like that. Ever in life.

- Animagi are useless, except for (ironically) Peter's rat form. In a well-thought out story, Harry as "Prongs, Jr." would get fucked up, since stags can't perform magic, and Harry the phoenix animagus would just teleport DE's and Voldemort, one at a time, into a fucking volcano or something - which would be a useless/boring story.

- Author's notes: hate'em. I don't care about your life outside of the story. If you had other shit to take care of (which you should anyways, unless you're completely useless), then that's fine; you're not getting paid to write this shit and don't have to justify yourself to your "fans". But if you insist on writing them, author's notes should NEVER be multiple paragraphs, half as long as your fucking chapter update, thanking a bunch of people that you cut and paste from your review page.

And your hard drive didn't REALLY crash/die/burn/disintegrate/get Obliviated, thus preventing an update: don't fucking lie.

- Ron not knowing what a telephone is doesn't mean the majority of the wizarding world is completely oblivious on how to hide from muggles. Aside from being a bit socially dim, Ron and his scatter-brained dad live in the country; any wizard living in a more metropolitan area will most likely know about muggle technology.

- I truly don't get how the Knight Bus works, but that's not a fanfiction thing. Whatever, it's gay.

- I've said it before and I'll say it again: Swords that aren't Gryffindor = fail.

 

No but wizards trying to pay muggles with gold coins the size of hubcaps, a man wearing a nightdress outside, a guy walking around in a kilt and a poncho and a ministry official wearing in plusfours during the quidditch world cup would imply that the majority of them are completely incompetent/ignorant of muggle culture.

 

still those are too isolated to make a blanket statement. Poncho guy could've taken a portkey from rainy Scotland and old nightdress guy knew what to wear but seemed to not care. I don't know about you, but when I want a breeze around my balls, you'd be hard pressed to stop me. The thing with galleons is, again, simply not caring- its only one muggle that wizards were hired to obliviate anyways.

 

You made my day.

J'accuse!

Then I should mention the corollary to that, which is "90% of the time 'everywhere' means porn."

Well, it is still the internet, after all.

Yeah but I'm only working with so much memory here. Only so many hotkeys and whatnot can fit, so if I memorize that, I'll forget someth- Fuck, there it goes. Now I can't remember how to do a copyright symbol. Oh well, back to charmap.

If it weren't for being here, on this forum, I probably wouldn't even need to type the word cliché.

----
I had a massive, 1500+ word, rant all typed up and ready to go here about one of my recent pet peeves, which is people that complain that they dislike everything about Harry Potter fan fiction, but you have been spared reading it by my better judgment.

Suffice it to say that if everything that has been complained about in this thread were removed entirely from HP fanfiction, what was left would be so stale, flavorless and bereft of life that it wouldn't be worth reading at all, much less for entertainment.
----

I don't think they're even called that in the books*. To the best of my knowledge, the word 'trio' appears only in book seven, as a reference to the three Hallows.

However, Snape does refer to them as the 'Dream Team' at one point, which, I have to admit, boggles my mind.

*Though that wouldn't stop me from referring to them as a trio. They're a group, there are three in that group, and 'trio' is shorter than writing 'the three of them' over and over again.

 

If the authors cut ALL this stuff out, there wouldn't be anything left. Let's just say that most of my peeves make me skim that scene, as opposed to hitting the back button. I have a number of favorite stories in which I skip small chunks, just to get to the "good parts."

 

I don't care if they're referred to as a trio. I just hate it when they are called the Golden Trio. You know, because gold is a gryffindor color and it somewhat implies them being "Light" (even though I hate that term), that they are blessed/favored, popular, and a whole plethora of other things. It is goddamn retarded. And overused. Seriously, I cannot count how many fics I've read with this in it.

trio = I don't care

Golden Trio = go die in a fire

 

I know this is a mispelling, but it's like fingernails on a chalkboard-- "parceltounge". What I want to know is, if you speak the language of the parcels, does that mean you understand what mails says to itself as the owls fly it away?

 

Any fic that has Neville out duel Bellatrix. A sneaky stupefy while she's dueling somebody competent and a stick or a chair transfigured into a golf club and he can proceed to beat her to death. I can guarantee she would prefer that to dying at Mollywobbles hand.

