It's always fun when the ickle kiddies play with numbers and don't know what they mean. Is the ogre-sized girl supposed to be attractive?

The ending for Hermione is fucking hilarious. Minister after 1 year. Proposed to during "one of their frequent class reunions" after two years. And they used a manager at a strip club picking stage names to name their kids.

Nice find, Dr.

 

There are unmistakeable signs placating that a story is bad. Even if the plot idea looks interesting, a story with caps in title and summary just can't be good. And if the author doesn't even bother to spell check and proofread the summary, he certainly didn't bother to correct the content.

So I should have been warned, shouldn't I?


Well, the story idea looks promising. A boy hiding as a girl sleeping in the girls' dorm - I doubt there is a healthy male teenager who didn't dream about that, except perhaps Deathinapinkboa. And except Jon of course (he'd probably have nightmares about all the girls controlling his body).

It was the author profile that eventually convinced me to read the story. You know, this kind of author profile usually guarantees quality, and he has been a member for more than two years.

ANN potter the boygirl who lived by carvell reviews
Harry IS A BOY but the whole world treat's him as a girl due to dumbledore's plan's Rated T for later,
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,101 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 3-22-08 - Published: 3-22-08​

It's just one chapter describing how Dumbledore dumped Harry and Hagrid finally came to fetch him. And it's bad. Grammar, spelling, clichés. Not the worst kind, but for an author with that background it is inexcusable.

Let's start with the disclaimer:

I do not own any part of harry potter (if I did book’s 6 and 7 would be alot different mainly the ship’s) ​

I wonder why he bothered to capitalise the second 'I'.



Now the chapter: It is divided into three parts, beginning with the night Harry was placed on the doorsteps of number four, Privet Drive. Here is the second paragraph of the scene.

After pocking around for almost an hour he decided the ward’s were good enough even though he knew the Dursley’s would not like Harry it was the only place he could be kept safe, after dwelling on this he decided to charm the letter so when the Dursleys read it it would be almost impossible for them to hurt Harry unfortunately he slipped up, when he was placing the charms on the letter the letter was touching Harry and the charms had an strange effect on the blood ward’s but this would not be noticed for a long time. ​

So Dumbledore isn't the great machinator, he just slips up? That doesn't match the summary. And, yeah, the whole paragraph is one almost unreadable run-on sentence.



Ok, let's go on with the story. The second scene:

10 year’s later - Location Dumbledore’s office - Date 29/07/1991​

"10 year's later" the author invents a new form of magical transport.

Arther and Molly weasleycame though the fireplace with a contract ​

It is - what else - a marriage contract, with which they weasleycome. Harry has to marry - no, not Ginevra Molly Weasley, but ...

The contract was for harry to marry Ginny Albus ​

I assume it's her long lost twin sister twice removed.
Oh, in case you wondered, of course the contract is for "the greater good".

harry’s power leavel’s a high enough for him to turn dark and if he dose this will control him and make sure his money is used for the greater good, ​

Hmmmm... at least not over nine thousand. At least not yet.



The author skips the abusive!Dursleys clichés. Instead in the third part of the chapter he jumps right into the middle of nowhere.

10 year’s later. - Location The hut on the rock - Date 30/07/1991 ​

10 year's + 10 year's => Shouldn't it read 2001 by now? Or did the apostrophes indeed serve a purpose?

The 3 Dursley’s were busy sleeping sound asleep ​

Well, they obviously sleep the sleep of the just.

Moments later Hagrid enters the stage and questions Harry's gender:

Hagrid looked around the small room and spotted her stood by himself away from the Dursleys, he looked at Ann and put on a big smile “Ann I haven’t seen you since you were little”

“err Sir excuse me but my name’s Harry and I am not a girl” Harry said looking at him as if he were mad,

“what..eh...” Hagrid looked at her for a second he bent down and took one good look at her and just said slowly

“you are a girl”

“sir iam a boy not a girl” ​

Harry and Hagrid soon leave the stage and spend the rest of the night in one or two beds in the Leaky Cauldron.



There doesn't seem to be a scene break, but the story continues the following morning. Remember what Carvell - or rather carvell - wrote in the disclaimer:

I do not own any part of harry potter (if I did book’s 6 and 7 would be alot different mainly the ship’s) ​

Now I present you the following morning:

Harry who was only half awake leaned out of bed and once again told Hargid

“I am a boy” Ann realising it was not a dream To which Hagrid said

“Ignore what those Dursley’s said to you your are a girl” and after a quick thought he added “I’ll prove it today if yea like” ​

OMGWTFBBQ - It's a Harry/Hagrid slash fic.

 

BURN IT WITH FIRE and NUKE IT FROM ORBIT! Harry/Fridwulfa is the only right one...

 

Sesc, I swear, each time I read your sig I get this incredible urge to lock you in a cage and force you to write out your entire fic.

Less reading; write MOAR plix.

 

Don't be hating.

I've decided to do the honorable (otherwise known as the "Perspicacity") thing, and only start posting the chapters of my newest story once I've written ten of them.

 

Rofl. First time I read this thread in ages and I'm invoked. What are the odds?

I do the "only post when I've completed a draft" thing partly because I'm bad at starting fics. I've found, both in D&R and my WiP, that I have to go back afterwards and do serious surgery on the first chapter or two. It's not so much that they read badly as they grind gears with the rest of story.

I'm looking forward to both of your stories....

Edit: Just noticed that they recalibrated peoples' titles. Looks like I'm a 7th year again....

 

I think I'm your opposite. The start comes easily, but the rest of the fic is like this Andromalius-eating swamp of some sort. All that comes out on the other side are my bleached bones.

I got demoted from Dark Lord to Avatar lol.

Actually Sesc, I'm just not updating because I'm emulating my favorite authors, all of whom don't seem to be updating very often.

Yeah.. yeah, that's it.

 

Type "Worst Fanfiction Ever" into Google search and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky"

You will get this: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/

Here's a preview. Please be sure to wear a helmet as not to damage yourself when you slam your head into the table to clear it from your mind.

Yes, it is just that bad.

 

And all I could think was, poor Felton. I hope she isn't mailing her underwear to him. May he NEVER realize that this ... person ... fantasizes about him.

 

To top Oz: Very Old Hat is Very Old.

There are several threads about Tara and her immortal and even more postings in threads like this.

And, of course, there are several youtube videos.


For further information:

This thread: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=9229&highlight=tara+gilesbie

And this thread: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=3470&highlight=tara+gilesbie

And this thread: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=8791&highlight=tara+gilesbie

And this thread: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=6192&highlight=XXXbloodyrists666XXX

I think we are spending way too much time on her.
Dead horse is a Zombie - but even further beating won't help killing it.

 

You mean that was real? It wasn't meant to be a parody? I always thought My Immortal was a cautionary tale about unchecked goth fangirlism.

 

Yes, its real.

 

I'm not entirely sure. She might be an ingenious troll. She might be a research project of a postgraduate who was or still is collecting material for his PhD thesis.

Or she's just a random Cake.

 

I don't think any troll would take it as far as to write 44 chapters of that garbage... I wouldn't at least.

Well, maybe it could be a troll, the most successful troll in history.
Look at it, 11186 reviews.

It's the most reviewed story on FF.net...

 

It has to have been a troll. Every idiot teenager in the world combined into one being of supreme inanity could not write something like that abomination.

 

You never know, there are some really stupid people out there...