Agreed, all of those kind of nicknames are autofail...

 

The Dork Lard makes me moderately homicidal. The Dark Tosser used to amuse me a bit, but now this little vein on my head starts throbbing in time with the grinding of my teeth. Overusing this shit = auto-fail.

 

Oh, is there a " - " in between "auto" and "fail"?
Overusage of the canon "Snivellus" makes me homicidal as well, just because it is canon, everyone wants to use it... And as it is inevitably used 5million-and-one times per paragraph...

 

Yes, there IS a hyphen in "auto-fail."
See? It scans better than "autofail," which looks like automobile, and "auto fail" (which sounds like a problem with its muffler.)

 

Well thank you, I didn't know that

 

I'd like to see a "Stumbledork" or something.

Then again, most of those insulting nicknames are just childish, and meant for those crappy angst 14 year-old Independent!Harry fics.

 

Any kind of parody on a characters name is juvenile. End of story.

That includes but is not limited to:

DumbleDork
DumbDick
DumbDore
DickDumb

Harry PotHead
Harry Twatter

Moldyshorts
VoldyMort

And the ever famous l337 version

H3 Wh0 Mu57 N07 b3 N4m3d !!!1!!! >3 {It's a Lion lol)

Can't we all just call each other Mother Fuckers and get along?

 

Also, people, remember:
Harry WON'T be good at insults until he's At Least fourteen or fifteen. Minimum. Until then, he'd only know the insults he hears from his peers or that he sees written on bathroom walls. It takes a certain amount of education and imagination to come up with good insults.

Is there such a thing as "Satisfyingly Cruel Insults for Dummies?"

 

You have spread the word of Pendragon... The territory has been corrupted. Quick to the Ave for Frosty chocolate milkshakes! HobbyHo, Let's Go!

I want to say no but I just have this feeling somewhere someone is contimplating it even now.

 

Maybe someone should write a book entitled, "Bon Mot: The Perfect Retort for Any Occasion."

Man, I'd buy it. When I think of all the times I thought of a great response twelve hours later, I want to bang my head against a wall.

 

I'm surprised no one has brought up a link to wizard swears yet...

... .. ... .. ...

"Dear Lord, death eaters are at the Gates of Hogwarts." The deputy head mistress exclaimed in horror.

"Voldemorts Nipples!" Harry cursed in shock.

"Indeed..." dumbledore agreed sagely.

"Indeed."

 

lol That's funny. It made me go into a coughing fit after drinking my tea!

 

You should think of the most possible outcomes beforehand, and think about good retorts depending on the situation (Works for me about 1/4 of the time, and its all I need, and that is better than nothing...)

 

Well, sure. We all do that - think up (or memorize, actually) answers that look good, then store them for the future. After all, that's what Bartlett's Quotations was FOR. And there have been a lot of other similar anthologies published, since.

I just want to be a scintillating raconteur In Real Time. Wouldn't that be cool?

 

The very essence of it I'm sure

 

Why the hate for such juvenile insults? They are immensely useful. The moment I see such an insult in a fic I'm reading (and it's usually already present in the first chapter), I know that it's time to click that red 'X' on my screen. Saves much fanfic-reading time, since any author who would resort to using such insults cannot be any good anyway.

 

What about the stupid names for the Order: "Order of the Fried Turkeys" irritates me beyond all belief.

 

You might have a point there...
@Lucullus: These insults are so juvenile, I can just Feel my IQ dropping by several notches... And they have gone so beyond cliche, that the story is auto-fail before the author has even thought of putting his/her fingers on the keyboard...