Based on how I perceived Clell's Daphne, she's going to be one traumatized teen. She may put up the "Ice Queen" face, but really she must have a squishy personality.

She probably wouldn't want to touch Harry after he nullifies the arranged marriage with his ungodly political power and intellect. However, Clell just may write how love conquers all things and have Harry say something along the lines of

All this would most likely be done 5 hours after the grand battle of wit and power. I'll keep reading this story because the writing is pleasant. It's the kind of story that I have a guilty pleasure of reading. 3/5

 

I was just happy that the author didn't decide to throw in the gratuitous "OMG Hermione is so fucking perfect"-shit this chapter.

Not that Harry could date her, anyway, not after Ron spent the first half of the year boring her out. (The last thing you ever want to do is give your buddy the chance to say: "Mate, I saw you kissing Hermione and I wondering: How's my dick taste?" Man Law?)

 

Like most of you I liked it because it was light and frequently funny. Now its all After School Special. Why do so many authors make women powerless? Damn. I'm waiting for one of these ladies to pull their wand out and use the Imperious Curse to make their evil male oppressors castrate themselves.

Because that's what would happen if chicks had magical wands. It makes things a lot more even.

 

Girl Power, fag.

 

I'm paranoid enough to expect a chick uprising. We'll see which of us is strapped down and castrated by insane feminazis.

 

Fix'd.

(PS - S'Not happening to you, young son)

 

Well that's a given.

 

* sincere look *
Come the revolution, we'll remember just who is owed. There won't be any random mutilations - only ones of people (men) who really need it.

 

Yeah. Inside every woman is a Bolshevik waiting to burst out like a Xenomorph and begin the purge.

 

Fic has been updated. Quality has respectively fallen a bit further, with Harry's super-powers coming to life. Some cringe worthy moments included in the new addition that has personally made me grimace in disgust.

Whatever anyone else has done to make Daphne a suitable minor-character with an attitude developed by fanon, this fool has undone.

 

I actually didnt mind this chapter. It was far better than chapter 12. But this fic has fallen way to far for one chapter that I didnt mind to make up for.

 

Definitely better than the last chapter. I'll give this chapter a 4.

 

OK, in the guy's notes, he claims he's trying to do things differently.

I can see that, especially in the beginning of this story. Hell, I LIKED the first few chapters.

But the last few, probably starting with the whole picnic thing, have all just progressively gotten worse.

1. True love being spawned by Daphne's apparent infatuaition with muggle London, a picnic date, and some perfectly-worded comments by Harry the Debonaire, is a dime-novel and fanfiction quality occurence. It's not different. It's a pitfall a lot of pairing-obsessed people often fall in.

2. A wedding scene where the protagonist saves his love from the evils of a faceless villain, also painful to read.

3. Use of goblins in the latest chapter, deus ex machina seen all over HP fandom.

4. Rape was different, but the whole 'lol I'm ready to have consensual missionary-position sex with you' bullshit is NOT even remotely attempting to be creative.

5. The lack of any tangible conflict from the marriage contracts (other than Daphne's degradation from having to pose nekkid for pictures since she was young, and RAEP (which was mostly glossed over, pity too, it had some potential)), the premise of this story, also, a poor decision.

And as I recall the events of this story, I can remember more and more poorly written areas – like Harry being attracted to Daphne initially because he saw something in her 'eyes'. Jeez, talk about lame. That's JKR-Ginny-quality intrigue there.

Honestly, there were things here that I liked. The writing too, wasn't that bad, but if there isn't more to this story than an epilogue and more consensual missionary sex and house-elf stroke, it's just going to leave a really strong, sour, taste in my mouth.

 

It was fun to watch, but the entire chapter actually reminded me of a Saturday morning cartoon show - pretty colours but no substance. Damn it. I'd been having fun 'til the last two updates. The Author's note at the end explained (and justified) what happened... but a lot of the shine has been taken off. On the other hand, that was exactly what Clell intended.

It'll take a lot more positive stuff to make me like it again.


Edited to add:
The scene with Moody makes up for a lot.

 

Well for one thing I would like to know how he killed Vordy, but otherwise a slightly above average fic (you have to remember that there are tons of bad fics) .The pacing was kinda funny and to much stuff happened off stage.

The court room seen was to rushed, but the last scene, Go Moody!

 

Awesome typo, at least, even if the rest of the fic was rather plain.

 

Besides the last chapter, this storyline still entertains me. It isn't anything special, we all know that. But it entertains me. So I'll still be following it until it doesn't.

The scene at the end with Moody was pretty awesome. One of the best of the fic so far.

 

this fic was alright until about chapter 5 or 6; then it got boring.
nonjon, make a new humor fic plz, this shit's boring. atleast i laugh when you type/write/whatever.

 

The ending was a copout, IMO.

If you're going to write about bad shit happening to your characters as a result of things that Harry did or didn't do (e.g. Harry refused the marriage contract, ergo, Daphne's father gave her to someone much worse), then have the fucking stones to follow through with it.

The half-assed attempt at happily ever after (including the goblin deus ex machina) after Harry had basically fucked everything up was complete FAIL.

 

Meh. This fic is such a horrible mess. I prefer to think Clell was just tossing whatever he felt like at the time into the pot and was hoping at the end the soup wouldn't taste like shit. Because if he intended this fic to go the way it did, then he's an idiot.

I don't get it. It's kinda like lunakatrina did to her brilliant fic. I mean can you imagine something like LT2000's Dakaath: Prince of Darkness suddenly turning into a parody with singing house elves in neon colored costumes? Because that's basically what this light-hearted humorous romance did when it suddenly felt the need to become a dramatic and angsty rape fic.

Changing characters, events, and plans for a fic while it's in progress is one thing. But to completely alter the tone just alienates readers (see lunakatrina). If Clell really wanted to focus on realistic responses to marriage contracts, then he shouldn't have treated basically everything up to this point like a parody, constantly mocking Dumbledore and creating humorous fake ways to dispose of the Dark Lord.

A surprise or significant shift in tone can work fine if most of your audience will go for it. But I'd bet most who'd appreciate the shift in tone would have given up after ten chapters of fluffy humor romance. Instead you have only fans of fluffy humor romance getting blindsided by an unwanted shift in tone.

Still, there are enough interesting and compelling parts that it's close to a 3/5 but for such a poorly handled 'twist' I got to round down to 2/5. And it still feels like I'm being generous.