Not too shabby I suppose, but the first chapter was poor story-wise and the spelling was attrocious at some points. The 2nd and 3rd chapters are much better but the plot has not been introduced yet.

QFT.

 

Some time ago, When I was starting to read Fan Fiction, I also got to read through a fic called "Harry Potter and the Children of the Atom" and its sequels. At the time I thought it was awesome, now, looking back at it I find that they're rather crappy, leaning towards definitely awful' but they had some pretty nice ideas and at least, it didn't feature Harry taking it up the ass.

Overall, not just X-men crossovers, but any Harry Potter/Marvel Comics crossover seems to be cursed with Gratuitous!Slash/Abandonment.

A pity, really, having two universes easy to blend and rich in both mythos and characters.

We could try to bring this shit up, as we tried to do with Harry/Fleur. Perhaps something good would come out of it.

 

It's OK so far. We'll see how far it goes, and I would think the author should find a beta. There are far too many grammatical and spelling mistakes.

3/5

 

You seem undecided. Maybe it's the question mark at the end of your sentence. This secrecy annoys me too, somewhat, but I doubt Harry's secret will remain so for long. Bobby and Pyro have already realized that something is fishy, since he claims his power is healing but he's covered in scars.

Even Harry realizes his cover story is totally lame, but he doesn't seem to be spending any time coming up with a better one. He just keeps waiting until the next time someone asks him about his life and every single time he looks at them like a deer in headlights (like he, once again, is shocked anyone would ask) and stammers some bullshit story with more holes than a broken screen door. Smooth.

Hell, he had plenty of time to think something up while he was being held prisoner. He had to have known he'd need a story to tell someone sooner or later, but no, he was too busy being happy about his three square meals a day.

No, no one who would hold him captive in a fancy, high-security facility and try to run medical tests on him would ever want to ask questions about him. Why on Earth should he start thinking up a background then and there when he could eat and sleep and stare blankly at everyone who came by to gawk at him?

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that it was it absolutely the most retarded thing ever for Tonks to tell an apparently depressed and apathetic Harry that his beloved godfather was alive and well on the other side of the Veil? The veil that was in the same damned building as Harry at that moment.

Way to go, Tonks. I wonder if, from this point on, we'll ever see what's going on back in Harry's home reality. I'd like to see Tonks try to explain that one...

"I told him that Sirius was waiting for him with open arms on the other side of the veil. Maybe even his parents too, despite the fact that they didn't go through the veil, they just died. How was I to know that would make him want to go through it too?"

I know she's not a psychologist, but come on!

QFT.

Then/Than confusion is a sure way to annoy the hell out of me. Possibly the only thing about RorBlot that truly rubs me the wrong way. Every time I try to ignore the improper spelling and/or homophone abuse, I get jerked back out of the story by a 'then' standing in for a 'than'. I keep telling myself there's no fucking way that someone hasn't told him. Anyway...

'Gorilla warfare' rears its ugly head in place of 'guerrilla warfare'.

'Loose' instead of 'lose' shows up.

Cerebro gets misspelled as both 'Cyrebro' and 'Crybro' in the same fucking paragraph! At least misspell consistently so I can fix it with a Find/Replace-All.

The list goes on (and on, and on). Ugh.

 

It wasn’t just the spelling that bothered me; the sentences were far too short and choppy, especially in the first chapter, when they could have been easily combined to improve the flow. The second and third chapters were little improvement.

 

All this has done is made me want X men crossover. -_-

Harry's really stupid reactions so far seemed to be based off of his mental condition, i.e. Torture has retarded him, giving him a sense of emotional and logical disconnect.

It is getting tiring to see that. I hope that changes soon.

So it seems to me that Harry/X-man is about as good as Harry/Naruto, but are there actually any decent ones?

 

There is no such thing as a good HP/Naruto crossover. Not even a decent one.

 

Wow, it's almost as if he's mentally unhinged or something. But that's impossible, it's not like he's gone through anything traumatic, right? No month-long torture sessions for this lad.

Likewise, it's not like he doesn't care about how good his cover story is because he was just enjoying getting fed on the taxpayer dollar and could bugger off any time he felt like it.

Spot the sarcasm.

Personally, I can predict with reasonable certainty that the life force drainy chick is going to find out that Harry is, for whatever reason, immune to the life force drainy thing. At that point she starts dry-humping him furiously.

Then, yawn, healing. Harry stops being a semi-awesome detached magical demigod and starts being all gentle and fragile and emo.

I sure hope I'm wrong about that last paragraph.

 

Me too. Though I was cringing while I read your description of Rogue. I can't wait to see Pyro go nutzord, maybe Harry can be tricked by Magneto or some shit to join the brotherhood. And there's nothing wrong with a little Harry/Rogue lovin'.

 

I kinda liked it but I don't think it will be finished.. Author hasn't posted anything for a year and apparently she only posted these chapters because she already had them and someone tried to plagiarize them..

 

That sucks, I was looking forward to reading a semi decent HP/XMen crossover

Now I want to read a good HP/Xmen crossover, can someone save me many, many painful hours and point one out? If there is one that is...

 

I remember, a few years ago, when I read my first x-men crossover. About half way through, in the same paragraph, I found out Snape was king of some underground giant worm colony and could transform between human and worm at will, Malfoy was his prince, and Harry was taking it from both of them. It was also the day I found out what slash meant in the fanfiction world.

It was, also, the first time I ever bleached my eyes.

This isn't bad, but not nearly good enough to fix the bad rep x-men crossovers have with me from the atrocious piece of shit that I mistakenly wasted an hour of my life on. 1.5/5

 

I suspect that what I'm spotting is you giving this particular author far too much credit.

