I'm not a native english speaker my grammar and english could use some help. So to do this I decided to get of my lazy ass and make fanfiction instead of just reading it. But that is not my problem at this moment and time, I had planned on posting it on the work by authors section to get that sort of input. No what I need help on right now is the plot I have been planning for a while now.

This Harry is older than canon so he won't really be the boy-who-lived, prophecy child, chosen one or what ever you want to call him. His parents are going to be alive and well. His father an auror and I have yet to find a suitable job for Lily. I was thinking about making her an unspeakable, you know do all the research stuff. He has a sister that is a contender for those titles. I have yet to come up for a name for her, but I was thinking about naming her after a flower. It seems like something Lily would do.

While she won't be the Girl-who-lived she will be the chosen one. I understand that is a little confusing but hear me out first. We all know Voldemort went after Harry because he was half-blood correct? That in my eye's is essentially marking him as an equal. Voldemort want's to kill the girl and not Neville. But he is unable to do so because Sirius is a little bit more parnoid and decides to check Peter by use of vertirisum so he never became secret-keeper. This obviously forces Voldemort to go after Neville instead.

My Harry will be alot smarter than canon Harry. I had planned at first for him to be a Ravenclaw or Slytherin but chose to place him in Gryffindor. While he may be smart, he doesn't really like the to study but does it because he has to. He will have knowldge of the prophecy which means he will do anything to protect his sister. He is cunning but he doesn't really have any ambition. Infact I played with the idea of putting him in Hufflepuff on that basis, but that would mean I would have to create OC's, which I really don't want to do. My Harry is also a bit of a thrill seeker so where better to put him in the house that put's bravery first.

His friends will include Victor Krum, practically all of the Gryffindor quiditch team, Daphne Greengrass and Fleur. Victor and himself share the same love for dueling. In my story they would have met when they were young at a dueling competition. I had planned on Harry becoming a dueling champion at a young age (13-14). They would also share a thing for magical creatures that they love to chase down and observe. Seriously I have a whole scene planned out already that involves a Hungarian horntail and I don't mean the task at the GoF. The quiditch team is self explanatory.

As for Fleur, well I don't have alot to work with but I was planning on Victor, Fleur Harry to meet at the same place. She doesn't seem like the type to enjoy duels but we know almost nothing about her. I think I can make it work. If not they will just meet during the Tri-wizards tournament.

Daphne he would meet in a social event. This will get rid of his prejudice of Slytherin's in general that would have no doubt been built up by his godfather (Sirius). So he won't have a problem with most Slytherin's. Note I say most.

Just to clarify this Harry will not be a quiditch star nor will he ever take much intrest in it. He plays seeker for a reason and that will be the death defying dives in which he get's a thrill of.

As far as romance goes, to me it will be either Harry/Fleur or Harry/Daphne (Yeah I plan on making her older also). Currently I am leaning on Harry/Daphne.

Now for the girl, I had planned for her to be a bit care free. Happy go lucky, she too would be more intelligent than the average person. She wouldn't like Hermione that much as such she hangs around Parvati and Lavender more doing what girls do (I was going to ask a female beta to help me on that bit). Here is my first problem, how do I make her intelligent and not just an annoying giggeling girl that I loathed so much when I was in high-school.

As for her future husband, that will have to be Blaise. But don't expect that to happen in the first year. Expect them dating around her 5th or 6th year.

Neville, after playing with his character a while I have decided that he will have a very large roll to play in this fic. He will be a Slytherin though not for his cunning more his ambition. His best friend being Draco. So yeah he will be "dark". He will not be a good guy. He believes that Voldemort is going to win therefore decides to join forces if you will. He will not be stupid and get T's on his OWL's like most authors tend to do in these fic's. He like my Snape and Draco will be completly unredeemable. Don't forget Lily didn't die so Snape doesn't have a reason for being truly guilty and remain in the light.

I don't think I will revive Voldemort till both Harry and his sister are out of Hogwarts. Even then Harry will only be able to fight him for a short while. Voldemort will have experience and power over Harry. Like I said earlier his sister will be the one to defeat Voldemort.

So here is what I really need help with.-

I don't plan on Harry taking divinations. I had played with the idea of him liking runes alot but discarded it because I don't even Know what that is. True I can look it up in FANON but I'd like the Idea to be fairly original. The same goes for Arithmancy.

I also plan on making the Potters in general more political. I don't know a thing of politics that hasn't ben on TV. (I only tend to vote with who I agree with most and that is it I can't vote because I haven't been in the country long enough, but hey I live in England and still say vote for Obama). I have no real idea of how the proceeding go and such.

I might ask for more questions later. Input appreciated.

Did I put this in the wrong place?

 

I don't get it, what's the point in this?

Are we following Harry as he goes through life defending his sister from Voldemort, though she eventually has to kill him? Why would they have duelling clubs for young children, or do you mean that Harry meets Viktor at age 11 or something? Even then, duelling clubs at that age seen a little unbelievable.

