Wait, did Meciel just went Head Six on Harry in that first scene?

 

Cool enough of a chapter. I must say however that I did not find it as good as some of the ones before. I saw many things that puzzled or bothered me and those detracted a bit from it. I shall list my thoughts below.

Ok! Time for some nitpicking! Prepare yourself!

Why is Umbridge still so free in using her quills as shown by what happened to Neville. What happened to Dumbledores attempt of trying to use the media and public against her? I mean I have a hard time believing that the people in HP world are so backwards that they have no problems in letting a psycho like Umbridge to torture their children like that. Especially since the quills are dark magic in nature. You would think Fudge atleast would force her to stop in fear for losing votes or such. It may not be illlegal or worthy of Umbridge being arrested but it really should result in a public outcry. It makes no sense! This really should be explained somehow.


Hmm. It is interesting that I did not particularly like the way Harry was acting towards Amaris in this chapter. He seemed needlessly cruel and petty. However when I really thought about it I realised that he did not really act any worse towards Amaris than he does to Amanda or anyone else. Strange.

I think perhaps the following facts made it worse. Amaris is:
a)Very young
b)Harrys daughter, giving his random insults far greater strength.
c)Inexperienced in social interaction and as such unable to defend himself the way Amanda or Hermione might.
I dunno. Am I the onlyone who got the feel that Harry was more cruel than he normally is? Am I just imagining it?


Why in the world did Amaris sleep on the floor? I checked the last chapter and Harry explicitly says that Amaris should use the _couch_ OR the floor. And then he goes on to say that Amaris can pretty much do whatever it is that she wants implying that she is totally free to choose. Given that you have portraid her as very literal then should she not have taken Harry at his word and realised that she was free to choose the couch if she wished.

This whole thing felt totally disconnected with the chapter before and felt more like an attempt on your part to respond to all the negative attention to Amaris by showing that Harry won't suddenly become caring and loving Father. But I think you went too far and at the expense of logical progression between this chapter and 23.

I have quoted the section from 23 here and I wonder how this could be taken as anything but permission to sleep on the couch?:

I could only see this working if Maeve had been totally mistreating Amaris and she expected to be given nothing but the floor. Other than that however, this again makes little rational sense to me.


Another thing that totally jumped at me was that when Harry was eating he used his fingers to eat? Huh? Why the hell would he not use the utensils? Maybe you were trying to show that Harry has no concern for manners and does what he wants but I think we already got that. The thing is though, it made Harry look a bit foolish. I mean I for one find it a lot easier and faster to use forks and knives when eating. It is simply easier and more comfortable than burning/messing my fingers. And Harry is all about comfort(silk sheets anyone). Another thing that did not make sense to me.


Amaris seems to be extremely well informed with Hogwarts and Umbridge especially. She even knew what kind of scores Umbridge had received! So how is it possible that she was unaware that Umbridge is a crazy racist who would use the knowledge of her half-human nature against Harry and her? That should be the type of public knowledge that almost everyone should know. Especially someone who has studied Umbridge enough to know her school scores. After this and the couch thing I am starting to wonder if Amaris really IS retarded. Oh. And are the scores of the people in school really that public? You would think that would be the sort of private information not everyone would have access to.


You go on say that Faery interference in the world was banned a long time ago? But thats not true is it? They interfere a lot! In the Dresden Files the faeries interfere all the time and even in your story we have lots of examples of Faeries messing around with mortals. What was this all about?


How could umbridge be 100% sure that Harry has no living relatives? Unless there is some bizarrely magical way of detecting it (in which case she could easily have confirmed who Amaris was) then she would have no way of knowing if say Petunia had secretly had another child or somesuch.


I thought it a bit strange that Harry left Amaris to her own like that. I mean she already made things worse by telling Umbridge that she was a non-human. Harry has given her no guidelines so why is he not worried that she will reveal some other secret piece of information like the fact that Harry is a Denarian for instance. Or that he is hardcore darkmagic user. Or that the White Council wants to kill him for murder/demonsummoning,etc. If Amaris has access to Maeves spies then she should know a LOT of information that Harry would want to be kept quiet.


Anyway I was annoyed by these things. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill (or whatever) but there it is anyway.

Ofcourse it was not all bad. I did like Amaris's insult to Hermione. The way she speaks is quite amusing. Umbridge being all freaked out was also fun to read about.

Oh, btw! I would love to know why/how Meciel chose/got the bone wyrm as her demonic form? This is something that I wondered while reading the scene in the beginning.

 

Glad someone agrees with me.

I thought the way Harry acted in ch 23 was great. He showed some concern for Amaris with his words about how "no daughter of his" and the whole "come get me if you need something" thing. However he was not pussified in any way since he was still himself with the whole teaching her to curse and kill her enemies and such things. It was how I expected and thought Harry would act like.

