Well it only figures that the author's definition of rape would be as skewed as his definition of cheating.

I believe one of the FFN reviewers (who can usually be counted on to cream their jeans no matter how bad something is) left a review that basically consisted of "Yawn."

That's kind of how I feel. Soooo many words are being used but soooo little is actually being said. It's like tryptophan is being pumped out of the monitor and straight into my veins.

Slow paced doesn't have to mean boring.
Gradual build up doesn't have to mean boring.
This story, however, has become painfully boring.

As for the Weasley family and the consequences of their actions... Holy shit, I'm not even going to bother. Harry dealt with the spell that was on him but completely missed the Xanax that is being slipped into his food. He's so mellow in the face of his and his friend's near rape, it's like he's already dead. I'm waiting for someone to mistake him for an inferius and set him on fire. Maybe that will provoke a reaction.

Oh, and there's no point explaining why Dumbledore is handling the Weasley situation the way he is. We ALL know how 'Mr. Second-d-d-d billion Chance' works. It's Harry's reaction that everyone's scratching their heads at.

As of the last few chapters I haven't even been reading it for entertainment, I just want to see how it stacks up compared to what the denizens of DLP have to say about it.

 

I always seem to have problems with this fic. At first, the retelling of the entire Potter series had me scanning through chapters looking for anything I haven't read. Then after that initial filler, it got to slow paced story telling, but then, yeah, basically nothing is covered in a chapter now. When it is covered, it's out of character. The author can take liberties since he is the author, but geez, Harry has turned into a pansy now.

 

No you've turned into a pansy. How's that for logic?

 

Word.<killer filler>

 

Well I got caught up with this story and decided to write it a proper review so here we go...:


Opening Comments: Well, it is good. Better than good. This is one of those fics that readers, for its genre and for those who’ve been hanging around this part of the internet going on six-seven years, keep coming back for. Written by someone who can write, has a grasp for plot and what’s been done before. Good update rate – excellent update rate – and chapters full of meat that aren’t over in five minutes.

Spelling/Grammar: Nothing but one or two errors we’re all guilty of – my good self more than anyone. For the word count, you (and beta if applicable) are doing an awesome job keeping the narrative flowing smoothly and without any major, repetitive bumps in the road. Good use of the ol’ Spellchecker. I think I reviewed this story before just when you were staring out, and it’s only gotten better since then.

Writing/Plotting: This is a slow story, and that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I like it, although in the earlier chapters I did skip sentences, wanting to get into the plot and to see where it goes. Slow is working now, though, as the writing is plentiful enough to draw it out – and there are enough plot twists to justify it. All marks of good writing. The pace adds a lot of depth, and whilst it could be more concise in places, I’m not complaining.

Characterisation: There’s independent!Harry, and then there’s Independent!Harry. This is the latter, thank Christ, as it has been done to death so much that I’m more than tempted to cave in my own skull with a hammer than see Harry rebel against Dumbledore clone #345492 again. Oh, man, it’s so gosh-darn boring. But this is fresh, and mostly because of the in-depth characterisation and separate character views we’ve seen. Also the inclusion of certain sideline characters like Daphne and Padma, Fleur and such, add to the development and extension of the characterisation. There have been a few random changes in character here and there that have given me pause – a little with Harry in the latest chapter – but it doesn’t really detract, yet it is there. If I'm to offer anything constructive here, it would be to just watch the characterisation. It's all good a lot of the time though.

Story: If HBP could have been written any other way, then this should have been it. Simply for the Harry/Fleur interaction (which better be the pairing by the time you’re done, so help me...). I’m liking the plot points from HBP that you’ve incorporated in new and wacky ways, alongside your own story and within the whole DA/Independent!Harry setup. It’s cool. the whole Weasley-love-spell thing felt a little drawn out at times, but not when viewed as a whole. I forgot at times that we were still only really just into the school year, because of the long, slow pace you've set, but once it was resolved (as much as it has been) it seemed okay.

Joe’s Final Word: This is my favourite story at the moment. The absolutely top-notch, hands down, best part of this story to date was the interaction between Harry and Fleur in France after he was laid out under the Cruciatus Curse. This is not because it was hot/hawt/hawrt in Fleur’s bedroom (and it was) but because it was an expertly crafted couple of chapters. Whether by design or sheer dumb luck, you did good. Before hitting these chapters, the fic was good – those few scenes elevated this story for me into something awesome. Every chapter since then has been all the richer for it – I think because I got pulled into the world, instead of just breathing in another generic tale. All in all can’t wait to see the conclusion to this – however slow the pace is set to get there – because I like the intrigue here on not just the relationship level, but with Harry’s resolve.

Overall Score: This mutha’fucker gets a Higher Distinction.

All the best,

joe

 

I'll try reading it again tomorrow.. But I just could not get into it right now.. I read like 1.5 Chapters and the pace and the POV changes were just brutal.. Hopefully it speeds up and I'll start seeing less of the POV shifts wherein the author spends 4k words rehashing every little thing we already know about the character..

Anyway like I said I will try reading again when I am more alert tomorrow and properly rate it..

 

I'm almost finished with with the chapters up to date.
Even though Harry here has finally gained some backbone, the story is filled with teenage angst and drama that it's more of a romance story. It's very annoying to read the same passages and explanations that are just rephrased again and again.