 

Hey, Neville (intelligently) launches the fatal blow against Bella while she's fighting someone else! I like that! Good idea.

 

Why thank you, Neville may have some magical power but in any duel with Bellatrix he would end up spending a lot more time with his parents. I've always wanted to read a fic where he does it like that.......guilty pleasure.

 

My biggest peeve is people using ... to represent a pause or someone trailing off the end of a sentence. It sucks...

 

Because I am unbelievably self centred I will assume that was a dig at me. It is one of my many bad habit's and I doubt that anything short of shock therapy will rid me of it so.........................

 

Oh yeah, me too...

 

"cough" let's move on shall we? Since we are obviously not talking about fanfiction anymore, my biggest peeve is that "Eccelston" as doctor who. David Tennant is a better Doctor.

On a more relevant note, any fic where Ron's sex life is described in detail.

 

Bad grammar makes me either go immediately for the back button or bash my head against my desk, depending on my mood- but that's not just Harry Potter specific.

I am usually of the opinion that anything is worth trying once, as long as it's well-written. Hell, I've even read some slash that didn't make me want to hurl, because the author was that good. And I'll stay away from ranting about pairings, because I could go on for ages otherwise.

What I will rant about are things like Harry not defeating Voldemort. If Neville does- okay, I could go with that, if well executed. Otherwise, Harry should be the one defeating Voldemort. The books aren't called Ginny [Potter]Weasley and the Philosopher's Stone/Chamber of Secrets/Prisoner of Azkaban, etc. after all.

I also don't like Harry/Harem fics- er, that is fics that have Harry with multiple partners at the same time. If a fic has four different pairings, that's fine. But when Harry is dating Daphne and then ends up sleeping with Hermione, FemBlaise and Susan all at the same time...no. No way.

Harry ending up with a katana pisses me off. He's an English wizard raised and trained in England. If you're going to give him a sword that isn't the Gryffindor sword, at least make it something you'd find commonly in England.

Changing Harry's name also annoys me. There are a few authors who have done this and managed to pull it off, but most of them make me want to cringe. Especially those who make up crazy, weird for even wizarding standards names. Latin, Greek, Gaelic, etc- those make sense. Giving Harry a Japanese name or calling him Raven, Duke, etc- instant back button time.

I'm probably alone in this, but I despise most Harry-has-siblings fics. Even with an alive and healthy Lily and James, I still see Harry as an only child. Again, there are exceptions to this, but most of the siblings make me want to tear my hair out.

Abuse/disability fics that haven't been researched piss me off as well. I've been abused, and I have a disability. I know my stuff and when someone messes around with serious topics, it makes me seethe. Especially fan brats who think cutting is oh so brilliant and a way to get Harry to be dark without the actual character development.

I also hate fics where the characters find a set of the books. Loosely related, I hate most crossovers as well, especially anime crossovers.

Book!based fan fiction that mentions stuff from the movies. Harry's eyes are green, not blue, for God's sake. James was a Chaser, not a Seeker. The Hogwarts uniforms described in the books seem to be just black robes, not the whole get-up in the movies, etc. And if you're going to write book!based fiction, for the love of God, do not admit that you've never read the books and have only watched the movies. Label it Movie Verse or better yet, start a HP section in the Movies category at FFN.

Oh, I could go on, but these are the main ones that I've come across recently.

 

Tennant's good, but his Doctor is more style over substance.

Eccleston brought something fresh to the character, where Tennant's is mostly Peter Davison with a dash of pop culture.

There are exceptions, such as:

Ron begin thrusting harder and harder into his sister's cunt. "Oh Merlin Gin," he screamed, "you're so fucking tight!"

*And Harry killed both of them and moved to Tahiti with his harem.*

Anyway, another Harry Potter peeve: using "Merlin" as a substitute for "God". Pisses me off.

 

Ah but Tennant has the added advantage of having a dual personality, by day "The Doctor" by night "Barty Crouch jr".

Remorseful Dursleys annoy the hell out of me almost as much as rapist Dudley does.

 

Yeah, changing Harry's name annoys me to the end. Now, if it's done tastefully where he goes under an assumed name, but the text still refers to him as Harry, then that's okay. It's when every mention of his name changes.

Especially fics where he rationalizes "I never liked my name anyways"