A while ago I started a fic, Harry Potter and The Crimson King, rushed the fic and fucked up (again!).

After some good advice, I've decided to get back in the game, and started to write the opening chapter again, however I've fleshed it out considerably. The problem I had with the last copy of it was that it felt decidedly B movie, little story too tie together the action sequences together.

I kind of played to may strengths and focused on the action, when I should have focused on plot development and building up my characters.

So here's the plot, which I have worked quite hard on, and I wanted to run it by before I get too far into it, so I can see how people feel about it.

Basically it goes like this.

When Voldemort cast the killing curse on the protected Harry, it ripped a whole int he universes fabric, and a gateway to another world.

In this other world, two incredibly powerful beings, one a snake like warrior and the other a bat like creature (obviously going into more detail in the fic) are battling it out, the snake warrior being the bats superior, too see who should rule that world. Seeing the chance to conquer another world, both jump through the gateway and are sucked into both Voldemorts and Harry's bodies. It goes more smoothly for Harry, who due to the protection is able to lock away the bat being. Voldemort and the snake become a wraith like being and that brings us pretty much to canon 4th year.

After the Triwizard tournament, Harry is attacked by Krum, Crouch jnrs backup and the killing curse is cast at Harry. This unlocks the protection on Harry, the bat being is unleashed and changes Harry's body.


The fic will focus on Harry slowly unravelling why he has this incredible rage, his body changing and what he will do too battle who has had more time to basically become one with the snake warrior. He is able to use the snakes physical abilities and his magic at the same time, whereas Harry can only use one or the other, until the bat and him can become 'one'.


Thats the basic plot outline, without going into too much detail to ruin it, so what do you guys think?

 

Harry = Batman.

Mind = blown.

 

haha not quite, think more combined with Raziel from Legacy of Kain

http://mipagina.aol.com.mx/juniorx81/images/raziel.jpg

 

As long as it's not going to be another DMC-clone, all fine by me.
And how did you exactly "fuck up" the original one btw?

 

I basically didnt flesh it out at all, Harry got hit with the killing curse, was this demon like creature and off he was on this fantastical journey.

This time theres actually a bit of a backstory, and a reason for him going out on this journey.

The main thing I want to get down is if the back story sounds reasonable.

 

The whole part involving the otherworldly demons is just outlandish.

 

The whole point of the fic is to move Harry and Voldemort more above the average wizard, these two god like beings have entered their bodies and the whole of the earth literally lies on whoever emerges victor.

The fic will also focus on Harry and his loss of humanity and whether he will be taken over by this other entity.

P.s its meant to be a bit outlandish, its another dimension!

 

Xanatos~

Going to preface this by saying that I know I am guilty of the same problems at times.

To echo Andro the otherworldly beings are outlandish. Sounds like its a dumb critique since they are "otherworldly" but it really isn't a dumb critique. The two beings have no point of reference that connects them into the fabric of your world. You could use any and I mean any plot device to suddenly uber-fy both Voldemort and Harry even more. You could use magical stones of power, ancient books with osmosis learning charms, the reincarnation of Salazar and Godric...you follow? The 'bat-like' and 'snake-like' creatures are vague and not engaging. Their mythos doesn't exist so it means nothing really.

Secondly by powering up Harry and Voldemort you are, as you say, upping the stakes. I ask you, so what?

^All that does is make the quantifiable aspect of your fanfic world greater but not the qualitative aspect. That is, if Voldemort won he would decimate all werewolves vs if Voldemort won he would decimate EVERYONE! <-- That change does nothing to make your world or plot more interesting, more engaging, more anything really. Its a statistic.

The entry of the demonic beings changes nothing about the conflict between Harry and Voldemort except the scale of it. For that I could say make Harry the heir of Merlin and Voldemort the heir of Morgana, dun dun dun.

Now a twist could be that "snake-like" and "bat-like" come through and attempt to subjugate humanity. This can include them trying to take over their "host" bodies. BUT in a twist of fate, being faced with an enemy that won't leave the world for Voldemort to rule or Harry to live in, Voldemort proposes the 'Accord' where he and Harry become allies, partners, master and apprentice, parselmouth brothers, orphans 'r us, whatever, to fight the greater (relative) evil.

How many fics are there where Harry and Voldemort team up without at least one character being canonraped? I can't think of one. In this scenario Voldemort can be as canon evil as ever, Harry can be as canon heroic as ever, and still be a duo.

 

Now that's an intriguing idea; I've seen plenty of Evil-Harry teams up with Voldemort fics, and some Good-Voldemort teams up with Harry stories, but I don't recall many that actually have the two stay true to character while forming an unholy alliance against a third party. That could provide all kinds of interesting interaction as the Order and the Death Eaters are forced to work together in an uneasy truce/alliance to stop the greater evil, and there would be plenty of opportunities for backstabbing and plotting.

 

OH MY GOD, AN ORIGINAL IDEA!

Seriously, thats so amazingly rare that that reaction is actually fitting.


Anyways I'd read your new fic, since I always have a soft spot for inner-demon/powers and such things. Will they be able to communicate?

 

It's been years since I've even thought of Legacy of Kain. What if Harry got Raziel and Voldemort got Kain? Theres a whole backstory already provided that you could tweak and Harry gets a SOUL SUCKING SUPER SWORD!!!! That does run the danger of becoming epic on the level of wastelands of time though. Whatever, the ideas are all pretty original which is rare nowadays.

 

It's not epic until it's completed. Until then, it's just a really great story.

 

QFT
.

 

I don't know about that. lol Take the author of the fic "Soul of the hero". The day he made his first chapter with his newest story was just simply epic. It can't be anything else. It was just too damn good to be just great or excellent. It was epic. lol can't remember his the name of the fic though...damn.

 

It was Joe... How anyone can forget who wrote that when we have his newest fic being written right here is beyond me >_>. Besides, The Hero Trilogy is fucking epic.

 

lol i havn't read a fanfic for like 5 months. I still didn't pick up a fanfic xD