In this chapter however I thought Harry was a complete and total jackass with the way he acted. And not in a good way. You have always managed to have Harry stand in the "middle road" so to speak, where you have him be rude and nasty but without going so far over the line that he comes off as unlikable jerk. I think you might have crossed that line a bit here. Or thats how I felt anyway

It starts with the whole retard thing. I already said my feelings about the floor thing but lets go with it. Amaris has made a mistake and the first thing Harry does is insult her intelligence. Then he insults Hermione and tells Amaris to join in. She immediately does what Harry wants. I sorta got the sense that she did it in an effort to gain his approval. Maybe thats not how you meant it but thats how it came off to me. And that impresison was only strengtened later by this line: “My presence displeases you?” Amaris asked quietly. The whole quiet and "meek" way she says this sorta implies sadness. Again maybe not your intention but...

And how does Harry respond to her obedience and (possible) cry for approval from her father? He calls her a brat. Now this might not be a major thing but thanks to her inexperience, Amaris thinks he implies that it is "A term for a naughty, disobedient or unpleasant child?". Harry in no way corrects her impression. She then asks what she has done wrong for Harry to so dislike her. And Harry responds that her whole existence in Hogwarts is reason enough for him to dislike her.

So lets see, in one chapter Harry has told Amaris that he thinks she is:
A retard,
unpleasant,
Naughty,
disobedient,
unwanted

And he finally finishes things off by telling her that he does not care at all and just leaves her there in a strange place completely alone, showing no interest in her well-being whatsoever. Maybe you again did not mean this but thats sorta how it came out.

In truth I wondered if you did this intentionally. You did start DR with Harry being abused by the Dursleys. And they say abuse is learned behaviour. Now perhaps Harrys behaviour is not that extreme (yet) but there are signs. If this was intentional then so be it. However it does clash with Harrys more "human" behaviour towards her in chapter 23.

 

Nothing like a brood of bone-wyrmlings to cover Harry's back in a fight.

 

Yeah, Harry was a dick in this chapter.

 

I think Harry's dickness is acceptable in this chapter.

For him to 'return to center' he must first stray further away. It's going to take a catastrophe for Harry to change much at all. And the only way Harry can encounter a catastrophe is if he's a nasty dick to his daughter.

 

Frankly, I'm beginning to feel that the story is collapsing. Harry is getting increasingly stupid and inept, to a degree that I find difficult to believe, and Meciel, who should theoretically be incredibly intelligent, is letting him take actions that may well end in losing an important ally, as well as his life.

Narion

 

i have to agree, harry was too much of a dick to amaris. i'm sure something will happen, her life being in danger, which will bring out harry's full paternal side. perhaps disgusting umbridge threatening amaris will give harry an excuse to permanently lay the smackdown on delores.

perhaps nearly losing his daughter will get harry to wise up to the fact that she IS his daughter, his blood. she is a relation to him that has not hurt him like the durselys. in this case, he is in the position of power, and she is his responsibility.

but just because amaris is his responsibility does not mean he can't turn her out to be just as maladjusted and angry as he is. perhaps this will be a bonus when she is returned to maeve, bringing out the inner fire in amaris. she is half human. persumably life with maeve was about repression and logic, being in control. it kind of fits with the whole cold winter faerie motif. harry can reconnect her with her fiery human half, which may be the edge the winter faeries and in particular maeve need.

all this is just speculation and food for thought.

comments?

 

i completely agree with you how harry seemed to be a jackass in this chapter in fact this was my favorite fanfictions but when that line came up where his daughter meekly asked if her presence displeases him and he tells her yes and it became more of work then fun to read the rest of the chapter greatly disappointed harry should atleast be a little nicer to her because of how he was treated as a child and that line where he flat out tells his daughter he doesnt want her made me debate if i should even keep reading this book when the chapter before it was my favorite.

 

Harry seems a bit harsh is this chapter. Hell more than half the time he doesn't treat Hermione half as bad as he did to Amaris. Its also just jumps out of nowhere since in chap23 he seemed at least midly concerned about her.

Anyway just like to point out the Harry/Amaris interactions in chap23 were much better than thoses in chap24.

 

Didn't you have a chapter earlier on that referenced how Harry still remembers his childhood? Something about Christmas and a kid being beat up, something along that line?

Why, now that he has a child of his own, are these feelings not making an appearance? I mean, they pop up for a stranger, but not for his daughter?

Congratulations, Harry is now Fanon!Vernon.

I know Harry's badass, but this is bordering ridiculous.

 

I seem to be the only one who actually liked Harry this chapter >_>. He hasn't had any time to become accustomed to Ameris yet, and doesn't know anything about her. Thus, uncertainty in his actions and treating her like he does anyone else.

I could get psychological and say it's because he's possibly afraid of being hurt if he gets too close to someone, but that's probably bollocks and he's just a dick because he can be .

Aekiel

 

Since when has this Harry cared about family? Why should he consider Amaris to be anything more than a threat (as she is of his blood and thus could be used to magically harm him) and possible ally (once she gets older)?

It would be highly foolish of him to develop any real affection towards the girl who is under Maeve's control.