It just seems like this story would be a development of character for Harry and him falling in love with Fleur and Daphne. Whats his sister going to be doing in it?

I dunno, it just seems like a Harry.defends-family thing to me which I personally hate. All you have here really is character development. Whats the war with Voldemort going to be like? Will the OoTP be involved? DUmbledore's and the Potter's involvement?

 

Sounds like the Saving Conner series, Bucks. I haven't read it, but from what I hear, it has a Harry-guards-Boy-Who-Live Brother thing.

And I don't think it's a bad idea. Just a lot of things which need to be fixed like the ones that Jenkins mentioned, but it could be done well if you just polish the idea a bit.

And maybe you could just... *ehm* make this into a Harry/Sister fic?

Just kidding.

Or am I?

EDIT: Go to Perfectimagination.co.uk if you really need a beta. You might be able to find one there.

 

It won't follow canon very much. As for the plot I had planned to make it much darker. It is not Harry goes through life defending his sister. Harry will be strong for when she needs it. He will help her train, push her in the right direction ect. as for straight up fight for her no. He will fight Voldemort eventually but he won't really beat him. Maybe I will make so that his sister and him tag team him.

It isn't a club it is a competion. While most authors choose to make Harry a quiditch star, I chose for him to be a duelling champion. And obviously he won't be able to compete with adults. This is a strictly 11-16 duelling competion. He will compete in the adult one when he does however.

He meets Viktor when he is 7-8 watching the duelling comptetion.(They are held at the same placejust diffrent times.) To me duelling is like a fight, It won't last more than a few minutes so it will easily fit in a schedule.

I suppose you don't like the plot then? Like I said there will be a war after both his sister and Harry graduate Hogwarts. I don't suppose you have any suggestions in where I could improve the plot?

As for Dumbledore, he will live longer so he he will be collecting the Horcruxes. The Potters are obviously light sided and as such they a will be supporters of him. Harry will not like him but will be on speaking terms with him he will see him as a manipulitive old man. Nothing more. After Longbottom joins Voldemort he will obviously turm towards the Potters for the prophecy as the girl will be ahis last hope.

And no there will not be any incest. I agree however which is why I put it in here to help polish the idea.

 

You forgot a word and I took the liberty of adding it for you.

Back on topic, how is the Potter family going to work? Are they going to be rich, poor, or the fucking heir of Merlin?

No, don't do that. It seems every Harry goes across dimensions and meets his family does that.

What is the girls birthday, is it as the seventh month dies as the prophecy states, or what? Will there even be the same prophecy?

It's a decent idea, but work on some things and it might be a good one.

P.S. @Jenkins.

Perhaps the Potters got a dueling instructor for Harry because of Death Eaters still out there.

 

Sounds to me like you are taking elements from a bunch of different fics. Saving Connor since he will spend his entire time protecting his sister and not getting any credit for it. That one where Harry and Viktor are raised as brothers, where (guess what!) they are both dueling champions and spend their leisure time chasing down magical creatures to either kill or observe...

Why am I sensing a pattern here?

 

Lulz, Mordecai. But that's how many fanfic-writers start, I think. Hell, he might turn this mixture into something unique and original. That had happened before.

Besides, except the Saving Connor series (which always will be the greatest Harry-guards-twin-brother story) all the other plot elements still haven't been done that well. Not to the point where any and all new fics will be utterly shit in comparison, certainly.

 

I have never ever read Saving Connor . And the fic in which Victor and Harry are dueling champions are from Vanishing Illusions. I have read that fic but as you can see the plot's are completely different. As for killing no. They will not kill Magical creatures. He will not be facing Basilisk. heck he isn't even a parcel mouth. But yeah it is where I got the general Idea from.

Like I said he will not protect her. Guide her more like. The girl will not be a helpless damsel in distress where she will need to be saved all the time.

She will have the same birthday as canon Harry. This Harry changes birthday's. To somewhere in August or even September. I don't even know whether he will be in Fred and George's year

So I'm guessing people are saying there are too many cliché's. Back to the drawing board it is then.

 

So it's basically a Female Harry with a name change being mentored by her brother, but from the POV of her brother. No offence, but it sounds like a lot of other fic's, just with the names of characters changed.

 

The only story I took inspiration from is Vanashing Illusion. I have never read anyother where Harry will be taking a less active roll against Voldemort. In fact all of the other fic's have it where Harry is the wrong Boy-Who-Lived.

The reason I put it here is for people to help me with the plot. Apart from the duelling competion thing I don't see any similarities to other fic's. Twin-who-lived fic's come closer but in those oen's Harry actually is the boy-who-lived.

I give up though :Sigh: should have stuck to keeping a dictionary.

 

Don't give up, just revise your idea. Rw-consider it all, especially the sister part. Find something that could make it really original like I dunno...His sisters soul is being taken over by Voldemort slowly or sumat....bad example.

