Sharingan Harry Book 1 by shinji the good sharer

LogrusMage · Jul 11, 2008

Jeffrey Strausser said: ↑

This guy should've been shot in the kneecaps when he wrote about Harry killing Mr. Weasley with a tea cup. no matter how hilariously ridiculous that scene was.
Click to expand...

He stole that. From Riddick. Who is a bad ass who can kill you with a teacup, and make it look fucking awesome while he does it. Even while being played by Vin Diesel (Spelling...?).

Khazad-Dumb · Jul 11, 2008

See the author has this thing where if you write a negative review for his story, He'll just send you flames and then block you before you can respond. That is why I inflicted this horror upon the fucked up souls that inhabit this site. Because honestly, he is real need of a DLP pimpslap.

Bucks · Jul 11, 2008

I saw this back when it was getting flamed in TFF.

When I saw this getting flamed in TFF, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. After all, I did rather liked Chronicles and I lol'd hard at EM. It couldn't possibly be as bad as they were saying right?
.
.
.
Wrong.

This is quite possibly...the shittiest story I've read on this site, and that is truly saying something.

First of all, to go what GodricGryff said about, 'got the mangekyou, its nice to see someone have it without having to kill their best friend.' I believe that that is total bullshit. If you go by that, you've just taken away the defining quality of the Mangekyo. It's defining quality is not Tsukuyomi or Amaterasu or Susanoo, it's the fact that you need to kill, or at least influence the death of, someone incredibly close to you. If that doesn't happen, it's not even a Mangekyo anymore. It may look like the Mangekyo and act like it too, but that defining quality is not there. So you just slapped the Mangekyo's abilities on to a pretty cool eye. Like others have said, if it was this easy to attain it, my eye would be red with a black pinwheel instead of blue.

Second of all, if you’re using the Naruto concept of Ninja in this story, then I suppose it is mildly acceptable, since the only real ninja in the whole damn series was killed off because he was too awesome for the plot to contain. (Zabuza.) However, like Warslasher said, ninja are supposed to be shadows. You’re supposed to turn around and see a Katana plunging into your heart. None of that thousand birds bullshit. If anyone fails to hear that coming, they are either deaf or retarded. You want a real assassination, it should be like this, “Assassination? What assassination? He just dropped dead one night.” You want a real fucking ninja, google search Ryu Hayabusa.

Third of all, your claims of not godmoding Harry. Listen stupid, Sharingan is already a Hax Doujutsu. Mangekyo makes it a super Hax. A Mangekyo that won’t kill your eyesight, which by the way, is essentially what the Eternal MS is, is godmode. Admit it, and you will be a better writer.

Another thing that annoyed me was the fact that the ‘rare’ book was in Diagon Alley. Come on! Be realistic. A book that GAR isn’t going to be in an open bookstore where anyone could find it.

Like M16 To The Face said, your chakra amounts needed for techniques were fucked up. He’s an eleven year old brat, not Itachi fucking Uchiha. He doesn’t…or rather shouldn’t…have enough chakra for even one Amaterasu.

Now lets go on to your plot. Also posted in TFF was a reply you sent to one of your reviewers, “Naruto
can harm the Kyuubi 'the ultimate source of chakra in the ninja world'
in the
first chapter. THAT is godmoding.

You are hypocrytical, and have no concept of what you're talking about.
At
least i'm doing something ORIGINAL.”

(Copy & pasted directly from TFF)

Not a damn thing you’re doing here is original. M16 thought of this idea as well (which reminds me, I need to review his story as well. And if you‘re wondering, just because someone doesn‘t have a story posted on this site does not mean that he doesn‘t have stories posted elsewhere.) You gave Harry a bunch of toys in the first chapter. Been there done that. He was powerful enough to knock Dumbledore on his ass with a illusion. Seen it. He went to Hogwarts despite not wanting to…saying that that’s original is just rude. The only thing you did in this story that was original was…actually, I can’t think of anything.

Here is another point that I got from TFF, “Harry will be going up against other Mangekyou users particularly one
who
doesn't have the flaws, just like him. Plus he's older than Harry, i'm
not
godmoding him since he doesn't have the 'Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan'
like
Madara. So don't start with me. If you don't like it then don't read
it, it's”

Now you’re just bullshitting trying to save a worthless plot. Sharingan and other bloodlines aren’t even supposed to exist in Harry Potter. When was the last time you saw Harry pull out his spine and use it like a whip? So Madara or “other Mangekyo users” who don’t exist by the way, appearing out of the blue is just laughable. Also, from what I understood, the seal will give the user a bloodline the coincides with the users wishes. What are the chances of the exact same bloodline being created twice?

Now that I’m done reviewing this story, I am going to review you as an author judging from what I’ve read of your stories and on TFF.

“As for childish, stupid and immature. Writing a conceptual 'suggestion'
on
the prologue and first chapter in a 70+ chapter story and assuming you
have
ANY concept over how it works or what it happening yet then critisizing
someone who pointed that out when you made rude comments and
assumptions about
their work from the mere start of it is Rude, childish, a temper
tantrum in
fact and legal definition, and above all a short sighted and arrongant
way of
looking at things.”

First of all, you never actually FINISH your stories so I almost completely ignored that. If this story gets even half of the stated 70, I’ll eat a hat. If you actually finish this with 70 full chapters, I’ll do it without taco sauce.

