Bravo! For a first attempt it was really good. It was obvious you weren't used to writing physical action scenes with the lack of well, punches and kicks and it was a bit on the artsy descriptive side but that's not a bad thing.

Really interested to read about the result of this showoff.

 

Great chapter.

This story is now officially my favorite, along with Fuinjutsu. Man, I can read this again and again. If I remember right Naruto will be promoted to Jounin now.

This story is epic.

 

If you write EVERY fight scene like that... well, don't be afraid to mix it up, but that was great. You should have more confidence in your ability.

 

Awesome fight scene, I need more!

 

If one assumes that your fight scenes will only improve from now on, they will become pretty epic...

Seriously, you did great.

 

Very nicely done, though it is nice to see that some AU stories for Naruto aren't a complete waste of time. Chime?? looks like you got a fanboy lol.

 

I'm excited ALONE to find an author who has a plot... and an intent to continue with his story.

90% of all the good Naruto fics I have on my alert list are dead – it's maddening. Stuff like 'Tempered in Water' and True Radical Dreamer's stuff... among many others (I've found a quite a number of good "Naruto becomes a ninja in pre-Kyuubi times" – sadly they've all not been updated since march).

 

As everyone has said, and I agree, an excellant fight scene, amazing for a first attempt. THe only problem I had was when Kayumi thought to herself 'How can this be?' It's more of a pet peeve of mine then anything else... but thing's like that don't add to the story's flow, they're more like speedbumps.

 

Heh, the great Taliath doesn't fail.

Nice chapter, by the way. Does Sandaime trust Naruto now or is he still going to keep a eye on him?

P.s. cool av

 

awesome!!!!!!!

now that that's out of the way, cool ending. the only thing wrong, imo, is the child geniuses turning out evil. I mean, Kakashi (who became a Chuunin at age 6-7 which is way before Itachi, who became a Chuunin at 10) didn't turn out evil.

 

You have a way of truly getting into the minds of the characters and using the momentum of suspense, never loose that please.

Given the description of the outcome I was a bit disappointed to realize that you didn't really describe any of Naruto's elemental ninjutsu except for the wind manipulation he used to boost his movement. A moment of, huh when did that happen?

Your explenation regarding the 3rds law on age requirements was a good way to tie in how you don't see the super young elite in Naruto's timeline. Though to be honest, I never could see how someone 30+ willingly and without question following the lead of some little 10 year old no matter how freakishly powerful that 10 year old was. Less because of whatever egos involved due to the militaristic nature of the village but more so because there's just no way someone that young would be able to grasp concepts necessary to lead others.
Think it's got more to do with young shinobis being mentally unbalanced, which Kakashi is rather than turning homocidal!traitor on Konoha Mage Ronin.

Regarding the experience issue, considering the 3rd's almost ridiculous level of insight and suspiciousness in previous chapters I expected him to wonder if Naruto had been fighting in other life and death situations and if so, how that was possible. You can't obviously learn experience like what Naruto is showing (assumed) with only sparring against Jiraiya.

Don't they have masks?

Ibiki

as

being tardy or tardiness

I know you wanted to end with the promotion but they're still in the forest as far as I can understand

 

Thanks for the comment! ^^ And I think the Sandaime, who is a shinobi, will always keep an eye on Naruto. After all, one doesn't get to his age by being lax.

Ah. I didn't want it to read like all child prodigies turn into psychos, but rather that their (borrowing the words from Kardikek) mentally unbalanced. I'll try to fix it so it makes more sense.

Yeah, I'll try to clear that up. I'm working on fixing up previous chapters to prep for posting on FFN.

I especially agree with your comments on the mental stability of child ninjas. I'll try to make it more clear in the story.

Oh, and the Sandaime's suspicions will be a recurring theme throughout the story. But it won't get annoying, I hope.

Thanks for commenting!

 

hey chime, can you post your ffnet profile? im curious to rifle through your favourites

 

Huh... me or my senior?

 

snr ^^ (too short >.>)

 

^lol!!!Fan Boiz to da rescue!

Wery well done, the fight was excellent and while I'm a bit wary of how/why Sandaime didn't try to get Naruto imprisoned/interrogated...Well i'd be more suspicious if I were him. Jiraiya is a trusted student and all..But still more of that Kyuubi (Who is a fox, thus good with illusions) could trick people into thinking he was human. Either way...We'll see in due time.

 

Great chapter. And are you planing on using the last chapters of Manga about Itachi in your fic?

 

Fucking. Awesome.

That is all.

 

Excellent as always Liath,

Looking forward to the restructured version on FFN.

I'm not to sure which version of Kyuubi is being used here, But I am totaly adverse to stories which make the fox out to be some kind of hyper-intelligent shapeshifter/illusionist, or good at being anything other than a fox. All the extra personality and skill dimensions that people add to it are unnecessary, Its a giant demon fox, that can lay waste to mountains, what more do you want?


Does anybody have the url to the invisionfree board for Ademonsdesire?
I lost it when my laptop burned out.