Again, Datakim - curse you for attempting to bring 'logic' and 'reasoning' against me.

Molly at this point doesn't exactly know what's going on - she was brought in after his so-called trial, and even then was in no state to comprehend what was going on. Revelations and reactions however are coming down the pike.

Fix, work on, check. He's a tough character - he's changed a good bit since we first met him, but I feel he still feels a bit like the kid he was when he's face to face with Harry, even if he can keep up the mask for a little while, or when he's just talking on the phone. Still, I share your sentiment, and appreciate the specific low points you mentioned, and will make a note to pay attention to his character more in the future.

Mouse is currently MIA from Harry and Molly's capture outside the Raith Manor. I probably should have spared him a thought, but Harry will now have a moment to catch his breath, and he'll catch up on the things he's missed out. There are plans in the works for Thomas. Keep in mind that in Real Time, the entire chapter played out in about ten minutes. Even with the prolonged time in the garden, that was right after an almost execution. Harry still needs to calm down and regroup, yeh?

 

What the fuck!? Why didn't Harry take the coin!

I would love to read a story with Harry as a Denarian, having Lasciel would be a lot of fun to read.

That aside it's a good start, I hope you keep it up.

 

Keep it up, this shit is good!

 

I think he understands that although he may be powerful enough to resist Lash, he probably wouldn't be able to resist Lasciel from taking over his mind. Fallen angel and all.

 

Uh? Why would he?

 

I will express disappointment as well, to Dresden not picking up the coin. I really thought this would be one story where Dresden would actually pick the coin up, and Vlad is a good enough author to make it work.

Datakim pointed all the mistakes out so I will leave them alone, other than that the chapter was decent. My favorite part was Bob's characterization. You hit the nail right on the head or is it skull, when it comes to Bob.

 

Believe me Philly, the temptation to have Harry just say screw 'em and pick up the coin was very, very strong. However, it just didn't feel right, and I don't really want to take Harry down that road in this story.

I'm gonna have a fair bit of time this summer - and I intend to spend a fair bit of it writing this and FWAW. If I can get into a good discipline on my update rate, I'll... consider working on a plot bunny that just won't die, and features a Harry that would have no hesitation whatsoever about taking Lasciel's coin.

All being said, it's not... impossible for Harry to summon the coin at a later date, eh?

 

Damnit, Vlad stop teasing those of us who want Harry to pick the coin up, like that

 

You evil, evil person... Still, the chapter's great.

 

You're a cruel person, Vlad, to tease us with a oneshot THAT good.

 

Damn, now I really want to read an evil Dresden story.

 

Enjoying the story so far.

I noticed one minor inconsistency from the latest chapter. When Harry calls Georgia and asks how she knew it was him she responds it was due to caller ID. However, Harry was borrowing Forthills phone so she shouldn't have been able to tell it was Dresden.

 

Why would Caller ID work? Harry wasn't calling from his phone. He was calling from the phone at the church. There was something else but I already forgot it. Interesting read.

 

<_< Retarded faggot posted in the story thread. I moved it. STFU bitch, fo I has to curbstomp you.

 

Charity did feel a bit off. Cut the "Liar" line, it was too OOC. Make her a bit more restrained in general, Charity is an emotional woman, she just chooses to keep those emotions to herself.

The chapter also felt somewhat short, like it was missing a couple of scenes. It might be a good idea to add the upcoming Harry/Molly conversation to this chapter.

As a whole, the chapter lacked some sort of a focus point, a major event, and as such, felt like a filler. (Harry vs. Charity didn't quite feel like such an event) There were some spelling mistakes too.

Other than that, I still enjoy your writing.

 

I didn't notice that many errors but then again I was reading pretty fast, its really addictive and keeps you reading till the last chapter.

Fantastic work, you just topped Grave Peril in my book, even if you don't have any cat-girls in your fic