“You've been writing under a year and you are commenting deeply on the
first
chapters as well as assuming what the plot is. ”

Now you’re attacking people for how long they’ve SEEMINGLY been writing? That’s just pathetic. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been writing for one year or a hundred if all your stories are sub-par, and in this one’s case, completely shitty. The quality of the story determines a reader’s interest, not how long someone has been writing.

And by the way, we aren’t assuming anything. We read your drivel and draw conclusions from what we’ve read. Take the Philosopher’s Stone. After reading the prologue and first few chapters, I immediately concluded that the story would focus on magic. After reading your prologue and first few chapters, I’ve concluded that the story will be shit. The way you’re going, you could introduce hundred of new things that become genres of their own, and it wouldn’t change my opinion of this pile of mierda.

“I was also the first to create forums for the sole purpose of helping
other
fanfiction writers write stories, something that numerous others have
done
since to also help the fanfiction world go back to the original idea of
good
plots and original thought.”

First, you’re an arrogant idiot. TFF was up way longer. Also, due to the quality of your story, I think you’re slowing down the process.

“As for the concept of the abilities of the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan
i have
all the Manga including Shippuden since i preorder copies from my
suplier here
in Japan. I also had a chance to ask Kishimoto a question as an anime
con were
he was answering questions. So please, feel free to contradict the
creator.

The simple fact is that i spent over six months studying every page of
the
Naruto manga and got information from the creator himself to make sure
my
story was entirely possible before i wrote anything. the same as i do
with any
other story idea i have.”

First of all, you spent six months researching for a story that you can’t make any money off of? You’re an idiot.

Second of all, I loved how you used the classic ‘I met the author’ excuse. Dipshit, if an author gave away secrets THAT important to any fan who asked, he’d be out of a job in a week. I have no doubt that you actually did meet him. It’s rather easy to meet people if you know where to go…like say… an ANIME CON. But saying that you got ‘info from the creator himself’ makes me lol. Keep deluding yourself dipshit.

From all of this, I’ve concluded that you are an arrogant idiot. Actually…no…that’s giving you too much credit. You’re a complete and utter loser. You seem to like criticizing others and completely ignore criticism that can help you. You always have to get the last word, as shown by you blocking every single person who flamed this story. (As far as I, and TFF knows.)

I will definitely be next on your block list. I don’t even care about your reply, since you seem to enjoy ignoring everything that is valid and then flaming them on pure bullshit, like M16 ‘not writing a story’ which isn’t even true by the way or Rage of Tartarus ‘writing for less then a year.’

Also, don’t bother telling me that my stories suck, which you no doubt will. Trust me, I know. That’s the difference between you and me, I admit my faults and try to improve.

Go fuck yourself,
A Devil In The Dark
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Personal favorite review.

SKsniper128 · Jul 11, 2008

.......that review was just AWSOME.

Aekiel · Jul 11, 2008

LogrusMage said: ↑

Oh the fail... post this kind of shit in the "WTF fic" section or the "Barely recced" thread.

Wasn't Akiel making a quality Hp/Naruto semi-cross? Whatever happened to that?
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It's... still in the works. Yeah, that sounds good. Er, yeah.

Seriously, I've been working on it on and off since I started it by virtue of being the supposedly mutually exclusive virtues of having a job and being incredibly lazy. I've been having a good few ideas lately though and I've worked out a somewhat non-fail to bridge the gap between awakening and Hogwarts.

On topic though, Awesomely Bad Fics would be the place for this... there's not enough originality for it to go in WTF fics. That review was also very lulzy. One of the better flames I've read, up there somewhere with Tinn's essays of criticism methinks.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, the first thing that went through my head when I saw the title was "Oh God, not another one". I think that shows how much I enjoy Sharingan!Harry... The Byakugan is so much cooler >_>.

XxEnvyxX · Jul 11, 2008

The review/flame was better than the whole story (okay, I haven't read everything, but I wanted to keep some braincells and I'm not enough of a masochist to read all of this shit)

It shows how bad some fanfictions are when even flames are better than the thing itself.

Aekiel · Jul 11, 2008

You've obviously never read one of Tinn's flames. They're like fics in and of themselves. If I could I would have her reviews on my alert list .

LogrusMage · Jul 11, 2008

Aekiel said: ↑

You've obviously never read one of Tinn's flames. They're like fics in and of themselves. If I could I would have her reviews on my alert list .
Click to expand...

...Can this be a petition? Please?

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Sharingan Harry Book 1 by shinji the good sharer

LogrusMage Supreme Mugwump

Khazad-Dumb Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

SKsniper128 Fifth Year

Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

XxEnvyxX Groundskeeper

Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

LogrusMage Supreme Mugwump

WIP When Harry met Wednesday by Jhotenko - M

Harry Potter and the Ashes of Chaos by ACI100 - M

The-Fic-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named by Akamoroti - M

Complete [Trash Bin] Could She Be, Could He Be? by munkeymaniac - M - Harry/Tracy

Abandoned The Saga of Kings, Book I: Hero by Vile Slanders - M - Pokemon

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Sharingan Harry Book 1 by shinji the good sharer

LogrusMage Supreme Mugwump

Khazad-Dumb Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

SKsniper128 Fifth Year

Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

XxEnvyxX Groundskeeper

Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

LogrusMage Supreme Mugwump

WIP When Harry met Wednesday by Jhotenko - M

Harry Potter and the Ashes of Chaos by ACI100 - M

The-Fic-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named by Akamoroti - M

Complete [Trash Bin] Could She Be, Could He Be? by munkeymaniac - M - Harry/Tracy

Abandoned The Saga of Kings, Book I: Hero by Vile Slanders - M - Pokemon

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