A turn off for me personally is that this story is probably going to be H/Hr. The story was not registered as H/Hr but moments between them just keeps on popping up more than anything through out the story. I'd be surprised if the story doesn't end as H/Hr at this rate. I believe the reason for this is his beta ,chem-prof, who is a descent author in his own right but a huge H/Hr supporter. Chem-profs stories are always prone to have small build up between Harry and Hermione relationship through his 100k+ word fics till they realize their love and live happily ever after.

Also there are quite a few rediculiously overused clithe plots that are tedious to read. I spent the past few hours reading about how no one is figuring out about Ginny charming Harry with a love spell. That little plot lasted at least 150k word of the story.

The story progress is moving extremely slow and covers every single minor detail. It's over 250,000 words and the story has yet progressed past Halloweens yet. Over all I found this story well written, but a waste of time to read.

 

This is quite a good story. I'm personally wanting to see some Harry/Fleur as the final pairing of this whole thing. We could do without the Padma because she is well Indian, and I don't like Indians or people with red hair. This makes Harry/Fleur perfect in that Ron and Ginny have already been screwed over so methinks it is time to take it to Bill. Plus, Fleur is the best looking character period.

By the way, I disagree with Bill being cool. He has red hair which is in a ponytail, and I just can't imagine a ginger pulling off a ponytail. Then there is the whole fact that he dresses like a bad ass even though he was once head boy. Every head boy in cannon has been a dork. As for my final reasoning for Harry/Fleur, I like your Heur scenes better than any others I have read thus far. Just remember Indian=ugly and you will have a great story. This is a constant that always holds true. I mean maybe if you had to choose between Bonnie and an Indian....well no I'd just kill myself.

 

Um... wow. I have no idea what to say to your post that probably won't get me banned, TimeLord.

I'll just say that it sucks and leave it at that.

 

Strangely enough, I don't remember posting that. Maybe, I was drunk and/or I forgot to logout of my account, and one of my idiot friends did it. Either way, I am a Harry/Fleur fan who hates redheads and Indians so if that is what you had a problem with then well I guess this post still sucks. I don't mind Bill though. He is one of the few people in cannon that I don't care either way on which is why this post confuses me.

At any rate, I have this to say to you. Grow a pair and post some insults! I think you are thinking way too highly of yourself if you think that you will get banned for for saying something insulting on here. Have you been here that long? Unless something crazy happened this summer while I was without internet then the people here won't care because last time I checked insults get thrown around on here all the time. Well, I suppose if it gets off topic then the mods will care well at least if it isn't lulzy and it goes too far off topic they might kick you off.

 

Just where is this story considered "independant"?

Here is Harry, still taking advice and counsel from the master manilpulater himself, getting spelled by Ginny to fall in love with her and then he does nothing.....again! Even worse, his basic character is more wishy washy than in the books when finding out that Hermione got the same spell treatment from Ron and that Molly was complicit. He does nothing!

The Harry herein described is a dishrag. This story is canon with a twist, but there isn't anything here to say to me that Harry is taking control of his own life and acting independantly. Anyone, boy or man who found out that was happening to himself or his best friend would be justifiabley angry and expect some degree of reasonable payback. This is out of character for even the wuss in the books!

 

Meh, insults don't go anywhere in forums. I'll type something, you'll type something. Nothing happens except mods will be pissed.

In any case, some of my friends are Indians, so perhaps a bit more respect? I'm not calling rasicm or anything stupid, but hate is a pretty strong word.

 

Where is Sree/Narf/Jolly Rancher/Indian Thriller? I feel someone should link you up with some prime examples of Indian bashing, but Sree just has so many I can't choose which one to link....Lux, how did you miss the fact that we have an Indian hating mod? I suggest you get used to seeing comments about Indians that you may not like. Actually, you should get used to racist and sexist comments in general if you plan on spending time on this site.

As for this story, are we going to be seeing an update soon? Also, I think I may be the only one who likes the sheer wordiness of this story. I mean it is going nowhere at this rate, and I think I like it better than stories that move fast or even moderately paced. For the life of me, I have no clue why I enjoy this slow pace.

 

Your answer lies on his ff.net page.

 

You forgot his most epic alter ego.

 

Yeah, I've been having a bitch of a time with a scene in the next chapter. I've made some edits to it but I'm still not happy with it. My beta will be back around in a few days so I'll send it to him and see if we can work something out with it. Same thing with the one after. The next three are done, and then I'm up to the patch where I'm stuck and started writing a bit ahead.

And yes, I can assure you the fic does go somewhere.

 

Oh, I know it goes somewhere, but it isn't getting there fast, and I'm enjoying that for some strange reason. Also, you write some wonderful Heur scenes so I humbly request MOAR Heur!

 

This really shouldn't be in the Independent Harry section. It should be in general.

Remorse or no, they were attacked with mind control for maleficent purposes.

 

Well, I've just finished reading it, and I've got to say, excellent work.

A bit slow at times, but it's not boring, so that's not really a big problem.

Your Harry is one I don't see too often and it's a refreshing change. I can see him as what canon-Harry was supposed to be, he's not overtly different from canon, but there are a lot of improvements.

So far the writing style is good, it flows well and keeps me interested. No obvious spelling or grammar errors from what I could pick up.

One of the main things I like about this fic is the characterisation.
Making Fleur stay with Bill was a good move in my book. While, it would have awesome to have Heur, it would have been a bit unrealistic. Also the way Harry handled the Ginny thing; while I don't necessarily agree with his actions, were realistic in that they seemed logical for his character.

All in all, a solid 4.5/5.