Rock, thy name is DLP.

mjc, get out of our rock.

 

Prologue turned me off. Too short and corny for my tastes .

 

Remove yourself from Jeconais' cock and then come back and try again.

 

Same thing Ikaros Mephisto mentioned:

Spoiler

In a loud voice, he said, “Those silver lines are connections to Voldemort’s Horcruxes. They are containers for Voldemort’s soul, which was why he didn’t die the first time that Harry defeated him.”

Yeah ... no. Just no.
Seriously, let's just throw out the knowledge of Horcruxes to anyone who cares to listen. Even the only canon source on Horcruxes, a book called Magick Most Evile", wouldn't speak of it.

That part made me cringe the worst. There some others as well.

In whole; it's good at what it does, but what it does, is not good.

mjc: Shut up, nigger.

 

I re-read it, just to get a more impartial view. I choked on fluff the first time.

It didn't seem to help.

Writing: 4/5
Plot/Fluff: 0/5
Characterization: 1/5 (Out-of-character, but consistent within the chapter. Fucking annoying though. No cookie for Jeconais.)

Averaged: 2/5... well, I might've been too harsh. It's not terrible.

I'll simply rate it as average. 3/5.

 

Sickeningly sweet, and that's after two relatively short chapters. This story resembles 'This Means War' - I remember enjoying it awhile ago, but I cringe when I reread it.

 

So, i'm the troll, because I point out that Sree is making assumptions based on a very small slice of time?

Read the chapter, again to see if I am not correct...the period from when he wakes up to the time they all get together again covers a couple of hours, max.

Replying to Mors, tit for, tat is definitely trollish. Well, then I'm sorry for being a troll...

I think I'll just shut up now and fade back into the woodwork, where my nearly two years on here and very low post count have kept me out of trouble for the most part.

 

mjc, why are you defending a story that truthfully, does not exceed anything in our library currently?

I liked it, but only because I am a sucker for fluff and humor. Even I recognized the cringe worthy parts and the OOC ness. It may eventually be welcomed into our library, but currently stands no chance. In my opinion it is going to be very similar to Hope, which did make it into the library, I just hope that it isn't the same romance with a different plot, and that it brings something unique to the pairing.

As it stands, it is only a 2/5 in my point of view, but I will hardly post a decent review after only one chapter.

 

Right now, there isn't enough of it to make a real review of it.

On technical merit, it is above and beyond most in the category. That alone should garner it a few points.

There is something about this particular story that makes me want to see more of it before I'll accept seeing it bashed into the dust.

Other than that...I don't know.

 

I guess the real question is this: does the fact that Jeconais has declared that the story is not going to be realistic (it is going to be a fairy tale) exempt him from the criticism that his story is unrealistic?

I'd say no, just as I'd give no leeway to those writers who write in their summaries "I'm really bad at writing!11!" .

 

Actually, if he said it were going to be a farce, would you be so critical of it from the outset, Taure? Fairy tales are supposed to be unrealistic. So are farces...

Sree, when Harry outright admits that the potion is making him loopy and probably likely to spout the first thought that pops into his head. Remember, alcohol is a depressant or mild sedative, so is a calming potion. If Harry's behavior/personality remains this way after the next chapter, I'll gladly concede this to you.

 

Take a good look at the ingredients in most cough or cold medicines...

 

You have to take beyond the recommended dose for that.

Coricidin Could and Cough, which probably has one of the highest Dextromethorphan content, takes 8 pills to give you a high off of. Beyond the daily recommended dose (4 in 24 hours I think) by itself or just AT the DRD in one go.

You have to purposefully abuse it to get such an effect. And "most cough/cold medicines/ dont have even HALF of the DXH content of CCC. You'd need two or three bottles of Nyquil for the same effect of one box of CCC.

 

The hell with it...this argument is getting pretty old. I'm just trying to say that it is possible that potion could have caused it.

Let's just wait for more of the story, OK?

 

Well, it was a quick and moderately lulzy read. Harry was very out of character, even considering the fact that people had been whispering into his subconscious mind for nearly eight years. Plot hasn't really revealed itself yet, but I'm not expecting any real action. I suppose it's a good story, if you like this kind of fluff. I'll give it a 3/5, because it's well written.

 

I think Jeconais has a decent (but not exceptional) start to a story that could prove a bit fluffier than others he's written, but it's too early to tell. He does have the market cornered in "palatable fairy tale" though and I'm sometimes in the mood for exactly that kind of story, so I'll give him benefit of doubt and keep reading.

As others have said, it's really too early to be rating this. Go back and read the first chapter of GQWK or TMW and compare with the rest of the story and you'll see why I'm sitting on my hands for a few more chapters before giving it stars.

 

You guys want to know why Harry is OOC?

Because it is more enjoyable to read a comedy with this Harry than canon's Harry, it is also easier to write.

I will never understand why people want an in character Harry when the story, from the start, has a dead Voldemort and is only heading towards Romance and Lulz.