Just lean back and reconsider what you have.

 

Bah! There's hardly an original idea in HP fanfiction these days, it's all where the author takes it, and as such, I'll wait and hold judgement. If Buck's fic sucks, then what's one more drop in an ocean populated with fangirl. On the other hand, if it's great - hell if it's merely decent - then we win.

Also note: Cliches are an overused plot device, used for the sake of having a plot device. With the exception of the magical trunk - that just sucks. If you use something that's been done a million times before, as long as it is pertinent to the plot, realistically done, and you make it your own, I've got no problems with it.

I'll be happy to beta for you, just send me a pm and we can work out the details.

 

If you do carry on this story, and need help on this from a female's point of view, just PM me, and I'll do what I can (unless Vlad feels he is feminine enough to do it himself =]).

 

Okay. I don't mean to poop on your parade but after reading that I still don't get the point of the fic. Other than just another overly long plan for a fic based off the standard Harry Potter AU mold. It sounds like you're making better "choices" than most but there's still nothing new or different about this fic.

Are your goals to merely redo JKR's canon events but with character X instead of character Y, who sagely rips into canon's glaring holes? Cover 7 years of schooling and apparently several years beyond? Egads. Do you even realize how much writing that would be? And how boring it could easily be?

Does rehashing Harry and his twin flower-named sister's first year have any actual affect on her kicking Voldemort's ass at the end? You seem to have planned for her to marry Blaise already but they won't get together until their 5th or 6th year. And you're trying to decide on whether it's Harry/Daphne or Harry/Fleur.

Picking who his friends are, what they like to do, the basis for their friendship, who's evil and unredeemable, who's secretly a good guy, etc... none of this has anything to do with the rudimentary plot of a story and yet it seems these details are what's inspiring you to write.

Figure out a story first and then pick all the details that go into your basic teen romance novel, who's goffik, who's a prep, who has to be with a Slytherin, who gets to bang a Veela, etc...

Think in short terms. For example, jbern's Bungle in the Jungle: this is a fic about the summer before Harry's sixth year. Or Shezza's Denarian series: this is a fic about Harry getting a Denarian coin. Or as you suggested Trelawney's Love Toy's Vanishing Illusions: this is a fic about Harry and Victor as brothers in the Triwizard tournament.

Now that one line summary may not be correct, because I still have no idea the scope of Vanishing Illusions. Frankly, I doubt that fic will ever be finished. I'm not saying the author doesn't have ideas for how the tournament should go, or how Voldemort will be defeated (if that's even a factor). There could be a whole war against Death Eaters on the horizon, which would make Harry/Fedor's super-family at least relevant, but that makes the scope much larger and the fic's end no where in sight.

After having read your first post, I get the feeling this is going to be a fic about the entire Harry Potter universe from his birth to Voldemort's rebirth and rise, to his eventual defeat at the bitch twin's hand. Is that really what you plan to write? Because I doubt you'll finish it.

Start small. Have a plan. If you like this idea, then start it maybe at Harry and his twin's graduation ceremony with a massive attack from an already reborn Voldemort. Have it just cover a smaller time span. If that's your case then suddenly Harry's house at Hogwarts doesn't even matter. Who he dated in 4th year doesn't matter. His electives in third year don't matter. He could already be in a healthy relationship with someone. And frankly it doesn't matter whether it's Fleur or Daphne or whoever because you're probably going to write her a certain way that's set in your head. Tweak a little for a french accent, or a snarky Slytherin attitude and jam it right into the standard mold.

I admire the sentiment. I started the same way. I spent hours upon hours reading fanfic after fanfic and felt guilty so I planned out my own. A nice over-arching plan covering post-OotP through to Voldemort's defeat. Before I realized I had no interest in writing thirty fricking chapters. That was way too much work. So I wrote a one-shot instead. Got feedback on that and got better at writing.

But to start with something this big when you're this new to writing stories is a recipe for failure. Think of a story you want to tell. Then figure out the details. Don't pick the details and try to find a story.

And for what little it's worth, the idea of Harry as mentor and his twin sister as the hero holds zero interest for me to read. You don't go to an Indiana Jones movie and expect to see Indy standing at the wayside while Short-Round saves the day. You read Harry Potter for Harry Potter, not Daffodil Tulip Potter his super twin sister. An OC as the hero is a VERY hard sell.

 

I came here to say what Mordecai and nonjon said.

What you've presented is a bunch of plot points that you want to write, but no actual PLOT.

Are you really going to attempt a complete canon redo as your first-ever fanfic? I'll go out on a limb and say that it sounds a little... ambitious.

Ambition is fine, but first try writing the chapter where Princess Carnation Hyacinth Potter kills Voldemort with the help of Harry and his BFFs Fleur, Viktor, Daphne, Blaise, and the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team and see if it makes any sense.

 

Sometimes I wish pos rep were still around...

 

I stopped reading here.

Rating: FAIL