Besides, the fact remains that, traumatized or not, Harry even thinks to himself a few times that his cover story sucks and he kicks himself for it. We'll just have to wait and see if he actually bothers coming up with a better one (if the story updates).

Another thing to consider is how retarded Storm and Wolverine must be. Harry used a glamour to look like the orderly. Part of that glamour is that he appears to be wearing the appropriate uniform, or the guards wouldn't have been fooled by his 'Kenny' face.

When he gets on the plane with Storm and Logan, he removes the glamour, changing back to Harry. This obviously must include his clothing! But when they speculate on Harry's powers, they think his ability to change his looks is part of a physical ability to heal.

Excuse me? How would that have anything at all to do with his clothes suddenly changing from an orderly uniform to his prison uniform? It's not that they think he's like Mystique, because they know his clothes are actually clothes, not flesh made to look like clothes.

At least if they suspected he had the mental ability to make people think they're seeing a different appearance, that would make sense, but they don't, they think his powers are physical. It's not even until it's revealed that Professor X can't read his mind that they even suspect he has mental powers.

Well, just how stupid are the people in this story?

So far that's Tonks, Storm, Wolverine, Jean, Scott, and very possibly Professor X, who qualify for the short bus. So why assume that when Harry acts just as idiotic, it's from the trauma?

I'm not inclined to give the author who wrote about "Wolerin", "Syren", "Pytor", and "Madam Porfry" all that much credit.

500th Post.

 

Either a) every single person that met Harry the night he escaped is pants-on-head retarded, or b) it's a relatively minor plothole. Tough choice.

These are typos. They're more indications of the author lacking a beta than of him being shitty at writing. I've made worse mistakes that I only just caught in the final read-through before FFN.

Did this author rape your dog or something? Because I'm feeling a lot of hate here. I'm willing to handwave a lot away for a decent story. The impression I'm getting is Harry's insanely absent-minded. He'll slip into a glamour that makes him look like random flunky, but he'll forget the clothes - he doesn't actually meet any of the guards before Wolverine jumps him. He'll kick himself over his flimsy cover story, but never get around to working on a new one. He's after three square meals a day and a roof over his head, not actively trying to infiltrate the mutant school.

If this interpretation means I'm missing plotholes because, from my point of view, they're not plotholes, then so be it.

 

Judging by how well this author's Buffy crossover went (possibly the best HP/Buffy crossover around), I have high hopes for the future of this.

 

/me checks the user page.

Wait, this is by the same guy that wrote It's All Relative On The Hellmouth?

Warlocke, be aware that any further criticism will be met by large amounts of incoherent fanboy rage.

 

These are the names of the main characters of this fandom and a few the author has yet to spell properly. This indicates that the author neither knows how to spell these names, nor cares enough to check. One trip to Wikipedia will confirm the spellings. Shit, if you're writing an X-Men crossover, you're presumably a fan of the comics. Go to your stack of comic books and check the names! Utter laziness and disregard for the readers.

No hate here, other than for sloppy writing. For me, spelling and grammar count a lot and when the author can't even get the characters' names right, it bothers me enough to rip me right out of the story and into editor mode. It smacks of either incompetence or laziness. In a situation like that, it ceases to be a good story (at least for me).

And for me, the business with Harry's clothes is either a plothole the author failed to catch or its the X-Men being incompetent. I don't think it's something they'd have missed. Harry may be lax, but they aren't, not after what they've survived. I think they'd be especially observant towards the single solitary 'mutant' they came across in a facility they assumed would be full of them. I'd assume he was a plant and apply the appropriate level of paranoia. Them missing such an obvious detail just doesn't work for me.

LOL. I liked that story too, but that doesn't mean this story isn't still fair game. Authors don't get a pass to completely drop the ball for writing one good fic. Hellmouth had its problems too, if I recall, and I fixed more than a few chapters in ye olde editor.

Oh, and fanboy rage doesn't scare me. It's known for being impotent, in addition to being incoherent.

 

I got the impression it was based on the films, which are far superior to the comics. No lasers and so forth.

 

Since some don't know, the author popped up here at DLP not too long ago. And yes, she wrote what I consider the best Harry Potter/Buffy crossover entitled "It's All Relative on the Hellmouth." That one took a year from first post to completion and is over 100,000 words. So I'd say she's earned the benefit of the doubt in that she can finish a crossover fic.

And those with doubts might want to give that a read, because I can see some parallels between the Harry/Buffy cross and this one. Starting with a fragile and damaged Harry dealing with the aftermath of defeating Voldemort and being an all around general bad ass. A touch of angst and healing are prevalent themes.

Della's also got a talent for alluding to the potential and power Harry holds in such a way that I get hungry for action scenes and sequences. She did it in the Harry/Buffy cross. And this start has definitely stirred that up as we know the X-men are currently vastly underrating Harry's abilities. And with a Danger Room, we may get to see Harry let loose a bit. It's full of potential.

Considering Bobmin and Alyx just started their own X-men cross, the comparison is unavoidable. And I think Bobmin writes with more fluidity in a very accessible style. But Bobmin's looks to be closer to the average whiny teenage crap (and is headed towards Harry/Ginny). This one is post-Voldemort with a Harry who hopefully won't need to be led everywhere like a bitch on a leash.

Honestly, I'm not sure where Della's going with this but I'm very eager to find out. And I'm fairly confident, I'll like it if not love it.

Too early to judge the plot or this Harry, but I wouldn't hesitate to call what's posted 4/5. Spelling and grammar aren't great, but good crossovers are too scarce for me to bitch about that (though I did in a review).

 

Here's a scenario: Harry was wearing his prisoner clothes even though he looked like the tech. The story doesn't mention him passing any guards, after all. "Why you wearing funny clothes" might of been on Wolverine's question list after "where's the mutants" and "do you feel lucky, punk". Crisis averted, stand down.